I haven't been here in a long, long time and it looks like no one else has been either. It is so quiet!
As some of you might remember, we gave up ttc#3 earlier this year. I'd had multiple m/c and surgeries and had reached the biggest age gap we were comfortable with. We had started discussing permanent forms of birth control but hadn't actually done anything. In all honesty, after the last round of surgeries I had been pretty well convinced I would / could never conceive again so it didn't feel like some we needed to get right on to.
Funny how things work. I've had sore bbs for nearly a week, the taste of water makes me think of wet dog and I'm constantly exhausted. I took a test Tuesday in the afternoon, fully expecting a snow-white BFN but not able to shake the urge to test. Complete shock when it came back a faint positive. I've tested again yesterday and today, each positive but only a tiny bit darker.
I should be happy, excited or whatever but instead I just feel numb. I am so convinced I'll just m/c again that I can't feel anything for it at this point. Has anyone else ever been like this? I feel like a horrible person but at the same time, I don't want that she'll to break as I think it's all that is protecting me from a total meltdown if I m/c again.