1st PG, 1st m/c (TMI)
My name is Roxi, and I unfortunately am joining your ranks as of 2/6/13.
(I apologise if this is TMI in the level of details)
We started TTC in Dec '12 which was cut short when the dermatologist found than one of my moles turned out to be a melona and a larger area had to be removed. We managed to DTD a couple times before the surgery and it turned out that's all it took. I got the BFP on 1/14 which based on LMP was 4 weeks. We saw and heard the heart beat on the ultrasound on 2/4, which should've been 7 weeks. The scan measurements however put the pregnancy at 6 weeks. Monday and Tuesday after the scan I had some spotting but I didn't think much of it, seeing as it was a trans-vaginal u/s.
I started to worry on Wednesday when I started getting back ache and cramps, just like when AF is coming on. I then noticed that the spotting had become bright red and thick, with some clots. That's when I tried to call my OB. Turns out he was trying to get hold of me at the same time because he'd just got my blood test results back and my progesterone levels had dropped drastically since the first round on 1/18. That coupled with the fact that he thought the yolk sac was too large, the heartbeat was too slow and the small amount of other fluid surrounding the fetus he said was a sign of an impending miscarriage.
So now its been about 36 hours since the cramps started and they are not fun. It was really really bad yesterday, the Motrin he suggested I take did nothing to help. The cramping is intermittent now but still painful, seems to be worse when I move around. The bleeding doesn't seem much heavier than my usual period.
I don't seem to be bleeding out as such, I have only changed my sanitary pad once today and only because I felt uncomfortable at having worn the same one for so long. I seem to only bleed out when I am on the toilet... Is that normal? I still haven't seen anything that could be the sac pass through. Can it take a long time? Will I know? Will I have to wait until I see the doc on the 18th before I get a real confirmation that it is over?
I'm scared of possibly having a d&c...
How long will it take for my cycle to stabilise again? Do I start tracking from Monday when I started spotting? Or yesterday when I started bleeding? Or do I wait until this is over and I have a real period?
I can't believe this happened to my first ever pregnancy. I have waited 8 years for this pregnancy. Emotionally I feel kinda ok. I mean it was a shock when the doc confirmed the miscarriage yesterday, and I cried a lot, but now I feel ok. (aside from the pain). Am I supposed to be grieving more? Is it abnormal to just accept it and want to move on? From the beginning this pregnancy felt surreal because I had very little symptoms. Am I supposed to be grieving more? Is it abnormal to just accept it and want to move on to ttc again? What did you do to keep the anxiety of subsequent pregnancies at bay?
Sorry. This turned into more of a rant than I intended.
TYIA for listening to me and for sharing any insights/advice.
I'm so sorry for your loss :( Not a fun way to start this journey of TTC for you :(
If you have had bleeding and passing of large clots, then I would think you wouldn't need a d&c unless there is some residual "stuff" left - they will typically check with an ultrasound for that.
I can tend to speak matter-of-factly about this subject, as I have had too much experience in this department, so I hope I don't come across as harsh or unfeeling
I have had 3 miscarriages that ended naturally, 2 just before 6 weeks, and they sounded a lot like what you are describing. I had one natural m/c at 9 weeks that was heavier, more cramping, etc - but I think that was just because it was further along. But even that one after the first initial day of bleeding, the majority of the loss was when I went to the bathroom.
As far as knowing you have passed the sac - some people believe they have seen it - I have never seen it. If you think about how small things would be at 7 weeks, it would be very easy for it to be in one of the large clots you pass without you even seeing it.
I have also had 2 d&c's for missed miscarriages, and they really are not bad at all. So don't be scared if you have to go that route. (I don't imagine you will though)
Because you were early on, if you were regular before this pregnancy, I would expect that things could start up again quite quickly. For me, AF has always shown within 4-6 weeks after a m/c - so I would count the day of bleeding (not the spotting) as cd1 and go from there.
Don't let anyone tell you how to grieve. Everyone does it differently. You may still have moments when the grief returns - if you know anyone with a similar due date to you, or when that due date comes up, lots of things - just know that it is okay to grieve on your own terms. There is no time limit.
As for your next pregnancy, you will be anxious, hopefully once you pass that 7 week mark, or see the heartbeat and proper growth past that time, things will get easier - but after a loss, often you will feel anxious the whole time. The innocence of just getting to be excited can often be stolen by a m/c.
If you read around on these boards, you will see that many people go on to have healthy pregnancies after a m/c, so you shouldn't be worried about there being anything wrong at this point. And don't feel guilty about being ready to try again, losing a baby doesn't make you want a baby any less, it oftens makes you want it that much more.
You feel how you feel and there is nothing wrong with that. I was devestated but my husband just looked at it as the baby wasn't developing right and we can try again. I know the logic in what he felt but at the time, it didn't make me feel any better.
I had to have an emergency d&c because I hemmoraged a few days after I finally m/c (found out at 12 weeks fetal demise occured at 8 weeks, m/c at 13w). I prefered the d&c to the m/c. It was over an done and fast.
My cycle was normal after with day 1 being when I had the d&c. I temped and charted and it made me feel better knowing that I'd O'd on schedule. I got pregnant the first cycle after my post m/c period. I had lots of bleeding throught the first trimester so I had u/s every 2 weeks. At 6 weeks, I knew there was a heartbeat. At 8 weeks I knew there was a heartbeat. It didn't make me feel less anxious. I had a huge sense that my body had decieved me before that I was pregnant and didn't trust it. After I went in for my 12 week ultrasound, I felt a huge sense of relief when the first words out of the tech's mouth wasn't "are you sure about your dates".
Thank you, Audrey. Your words help a lot!
I'm sorry that you have had to go through this so many times.
I too am really sorry Roxi. Not the start you were hoping for. I m/c my first pg as well though my situation was different then (it was accidental, dh and I weren't married yet and we were only 19) it was still a huge shock. It was a missed m/c I should have been 9 wks but the baby didnt grow past 6 wks. I spotted first which turned to red bleeding, it got heavier the next day and I started passing clots. After a week I had an u/s b/c I was still bleeding heavily and I hadn't passed all the "products of conception" as they call it, so I had a d&c. It was not painful at all and after that the bleeding was very light. I went back on the pill after that. We went on to have 3 healthy babies after that, though I did have bleeding scares during all of them in the beginning. My 5th pg was also a m/c (again baby didnt develop past 6-7wks but it did have a very slow hb on u/s) and it was over pretty quickly I spotted one day and had terrible contraction like cramps the next day passing numerous clots on the toilet and bleeding a lot. I had an u/s a few days later and had passed everything. I had 3 more healthy pgs after that. Then I had a 14 wk loss and I'm just getting over another early loss. This time it took me quite some time to m/c on my own. Again baby should have been 8+ wks but was only 5+ wks no hb. We waited a week did another u/s to be sure and confirmed no growth and it looked like the sac was breaking down. I didn't want a d&c, not b/c of anything bad but b/c my drs want me to wait 3 mos to ttc after one. So I waited a week and went back, during the week I had little bleeding, and when I went back the pg test was still + I was told I could have cytotec to open my cervix if nothing happened in a week. So I waited another week and during that week I had bad cramps and heavy bleeding and passed some clots. When I went back I had an u/s and there was still "something" about the size of a quarter or so right by my cervix. So I was given the option of a d&c or waiting another week. I passed a few small clots thinking that might be it but then I passed the sac a few days later. Surprisingly there wasn't much pain involved it just came out onto the pad (tmi I know). I hadn't ever seen one in my other losses but that had to be what it was. HPT is - now and I'm still spotting a little but I think things are returning to normal. My MW cleared me to ttc again. I know I wrote a book but I just wanted you to know you can have different experiences with losses. As for how you feel it's up to you. Nothing you feel is wrong. My emotions have been different w/ each loss. My first was shock mostly, my 2nd I took very hard but time healed me, the loss of my son at 14 wks was the worst I will never fully recover. I think that is why I took this last lost so well. I was sad but accepting and I didn't for one minute disillusion myself that nothing could go wrong. I didn't expect it but I knew it could happen. I'm really pretty okay and that's fine.
Thanks Tiffany. I'm sorry you had to go through this so many times, and so horribly at times. I keep telling myself "at least it happened now, rather than later". I think I'm ok this time because the whole pregnancy never felt real. It all went wrong so soon after seeing and hearing the heart beat that even that didn't have time to sink in.
It's encouraging to hear from you ladies who went through this too and still managed to have healthy babies.
All we can do is keep trying.
Roxi I totally agree on the at least it happened now front. Though I wish mine happened earlier since it was essentially over at 5-6 wks. But nothing near as bad as having to be induced at 14 wks. I have every hope you will continue on to have a healthy pregnancy and little one sometime soon.
I am soo sorry for your loss. I understand most of your questions. I think grieving really comes and goes. I lost my little boy at 20wks I had to be induced because his heart stopped. I immediately wanted to try again. I still do. It's been almost 5 weeks. I haven't resumed my period. At the moment I'm having light spotting and I'm not sure if it is implantation or period coming on. Hang in there girly. If you need anyone to talk to.. pm me
Thank you, all you ladies, for your wonderful words of insight and encouragement.
I wanted to let you know that I passed the sac tonight. It was dfinitely the sac. It was bigger than I expected, about the size of a squash ball (maybe an inch diameter).
I feel better knowing that that's over and now my body can begin to recover. I will take an HPT on Monday and see if it's still registering.
I definitely knew what I passed wasn't the normal clot or tissue that I had been passing as well and when I looked close at it I was sure it was the sac. Mine was not intact, though some are (I google imaged it and there are pics, morbid I guess but I'm glad someone thought to do it for info), it was hard to describe membraney if that's a word like almost clear but not quite (it had blood on it of course) and just weird. I'd never seen one in my previous losses probably b/c it passed earlier in the m/c instead of at the very end. I'm glad you're done and can move on.