Here we go again.. p/g ment m/c ment
Excuse my long absence. I couldn't even draw myself to these boards for comfort because everything "baby" reminded me of what I just went through. I had an ectopic in late Jan/early Feb. Two shots of methotrexate treated it, my HCG fell rapidly after the second. When my HCG level got down to a 303 (from 13900) I had to stop going. I know, I know, you're supposed to go until your HCG level hits zero, but problems arose and I couldn't go. I've had a ...I wouldn't call it a pain, more like an uncomfortable-ness in the area where my ectopic was, since I had the actual pregnancy. It never "hurts" and sometimes I don't feel it all, but when my period is about to hit, it shows up a little more.
So, 6 months later..I find out I'm pregnant. I busted into tears when I saw the line. I knew I was preg - my boobs were killing me, but even so, getting the actual "yes" threw me into a whirlwind of emotions.
I'm scared and nervous and mad and petrified. NONE of those are good. I'm not even excited. Isn't that horrible? Instead of thinking good thoughts, the first thing through my mind was, "I don't have enough vacation time to take off of work to get more shots." I automatically assume something is going to be wrong. But after a chemical, then an ectopic, I have little reason to be optimistic.
So - I called a new doctor today. They can't see me for a week and a half. My old doctor won't answer the phone, but I'm not even sure I want to go back to them. I'm concerned about this "uncomfortable-ness" because I never saw my HCG level drop to zero. However, someone pointed out to be that six months going by, probably something would have happened with the old ectopic if it was going too.
I'm confused. I know I need to go to the doctor, but on the other side of that I don't want too.
A friend of mine is having baby #4. She's never had a miscarriage. She found out she was 3 weeks preg and posted it all over Facebook about how she's having #4. It must be nice to be so sure nothing is going to happen. To not even let negative thoughts fill your head.
I'm seriously having a hard time dealing with this.