Why is it so hard for me to decide? :-/

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DrakePlusOne's picture
Joined: 06/29/09
Posts: 1889
Why is it so hard for me to decide? :-/

Hi ladies! I haven't posted to this board (I think) before but I guess this is the one I should come to for a thoughtful ear, or I might get lucky and one of you are going through the same range of emotions. Smile I hope....
I have two sons, 8 and 2 (almost), and wanting #3. Or am I? Has anyone felt like you can't decide? My sons are VERY hands-on kids that require a lot of energy to raise. My hubby really wants number three and I was sure I did to, but as the time nears for when we planned to start trying I am getting cold feet. What if this babe is just as wild as the two boys? Can I handle 3?!? My little one is still co-sleeping. Can I get him into his own bed by the time the other comes along?
Then I start scaring myself thinking about labor. I think my heart is starting to race even now writing about it!
What is wrong with me? Please tell me I'm not alone in feeling this way. And how do you make that decision to just go ahead, and take the plunge? My hubby would be so disappointed if I changed our plans. What to do..... Who knew planning a baby would be this hard?:help1:

tink9702's picture
Joined: 09/28/08
Posts: 2977

Hi! It's hard to decide because it's a big decision to add to your family, whether it's #1 or #10! Smile

I totally get where you are coming from regarding having two energetic spirited children who need lots of attention. You're only 30, are you willing to wait a little longer to give yourself time to figure out if you want more children? Is there a reason it has to be rushed? Because if you can wait, that's what I would advise doing - wait until you are ready! Smile

eliann's picture
Joined: 04/19/11
Posts: 2439

Welcome! I'm sure its a hard decision when you 2 that keep you busy already! Lots of ladies on this board are in the same boat as you. Many of them have kids and are waiting for the next one. I don't have children yet, but I want them. I'm in the opposite boat as you, I'm trying to convince my DH to TTC. I'm sure the other ladies will have some advice about the co-sleeping transition with a new little one and your other concerns. Is your DH open to waiting a little longer? I hear 2 year olds can be a handful...maybe when your son is a little older you might be more open to another? In the meantime...welcome to the board, looking forward to chatting with you.

les27's picture
Joined: 05/21/08
Posts: 840

"eliann" wrote:

Welcome! I'm sure its a hard decision when you 2 that keep you busy already! Lots of ladies on this board are in the same boat as you. Many of them have kids and are waiting for the next one. I don't have children yet, but I want them. I'm in the opposite boat as you, I'm trying to convince my DH to TTC. I'm sure the other ladies will have some advice about the co-sleeping transition with a new little one and your other concerns. Is your DH open to waiting a little longer? I hear 2 year olds can be a handful...maybe when your son is a little older you might be more open to another? In the meantime...welcome to the board, looking forward to chatting with you.

I'm in the same boat as Elizabeth....trying to convince my DH it's time to ADD to our family! GRRR I agree with everything the PP said Smile

DrakePlusOne's picture
Joined: 06/29/09
Posts: 1889

Thanks ladies. I think I might need to convince DH to wait maybe a little bit? His reason for wanting the two youngest closest is b/c he and his brother had a large age gap and he felt like an only child and HATED it. Not close at all with his brother even now. My brothers and I are all 3 years apart and I think he thinks three is the magical number. Lol. I don't know..... I'm so on the fence somedays. I think I just get scared of the unknown.

acandjh's picture
Joined: 06/26/07
Posts: 303

I get it. We were planning to JLIH staring in February. I'm finding myself dragging my feet. Am I ready to make the jump from 2 to 3? We'll be out numbered! But, then again... I'm not getting any younger. Good luck with your decision!

Steph604's picture
Joined: 01/15/08
Posts: 44

Its definitely not an easy decision to make and I think its one that should be well thought out! If you are feeling not 100% then you should ask your DH if you guys can wait a bit. I think thats fair! Even if you give yourself 6 more months Im sure that will help and that wont be a huge difference in regards to an age gap Smile

Joined: 07/30/06
Posts: 835

:lurk:
Hi, I completely understand. My DH and I have made the decision to start ttc again. I was so eager to try for #3 right up until we actually started trying. Then I started to worry about how I would manage with three kids. I already have a 4 year old son and 2 year old daughter. My daughter, in particular, is a real wild child. I worry about the financial implications and yep, I've been getting myself worried about labour too. I didn't even worry about labour the first time around.

I try and think if I would be happy with just my two and I know I could be, but I also know I just don't feel like my family is complete yet. If I was told I could not have another child I would be bitterly disappointed. I try and remind myself when I start to stress that it is a big decision. If I wasn't worrying about all the implications then I wouldn't be taking it seriously. I never worried with my first pregnancy. My second pregnancy was a miscarriage but I was fairly relaxed with it too. My third pregnancy (my daughter) I first worried about a miscarriage then about how I would cope with two, then about the money, and so on the whole pregnancy. She arrived and everything was ok.

If you need to wait to be sure then most definitely do that. You most likely will never reach a point where there is nothing that doesn't worry you or give you pause for thought when adding to your family though.

CrysRee31's picture
Joined: 06/01/11
Posts: 1473

"DrakePlusOne" wrote:

Thanks ladies. I think I might need to convince DH to wait maybe a little bit? His reason for wanting the two youngest closest is b/c he and his brother had a large age gap and he felt like an only child and HATED it. Not close at all with his brother even now. My brothers and I are all 3 years apart and I think he thinks three is the magical number. Lol. I don't know..... I'm so on the fence somedays. I think I just get scared of the unknown.

I've spent plenty of time on that same fence! Even some days now, after we've been TTC for over a year, I question my own sanity and wonder if it's the right decision. My daughter is more than a handful and I worry about how it'll effect her.

When I start to doubt myself I have to ask ' how would I feel if I was told I couldn't have anymore and the answer is always the same - devastated. So I know that ultimately yes I do want another, really I've wanted more since she was just a baby and I'm in my 30's now so for me I feel like I don't want to waste time.

CaityA83's picture
Joined: 05/08/09
Posts: 855

I know what you mean. We have only had our first and know for a fact that we want more kids, but taking the plunge again is so hard to do. DS's first birthday is in march and I have been thinking that I'd like to TTC after his bday, but suddenly that is sounding so close!! It took 27 months to conceive DS, so it might take just as long, or it might happen on the first try. For whatever reason taking that first step is so difficult!

Sorry you're having a hard time with this decision. I hope you can find peace in it somewhere.

KatieWillis's picture
Joined: 07/01/07
Posts: 1441

I'm in the same boat as you. We were going to start TTC next month, but now I'm second guessing it. I told DH last night and he was a little sad I want to wait, but said it's up to me when we start or even if we don't have anymore. Being a SAHM, I am really nervous about being tired and sick during the first few months while chasing 2 wild boys around all day. Plus, I get pretty miserable during the last couple months because a hockey injury when I was in high school comes back to haunt me. I go back and forth all the time. I wish I could just KNOW when it's the right time.

lizzib45's picture
Joined: 12/06/08
Posts: 957

Hi Katie!
I figured I would come over here as the baby fever is on going and I am also trying to figure out when to plan #2. But I agree the thought of labor and delivery worries me, although my first was very uneventful and quick. I think for me, is I am trying to take in as much of tommy as I can. I worry too much as it is, I dont want to feel like I am going to be taking away my time with him. I feel like I keep pushing it farther and farther away. Right now, I am thinking maybe a year from now, but also thinking when he turns 2 in July just go off BCP and see what happens. It definitely is hard to see preggo mamas with their cute bellies and wish that was me (also was not fond of being pregnant). I agree its hard to decide the "right" time. I think about having another all the time. DH is no help either. I think he would be fine with one. But I definitely want another and I am sure he will be on board when it gets closer.

Sarah-Jean's picture
Joined: 10/25/01
Posts: 1335

I think we've probably all been there! It's scary thinking about everything that might happen, could happen, will happen. And having any baby, no matter how few or how many you have to begin with, is hard work! We go back and forth on having another one. We're pretty set on having another baby (#8 ), but I'm so scared at the same time. I get really ill, and then there's the space and the money because I go private for my healthcare during pregnancy and things are so complicated with me... But then I so badly miss the pregnancy experience, I miss breastfeeding, I miss having my house full of kids when they're all at school (#6 is about to start in Jan and that leaves me with only one child at home half the day)... And I keep making up 8 plates of food without realising, counting heads and panicking that one is missing even though I've counted 7! It's driving me insane, so I think we'll definitely have another one - but then when and the how is terrifying to think about! LOL