Preparing for a little 'me time'

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browntown's picture
Joined: 04/30/11
Posts: 515
Preparing for a little 'me time'

Hey everyone, haven't really posted here in a while, I hope that you're all doing well.

I sat down at work today and was trying to book some random days off between now and the end of summer. DH is still new at his job, and wants to take on a part-time job on top of his full-time job and therefore will not be taking vacation until it's cold again, so I figured that there isn't much sense in booking off a whole week to hang out by myself. I tried to tack an extra day on to long weekends, or took some Mondays or Fridays to make long weekends, and then I realized that the date that would have been my EDD is coming up.

April 18th falls on a Thursday, but I decided to take the day off anyways. I booked myself in for a massage, and might add something even more selfish like a facial or something. One thing I'm not prepared for though, is what should I say to DH? Should I just let the day pass like any other if he doesn't remember? I assume that he probably won't.. Should I say something now about the date coming up? I got pretty bummed out today just thinking about it, I still can't believe that if everything had gone well, that I'd be holding a baby in less than a month. I also can't believe that it's almost been a year since we started trying. I just assumed that it was going to be easy, and that I would never deal with any complications.

Ahhhhh. I was also crossing everything in hopes that we'd be pregnant again by the time the EDD came around. I wonder if it'd be easier to deal with. So far, no luck, despite impeccable timing and ideal conditions.

Sorry for the pity party.. My emotions kind of caught me off guard today.

pico83's picture
Joined: 09/06/06
Posts: 3008

:bighug: Seeing that date on the calendar is kind of like getting hit with a bucket of ice water, isn't it?

I think you should definitely schedule some more special things for that day. And spend it with friends or family if you can. Whatever helps take your mind off it.

As for DH, well, I can only tell you how mine reacted (my EDD was a week ago). He didn't have a clue. I mentioned it and he asked "why are you thinking about that? Doesn't it just make you upset?" Like I could not think about it! I'm sure he wasn't trying to upset me, he was really just able to forget about it.
I don't know what your DH is like, but maybe mention that it's coming up and you're feeling sad about it. If he gets the hint maybe he'll surprise you with flowers or something. Or at least be ready with some sympathy.

As for pregnancy helping... feel free to skip this if you want
I was surprised how much realizing it was the EDD affected me. I'm still dealing with terrible m/s which made it impossible for me to get out of the house an distract myself (as did a huge snowstorm that day). And I had just been told I have 2 SCH, which increase the risk of m/c until they heal. So I'm still kind of in limbo with this one.

I really hope you get pregnant again soon.

Maddz's picture
Joined: 08/17/07
Posts: 1759

I was due in May... and I just keep dreading it. I am trying to get pregnant before the EDD and it's become frustrating for me. My "friend" who was 10 weeks when she lost her baby the same day that I did is pregnant again. I was 20 weeks. We've been trying for the same about of time. I am jealous... not envious... jealous. I hate feeling that way. It makes me feel like a jerk. My sister is pregnant now too... She wasn't trying to get pregnant but they stopped protecting. Ugh.. It's killer. And my SIL is due in April... We went an visited her last week... and then My sisters SIL is having a baby today.

Some days it's really easy for me to deal with everyone else being pregnant.. and other days it just completely breaks my heart.

I don't blame you for the pity party. I give myself one all the time.

Danifo's picture
Joined: 09/07/10
Posts: 1377

My husband had his grief at the time but the idea of the EDD for our loss has never entered his head.

I know during the period between my loss and when I got pregnant again, it felt like everyone was pregnant/having babies etc.

BokkieNYC's picture
Joined: 08/15/11
Posts: 1106

I know it's still a long way off for me, but I am also dreading reaching my EDD and still not being pregnant.

:bigarmhug:

I know my DH won't realise the date when it comes round. I didn't even say anything to him when we reached the "would've been" 12 weeks mark. Partly it was because it was his birthday, but I had a moment that day when we were about to Skype his parents and I realised that we would've been announcing it to them if things had gone the right way.

I probably won't say anything to him on the day but because of my bi-polar disorder I like to give him warning if I feel off in my moods so I will warn him about a week before that that's why I will be sad.

As pico83 said don't be on your own that day. Spend the day/time with a good friend who knows/understands what you're going through.

Maddz's picture
Joined: 08/17/07
Posts: 1759

Roxi, I am bipolar too so I get it being even harder to handle sometimes.

Joined: 07/26/04
Posts: 1595

UGH I'm right here with you!!! My due date is coming up soon too. (April 25th) I'm so upset over it but am trying not to think about it too much because when I do, it's none stop crying. I will be at work so hopefully that will keep me busy enough. :bighug: to everyone here. I never really came over to this group because it's hard to really talk about everything.

Maddz's picture
Joined: 08/17/07
Posts: 1759

:hug: to you too! I don't talk to anyone about it much except for my DH... It's super hard.

browntown's picture
Joined: 04/30/11
Posts: 515

Thanks everyone. I always take comfort in posting here. I hate that I'm not the only one who has been through this, it's awful, but I'm grateful that there are always others who know how I feel. Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy!

It definitely feels like everyone around me is getting pregnant. I have a coworker who is due in May, and I'll be taking over some of her responsibilities while she's off. I keep having all of these negative, selfish thoughts while training with her. I'm angry that it's not me. I'd likely already be on mat leave!

I think I'll mention it to DH this week or next, he knows that I've booked that day off, but he doesn't know why yet. I'm surprised that he hasn't asked why, to be honest. So far, I've booked a couple of appointments so I'll be busy, just not working. I know that some of you have mentioned to try to be with somebody that day, I don't know if I could be. I feel like I deal with my emotions better on my own.. no one asking what's wrong, what they can do for me etc...

Marisol - I realize that our journeys have been quite different, but I've really found this board to be so helpful. I've thought about you a lot and have hoped that you've been doing okay!

shadow_grey's picture
Joined: 05/03/12
Posts: 581

I'm glad you have organised some "me time" for the EDD. I've passed both my EDDs for last years miscarriages now. I didn't bother to mention it to DH until afterwards and, honestly, did what I could to not think about it myself either. Especially for the one that was just a couple of weeks ago. It was hard as DH is firm that we are done ttc so I didn't want to think about the baby I would never get to hold as I knew it would bring up a range of other issues (we're having problems because we are so divided on this and I cant get my head straight yet).

I hope your day is nice and not too sad. And hopefully it won't be to long until you see that BFP. you never know, the pampering and relaxing might be the trick Wink

ETA: my sister announced she is preggo the week of my EDD.... with twins...... on their first month of ttc their #2

BokkieNYC's picture
Joined: 08/15/11
Posts: 1106

"shadow_grey" wrote:

ETA: my sister announced she is preggo the week of my EDD.... with twins...... on their first month of ttc their #2

Oh, shadow_grey! :bigarmhug:

Maddz's picture
Joined: 08/17/07
Posts: 1759

That's awful. I would hate that. I wish she would have waited to tell you for your sake. Sad

browntown's picture
Joined: 04/30/11
Posts: 515

"shadow_grey" wrote:

ETA: my sister announced she is preggo the week of my EDD.... with twins...... on their first month of ttc their #2

Awww man. That's so hard. :bigarmhug:

I get nervous whenever BIL and SIL anxiously invite themselves over for dinner, I always assume that it's going to be big news. I'm nervous for how I'll react, no matter how much I mentally prepare myself. I think I would cry, because I'll be both happy for them, and sad for me.

browntown's picture
Joined: 04/30/11
Posts: 515

Aaaaaand, it looks as though ill be pregnant for my EDD after all. I'm seriously in shock, I wasn't expecting it at all this month, but I am beyond grateful. My excitement is mixed with fear, I don't know how I'll make it through the next couple of weeks not knowing what's happening, but I'm going to call the OB that I had been seeing through the fall after my D&C to see about getting some bloodwork done and an early u/s to make sure everything looks as it should at this point.

BokkieNYC's picture
Joined: 08/15/11
Posts: 1106

"browntown" wrote:

Aaaaaand, it looks as though ill be pregnant for my EDD after all.

Really!?!?! Congrats!!!

I'm in the 2WW now (might be 3WW) so send me some of those lucky vibes!

browntown's picture
Joined: 04/30/11
Posts: 515

"BokkieNYC" wrote:

Really!?!?! Congrats!!!

I'm in the 2WW now (might be 3WW) so send me some of those lucky vibes!

Sending some your way! I hope you get your BFP!

pico83's picture
Joined: 09/06/06
Posts: 3008

Yahoo I am so excited for you! Congrats and sending you tons of sticky vibes!

Joined: 07/26/04
Posts: 1595

Awesome!!!! Wishing you only the best!!!!!! :bighug:

Maddz's picture
Joined: 08/17/07
Posts: 1759

Lucky girl. Congrats!!

browntown's picture
Joined: 04/30/11
Posts: 515

Thanks ladies Smile

I'm legitimately terrified right now, but that doesn't totally hamper my excitement. I'm just so nervous that this will end in a loss too. I had blood drawn on Friday thanks to a standing order I had from the OB after the D&C in the fall, and Friday was the expiry date on that. I'll call his office on Monday to ask for a few more + a progesterone test. He also gave me a requisition for an early u/s at my final follow up in the fall so that I could go for my first u/s and appointment around 6 weeks and not have to go through him for the paperwork first. Since he's only in the office certain days, I'm going on the 16th which will only put me at 5w 2d, but I'm okay with that Wink

pico83's picture
Joined: 09/06/06
Posts: 3008

did you get your results yet?

browntown's picture
Joined: 04/30/11
Posts: 515

"pico83" wrote:

did you get your results yet?

Yep, called this afternoon. Hcg was at 20 on Friday. I think that sounds really low, but I was only 11 DPO, so I'm still holding on to some hope. I've tested with cheapies every morning since, and they tests are all still pretty faint. It's a little discouraging Sad

pico83's picture
Joined: 09/06/06
Posts: 3008

hmm... I think it sounds fine. 11dpo is super early. I didn't have mine done until 19dpo.
I found screenshots of beta base here Trying to Get Pregnant by IVF After 40: Betabase Information on hCG
looks like betabase has mysteriously disappeared. It says average beta for 11dpo is 24 with a range of 2-196. So 20 sounds good. Smile

i hope your number tomorrow is better. :bighug: I know how stressful it can be.

shadow_grey's picture
Joined: 05/03/12
Posts: 581

Oh wow!!! I am so excited and happy for you!! Sending you lots and lots of sticky vibes!!!!

Joined: 07/26/04
Posts: 1595

AT 17 DPO I believe I was 79. I wouldn't loose hope at all. Smile

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