So I got really hopeful this month that I might be pregnant. After all, I got pregnant last time on accident. I know I ovulated, I felt it and my cervix was high and I had EWCM. We had sex the whole week before and even a few days after. But nothing. AF was due today.. but it started yesterday. I was at wal-mart about to buy some PTs... I came out of the bathroom barely holding it together and looked at the tests, looked at my husband and started tearing up. He asked, "We don't need to get the tests do we?" I shook my head and started to cry. It is soooo hard not to feel awful about it...
My sister is 10 weeks pregnant.
My sister in law is due April 11th.
My sister's sister in law is due this week.
I feel like it's be easier to deal with all of their pregnancies if I were pregnant again. I am supposed to go visit my sister-in-law next week... I was going to bail and was hoping I was pregnant but now I'm not pregnant and would feel bad if I bailed (I don't want her to feel bad about her pregnancy because I lost mine... which DH's brother (her hubby) told him that she does.) I don't want to feel selfish... and I am. I know that loosing a baby is a big thing... but I want to be there for those that I love.
I just hope that I can get pregnant soon. DH is starting a new job on the 25th and in 6 months- 1 year he'll have to start working internationally. And then if I'm not pregnant by then.... I'll hardly get to try.
Ugh I'm sorry about AF and all the pg people in your life. It's hard it really freaking is. And I feel so awful being jealous when I have kids already but I do. 4 losses, 2 back to back is just a lot to deal with. To make it as far as you were would have been worse. If you can't go see your SIL don't do it. She'll understand. It's not that you don't want her to be happy it's that your sad for yourself. My cousin just had her first a few days ago and I really happy for her but at the same time sad for me. I've been trying to get pg again for longer than she was married for Pete's sake (they were married in April if last year just a few days before i lost Noah). I dread her baby shower but want to be there for her. Just try to focus on doing what you need right now. Lots of T&ps!