WWYD?

I love my mom to pieces, but I often withhold information from her because she can never keep it to herself. She didn't find out I was pregnant until I called to tell her that I had to go in for the D&C. Part of that is because my parents had a lot of house guests around our wedding, and I thought that news like that would be hard for her to keep with a house full of family.

I asked her just to keep it quiet, DH and I had already told the people we wanted to tell and we didn't want it coming up in conversation unless we brought it up. Tonight though, I get a message from my Aunt saying that she heard about the m/c from my mom, and is very sorry, yadda yadda.

What do I say to my mom? That things like these are the reason I don't feel like I can tell her stuff? That I understand that in some way, she's experienced a loss too, but to leave it up to me who finds out? I feel a little... Betrayed. I almost want a list of who she has told so I can be prepared in case they bring it up with me.

I don't know what to do, or how to go about it without hurti my mom's feelings. I know it's not a malicious thing, but from my perspective, my mom considers everyone else's news her news as well.

:bigarmhug: I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I wish I had some good advice about how to bring it up with your mom. That's definitely a tough situation. I guess just be direct and tell her how you feel that it is important to you to know who else might bring it up so you can be prepared to deal with it. Be loving too in your approach and not just in anger...also try to remember that your feelings are raw now with the hurt of the loss and the hormones on top of that. I had a family member really hurt my feelings after my first loss. It was just them being a bit immature and selfish but it really upset me at the time. It doesn't bother me now like it did at the time. I know I reacted differently than I normally would just b/c of where I was emotionally with the loss, it all gets magnified.

I hope you are able to figure out how to address it with her so you can get past it. You have every right to be upset.

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Originally Posted by Clarkton

:bigarmhug: I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I wish I had some good advice about how to bring it up with your mom. That's definitely a tough situation. I guess just be direct and tell her how you feel that it is important to you to know who else might bring it up so you can be prepared to deal with it. Be loving too in your approach and not just in anger...also try to remember that your feelings are raw now with the hurt of the loss and the hormones on top of that. I had a family member really hurt my feelings after my first loss. It was just them being a bit immature and selfish but it really upset me at the time. It doesn't bother me now like it did at the time. I know I reacted differently than I normally would just b/c of where I was emotionally with the loss, it all gets magnified.

I hope you are able to figure out how to address it with her so you can get past it. You have every right to be upset.

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I agree. So sorry. :( It probably would be a good idea to ask her who all she told so you can be prepared. And if you think she might do it again in the future, then I would withhold telling her until you're ready for everyone to know, as much as you might want to tell her since she's your mother. :comfort:

Thanks ladies.

I ended up just sending her a quick email thanking her for the nice visit we had the previous night, and just let her know that I had gotten that message from my aunt. She definitely did acknowledge telling her by mistake, but didn't apologize for it. She also seemed to ignore the part where I asked if she had told anyone else. Oh well.. it's done and over with.

DH and I agreed not to tell anyone anything next time except for maybe my sister. We're super close, and work together too. She's probably one of the few people I trust IRL not to say anything!

Sorry you feel you can trust your mom to keep the secret. Honestly, my parents have accidentally told people (like with DS3 when I was only 5-6 weeks pregnant!). I knew they didn't mean to do it. It's hard if you're thinking about it a lot not to slip. It's really an unfortunate situation, but it sounds like you have a good solution. Just make sure your sister knows you mom doesn't know. It would be terrible is she heard it from your sister instead of from you.

Yeah.. I'm not too worried about my sister, she was one of the first people to hear about it we we got pregnant and managed to keep it quiet the whole time. She still lives with my parents too, so she's proven that she can do it!!

My mom is very social, and it just seems like she always feels like she has to have 'news' to tell when she's with someone whether it's her news or not. In reality, she spends most of her time entertaining, or meeting with friends rather than doing new things herself or with my dad. I guess it some twisted way, it makes sense that the only 'news' she'd have is what she has learned from other people since she saw the person she's meeting with last.

I keep telling her that she needs to stop worrying about everyone else, and what they're doing and just look after herself. She's always complaining that she doesn't have enough time to do the things she needs to do, and that she's always so tired, but it's because she's always checking in on everyone and their mother.