I'm feeling so sad tonight. I was doing so much better the last few days and sadness just hit me tonight. I feel like this will never happen to us again. I feel almost like being pregnant after infertility was just a dream and it won't happen again. I know I'll get some much needed hope, if there is any, when I go back to my RE Wednesday but I don't know how to sustain to the hope. I wish I could but sometimes I feel like I just don't have the heart. And sometimes I feel so completely robbed of this baby and this life that I wanted so much. I guess this is normal and that some days will be harder than others. I feel peace for the baby as I believe it's with my grandfather in heaven and I believe it's okay and happy even. But when I think of the future, not pregnant, baby-less and trying AGAIN after all the trying we've already done it just feels like this process to an actual birth will be endless if it even happens at all. I wish I didn't feel this way but tonight I just can't seem to snap out of it.