Am I really doing this??

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Am I really doing this??

Am I really going to post a journal instead of reading everyone else's like I've been doing for over 5 months now? Are my dh and I really ready to start a family? Sure, why not!

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This is just a test... I'm trying to figure out how this journal stuff works!

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Okay, I've got the simple stuff down!

If you wanna know- my dh and I are 25 and 27, respectively. We've been "not preventing" a pregnancy since Nov 2005. Two of those months we've given pregnancy a decent shot, the other months were not possible - traveling, illness, etc... Regardless, I kind of expected it to happen by now... I know hitting the jackpot on the first month isn't the norm, but I just kind of expected it. Now I'm nervous to really give a month an "good" try because I'll feel like I've failed a task if it doesn't happen. I know that's not how it works, but it's pretty much how most other things in life work. Other than knowing approximately when the key days are, we have not stressed about getting pregnant. No temping. I'm too sleepy in the morning to try that. Plus, I figure God will give us a child when we're ready. Unfortunately we're at the age (and 4 years into our marriage) that the mothers and grandmothers are asking if we will have any news for them soon. I hate disappointing them Wink Maybe we will though!

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Lol, I need to do some proof reading. My dh and I are 27 and 25, respectively. He robbed the cradle, not me Biggrin

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I should've titled my journal "TMI". Warning- I'm just going to write stuff, no censoring for the weak Wink

My first few cycles off of the pill I had some spotting. It actually seemed to happen every other cycle oddly enough. January was the last time that happened. February and March were pretty normal. This cycle is turning into the same as last cycle though... While only 30 days, I started having brown cm about 5 days before I was supposed to start. Last cycle it got progressively darker, some days a small bright spot of red. This cycle it's kind of brown, no red yet. If this is normal, that's fine, but I just don't know 100% if it is. I would really like to know if there was a problem. My horomones are off anyway. I have trouble with acne because my body produces more estrogen than the average person I guess. That's why I originally got on the pill. I can't say that the pill helped my acne much though. I'd just love to know if there was something wrong so I could fix it.

Each time a cycle starts looking like a "no-go", I boost myself up by thinking what else I can do with our finances- another guaranteed (as much as anything is guaranteed) month of making an extra payment on our home, or maybe a fun vacation, or even renovating parts of our home! Those thoughts normally boost my spirits. What mainly keeps me sane is knowing God doesn't make mistakes, so if we're not pregnant, then it wasn't the right time. Guess I'll find out in a couple of days about this cycle!

CD24

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CD 28

I think AF should arrive anyday now. While it would've been nice to have gotten pregnant this cycle, it wasn't likely at all. Besides, I've got a HUGE thing for work due in a week and a half. It's crucial that I be on my best game then, so I really don't need morning sickness then. (Of course I'd love to have morning sickness, but I'm trying to take the glass-half-full approach)... I've been thinking that maybe it'd be fun to really try this cycle, you know, give it our best shot yet. My dh should have more time. I will soon. That timing may be bad though. Hmmm, gotta fit this trying to conceive into my life somehow if I want to have a bigger family!

Next cycle- let's give it a go!!!

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CD 4, already 4 days in!! Maybe 10 until ovulation! My big day is the morning of CD 11. That night I hope to start what will be a week of bding!! We've never gone 7 days in a row that I can remember... I figure, why not try this time! Even if we only make it 5 of 7, that's still good odds! Starting CD 11 I'll use the ovulation tests too....

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CD 9. So is it just me, or are people posting less frequently than in the past? I think two reasons maybe that last weekend was a holiday and who wants to be inside on a computer when the weather is so beautiful outside?!

Last month dh and I took an unintentional break due to our stress levels. I think that break is gonna make this month amazing- at least it started that way yesterday! I'm gonna use an opk Wednesday evening after my big exam for work. I'm so excited to soon be done with the big exam that I can't imagine how great it would feel to be done with that AND to be pregnant! We will see what happens....

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CD 12 No test line visible yesterday or today on the ovulation test... I think I'll get a positive sometime this weekend, probably the night we're at my parent's house! Oh well, they're just gonna have to deal. They want a grandbaby anyway Biggrin

Test over and went well I think! You really never know, but I'm going to think positive.

I can't believe all the shows I like are ending Sad Will and are ending tonight... I laugh so much at that show! That 70s show... it's so funny too! There are no good comedies on anymore. I'll miss them....

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CD 15. No positives on the ovulation test yet... The line is still barely there. I would be discouraged, but I'm pretty sure that can change quickly in 24 hours. I just need to be consistent in testing. I should get a positive any day now! We did cover the bases last night though, just incase Wink We've been having a lot of fun lately. It really does help not being so stressed out about life. Since I'm not stressed out about other stuff, I don't stress out as much about conceiving- although I'm sure it might get discouraging if I keep seeing AF.

We went to see my friend's 3 week old little girl. Newborns are so tiny! At 5'2", I sure hope my babies are tiny when they come out! I'll be ready when we get our bfp. Holding a baby just feels right.

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CD 19. I'm gonna guess I ovulated CD15 or 16, not really certain though. We got a good bd in CD 15, so I'll hope for the best. At least we had a good time bding this month even if it doesn't happen. Funny how one less stressor can make things more fun in the bedroom!

My longest cycle was 32 days. I found out I am better emotionally if I don't poas, so I'll wait until CD 32 before considering it (I hope) if I have no signs of AF. Now I just need to pray that this works!

I had a crazy dream the other night. I had a baby, but it was early, even though it came out full term. Once I got home I thought, "I bet this baby needs a diaper change!" Then I freaked out b/c we didn't have any of the stuff we needed b/c the baby came early and we hadn't had any showers yet! The dream went on and on with more crazy things happening... Our minds sure can be creative!

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CD20... I don't know what to write really, just felt like I needed to. I'm excited to have a long weekend. Hopefully it won't rain too much so DH and I can get lots of work done on our yard. The landscaping sure needs it! We bought a nice house last year, but it needed a lot of updating and cleaning. This summer we're tackling half of the landscaping. I guess next year we'll tackle the other half. Maybe we can find time to finish a few projects inside. It can be exhausting but it is fun, especially when I see the finished product!

I know my grandmother is gonna ask me if I have "anything I need to tell her" this weekend. I wish I did! Maybe I'll have some news in 12 more days though. If I am pregnant we'll wait at least till Father's Day to make an announcement to the family. Part of me would like to wait a little longer, but who am I kidding. That's not possible with the first baby- and it'll be the first grandbaby on my side!

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CD 25. Nothing out of the ordinary. Slight bit of light brown discharge starting yesterday. Just like the last two cycles. The last two times AF has showed up during the night of CD 28. I'll soon see if that is the case this time!

Had a spectacular holiday weekend, but was pooped yesterday. Too much sun and not any sleep. I have been having a lot of trouble sleeping the last few nights. I'm not getting any rest. A Tylenol PM helped that though!

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CD 26. Last night DH and I were talking. I always ask him to rub my belly to spend time with his 5 kids, lol! The number changes all the time, but it's always an unreasonable amount. I told him I was ready and wanted to have a little baby as cute as he was when he was little. He said, "I'm ready too, do we need to do it now?" It was really sweet of him. The funny part is he has no idea about my cycle. You'd think he would b/c there are obvious times of the month that we BD much more frequently than others! Hey, I appreciate his willingness. It made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. DH will be a great dad. He's already a wonderful husband! Our anniversary is on CD 33. I've never had a cycle last 33 days. It would be awesome to tell him then that we were pregnant!! I'll just keep praying about it in the meantime.

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Noticed bright red spots (not much at all) on the TP... I think I need my horomones checked... I always hope it could be implantation bleeding, but the pattern isn't changing.

I wish I could talk to my mom about this more. She tries to listen, but always ends up with, "Well, you guys haven't been trying a year yet. It took me over a year with you. The doctors won't do anything until a year has past." Yes, the doctors will do stuff before a year. All I'd like them to do is test my horomone levels. And I do find some comfort in the fact that it took her over a year for me (as it did with my mother in law), but she was 21!! I'm 25. I know some of you are laughing at me right now, that's not old. But, I would like to have at least 3. I'm open to have 5 or 6! If we're not surprised by multiples, I could be having #5 at 40. I'd wanted to start in my 20s and be done by 32... maybe I wasn't planning very well. 25 was the earliest DH and I agreed to start based on finish school and having the best financial foundation. We're definitely there, at least better than most due to me being a tight wad.

The thing is, if I found out there was an imbalance, I'm not certain I'd want to start clomid for a little while. I think I just want a reason for not conceiving yet so I won't feel like we're doing something wrong Wink We could keep trying until a certain date, then try clomid... I dunno. I'm just ocd and like to know what's going on!

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CD 27... okay, this is the 2nd time this week I've had this dream! my mom brings this baby to me, sometimes it is mine in the dream, sometimes it's one i adopted. well, we all know i want to breastfeed, so my tells me to try as practice. at this point in the dream the baby isn't biologically mine, so i feel stupid because i know i'm not producing any milk! but, in both dreams the baby latches on perfectly despite how awkward it feels. granted, i have no children, so while i want to breastfeed, a person nursing on my boob will take a little bit of time to get used to! i must really have baby on the brain. i've been reading tons of posts, but none about breast feeding. the only post-birth posts i look at are the ones with pictures... who knows. i'd love for this to be a sign!!

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CD 30 Biggrin So I expected AF to arrive the night of CD 28, as she has the last two cycles... but no! And she didn't come last night! I want to be excited, but I'm trying to play it cool. I feel absolutely no different than any other cycles, so no reason to get my hopes up. My longest cycle has been 32 days, so I think I'll wait a little bit longer to test. Our anniversary is CD 33, so I've considered testing that morning if AF hasn't visited by then. I'm praying this could be our month!

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Looks like AF is arriving....

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She's here! Such an unwelcome visitor...

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CD 3. I wish I could remember when I got off the pill... I bet I could find out if I called the pharmacy since I did not pick up any additional packs. I'm pretty sure I took my last pill the end of July, so August would've been a pill free month.

Our 4 year anniversary is tomorrow! We're going to the Melting Pot! I'm so excited Biggrin Chris is such a wonderful husband. I don't know how any other man could love me the way he does. Believe it or not, I can be difficult to live with Wink Chris knows me so well. He always makes me feel like I am the most important person in his world. I love him for that, and many, many other things. Thinking of how blessed I am to be married to him gives me butterflies.

This will be month 8 since we stopped preventing. Seems like 3 of those months we could not "try", so this will be our 5th month trying. We didn't try too much in the beginning. We have been more concious of trying the last 2 months though. I think we're entering the phase of trying more diligently.

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Our anniversary was wonderful! We really enjoyed just being together, oh, and the Melting Pot was nice too Wink I think I ate enough to last me a few weeks! DH was so sweet too. And he's always handsome. I love him so much!

Today is CD 5. We leave for vacation on CD 9.

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CD 8

We had a great weekend. I'm exhausted and wish we could've slept in at home in our own king size bed instead of the full size at dh's grandmother's home, but we had a great time. I loved seeing my little neice. She's such a great baby! All of dh's family went to church together on Sunday too! I don't think all of them had been to church together in years, due partly to the fact that dh's sister lives in another state.

We leave tomorrow morning for vacation. I'd be more excited if I thought it were going to be more relaxing... I'm sure it'll be fun though. Next year screw this visiting places stuff! We're going to the beach or on a cruise!

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CD 15

Gotta make a quick update, hope to write more later. Got in from Baltimore/Alexandria/NYC vacation Saturday, then went to my dad's for Father's Day on Sunday.

Cycle wise- we BD the evenings of on CD 12 and CD 14. Noticed EWCM CD 14. Positive (as dark as line) OP test CD14.

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I'll try to make this as concise as possible...

In laws CD 5-7. Went to church together. Popi couldn't sit for 5 minutes before going to get his new granddaughter to hold during church. So cute...

Left for vacation CD 9. Niece was excellent on the plane rides. Had a lot of fun in NYC. Hit Little Italy, Chinatown (stinky), Times Square, Empire State Building, Rockefeller Plaza, Central Park, World Trace Center, Stock Exchange, and saw the Statue of Liberty.

Baltimore was fun too. Had good seafood- the fresh calamari was like no other! Since we had some time alone.... that was CD 12 Wink In NYC DH carried around our niece for a while. You could tell he loved it. That night (CD 11- we were in a 1 bedroom apt with our family) he told me he wanted to have a baby and start on CD 12. Well, he didn't say "CD 12", but you get it Wink CD 13 he jokingly asked me, "Are you pregnant yet?" I just patted my belly and said, "Yes, I think so." It would be a sweet memory to think that this could've been when we conceived.

From my entry above, one can see that I got a positive OP test around 9pm of CD 14. We BD that night. If the positive meant I should ovulate in the next 12 to 36 hours... that's CD 15 - 16. I'd like to BD again tonight and possibly even tomorrow if DH feels up to it. I'm so excited. This could be it!

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CD 16

We got in another round of BDing last night! It's so different now than when I first got off of BC. Then my horomones took a complete 180- for the better, but it was so out of the ordinary that DH had to work his way into it, plus we had many, many stressors at the time... Now it's just fun! No pressure really Biggrin And I feel we're on the same page! DH was just 5-6 months behind me on this subject Wink Apparently, that's not too uncommon. I love him so much!

Oh yeah, I wonder if I noticed my first ovulation pain yesterday (got an almost positive OPK). I had a small pain for a few minutes around where my hyrneia scar is... I'm not sure if that's where those pains occur, but I had a pain around ovulation time!

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CD 18

Didn't BD the last two nights. I hope that's okay... I think we BD'd a lot around O time, so I should be covered.

Woke up to a lot of pain in my stomach(?) this morning. We figure it's my stomach anyway. The pain runs horizontally across my lower ribcage, further than my stomach would be. I haven't had this pain in 5 years or more I think. It feels like a cramp of some sort. I'd say it lasted about 20 minutes this morning, then went away. If it happens again I may go to the doc. DH was sweet. I woke him up and told him what was happening. There wasn't anything he could do really, but he reached his hand over and put it where I was hurting. I think it did relax those muscles a bit!

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CD 22
Not much to say, just wanted to refresh my count. Dh did put his hand on my stomach and jokingly asked me, "So is there a baby in there or what?"

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CD 24
Noticed a weird pain in my lower left side again. Exactly like the pain I noticed on CD 16. Maybe pain is too strong a word - how about "discomfort".

So, I guess I'm about 8-10DPO?

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CD 2
My hair dresser said how her boobs got so sore as soon as she became pregnant- sore like they are when you're going through puberty. That made me think, my boobs didn't get sore when I went through puberty, so maybe they won't get sore when I get pregnant (or at least not as sore as some women's get)... I'm just trying to convince myself that lack of symptoms doesn't necessarily mean I'll get a BFN... No testing yet though.

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CD25 - yesterday. typo in post. started the brownish red discharge again (not much).

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CD 29
No AF but BFN today. I would've normally waited a few more days before I tested, but my DH and I got food poisoning and were up "exploding" at 4 am Monday morning! It didn't ease up for 6 hours... We were more miserably sick than either of us have ever been before. I feel like I'm getting better now thank goodness. So, I was a little worried from all the puking and wanted to test. While I wouldn't have wanted my being sick to effect a pregnancy, I am a little discouraged. I don't understand why it is taking us so long to get pregnant...

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CD 1... I wonder what cycle # this is. It could be #9 at the most, but there were at least 2 in there that we missed... and I'm really just counting months b/c my cycles range from 28-32 days. This last one was 29 days again. I think the last one was 29, and the one before that was 28. So, pretty regular. On to another month of fun trying! I do enjoy having Dh on the same page as I am. When I told him this time wasn't it, he said, "I thought we nailed it this time?" He was just asking kind of sweetly, not in a terribly disappointed way so as not to disappoint me. I appreciate his concern. It surely can't be much longer now! I do remember last year that I wasn't really wanting a summer baby b/c then he or she would be the youngest in his class in school... funny how those things don't really matter after a few unsuccessful cycles! Bring on a spring/summer baby now!

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CD 3 and post # 100!!!! It's about time! I just found out I don't get a pencil until 150.

Went to a bible study last night at my aunt's. Had a really great time. I was really touched by how much and what Dh had to say at the bible study. we've both grown a lot in the last 4 years. i think this bible study might be exactly what we need to grow more. we want to be good Christian parents, so maybe this bible study will help bring us closer to God so we can accomplish this.

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CD 6

This guy walked into our lunch room at work today with flowers. We all looked at each other wondering whose anniversary it was. Then the guy said my name!! I just looked at him weird b/c my anniversary was a month ago. Everyone was joking around asking if DH was in trouble, lol. The card said that DH wanted to give me something better than he gave me for the 4th of July, which was food poisoning! Lol! How sweet. He didn't actually give me food poisoning though Wink He just picked the restauarant. What a sweetheart. I love him so much. We have been on a relationship high for quite a while now. I hope it never ends Biggrin

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CD 8. Hmm, I guess I need to get some ovulation tests if I'm gonna use them this cycle. We should start our "warm-up" bding too Biggrin We've both wanted too the last few nights but have been too exhausted from work or playing. We're too busy to be that couple that does it 5 times a week!

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CD 10

Going canoeing!!! It'll be a fun work day Biggrin

Wow, day 10 already... we gotta get to bding!!

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CD 10

The blessings just keep coming! DH found out yesterday that he got a promotion, plus I found out today that I passed my big exam I took a few months ago!!! Woohoo!!! The perfect setting for bding and conceiving!!!!

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CD 13

Finally got a round of bding in last night!! It was long overdue. Nothing else news, just enjoying the adrenaline rush from all of our blessings lately!

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CD 14 Not quite a positive opk. I'm hoping to attack dh tonight anyway. Maybe if we keep at it through the weekend...

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CD 16. Last night I got a less positive OPK, but I did have a lot of fluid to dilute the results. We haven't bd'd since CD 12... That's not good! Truth is, if we got pregnant this month, I would be due on my next exam. Not a big deal except my next exam is only offered once a year. And, the other exam I need to get letters after my name is offered at the same time, so I've gotta pass the first one to pass the one I need for a designation. So, while I don't want to stop trying, I can tell that that little bit of added pressure has had an effect on bding this cycle for me. I definitely find it easier to think that we're not pregnant b/c God says it's not the right time instead of because we didn't try. The good thing is my cycles are regular, so I can try again next month!

Oh, and dh and I booked our first overseas vacation (mexico doesn't count)!! We're going to Rome, Italy in December!!! We're both really excited!! If it doesn't happen for us this cycle, then I'll know I won't be 5 months pregnant in Rome...

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CD 21
So this cycle is a wash, haha! No Bding action except on CD 12. We were too busy and lazy. Plus, 9 months from now would be a stressful time to have a baby. I think God orchestrated this cycle. So, no 2ww for me really... Biggrin

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Page 3!!! I didn't even notice making it to page 2!

CD 23. Noticing very light spotting.

Got to baby sit my niece yesterday afternoon. Everything went perfect! She's such a pretty baby. Dh said he could hear a difference in my voice when he was talking to me while I had her. I wish I had've gotten to see dh feed and hold her Sad

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CD 1. Yep, I was ATTACKED by AF today! Maybe we can give this cycle a good try!

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A colleague that's 35 weeks pregnant called to say she's at the hospital because her water broke! she's having the baby today or tomorrow Biggrin i'm so excited! dh and i need to get our act together and start baby-making'!

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CD 8. DH just told me he has to go out of town CD 12 and 13 for work... Great timing, huh! Maybe we can make it happen. I'm not optimistic though. I think that's mostly due to my current mood, and the fact that we've been semi-actively trying for many months now. Uh, I need a diet coke Biggrin

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Um.. I can't count. Today is CD 8.

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CD 13. (BD CD 10) My emotions are going crazy. I think it's the pressure I'm under at work. I'm almost acting like I have PMS when it's the middle of my cycle. It doesn't help that DH has had a rough week also. I'm being too sensitive about stuff. Then, when I think, we can start trying again this month and count the days, I start putting pressure on myself for ttc. I want to make bding happen... Well, I also get tired of having the tv on all the time. I think of all the things we could be accomplishing instead- cleaning the garage, painting, yardwork, bding... so that doesn't help me not stress. I'm going to try to be better though. Griping doesn't help. Surely I can think of a more constructive way to be more efficient instead of nagging DH. Maybe if I'm more productive it will rub off?

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CD 14. When does everyone find time to BD?? I swear, I get home from work and studying, then cook, then eat, sometimes clean... right now we're working on removing wallpaper and painting our bathroom, DH has a few projects he's working on along with studying for an exam this Friday... Before we know it, it's late and we're exhausted. I really think we may need to start making time as soon as we get home from work before supper. Otherwise, our lives are too busy to bd with any necessary frequency right now.

Oh, and I talked to a friend last night whose son just turned 1. She's ready to start trying for #2. Even though I don't talk to her about ttc, she always seems to say, "Everyone says you should relax, and that's what we did..." I just wanna hit her on the head with a kitchen pan and scream, "YOU DIDN'T RELAX, YOU GOT PREGNANT THE MONTH YOU GOT OFF OF BC! YOU HAD BARELY STARTED TRYING!!" People are funny....

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CD 16... no bding since CD 10... We've been so busy. I'm terribly frustrated. It's tough to know I'm frustrated b/c we haven't gotten pregnant and to know we also aren't bding enough to give ourselves a good shot... We were doing great when things weren't going nuts at work for both of us. There is just too much outside stress. That stress affects my emotions, so then I get additional stress for not bding, so then I feel the need to "talk it out" w/ dh - which basically comes across as whining b/c we're not bding enough and apparently I think he's mostly responsible for the lack of frequency, but if we do talk I'll come across as whining about sex or putting pressure on him and that takes the mood away for sure, and finally we'd be back to the place where bding isn't fun b/c it's only about trying to make a baby happen instead of a time to make love.... While writing long, run on sentences, I'm losing my mind....

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CD 20. Convinced we didn't make it this cycle. DH and I did discuss next cycle though. I had to find a nonconfrontational way to say we weren't going to have a baby w/o having sex, lol. We both knew we were under too much stress to make anything happen the last two weeks. So, we set up a plan for next month. I have labeled my estimate of CD 9 through 20 on our calendar, and brightly labeled CD 11 through 17. This way DH will know, w/o me having to say anything, when we need to make bding a priority. If we can bd at least 3 times in 7 days, I'll be pretty happy. Might be difficult to do w/ our schedules. At least this calendar is a start.

Crummy thing is though- baby would be due in June... July and August are my worst months at work. I'd feel guilty telling my boss my maternity leave was during this time... but then again, I did specifically avoid this time last year. I can't do that ever year, especially when it seems that it won't be easy to get pregnant. I guess if I tell them we had been trying for almost a year, they would understand. Maybe I could use the "busy"ness to my advantage and work from home some?

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Last seen: 1 year 5 months ago
Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

AF - CD 1!
I could so feel AF coming on this morning. I'm definitely getting more accurate at reading my body!

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