I'm feeling so sad tonight. I was doing so much better the last few days and sadness just hit me tonight. I feel like this will never happen to us again. I feel almost like being pregnant after infertility was just a dream and it won't happen again. I know I'll get some much needed hope, if there is any, when I go back to my RE Wednesday but I don't know how to sustain to the hope. I wish I could but sometimes I feel like I just don't have the heart. And sometimes I feel so completely robbed of this baby and this life that I wanted so much. I guess this is normal and that some days will be harder than others. I feel peace for the baby as I believe it's with my grandfather in heaven and I believe it's okay and happy even. But when I think of the future, not pregnant, baby-less and trying AGAIN after all the trying we've already done it just feels like this process to an actual birth will be endless if it even happens at all. I wish I didn't feel this way but tonight I just can't seem to snap out of it.
I'm just now seeing this...so sorry you are having a rough time. I don't have any words to make it better...not sure there are any. But, I do think time will help you heal. I know, for me, I didnt' even really start the emotional journey to work through my loss until the physical part was resolved and it seems you are still working your way through the first step. Huge hugs (((hug))) I really hope this time of limbo passes quickly for you.
ETA: I reread my post and just wanted to say I hope I didn't come across as too "you'll get over it". I didn't mean to sound like that. You should take all the time you need to cry and grieve the loss of your little one. It certainly wasn't just a dream and your baby does exist even though he/she can't be with you here on earth. I pray you don't have the IF issue when you are able/ready to TTC again and you get a new blessing very soon.