Introducing myself (long mc story)

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Last seen: 4 years 1 month ago
Joined: 11/02/11
Posts: 122
Introducing myself (long mc story)

Hello ladies. I'm not sure if I belong here yet but I've been lurking some and thought I would share my story and maybe get some feedback from you. I have two healthy children and unfortunately recently lost our third. I was 16w5d along when my husband, children and I went for an elective ultra-sound to find out if our little one was a he or she. The lady was having a hard time getting a good view and after awhile I started to get a little worried because I wasnt seeing any movement. I mentioned that I had not noticed the heartbeat and at that time she informed me that she was having a hard time finding it. So my husband and I took the kids home and went to L&D which is where they confirmed that our baby passed. I had a d&e done the next day. Our baby measured about 2 weeks behind and my ob thinks that his growth started to slow down (we had the first tri screening which was normal) and he then eventually passed. I've had some testing done to see if maybe I have a clotting issue but I just got my results today and they were normal. I'm so confused as to what to do. I feel this need to have another child but of course I'm scared. In a way I was hoping that I had a clotting problem that way I would have an answer and would hopefully be able to prevent another miscarriage (which I know isn't possible). My dr suggested waiting 2 cycles before trying again but also said to do what I feel is best for me, I love my dr by the way. My other 2 children were born via c-section so it would be best for us to wait until July to try (we have been fortunate to not have trouble conceiving) because I'm the one that has to take my son to school and it would be difficult to load and unload the children twice a day, 3 times a week while recovering from surgery. One of the other mothers at the preschool who has had 2 miscarriages said that she would help me but she has 3 living children so I don't want to put that on her. On one hand I think that we should wait until this summer to try but on the other (my more emotional one) I want to start now. I had the d&e done on 2-1-12 and just finally got my period last week. Some part of me thinks that I should wait until I'm done grieving before trying but I don't feel like that will ever happen. I miss being pregnant and my dear Taylor, I should be feeling him kicking and moving. Ladies, if you made it this far, thank you. From your experience, what would you do?

AlyssaEimers's picture
Last seen: 2 months 4 days ago
Joined: 08/22/06
Posts: 6803

I am so very, very sorry for your loss. I have no advice, but will offer up a :bigarmhug: Please feel free to join us even if you are not quite ready to TTC yet.

DannyT's picture
Last seen: 4 years 4 weeks ago
Joined: 09/11/11
Posts: 881

I am so sorry for your loss. Everyone's journey is different. The best advice I received after my miscarriage was to take time to grieve and then your heart will tell you what to do. I do wish you as much comfort as possible during this time and the very best on your journey to come.

aphart0's picture
Last seen: 3 years 3 weeks ago
Joined: 11/21/08
Posts: 681

Jaime, I am so sorry that are going through all of this. I was on the July 2012 board with you for a little bit but unfortunately I miscarried at 7.5 weeks. That was hard enough so I can't even imagine what you went through and what you are still going through. From my experience I know that I will never ever get over having a miscarriage, but I did know that I wanted another baby no matter what. So fortunately for us we were able to conceive again right away. Even though I am now 13 weeks I fear everyday that something is going to go wrong and I think I will be afraid until I have a baby in my arms. I still lurk on the July board almost everyday and it does hurt to know that I would be 22 weeks pregnant today and would probably know the gender. That is heartbreaking to me and like you said we should be feeling our LOs kicking and moving now. Being pregnant now does make things easier because I know that I will soon be at those stages and that I just need to be patient. For whatever reason the previous pregnancy just wasn't meant to be and God needed that baby more than I did. No matter how many more pregnancies I have and no matter how many more kids I have I will never forget my little angel that I lost and I think deep down I will never stop grieving. But moving past the loss and TTC again was the best way that I found to cope. I wish you the best and I hope that you can find what is going to work best for you. Just know that TTC again doesn't mean in any way that you have forgotten Taylor or that you are done grieving. Taylor will always be with you in your heart and will help guide you and make you strong as you move on in your life.

FLSunshineMom's picture
Last seen: 2 years 8 months ago
Joined: 06/07/06
Posts: 3859

Welcome to the board. So sorry for your loss. :bighug:

Ditto what DannyT said about trying again.


Last seen: 1 year 4 months ago
Joined: 12/07/10
Posts: 2421

I am truly sorry for your loss. :bigarmhug:

I agree with Danielle as well. I think you will just know when you are ready to try again.

Mamma_Bear_81's picture
Last seen: 3 years 9 months ago
Joined: 02/01/12
Posts: 173

So sorry for your loss. I think every woman grieves in her own way and her own time. Don't feel pressure to try again right away but don't put your dream on hold if you are ready. Listen to your heart. We lost our son at 12 weeks in October. We just started to try this month b/c I wasn't ready emotionally. I wish you all the best in your journey....:huggles:

Farmer21's picture
Last seen: 4 years 3 months ago
Joined: 05/19/11
Posts: 99

So sorry for your loss :bigarmhug:

Last seen: 4 years 7 months ago
Joined: 10/28/11
Posts: 43

My story is so similar to your own. I was pregnant with our 3rd child and went for a regular midwife appt at 15 weeks. My appt started with her telling me how perfect our 12 week u/s was and then when she checked for the heartbeat she shouldn't find it. An u/s later that day revealed a very weak heartbeat and the baby was only measuring 13 weeks. I started bleeding and had a D&C the following day. We were also told to wait 2 cycles (this was in December) but we didn't wait. We tried again after 1 cycle unsuccessfully. We have never had issues getting pregnant so to say I was heartbroken in an understatement but looking back my second cycle was not normal, nor was AF, so I think my body may have been doing me a favour by not allowing me to conceive because it wasn't ready. My 3rd cycle has been more normal and I am currently in the 2ww.

You have to do what feels right to you. I took on the attitude that if my body was ready and it was meant to be then it would happen, if not, we would continue trying. I do have to say though that I have felt more emotionally ready this month than I did last month but everyone is different in that regard and I only recognize it in hindsight and it might only be for the moment. When AF arrived last month a lot of my feelings from the miscarriage resurfaced.

rlcummings1223's picture
Last seen: 3 years 9 months ago
Joined: 09/19/11
Posts: 320

i'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how hard it is to lose that far along. I lost my 3rd at 4w5d but had known i was pregnant for over a week. I agree with most on here, when your body is ready it will 'be ready' and things will work out. Often times things just happen and our body does what is naturally best for the baby and ourselves. I was able to get pg right away after the m/c but it was an early loss. It seems like after being that far along it would be best to wait a little while so that you know how your cycle is. My doc wanted us to wait but my hormone levels were at 0 3 days later so there was no reason to. Your hormone levels were probably pretty high and may not be at zero for a while which can confuse things. But again, if you are mentally prepared then don't wait. For me, i just needed to get pregnant again, but even then it was incredibly hard to accept that i was. I kept praying for another miscarriage to just hurry up and happen if it was going to, which wasn't healthy or good for me. Having a loss is a sort of loss of innocence. You are welcome here anytime to talk to us all as i know we all understand how hard it can be to both have a loss, and be pregnant after one...