Will be here soon..maybe? (m/c ment)

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Joined: 10/28/11
Posts: 43
Will be here soon..maybe? (m/c ment)

So I am hoping to find the courage to ttc after a loss in Dec. At 15 weeks pregnant I went for a regularly scheduled midwife appt with no clue that anything was wrong. My appt started with my midwife telling me the results of my u/s looked great and that the NT was perfect. Then she got the doppler out and checked for a heartbeat..there was none. An u/s that afternoon confirmed the baby had stopped developing shortly after 13 weeks. I had a D&C the following afternoon and I've been dealing with the loss since. We were told because of how far along I was and the fact that I had a D&C that we really should wait a minumum of 2 cycles before trying again. I just had AF so we should be able to start trying in March. I waited and waited for AF to arrive and was a tad excited when it finally did because we could really start talking about trying again but it was all replaced with anxiety really quickly. I go from wanting to be pregnant now to never wanting to get pregnant again (I already have 2 boys). Just wondering how you all mustered up the courage to do it again? I admit to having stalked this board recently and wanted to say I am so sorry for all of your losses. I really am in awe at the strength that some of you have. Having experienced this once is more than enough, my heart breaks for those of you who have experienced this multiple times.

kat83's picture
Joined: 04/27/07
Posts: 631

So sorry for your loss. As for the courage thing...we really want to have a 2nd child, we always have...but my body had such a tough time after my d&c that if we do lose this one, i will probably be done. It is such a hard thing to go through, I dont know how some of these women do it more than once. Im not a overly religious person but I believe GOD needed that baby more than we did at the moment and I have stayed positive through the entire process. I hope I deserve the next baby and everything will be fine but the paranoia is extreme, the emotions to go with it are bad, you want to be so happy but you are terrified. For some reason with the last pregnancy I knew something was wrong....with this one it is just like when I was pg w my son so thats a good sign. Go forward and perservere. Reflect, grieve, you will always have a spot for that little angel and i believe things like this make a person stronger.

AlyssaEimers's picture
Joined: 08/22/06
Posts: 6560

:bigarmhug:

Please feel free to hang out here even if you are not TTC yet.

JKfmAustin's picture
Joined: 12/07/10
Posts: 2421

I am so sorry for your loss. :bigarmhug:

I think for me, my desire to have a baby outweighs the fear of m/c again. I've been through 3 losses so far and each time I go through a loss, I am more determined than ever to have a successful pregnancy. I mean, obviously not at first. The first few months after a loss is brutal but after a while I start feeling normal again and start looking forward to trying again. I think you'll just know when the time is right to try again. Good luck and I hope your stay here is short and sweet!

FLSunshineMom's picture
Joined: 06/07/06
Posts: 3859

"JKfmAustin" wrote:

I am so sorry for your loss. :bigarmhug:

I think for me, my desire to have a baby outweighs the fear of m/c again. I've been through 3 losses so far and each time I go through a loss, I am more determined than ever to have a successful pregnancy. I mean, obviously not at first. The first few months after a loss is brutal but after a while I start feeling normal again and start looking forward to trying again. I think you'll just know when the time is right to try again. Good luck and I hope your stay here is short and sweet!

Ditto what she said. I couldn't have said it better.

So sorry for your loss :bigarmhug:

~Mary

Joined: 07/30/06
Posts: 208

I am so very sorry for your loss (((hugs)))

DannyT's picture
Joined: 09/11/11
Posts: 881

So sorry for your loss!

I just take one day at a time as I'm sure you have for the last few weeks. I think like others after my loss I was more determined. If I have a second loss, I don't know how I'll feel but I'll deal with that if I have to cross that bridge. This group has been a godsend for me.

Joined: 10/28/11
Posts: 43

"kat83" wrote:

For some reason with the last pregnancy I knew something was wrong....with this one it is just like when I was pg w my son so thats a good sign.

This is interesting. I can't say I knew something was wrong but I felt different. I could never really imagine myself holding a baby in June. I thought it was due to the fact that it has been awhile...my youngest will be 4 in March. My DH also expressed a lot of concern with the pregnancy we lost which made my anxiety higher because he never had with my previous 2 pregnancies. Maybe there was something more to that than what I thought.

DannyT..we were actually part of the same birth board, though you had posted more than I had. I was happy when I first came on here to see that you are pregnant again and with twins, how sweet.

Thank you so much everyone, I really do appreciate all your advice.

DannyT's picture
Joined: 09/11/11
Posts: 881

I thought i recognized your username, I'm glad you came back! My loss in Nov really hurt as we had been trying so long, I couldn't make it back to the board till recently to lurk. The group of ladies here are great and so strong when you need support. Please hang around as you start your new path.

ambie719's picture
Joined: 10/03/07
Posts: 811

"JKfmAustin" wrote:

I am so sorry for your loss. :bigarmhug:

I think for me, my desire to have a baby outweighs the fear of m/c again. I've been through 3 losses so far and each time I go through a loss, I am more determined than ever to have a successful pregnancy. I mean, obviously not at first. The first few months after a loss is brutal but after a while I start feeling normal again and start looking forward to trying again. I think you'll just know when the time is right to try again. Good luck and I hope your stay here is short and sweet!

My thoughts exactly. My first pg was a m/c, but I knew I wanted to be a mom so bad that while I was scared I just had to try again. I have 2 boys too and just had a m/c trying for our third, but I know I'm not done yet, so we keep trying. I hope you can find the strength to try again in a few months, and you will know when you're ready.

belindab's picture
Joined: 06/15/02
Posts: 1033

I'm so sorry for your loss. I've had 4 losses, 2 back to back after my 2nd DS and two back to back this past Nov and Jan after my 5th DS. For me, the need to be pregnant and have a baby was just to overwhelming to stop trying. In fact, that was what helped me get through the m/c's. I admit I was a wreck with the pregnancy of my third son. I did a lot of praying and worrying. Thankfully he was fine. Now, it's the same thing all over again. My heart aches for another baby and that outweighs the fears (which can be debilitating at times). I just have to believe that I will get pregnant and we will have another healthy baby. Just give yourself time to grieve and listen to your heart. You'll know when you're ready.

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