I'll be praying for you and DH
Last edited by Clarkton; 05-27-2013 at 08:22 PM.
Just want you to know that my thoughts and prayers are with you! I can't imagine what you all must be going through right now. Great news about the 95% rate though! Here's to hoping that everything works out as seamlessly as it can and that good health and a sweet baby are in your future!
Sorry to bombard you guys with my updates, I don't know where else to post them at the moment. I was going to start a blog and then i got hung up on a title. Also, for some reason, I can't log into pg.org on my computer or iPad, and I really hate posting from my phone, but here goes:
I've started to write this update several times, but I start to feel guilty for only adding negativity to this board. In the last week, I've experienced so much emotion, and I'm borderline meltdown mode right now because I keep holding on to the though that I need to stay strong for DH. I don't fall apart easily, and for him to see me lose it, he'd really start to stress about the seriousness of what we're going through. Anyone that I've spoken to about it says, "OMG, I'd be such a mess if I were you!" And sure, I am a bit of a mess, but it's all internal. I don't cry, it doesn't do anything for me, no relief. I feel like the second I shed a year about this, it will be me accepting the gravity of the situation while I've been pretty optimistic so far.
We went to his chemo teaching session on Thursday, and we didn't really learn much. Not to say that it wasn't a good session, but we already knew everything they were talking about. Bottom line is that these next 9 weeks are going to be hard, and I'm probably going to have to face my fear of vomit head-on. Ugh. They've prescribed Zofran, and I vaguely remember telling him that he should "fill the s*** out of that prescription", whether he needs it or not. I've read lots of great things about it from ladies who have experienced morning sickness, but it doesn't seem to be a popular choice amongst doctors around here, they seem to prefer Diclectin.
Anyways. DH was able to make two deposits at the fertility clinic this week. We haven't gotten the results of the second deposit, but the first deposit yielded 10 straws, and his count was 16 million/ml. His count is great all things considered, we were told that 20 is average, but 16 is great for him. He was very.. proud, for lack of a better word, because apparently most men produce enough to bank 4-6 straws, and he was worried that he wouldn't even get that much.
Speaking of the fertility clinic, I just went to my first support group meeting there, which was ok, but I feel like I'd be writing a novel if I shared my true feelings.
I guess that's the news for now. I will start a blog, and when I do, I'll post the link here.
Don't feel bad about posting your feelings here. You are going through a lot and you have to get these thoughts out somewhere and somehow. I'm sure everyone here understands that and doesn't mind a bit. Everyone who comes to these boards is here to get and to offer support. So I think you're just fine posting what you need to here. I'm sending all the hugs I can your way. Sounds like it's going to be a hard next few weeks, but you'll get through it! Just try to take it one day at a time if you can and maybe not think too hard about everything in the future if you can. Just plan what you can then take one day and one obstacle at a time. I say this because it's what helps me in my own life. If I think of everything I feel like I'll explode.
Also about the Zofran. If that doesn't work for him ask about Phenergan. Zofran doesn't work on me but Phenergan does and it comes in a gel form now which helps so much if you're nauseated to the point of being unable to take a pill. You squirt the gel on your wrists and rub it in and it is absorbed through your skin. It also doesn't have the negative effects of taking a pill like making you crazy sleepy and unable to function. I used it a lot with morning sickness and when I've been sick with other things and it makes a huge difference. They don't like to give it in IV much because it can burn your veins if it isn't well diluted but it's worth asking for it if nothing else works.
It sounds like DH's deposit went pretty well. My DH was thrilled the first time he had to do a SA at the clinic and got a rave review from the doc about it. He was proud. Lol.
Just do your best to hold your head high sweetie but don't beat yourself up over the more difficult moments. This is hard on you too and you're only human. We'll be here for you! Sending TONS of hugs and prayers your way!
Don't feel bad about posting your feelings here. If it were me I'd have loads of stuff going through my mind and I wouldn't want to share with DH how crazy it is making me because I want to be strong for him and not give him more to worry about.
Oh hon! Don't feel bad at all. I'm sorry to hear all the things you and your husband are going through. It IS a lot to handle. And while I get that you want to stay strong from your husband, you are probably going to need to cry. I really suggest finding someone in your area. A friend or a counselor.
Hang in there darlin'. I'll keep reading your posts. Keep us updated.
Thanks everyone. I'm going to start a blog for sure, I'll post a link once it's set up. I'm sitting at the hospital right now while DH finishes his final bag of drugs for the day, I'm seriously terrified for the next week. They keep stressing that he NEEDS to make sure to take all if his anti-nausea meds, and that he needs to check his temperature often to keep an eye out for infection. I think I'm going to take the rest of the week off work, there's no way I'll get anything done because I'll be thinking about him constantly.
OT: I've heard of other members getting locked out of their accounts and having to start new ones. Since I haven't logged out on my phone in forever, I'm still able to post, but I can't log in from my computer or iPad. It says something along the lines of my username being associated with an email address and I can't be logged in. I get the same error when I try to reset my password, although I know that is the problem. Is this a sign of impending doom? I hate posting from my phone!
I hope things are going okay for you today. I've been thinking about your and your DH a lot.
I've had a life-long fear of vomit, so I can sympathize. I have to say, I had to face it head-on by having kids (and hyperemesis 5 times) nad it has gotten a bit easier. I find now that the anticipation is the worst part. And zofran is pretty good stuff. It made a huge difference for me. If he can, I hope he gets the oral dissolving kind. It's way easier when nauseous to let it dissolve on the tongue than it is to swallow a pill. The phenegran gel sounds pretty nice, too.
Yay for great results at the fertility clinic. I hope his second deposit went as well as the first.
Good luck. You can make it through the next 9 weeks.
Ugh. Just got a call from the fertility clinic with the results of DH's test thaw on the deposits he left for banking last week and it wasn't good
The initial count pre-thaw was good at 16 million/ml, but the dr called back to say that post-thaw, there were only 100,000 in the sample. Basically, our only option is IVF now, because one IUI would use up everything he banked. Can't wait for good news to start rolling in.
Oh, on top of that, BIL and SIL told DH last night that they're pregnant. FANTASTIC.