Today my husband's cousin was in town to show off her 9 week old son to her grandmother. Grandmother decided that we should all get together to have brunch at her house. So, 18 days after losing my fourth, I got to spend most of the day dancing attendance on the new baby who was pronounced to be gorgeous, wonderful, intelligent and the highlight of his great grandmother's life.
I think I did pretty well... I thought I was prepared until they walked in and grandmother went into total gush mode over the baby "Oh, isn't he wonderful? Isn't he beautiful?" Fortunately all her attention was on baby Will and I escaped to the bathroom for a brief cry.
Once I got a good look at him and he went from "generic baby" to baby Will, it was much easier to be around him. He was himself, not one of the babies we lost. I even got to hold him for quite a while and get him to sleep. Then I maneuvered it so DH got to hold him. I could tell he wanted to, and his grandmother is not of the generation when men should be interested in infants. *eye roll*
It's mean of me, but I'm so glad that he cried every time his gr grandmother held him, but settled right down for me.
We won't discuss how much I spent on retail therapy after the brunch. I now have lots of books to lose myself in.
Thinking of you.
That's just crappy to go through. Sorry.
Me - 33 AMH 1.22, DOR, Polyspermy
DH - 30 Low Testosterone
WOOF - Annabell, 7 & Eleanor, 8
TTC #1, 7/2009
2 M/C's 2010
1 M/C 2011, tri18
2 IUI's 2011 BFN
IVF - 4/2012
BFP - 10dpt
u/s 5/7 - HB128, one bean!
u/s 5/17 - HB150, 7 mm bleeding (eek!)
u/s 5/24 - HB162
u/s 5/31 - HB180, NT .8
u/s 6/7 - HB161, NT 1.15
us/ 6/12 - HB143
I know how hard it is to experience this kind of thing. We lost our 2nd baby on Oct 2 and my husband's sister gave birth on Oct 19. Its hard to be around all that joy when you are hurting.