afraid, and nervous(m/c, preg, child ment)

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Chris_85's picture
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afraid, and nervous(m/c, preg, child ment)

I never really remember if I posted in here before. But i just wanted some support, and kind words.

I had an early loss in september, that was hard on Dh and I , so ttc was put on the back burner for a while. both of us wanted to wait a bit, then I was ready or so i thought in december. and we had some heated talks about ttc, and while we both agreed we want our daughter to have siblings, I just know that he wasn't exactly ready. that was back in january

I have been really focused on my health and taking good care of myself since the miscarriage. I am so proud of myself for losing almost 50lbs.and instead of harping on Dh to ttc i have been treating myself really well.
we ran out of condoms, and was hoping to reach my goal weight, before i got pg, but now i am having tons of pg symptoms, and i am afraid to test. since i now it would be early and i can't even say with in 5 days of actual ovulation. don't remember having EWCM.
symtoms are crazy.

I want to be excited but i am nervous that i will be disappointed, and sad if i am to have another loss.
also i made the mistake of telling my Dh and my mom very soon after i found out i was pg with my loss, and then we all were very hurt.

I just don't know what to do i feel like i would be keeping a secret from my Dh if i find out I am pg again and don't tell him right away.
I guess i am afraid of Dh being upset we are Pg again ???
But nervous about finding out

I don't know really, I must sound like a nut.

I love love my daughter and being a mom, and i really want more children, but i have that small voice in my head sayn stuff, like dont get to excited yet look what happened last time.
Also for those who don't know it took us 4 + years to conceive my lo.

is a general anxiety about early pg common after experiencing a loss?

BokkieNYC's picture
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Hi Chris

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss Sad Congrats on losing so much weight!! That is really awesome.

I experienced a loss in February. This was my very first ever pregnancy and it was a shock to lose it. I am now 4 weeks pg and I am very scared of it not sticking again. I am not as excited as I was the first time. I can't let myself get that excited until we pass the 7 week point (which is when we lost the first one).

I think it is a very normal reaction to be so scared. But I wouldn't keep it a secret from DH or your mom. You need support. My DH & I decided not to tell anyone and I still feel like I'm "lying" to my mom because she doesn't know. I think it would've helped me a little to have her support.

I think you should test. If I'm reading your ticker correctly then you're 7 days away from AF and there is a high chance that a HPT will pick it up this early. Anxiety and stress will make any symptoms worse, even if they're not pg symptoms.

Good luck! I hope everything works out in the end.

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Hey Chris,

First off, I just want to give you a :bigarmhug: The ladies in the board know what you are going through.

My first loss was a chemical pregnancy at 4 weeks in 2011. It didn't have a huge impact on me for some reason but I just lost my little boy Kamdyn at 20 weeks. I was really excited to TTC and I'm now pregnant again. I have huge concerns. Roxi's loss was at 7 weeks so once she's past that she'll feel a bit better. I don't think that I've ever be relaxed with this pregnancy. Kamdyn had a heart defect so the chances of it happening again are much higher than another person who hasn't had a child without one. There is going to be anxiety my entire pregnancy but I just have to remember that whatever happens is for the best.

I think you will feel worse about not telling him than if you did and he got upset. Chances are if he's going to be upset in the first place, he's probably still going to be upset later. And at that, probably more upset because you didn't tell him sooner. He might not even get upset though. But I would test first and see how it goes. You are still kinda early until AF but it might show up. My bfp showed up 2 days before AF was due but not 4 days. It varies for everyone. Roxi's showed up SUPER early!

Keep us posted ok? I hope we helped ya out some.

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Hi Chris. I mostly lurk here these days as we are nolonger actually ttc. I am sorry for your loss. The girls here are wonderful and its a great place to 'talk' to women who understand. Well done in the weight loss too, that's a wonderful effort.

We had three losses (12w, 5w and 9w). I honestly recommend talking to a professional if you are open to it. I didn't after our first loss as I honestly thought getting pregnant would help me to 'get over it'. Instead I was a wreck the whole pregnancy and ended up with pretty bad PND after my daughter was born. My counsellor said I never dealt with my grief properly and then couldn't allow myself to believe the next pregnancy would be successful. Even once she was born I had trouble not expecting something bad was going to happen.

I think anxiousness and nerves are normal in pregnancy after a loss, just be careful that you aren't being overwhelmed by these emotions. Or fixating on the what ifs too much. Good luck and I hope it is good news!

Chris_85's picture
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Thanks, you are all so kind. I did test early but i thought i saw a faint line but nothing definitive more like an evap. I know it is early. But i just have the pg feeling.
I know i will have to tell DH, just hard sometimes his disability gets in the way of things.
We thought about seeking a counselor a few times, other than him seeing his psychiatrist.
I am a really privet person when it comes to loss, and my home life in general, its not that i am trying to hide things i just don't like people knowing all my business.
I am also the rock of the family always the strong one, not that i don't have my moments of weakness. we all do.
I feel safer to talk to people here.

BokkieNYC's picture
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I understand needing to be the "rock" of the family. My DH also has a disability of sorts and I need to shoulder most of the physical responsibility as well as a lot of emotional stuff. I see a psychotherapist weekly. That is an even greater reason I would suggest you talk to a professional. A person can only cope with a finite amount of stress before their "pot" boils over. I found I needed to talk to someone outside of our family just to cope. It helped me a lot to have someone totally unconnected to our situation, who doesn't judge or give advice. Just someone who can absorb all the anxiety and fears and stress and anger that brews inside of me.

I also found keeping a journal of sorts helps me clear my head. I used to keep a written on. Not a "dear diary" kind of thing, just writing down what was going through my head at the time. It seemed to reduce the amount of time that it would spend running circles in my head. Now I've been keeping an online TTC journal here on PG.org.

What disability does he have, if you don't mind me asking?

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I have a lot of trust issues with people IRL, I've gotten hurt a lot so I understand how it feels safer to talk to people here. It's a lot easier when you don't actually know any of them and you can't see them and chances are you'll never see them IRL. It's nice to know that there are people who have gone through similar situations though. I hope that everything works out. I agree that you should talk to a counselor. I don't see one anymore because I can't afford it but if I could, I would. I think it's really important to talk to someone (like Roxi said) unconnected.

smsturner's picture
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Hi Chris! Wow, I remember you from way back Smile I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope everything works out perfectly. Big hugs and so nice to 'see' you again!!

I'm the same with people IRL maddie. For some reason I do better here! lol

Chris_85's picture
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double post

Chris_85's picture
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I also journal, helps to clear the mind and puts stuff in to perspective.
I feel like i have an appropriate place/ person for vent, so i just don't feel a counselor is necessary at the moment.
I can pm you later about my DH.I would rather not talk about it too much here.

BokkieNYC's picture
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That's good, as long as you have an outlet. I hope you are feeling a better today.