Yes, I knew. I knew the morning after. I usually wake up to extreme disorientation but that morning I woke up and I ... just knew. But that's a silly thing to just "know," right? So I brushed that feeling off for a couple of weeks.
Then Monday, March 27, I had some implantation bleeding. Ofcourse at first I thought it must be my period. But after that day I had no more bleeding. So, Wednesday, I took one of the left over pregnancy tests I had. I didn't tell Bob that I was because it was gonna be negative anyway. haha...ha...
Yeah... it was positive. I was scared. But I decided that I wasn't going to spend this pregnancy scared even if I did eventually miscarry. But that's alot easier said than done.
After a bout of cramping I got so scared and upset that I had to be sent home from work. I made an appointment with my doctor and went on April 3. Basically all they did was tell me I was pregnant, took some blood, and sent me home. But I guess that's all they could do.
The scary cramping has for the most part subsided. Apparently it was just my uterus expanding. =p But replacing that worry was another. Some other more positive symptoms seemed to be fading. But I was wrong. lol sometimes I wake up and I wonder how I could have ever thought they were fading.
The morning sickness. I'm loving it. I can't sleep at night because I get so sick. But morning sickness is supposedly a good sign.
I've had a bit of spotting that concerned me but on second though you could barely call it blood. I'm just over-reacting.
Jeebus. No matter how long I sleep, what or how well I eat, I still feel exhausted ! From the moment I wake up in the morning I feel like I just got through with a very long day or I have the flu. >.< I've gotten used to the almost constant sickness.
Also, I've been having wierd dreams lately where either Bob or me cheats. I know he would never cheat on me in real life but in the dreams the emotions are just incredibly strong. Luckily the dreams aren't interfering with my sleep so far as I've noticed. I've also had some where I have a bloody miscarriage or someone I know dies.
The cheating dreams are wierd 'cause I never used to dream about sex or anything interesting for that matter. =/
Here is a picture of baby!
Baby is fine. Baby is floatin around... having a strong heart beat... I 've got a video that I'm gonna put here too eventually. The doctor said the baby was 6 weeks and 4 days but he was gonna go ahead and call it 7 weeks. He also said my chances of miscarriage were only %5 now.
KILL ME GOD. I see more of the inside of the toilet than I do food. I beg you baby, let me eat!
The sickness has eased up a bit. I've also started feeling those butterflies. It's amazing to feel the baby move so early!
Here is a picture of baby at 10 weeks!
My big ultrasound! I got to see the baby demonstrate all those kicks I've been feeling recently. It was awsome to see her move for the first time on the screen. She was so cute! Like a cute little zombie. The doctor thought she was a boy at first. But by the end he changed her to a girl! Dora it is then!
Here is a picture of Dora!
I can't believe it. I just got to the third trimester and spotting again! The doctor couldn't figure out where it was coming from. It just caught me off guard. Oh well, I start seeing the doc every week now.
I finally started sleeping at night again after weeks of insomnia. Dora is always in my ribs and sometimes I can't sit up or even breathe. I've even started smelling strange smells. Sometimes I'll smell starburst where there are none. Or even that pregnancy smell that comes from the placenta and stuff. The Braxton Hicks are getting harder and the horomones are controlling my body!
I'm gaining roughly 2 pounds a week now. At first, I was a bit upset after not gaining anything at all. But it seems to be holding pretty steady.
Well, my sleep schedule is all messed up again! But worse than that... Wednesday Nov 1, I woke up from a nap leaking fluid and blood. I woke Bob up, threw mine and the baby's stuff in the car and were off to the hospital. There was no one there to even admit me to L&D. We waited there for like 10 minutes before a nurse finally showed up. Then she spent 5 minutes trying to calm Bob down even though he wasn't even panicking.
The nurse called my heavy bleeding "spotting" and said that she couldn't find any of the fluid I told her about. She said my cervix was still high and closed. They tried to put me on the baby monitor but Dora just wouldn't cooperate. They had so many ties and other stuff on me trying to keep her on the monitor! They gave up finally and tried to teach me how to move the paddle myself so they wouldn't have keep running back in there every 5 minutes. I was so bruised because of all the ties. Then it turned out that my OB wasn't even in town. And the sub OB wouldn't be there until morning. So, they kept me overnight. They gave me some Ambien to help me sleep. I was hallucinating. That's some great stuff. They never found out where the blood and fluid came from. The nurse said maybe the baby kicked and I peed myself. I was sooo mad. The doc showed up and gave me some info on preeclampsia. My urine tested slightly positive for protein but my blood work came back negative. He put me on bedrest. I couldn't wait for my doc appointment that next monday to hopefully help clear things up.
Thursday, November 9: After being in and out of the hospital for preeclampsia, I had one final prenatal appointment. My doc informed me that the protein in my urine was borderline severe and he really wanted me to stay in the hospital until he could deliver my baby. He wanted to do an amnio that day to assess the baby's maturity and how soon he'd induce. So, later that day after spending a few hours getting ready, I again checked myself into the hospital. But I had waited too long and all the rooms were taken, so my DH and I had to wait out in the lobby for an hour or so. But we finally got taken back to a small closet they called a room for my amnio.
My doctor is a very quietly spoken man with a very positive outlook. But I saw a very different doctor during the amnio. He was irritated at something, I'm guessing the nurse. She hadn't drawn blood by the time he got there. When he said, "You won't need gloves for this," she turned right around and put gloves on... He was actually kinda scary. lol.
The next day after sending the tests out and doing another 24-hour protein test, all the results came in. One of the amnio tests were border-line and the other was mature. My protein count hadn't risen at all though. So the doc said I'd be induced monday!
Last pregnancy picture!
Monday November 13: I was scheduled to have the cervidile (that gauze that they place next to your cervix to thin it out. I was nowhere near ready to give birth lol) put in at noon but all the L&D rooms were taken until 1. Finally, I got in and was put on an iv. Then my doc inserted the cervidile and said it may make me contract. If it does, good. Not 10 minutes after that, I started having small regular contractions. Then, a nurse came in saying my doc had called for a enema. Let's just say it wasn't pleasant.
Later that night, the contractions had let up. I was only supposed to have the cervadil in for 8 hours but no one came to take it out. After checking my blood pressure, the nurse turned out the lights, turned off my tv, and told me to lay down and go to sleep. She said it was through the roof and I needed to relax and bring it down. I was very unhappy. But I finally fell asleep.
2:00am: My nurse came in and removed the cervadil and started me in the pitocin.
3:00am: I woke up in pain and called the nurse. She gave me just a normal shot into my iv. I was 1cm dialated. I hated having contractions and having her stick her hand up there to check my cervix.
4:00am: I woke up in extreme pain and again called my nurse for more medication. I was so scared. I probably hadn't dialated enough for an epideral by now but I was in soooo much pain. I was terrified of what the rest of the labor was going to be like.
My nurse checked my cervix to make sure it was ok for more meds. But then she just ran out of the room saying she was going for another nurse to double check my cervix. Another nurse came in and checked. I was 9cm dialated. After that it was all a blur. The nurses were rushing around, calling the anesthesialogist and trying to get a hold of my doctor. All I cared about was that I was in pain and no one would drug me dammit!!!
Finally, the epidural angel got there. But he wouldn't give it to me because I was already at 9cm! That devil! The nurses just stared at him in astonishment and hatred. They said her baby was coming, you'd better give her something! They argued for a bit until my doc finally called and said give me the damn epidural. After that, I really could tell my baby was coming and started pushing. I didn't know how, I just did it. The nurses finally started assissting me. But then they stopped to get some stuff ready. But this baby was coming whether they were there counting or not. So I just kept pushing like they taught me. There was no way I couldn't. My body was telling me it's time! When I would contract, I'd wake up , push, then go to sleep. Again, whether the nurses were there to catch the baby or not. LOL I was so out of it.
Finally my doc got there. He said to put the handle bars up and get my feet in the stirrups. Those handle bars helped more than the epidural LOL. Everyone got into position. My doc said, just push when I feel a contraction and don't stop. I tried for 2 contractions and failed. He said, you have to push through the pain.
On the third contraction, I finally did it. It was the worst pain I have ever felt in my life but it was gone so quickly. My DH tells me I screamed louder than anyone he'd ever heard. And he once saw a guy chop his fingers off with a chainsaw. And no one told me this part about delivering. There's that God awful quick pain and then absolute euphoria. My doc said there we go. Just one more push. I was ecstatic to be able to push after that. It felt great! A few seconds later, I heard Dora's first sounds. Gurgle gurgle. She was born at 5:30a.m. and weighed 6lbs 14oz, 19 2/3". She had no problems at all.
Everyone rushed around getting stuff done. I just laid back and went to sleep. Everything after that was a blur and I don't remember most of it. I don't even remember our first breastfeeding session. I barely remember my doctor stitching me up or putting the catheter in.
The next day, they kept me in the L&D room because they couldn't get my bp to come back down. They did bring my bed from the post partum room I had been staying in. That bed never felt so good! They moved me back into post partum Wednesday morning and took me off the magnesium. I finally got to come home Friday morning. My doc still seemed a bit reluctant, but he knew I didn't want to stay.
Age: Newborn Current Stats:
6lbs 14oz, 19 2/3" Milestones:
I was born!
I am such a good baby! I only cry when I'm hungry. Which just happens to be all the time. I am still not good at eating from my mommy, but I try really hard. I am such a good girl! I hate my baths. They are cold.
That cord thing fell off when I was 2 weeks old. It was starting to itch anyways!
______________________ Age: 1 month Stats:
10lbs, 20" Milestones:
I can hold my head up!
I am very very good at eating now! And I love my nin nin! Mommy is always crying because she hurts. But I don't know why.
And for some reason, she dressed me up and put me under this tree. Something about "Christmas?"
I also went on my first trip to see my great-grandparents. I loved them so much.
______________________ Age: 2 months Stats:
12lbs, 21" Milestones:
I can look around!
I am starting to try and roll.
I am starting to push up.
We went to the zoo. It was cold and I didn't have fun. I like to play on my gym and swing in my swing.
______________________ Age: 3 months Stats:
13lbs, 22" Milestones:
I can laugh and smile!
Mommy loves to dress me up and take me places now! I went for a pony ride too. I also rode lots of other things. I also help Mommy around the house.
______________________ Age: 4 months Stats:
14lbs, 24" Milestones:
Playing with Toys
This is so much fun! I just figured out that I can roll! I can go places now! YAY!
But what is this PAIN? OW OW OW!!
I just want to bite everything. There are these little sharp things in my mouth now too. Help!
______________________ Age: 5 months Stats:
15lbs, 25" Milestones:
Sit with support for a few seconds
Bathe in my ducky tub
Whooo! It's over. I finally stopped teething. I've gotten so strong now that I can scoot and roll all over the place! But I still love to play in my bouncer.
Mommy took me to a very loud place with lots of people. It was interesting. We played some games too. She called it Main Event.
______________________ Age: 6 Months Current Stats:
16lbs, 26" Milestones:
I can sit with support
I got 2 more teeth
Went swimming for the first time
Wow! I can sit and watch the world. But not for long. I have my sights set on moving soon! Mmmm! Mommy is feeding me some yummy cereal. I love it! I hate all the other stuff though. Yuck!
I am getting more teeth, my two top teeth. I barely notice though. I am too busy! Mommy also took me swimming. I loved it! The water felt just like when I was in the womb!
______________________ Age: 7 months Current Stats:
17lbs, 27" Milestones:
Sit up from crawling
Got 2 more teeth
I am into EVERYTHING!
I am having so much fun! When I'm not in pain that is. Those sharp things are coming in again! Arg! How many times do I have to go through this?
But I am so good at this crawling thing now. I can get into so much stuff! I love to pull all the DVDs off the shelf. They are pretty.
______________________ Age: 8 Months Current Stats:
17lbs, 17 1/2" Milestones:
2 more teeth
Mommy, why are all these boxes here? Are we going somewhere? I am getting some more sharp things! Two more bottoms. But this time it isn't so bad.
I can now pull myself up onto furniture. I love it! Sometimes my friend Kenna comes to play. She is older than me but we are the same size almost. I like her, she is fun.
______________________ Age: 9 Months Current Stats:
17 1/2lbs, 17 1/2" Milestones:
My first Move
Playing at the park for the first time
We moving! What hard work. But I get to stay at Gamma's for awhile. My mommy loves to take me to the park. I love it too. But I hate the slide!
I get into everything at Gamma's. I love her big cup she keeps with her. One day I will get it when she isn't looking!
______________________ Age: 10 months Current Stats:
18lbs, 28" Milestones:
Eating Table Food
Took my first steps!
We are finally moving into our new place. I love it! I get a room of my own!
My cousins' birthday party was fun! I got to play with balloons and eat lots of good food!
______________________ Age: 11 Months Current Stats:
19lbs, 29" Milestones:
My first Halloween
I dunno what all the fuss is about. I just took a few steps. But everyone is going crazy!
For some reason, Mommy dressed me silly and took me to a spooky place with lots of people. But it was fun! I got some orange false teeth. They tasted funny.
I got some bears in the mail too. From some of Daddy's friends named Edin from England and Ursula from Washington. But they won't let me play with them! Something about saving them for when I'm older.
I love to play in the fall leaves! There are so many and they are crunchy! Good to eat too!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! Age: 12 months Current Stats:
20lbs, 30" Milestones:
A bit of walking
Mimicking some actions
Talking (Mimi, Dada, but not necessarily to parents)
I turned one today! Not a big deal. I'm not even having a party yet. But I will! oh boy!
Age: 13m Current Stats:
22lbs, 30" Milestones:
Since it's the holidays, alot of the kids at daycare are out. So we asked if Dora could stay and get some socialization. Today will be her second day.
Yesterday, she did great! The teacher was warned about her enthusiasm. But I didn't hear anything about her hitting or screaming! She LOVED it! By the time I got off, she was like a totally different baby. She GOBBLED food and GUZZLED water. Totally unlike her.
Ugh, my baby caught RSV! Normal medicine would barely touch the fever. She threw up everything. She breathed sooo fast. We took her to the hospital, but they couldn't do anything but give her more meds. She couldn't even keep the meds down for them to work.
She was sick for 2 weeks straight before finally getting better.
______________________ Age: 15m Current Stats:
21lbs, 31" Milestones:
Dora is eating out of the trashcan OMG!
And once, she threw up all over me while we were sleeping.
______________________ Age: 16m Current Stats:
21lbs, 31" Milestones:
I was relaxing and watching a show after work. Dora was playing nicely. So, I was kinda zoned out. Dora brought me a bottle of water to open for her. I didn't think anything of it. I thought it was probably just something she got from Daddy. I took it away, so she got her sippy cup.
I zoned out again. Dora came back a few minutes later to get me to open a muffin bar. I figured it had fallen out of our groceries sometime earlier. I figured, eh, she could have it if she was hungry. So I opened it.
I zoned out again. Dora came back a few minutes later with some chap stick... half-eaten. I finally realized what was going on. These things were all the contents of my purse. She had crawled up on the couch and looted my purse. The chap stick was raspberry flavored btw. LOL
______________________ Age: 17m Current Stats:
I just painted Dora's finger nails for the first time. I did it while she was sleeping. Hopefully they will dry before she wakes up. Tee hee
______________________ Age: 18m Current Stats:
22lbs 12oz, 32 1/8" Milestones:
Dora had an appointment yesterday. She was 22lbs 12oz, 32 1/8". And anemic. I almost started bawling while the lady was talking to me about what I should be doing. She really seemed like she was disgusted with us. Or maybe it was just the pregnancy hormones.
Dora just doesn't eat well. Never has. I have cut back on the BM and that worked wonders. But apparently, wasn't good enough. I may have to use tough love on Dora. If she wants her belly full, she will just have to eat what we give her instead of throwing it on the floor.
______________________ Age: 19m Current Stats:
So, this started before Dora even had her anemia problem and PICA. She used to run her fingers through her/my hair. It was always gentle and she always did it while nursing to help her sleep. Well, once she became anemic, it started escalating. Now, she pulls chunks out of whatever side of her head is facing up. She will either run the hair through her hands or eat it. We've been trying to give her iron, but it makes her sick, so I'm still trying to figure out the best way to do this.
But anyways, she has bald spots forming on the sides of her head. Her hair used to be so pretty. Now she looks mangy. It seems like she has a hard time relaxing if she can't pull her hair out.
I don't mind her having a comfort object. I think it would be great if she did. She's never grown attached to a stuffed animal, blanket, or even took a paci. I need her to find another way to comfort herself. I've mostly broken her of eating the hair while nursing. Basically, I refused to let her nurse if there was hair in her mouth. But she still yanks hair out.
______________________ Age: 20m Current Stats:
I was so proud of Dora's pretty hair. And it was getting so long! Well since this habit/OCD has gotten worse, she has bald spots on the sides of her head. They get worse every day! She pulls out her hair by the clump while she nurses. It.. GAH. I'm trying to transfer the pulling to a different comfort object, but it seems like the more I push, the worse it's getting.
I don't care what other people think, but I loved her hair. Now no matter how I comb it or put it up, it's ugly. She looks mangy. And it's like she needs to pull her hair to sleep. I don't like it! I wish she'd take a paci or had a favorite toy. I've been keeping her from eating the hair for the most part. *sigh*
I was siding with maybe it was just a habit. But as the days drag on, I'm starting to think maybe it is something else.
I decided that neither of us were quite ready for potty training. I've been fighting her all day to keep her diaper on. Really started thinking about that duct tape that was suggested! I was standing in the kitchen cooking and continuously putting her diaper back on her. Just as I was finishing dinner, I felt these warm drops on my foot. I looked down at her. She had taken her diaper off again and peed on the floor!!
I thought maybe I'd use it as a learning experience. So I pointed at the puddle and told her it was pee pee. But we need to pee pee in the potty. Then I picked her up and was going to take her to the bathroom. Of course, Dh was in there. Blah.
______________________ Age: 21m Current Stats:
I was cooking dinner, and here comes Dora's naked butt with 2 clean diapers. One was clearly the one she just had on. I figured she had just taken off her clean diaper and wanted a fresh one. She's been doing that lately. I just shrugged it off and put her diaper back on her.
DH just got finished putting our new diaper changing station together. Sooo cool. I went to take a look at it. "Oh sweety! It looks awesome. You did a great *squish*"
So here is what I figure happened. Dora, noticing she had to go potty, went to her new diaper station. She then took her diaper off, and did her business in the floor (both businesses ). She then bought me clean diapers. How nice.
We talked to the doctor. The doctor was concerned that part of the issue was her anemia that she had when she was 18 months. I was worried that the doctor would just brush it off if Dora was still anemic. Her level was 11.4 and the doctor said that 11.5 is the low end of normal. She didn't think it was pica since she was so close to normal. I was really relieved!
She agreed that it was Trichotillomania. She also said that this young, there isn't really anything that can be done. She did affirm my reading that said a lot of the times, if they develop it early, it will go away on it's own. She said, really the only thing we could do is transfer the pulling to the doll like we have been and maybe use time-outs during the day.
I have already decided not to make the hair pulling into a bad thing or a thing that needs punishment. I think that would add to her stress and need to pull. So, it's not a huge issue. Hopefully, she will grow out of it. If not, we will jump that hurdle when we come to it.
Oh and she didn't cry at all when they pricked her finger! Daddy held her, and Dora just stuck out her finger without being asked. I didn't think that she'd recall something like that!
______________________ Age: 22m Current Stats:
Dora was asleep in our bed last night.
She took her diaper off and peed in the bed. Then slept in the puddle.
I woke up wondering why my arm was cold.
I have been refusing bm to DD (22 1/2 months) lately because it hurts sooo much to nurse her. And after going to the ER, I gradually made her nurse less often because I thought it'd help my body bounce back. Before this, she was still nursing every 3 hours, day and night, as well as eating like a normal toddler.
She doesn't ask very often now. She asked just now so I checked just out of curiosity. I can't get any milk. And she lost interest after nursing both breasts for just a minute each.
I think I'm dry. It's weird. I've been nursing for almost 2 years straight. It's just... weird not to have bm?
This is just another part of the conspiracy to make my baby girl grow up!!!! I refuse to have her turn 2 even more now!!!! REFUSE!
______________________ Age: 23m Current Stats:
I was carving a pumpkin yesterday. I showed her the guts and she gagged!!! I've never seen her act like that with anything.
I shoveled the guts into our yard. She was playing and running and almost ran right into the pile. She managed to stop herself, screamed EW, and gave them a wide birth.
This was totally her personality quirk. Our neighbor's kids were there and she saw them playing with the guts without problems. She just really... really hates pumpkin guts.
Dora got her first b-day present today from MIL. It was a little boy baby doll. She had a death grip on that thing until nap time.
I was originally going to buy a newborn-sized one to help teach her about what is appropriate around babies. Apparently, I have a few things to learn as well.
Once Dora woke up, she would not let me put that baby down! She would scream. I needed to fold laundry though. So, I set the baby in my lap (with it's toy bottle) so I could have both hands. Well, DD sat herself right on the laundry basket so I couldn't fold. She didn't want me paying attention to anything but her and the baby.
I realized... there's a big ole dose of reality. I just got skooled.