Transitioning from 2 to 3 kids. Lurkers MORE than welcome!

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Joined: 01/18/06
Posts: 1626
Transitioning from 2 to 3 kids. Lurkers MORE than welcome!

So, I know there are quite a few of us who are considering a third child. I think for most people, two is a given. Those of us who know from a young age we want kids, for myself anyway, I couldn't imagine having less than two kids. But that switch to three...oy!! 2 kids are usually included free for eating out, hotels, easier to fit in a smaller car, less expense for school savings etc. The pros of sticking to two kids are many. Maybe that's why the thought of having a third seems extravagant to me. or maybe even selfish? Hard to explain.

Which is silly since I come from a culture of HUGE families (I'm an ex Mormon) and I'm the oldest of 5. My twin sister has 4. I know it's not 'insane' or not possible to care for 3 kids. It's totally doable.

Anyone who has 3 or more already...what made you go for it?

tink9702's picture
Joined: 09/28/08
Posts: 2977

I haven't gone for it yet, but will be having #3, just a question of exactly when! My reasons - I love the interaction between the two kids I do have and would love for them to have more people to depend on when my DH and I are gone. My mom passed early (I was 21 and my sister was almost 16). I wished that it was more than just us at the time. I also have a close friend who lost her only brother a couple years ago. She now is an only child and her parents depend on her an awful lot to come visit etc. It's a lot on her shoulders considering she has a 4 year old and an 18 month old. I also look around the dinner table and it doesn't feel complete. *shrug*.

You should post this on the Large Families board - I'm sure you'd get a lot of answers there! Smile

Clarkton's picture
Joined: 01/07/08
Posts: 1972

I haven't thought of it that way but I see your point on it feeling selfish/extravagant. I think if you can take care of the basic needs while still achieving an acceptable balance b/w work and family then it's not too extravagant. However, I know many people decide to stick with less children because they want to give them a certain lifestyle. I can appreciate that too.

I am the oldest of 4 and we didn't have much growing up but we were always fed, clothed, etc and I enjoyed my childhood. So, I am used to a large-ish family too. I'm with Mel on my family not feeling complete. I always envisioned a bigger family (though 3 kids is not that big IMO) and think of once DH and I are empty nesters I want big family gatherings with lots of my grown kids with their families returning home. If only 2 of the 3 can make it back home for a holiday it's still a big group dynamic. I love all the interaction between siblings and the more the better. If I could be a SAHM and money weren't a factor I might consider a couple more kiddos. I guess I'm saying just 2 is too small a family to me.

Well, there you have it, my ramblings for the day. Wink

CamelNoodle's picture
Joined: 07/28/04
Posts: 908

We were on the fence going from 2 to 3 kids. While we were thinking about it, a family from our church lost their 18 year old son. The younger sister (15) was devastated. I knew that I didn't want my kids to be left as an "only child" when they were that young. I knew that my sisters are there, have the same growing up experience as me, and when my parents are gone, they will the only family I have left that's known me my whole life.

We love having three boys. It's crazy and chaotic, but we like it.

I have never met anyone who said they were sorry they had a third child, but have met many that said they wished they had.

Yes, it's more expensive, yes, you have to figure out hotels, etc. But it's worth it.

Anyone that I meet that say they are on the fence about going from 2 to 3, I always try to convince them to go for it!

Joined: 06/12/12
Posts: 29

I think we are sharing many of the same thoughts in this decision. It is so different than when I was planning my first (all I could think about was getting pregnant). I also worry about pushing the limits for us age wise. I'll be 37 and Jon will be 40!

pico83's picture
Joined: 09/06/06
Posts: 3010

It's a tough call. Going to 3 is definitely hard in a lot of ways (many of which you mentioned).
What made me do it? Mostly how wonderful the first two were. Wink I'm one of four and two seems like to small a family to me. Also, with more kids you get shifting friendships. If two get into a fight there's another one around to play with or help solve it. Of course, they can also gang up on each other (which is one reason we're going to move on to #4). I have 2 sisters and a brother. My sisters and I have had rough patches over the years, but the other has (usually) helped us get past it. My brother and I have almost always been on good terms. It gives them another playmate as a kid, hopefully a friend as a teenager (who do you talk to when you don't want to talk to your parents?), and more support as an adult. I was 14 when my grandmother passed away and I saw my mom and her 3 sisters really come together and help each other through it. They took turns being strong comforter and being comforted. I want my kids to have that someday when I get old. And 3 siblings seemed like a lot growing up (nobody else was one of four!) but now I wish I had a few more.