I am the proud mother of two beautiful girls. My older daughter, Olivia, is three years old, and her little sister Sophia is one. They are unique and special in their own ways, but you can definitely tell they are sisters!
I got pregnant with Olivia when I was 18. DH and I weren't actively trying, but it happened and we got married when I was about 6 1/2 months pregnant with her. I was due on April 12, 2004, and that was the date my doctor decided to induce me. I went through two days of torturous labor (most of which I'm sure I haven't gotten over yet) before I finally pushed her stubborn little butt out on April 14, 2004 at 5:35 am. She was 6 lbs, 3 oz, and was 19 3/4 inches long. I didn't think I could love anyone as much as I loved her, that is until Sophia came along.
I got pregnant with Sophia at 20. DH and I had decided that Olivia needed a sibling, so we started trying in May of 2005. I found out I was pregnant in September, and was due on May 20, 2006 - the day after my 21st birthday. Compared to her sister's, Sophia's arrival was a breeze. I went into labor near midnight on the 21st, went to the hospital, and pushed her out at 11:54 am on May 22, 2006.
I do have to say, their births pretty much told me everything I needed to know about their personalities. Olivia is very stubborn and feisty, she doesn't like to be told what to do and will take her sweet time doing anything. Everything has to be done on her terms or not at all. Sophia, on the other hand, is generally a sweet girl, easy going and listens pretty well. Though as she gets older I'm seeing a lot more of her sister in her than I did before.
They grow up so fast and I can't believe my babies aren't really babies anymore! Sophia's picking up a lot of her sister's words, such as "I want cereal" (she calls it 'yeeyow') and "my mommy".
We're still working with Olivia on potty training. I was so sure she'd get the hang of it right away, but she's more stubborn than I thought. It's an uphill battle, so we'll see how it goes. Sophia will be potty trained before her, at the rate we're going!
Olivia and I have been having some issues with her bed. When we first got it for her, when I was pregnant with Sophia, she loved her big girl bed and loved to sleep in it. Then she (for some still unexplained reason) got scared and wound up sleeping in a playpen in our room for like four months. That was right after we'd finally moved Sophia into her room and were looking forward to having our bedroom to ourselves again. Then I got the idea of a bedtime chart, where she'd get a sticker for each night she slept in her bed and every Sunday, if she'd gotten a sticker every day of the week before, I would buy her a small present.
It worked, and we slowly transitioned the chart from bedtime to potty training. She didn't seem to mind not getting stickers for sleeping in her bed anymore, so we thought it had been a success.
But a couple of weeks ago, she started the cycle again. Not wanting to sleep in her room, crying whenever it was time for bed, running into the living room and then back to her own room in tears when we told her she couldn't sleep in our bed. I tried being firm, I tried bribing her, I've tried just about everything but this time she's dead set on making bedtime a major battle every night.
It's frustrating, I mean she's three years old, she's been sleeping in her own room for two and a half years, she's had her bed for over a year now... why is this starting again? She's old enough to know better, every night we tell her that there's nothing for her to be scared of in her room, we keep the hall light on all night for her and we keep her bedroom door open. That worked in the past but now she's set on sleeping on the couch. I don't want her to sleep on the couch, I bought her a new bed for her to sleep in, not as a pretty decoration. I get up at 5 every morning, and that is just too early to have her waking up, too. I don't want to keep moving her to her bed at 5 in the morning, either, she's too heavy for me to keep her asleep.
I just wish she wasn't so dang stubborn sometimes! I love her but this has got to stop already!
DH and I have been talking about trying for #3 sometime in the first half of next year... I'm not too sure if that'll happen, but it's something we've been considering. We don't really want the girls to be too far apart, Sophia will be either almost 2 or just 2 by the time I get pg. I toyed with the idea of being completely done for a long time after Sophia was born, but after looking at the girls newborn pictures I just can't be finished... my babies are way too beautiful for there to be just two!
I'm feeling a little down tonight. It's one in the morning and my tooth is hurting to the point where I can't sleep. I desperately need it to be fixed, but how can I get that done when I don't have dental insurance? I'm doing my best to keep things from getting worse, but the pain is growing steadily and I'm afraid I'll lose the whole tooth by the time I'm able to get it fixed.
I don't understand my children sometimes. How can they tear apart my entire house so quickly? I pick up after them all day long, and yet they manage to keep things a mess by the time I'm in bed. Two girls shouldn't be able to cause this much damage... maybe it's me? Is it because they think I don't give them enough attention?
I already feel an overwhelming sense of guilt when it comes to them, from what I feed them to what I can afford to buy them... I guess guilt over the amount of attention they get from me can be added to that list.
I think we all just need to de-clutter our lives, all four of us. We have so much stuff jammed into this apartment that it makes me feel claustrophobic. Nothing ever seems to stay in its place around here, no matter how hard I try to keep it nice for DH. He deserves it, after working twelve hour days at a thankless, soul-sucking job like selling cars for the devil. Ok, so that may be a bit harsh. I know he's doing his best for us and our family. But I hate that he's gone so much, and I resent the sort of freedom only a real job can bring, without diapers to change and three-year olds to argue with, with conversation that doesn't revolve around Blue's Clues or Barbie dolls. But I know that if I had a job, I'd hate it. So that's that. But back to de-cluttering our lives. I wish I could keep this house clean for DH, but some days like these I just want to give up on it. We have too many dishes, too many clothes, too many toys. I think we have enough stuff for two families.
I think my doctor is right in upping my dosage of Zoloft. But unfortunately my insurance is stupid and it needs to be approved by them. I had to wait a week to get the approval for the 50 mg, I wonder how long I have to wait for the 100 mg? Is there something really that wrong with me that I need that much? Or is it not even that much? I don't know, sometimes I think I'm being melodramatic. But that's the way I've always been, even though DH says I don't need to be put on anything and he doesn't approve of me taking the Zoloft in the first place. I haven't even told him my doctor wants me to take more, and I don't think I ever will. His reaction to the first dosage was ridiculous enough, I don't want to feel even more crazy than I already do.
This hasn't even been about my toddlers today. Sorry!
I was going through the pictures on my computer, and I came across some pictures of Olivia when she was Sophia's age. It's bittersweet, because I miss her being a year old and so cute and a little unsure of herself, but I love the amazing girl she's growing into. I know she'll be a strong and confident person when she's older, because she's so strong and confident now. I look at her and I am constantly in awe of her, because my little girl is the complete opposite of me. She is so beautiful and energetic, and while her attitude could use a little adjustment most days, she does have those times where she is just the sweetest angel and it completely makes up for countless bad days. She loves her little sister so much and I am grateful that she is so attached to her now, I hope she'll always be this affectionate towards Sophia. I want them to be each other's support system, I want them to be best friends. Olivia is a truly special little girl and I think I don't show her how much I love her enough, or at the very least I could show her more often. Sometimes I focus too much on the negative and not enough on the positive, maybe that's why she's getting to be such a handful.
Today has been a better day than most for Olivia. She's not so defiant, which is a good thing, and she's actually been really sweet to me and her sister. I'm so relieved, and I hope that this trend will continue. Her defiant attitude has been starting to cause problems between DH and myself. He wants to discipline her more, but I don't think that's the answer. Needless to say, we've been arguing about that lately. But today has been good. Too bad Sophia's been running a fever all day! My poor baby! I hope she's feeling better once she wakes up from her nap!
Well today is hot, hot, HOT! It's not the hottest day I've had, but I still don't like it. I definitely can't wait for it to start cooling off more, so I can take the girls for walks and out to the park in the middle of the day! they love being outside but I'm scared they'll get too hot and burned right now, so they don't get out much. Other than the heat, I've been really tired lately. I'm not sure why, but I've been sleeping in and taking naps too, and the girls take advantage of that by tearing my house apart!
Mitch doesn't get off work til 8, then he has one of his meetings until 10, and after that he'll probably go play dodgeball till god knows when... so I will be seeing him all of 10 minutes tonight if I'm lucky! I've been trying to clean but with my nephew here it's harder than usual. I don't know when my sister will be coming to get him, but he's too cute! I love that little guy so much, he's such a joy to watch! Even if I don't get any housework done at all!
I've also decided to go through Olivia's toys and throw most of them out. She's got too many and doesn't take care of them, I don't want her to become one of those children who don't appreciate all of the things they have in life. Speaking of that, now that I think of it I don't think I'll throw them out, I'll donate them to the Salvation army or something. Or at least I'll donate the ones in decent condition! I also have to go through Sophia's clothes and pack away everything that she's outgrown. I should go through my own clothes, while I'm at it! I have too many clothes that I don't fit or that I just don't wear anymore... time to clean out the closet I guess!
So DH and I took in my MIL's dog, Missy. The poor thing's had it rough the last few months since my MIL moved out of her house. She used to be black and white, and now she's gray and white with a couple of black spots. DH says it happened because of stress, and I don't know if her fur will ever turn back to black. I was a little apprehensive about bringing a dog into the house, but so far she's been really good. Olivia doesn't fight going to bed anymore as long as Missy stays in the room with her, and Sophia isn't scared of her. She hasn't jumped once since she's been here and is really sweet and gentle. I do need to get her a new collar and leash, and a bed and/or kennel so that she's not running loose in the house all the time while we're gone. I want to get her some chew toys too so that she doesn't think my shoes are fair game. But all in all, she's the sweetest little thing and I'm really glad DH decided to bring her home.
Olivia's new obsession is video games. I don't understand it, but they'll keep her occupied forever! Does that make me a bad mom if I let her play them while I clean? My MIL bought her a new twin-size bed, which she calls her "princess bed". She likes it, but bedtime is still a battle with her. Now the only way I can get her to go to bed is if she has Missy in there with her. Speaking of Missy, my MIL informed me that her name is spelled Myssie...whatever! I think it's kind of ridiculous to change up a name like that, so she'll just stay Missy to me! Or at least until my MIL gives us her papers! I'm just glad that Sophia likes her! In fact, she LOVES her! She'll follow her around and pet her and try to throw her toys for her to chase... it's so cute!
Saturday we're taking the girls to the pumpkin patch, and I can't wait! They had such a good time last year, and this year Sophia will be old enough to enjoy herself, too!
Halloween is in like a week! How quickly time flies! Olivia is going to be Harry Potter this year, and I bought Sophia a cute little kitty witch costume. Me, my mom, and my sister are going to take my girls, my baby sister, and my nephew out to this friendly neighborhood near here to go trick-or-treating... I can't wait! I have two girls going out this year, which means twice the candy for me haha! Little Johnny is going to be a monkey, his costume is SOO cute on him! My little sister is going to be a pirate, and she makes an adorable pirate! I'm glad that this year their costumes will let them be warm, last year Olivia was Minnie Mouse and it was pretty darn cold outside! We didn't even take Sophia out, even though she had a warm costume, I just had DH follow us around in the car so she could sleep and be warm!
I'm just hoping that they won't be too scared of the decorations! Olivia is getting better about knowing that the scary stuff isn't real, but Sophia doesn't understand yet, and she is TERRIFIED of Halloween stuff! When we went to the pumpkin patch it took me FOREVER just to get her over her fear of touching pumpkins! Hopefully she'll see that her big sister isn't afraid, so she won't be so afraid either!
Then after Halloween is... November! Thanksgiving! I'm so glad I don't have to cook a Thanksgiving dinner this year! I don't even want to think about the end of November while it's still October, but the Christmas displays that are already up in stores kind of won't let me forget! Gah!!!