Talk me through this.....

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tink9702's picture
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Talk me through this.....

So I have always wanted 4 children. DH had been on board with at least 3 and was okay with the idea of 4. We were talking about when to TTC #3 last week and he just started bringing up all sorts of concerns/questions etc. I was thinking of TTC in July, but he wants to wait until Sept/Oct because his work is renewing their contract with the US Navy in late August so wants to make sure he still has a job. I'm totally okay with that, it makes sense. What I'm more concerned about is having #3 period. He's just less on board than I thought he was. Very concerned with money (I will have to quit my job and become a SAHM), conerned with taking care of the two we have (who are fairly needy with attention and both very energetic), and I think he's also wanting to move on to the "raising kids" instead of baby stage (wants to go to Disney, teach the kids how to ski etc.).

I guess life really is "easier" with a family of 4. And some days I really can't imagine taking care of another kiddo. But then they give each other hugs and just start laughing so hard and I can't imagine not having another child! How do you know what's right for your family???? I guess I'm thoroughly confused! LOL

Sarah-Jean's picture
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Joined: 10/25/01
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I think it's a very personal choice. I'm not sure I'll ever feel "done" and I have 7 children already and have been pregnant 15 times. Plus making the decision one way or another is scary... There's the fear of the unknown in either direction. If you have another baby how much more work will it be, will everything be OK... If you don't what happens if you reach 50 and regret it...

I have to admit I found having two the most difficult number of children to have though. With one child I had the time during his naps to rest or get on with housework and chores, I only had to focus on him there were no other distractions. When #2 came along it was suddenly a big shock that I had to split myself in two. And when one was asleep invariably the other was awake, so I felt like I never got any down time...

By the time #3 came along, I was used to splitting my time and the older two tended to go off and play with each other which meant if baby was awake I had time to focus on him and if baby was asleep I could do some housework or rest myself.

Whatever you decide I wish you luck! I'm currently having the same dilemma with #8. Both DH and I want another one, but there's this fear that we've pushed our luck too far (all our kids are healthy, happy and bright plus my pregnancies are difficult and always filled with pain and complications). It's difficult trying to chose between your head and your heart. Sad

eliann's picture
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Maybe you can wait until your two are just a little bit older and then you and DH might feel ready for another. He might see how fun it is raising kiddos and want to start all over again?

Growing up I always imagined myself having 3 children. In my 20's I changed my mind and decided 2 was enough. And now that I'm nearly 31 and having to beg DH for just one, I would be happy with just one. I think as we get older we start to realize how much work it really is and how expensive everything really is, but you still hold on to the idea of how you envisioned your "ideal" family would be. So you just have to decide what's right for you. Best of luck to you!