How do you know when to stop

6 posts / 0 new
Last post
reneakelly's picture
Joined: 06/22/02
Posts: 154
How do you know when to stop

I have 4 kids, none with my current husband. the thing is I would like to have at least one child with him. I have had 6 miscarriages in 2 years. I dont have anyone that understand my wanting another child. One of my grandmothers keep saying the losses is God's way of telling me I dont need another child. Everyone else said I should be happy with the 4 I already have. Even though Im tired emotionaly something just keeps telling me to keep trying that it will happen one day. I just dont know what to do. Im in the process of an ectopic waiting to dissolve, so I know I cant do anything before October. Any advice would be a big help.

AlyssaEimers's picture
Joined: 08/22/06
Posts: 6568

I am sorry for your losses. :bigarmhug:

If you want another baby, please do not let anyone discourage you.

TLotus's picture
Joined: 08/28/10
Posts: 535

First and foremost, I'm so sorry for your loss. It is devestating to lose one pregnancy let alone heart is with you during this difficult time. I'd like to share my story with you:

I'm the mother of 4 as well. My four boys are ages 19, 16, 11, and 9. DH and I never planned at first to have a #5 but last Aug '10, we discovered we were pregnant. After getting over the shock of it, we were getting used to the idea of a new little one...then I miscarried. It was the most devestating thing I have experienced. I didn't understand why I lost the baby. I've had four healthy children without problems...what happened this time?

After that loss, the only thing I could think about was trying again. I told my mother and two other close family members who said the same things as your grandmother told you...that maybe I should be happy with the four I have. They also mentioned "God's plan..." and all of that but I'm Buddhist, so that reasoning never resonated with only irritated me more.

DH and I talked about my feelings and I discovered he really wanted to try again too. We tried again and I got pregnant in Jan this year only to miscarry again. Deeply devestated, we never gave up. I am now expecting #5 due in Nov and everything is wonderful.

I'm sharing my story with you to encourage you to not give up! I know exactly how you feel. It's hard to mourn a loss, long to try again, and not have the support of your family. IMO, and with all due respect to your relatives, to try again or not is YOUR (and DH's) decision! If your heart wants to try again, then go for it!

If you would like to talk via email, please PM me and I would be happy to talk more with you! You are not alone. :bighug:

Danifo's picture
Joined: 09/07/10
Posts: 1377

I think it is a combination of how much you want another child and how much more you feel you can take emotionally. You don't need to think about it until October so I would take the time to not think about TTC and enjoy your kids and your DH. In October, look at how you are feeling and then decide.

No one can make this decision except you.

reneakelly's picture
Joined: 06/22/02
Posts: 154

Thank you ladies. I will take your advice an just put it out of my head for now, and enjoy the rest of the summer.

Joined: 12/07/10
Posts: 2421

Renea, I am so sorry for your losses. I've had 2 losses so far and the pain was unimaginable so I imagine the pain of having 6 losses is unimaginable.

I think that if you still feel like something is missing and that something is a baby and you still have the will to try again, then go for it. Please don't let others talk you out of what you want. They are not in your situation and don't know what you are going though. It's your life and if you are ready to try again, then, by all means don't let anyone stop you.

Huge hugs and I hope you get your little miracle baby soon!