Well the witch has arrived...

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**Tiffany**'s picture
Joined: 11/21/03
Posts: 1230
Well the witch has arrived...

my first since giving birth to Noah on 4-19. She is being quite biatchy too cramping and a very heavy flow w/ small clots. Uck. I was looking forward to her arrival but I find myslef feeling sad too bc I shouldnt be having my period I should be 20 some weeks pg. I am looking forward to ttc also but at the same time scared crapless to have to go through all the worrying and possibility of a loss again. At least my MW gave me the go ahead to start ttc after AF came. Originally she said wait two periods but after my PP visit (made me sad they called it that I should have a baby at a PP visit, you know?) she said everything looked back to normal so I got the green light as long as I felt mentally okay to ttc. And I do I am so ready to move forward. I just wish I could skip the scary first 4 months. Hoping and praying that ttc doesnt take too long and trying not to stress over it too much, easier said than done though. I stress over everything anyway. I did get my OPKs in the mail the other day so I am ready to start peeing on things again. I got a tattoo to memorialize Noah on my wrist. I will have to take a pic of it. It is from a poem by EE Cumming called "I Carry Your Heart" its a love poem saying basically that they carry their loved ones heart in their own heart. I felt it fitting bc I carry Noah's heart within mine as well, he lives on there. The tattoo says: I carry your heart...Noah 4/19/12 and I love it. I felt this feeling of peace once it was finished like it was just meant to be there. It makes me happy every time I look at it, like it's this firm proof of Noah's existance in this world for however short that time was.

Clarkton's picture
Joined: 01/07/08
Posts: 1972

**huge hugs** I'd love to see a pic of your tatoo. Your description made me cry...I'm soo glad you found a good way to remember Noah and keep him close to you.

JKfmAustin's picture
Joined: 12/07/10
Posts: 2419

:bighug:

I'm glad you found a special way to remeber Noah. It sounds like you are in a good place right now.

Leah261's picture
Joined: 09/14/11
Posts: 1244

It's so great to find a way to remember Noah and keep him close to you. I can't get tattoos because of being immune compromised but I have a necklace with baby footprints on it and the date that I had the d&c. I wear it every day. It helps to feel like I have a slightly more permanent thing in this world that's always with me. Every time I think about the baby I hold on to my necklace and it makes me feel better. I'd love to see a pic of your tattoo also!

Also it does suck for AF to come and I know how you feel. She seems to be winding down a little for me right now after some pretty awful clots...pretty much nothing but clots and we can try again next cycle. I'm still worried too about how I'll get through the first trimester next time after going through this this time. I figure I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. I worry that if I think too much about how I'll deal with it that I'll jinx it somehow and it won't happen again for a long time just like the first time. Doc swears that won't happen but they also didn't think this would...so you never know I guess.

I'm keeping fingers crossed for you sweetie and keeping your in my prayers. You've been through so much and I hope this next time around is as perfect as it can possibly be.

**Tiffany**'s picture
Joined: 11/21/03
Posts: 1230

Thanks guys, it really helps to have someone to talk too. Dh and I talk but he just cant really understand, he has his version of Noah's loss and I have mine. It makes me feel so alone sometimes. I will take a pic of my tattoo soon. Its still healing and a little peely but I will try to get a good pic! I just love it!

AlyssaEimers's picture
Joined: 08/22/06
Posts: 6544

:bigarmhug:

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