Amy's Journal- This month will be it! - Page 4
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Thread: Amy's Journal- This month will be it!

  1. #31
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    Okay-- I have been AWOL for a few days.

    I am now CD 25 and I think 8 dpo. I tested today but nothing -- probably too early?

    Usually I should get AF today-- my cycles are typically very short, and nothing is on the horizon. BUT with clomid this cycle, I expect that my cycles will get longer so I don't know for sure when AF will come.

    Weekend was long-- I worked each day adn we had mock trials for the upcomign case. Didn't get to see DH much which is sad. I love weekends just to spend time with him. This weekend he is on call so we can't do much either.

    Sad, yesturday I was up in Orange County family court on a family law case I am taking for a friend of my boss. It is always depressing. All these people who were lucky enough to have kids, and fighting over them, often ruining the kids life. It is always sad too see parents split up. When both are okay parents but each are SURE they are the better parent or want to hurt their former partner cause they dared to leave them, and they put these little kids in the middle. questioning the kids, fighting in front of the kids, making the kids chose. I guess that gets to me after awhile. Reason I stopped doing family law as much. Oh well.
    here I want a child so much, as does everyone on this board. You know the children will be so loved and wanted. Wish every child was loved and wanted as much.
    Amy
    Adrienne (30) Ashley (28 ) Tiffany (25) and Zayden (4)
    I nursed my sweet baby for 1 year and 9 months.






  2. #32
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    So here I am CD 26 --10 dpo. technically I am late but I probably am not since the Clomid will draw out my cycles. I hopefully will know something, one way or another by the weekend. Yesturday I pretty much thought it was over, thought I had cramping but it wasn't that. IDK. I hate to get my hopes up and obsess over alleged symptoms, knowing that by tomorrow I may be back on here at CD1.

    On the agenda today, more trial prep, reading sensless rules and arguments, strategizing with people that get on my nerves, and anxiously going to the potty to make sure AF is not here. LOL.

    I do have to go pick out my new office in our new building. Our office is moving at the end of May and everyone else has been checkign it out. I have senority so I get first pick and everyone is driving me nuts to see what I have picked. But everytime we have gone over there, I have been on a deadline. So today I will go.

    That is my day. I hate this waiting. I really hate that the Clomid screws wtih my cycle-- not that it may not be good, but I usually get AF like clock work. Now I don't know when I will officially be "late" so I don't know when to get cautiously optomistic.

    And yes, I did POAS today still neg but probably too early.
    Amy
    Adrienne (30) Ashley (28 ) Tiffany (25) and Zayden (4)
    I nursed my sweet baby for 1 year and 9 months.






  3. #33
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    So here is my morning musings, not that anyone cares or reads this but it makes me feel better LOL

    Today is day 27 of my cycle. If I don't get AF today, this will be the longest cycle I have had since I started tracking a few years ago.

    Funny -- told my step dd yesturday that all my life I was sure I had a normal 28 day cycle. Once I started tracking - gesh-- every 24 days like clockwork. Could chart it out months on end. Anyway, I digress.

    No cramps, no spotting. Least not those types of cramps.

    Funny how hte mind plays tricks on you. Will think that I have no cramping from AF so MAYBE I actually am pregnenat, and sometimes a few minutes later think I feel a cramp coming on. Driving myself nuts over this.

    So today, I am either pregnant or the medicine is playing tricks on me. I don't know which.

    I didn't POAS today since I woke up at 4 am and had to go to the bathroom. I was going to pleasently report that the insomina I was struggling with last week was gone since I sleep really well the last few nights, but then last night again, woke up at 330-400 and stayed awake.

    Soooooo, anxiously waiting. Each day seems more hopefull, and more dissapointing.

    Oh and I rescued two ducks today that were looking like they wanted to make a nest in our parking lot.

    Happy Thursday All!
    Amy
    Adrienne (30) Ashley (28 ) Tiffany (25) and Zayden (4)
    I nursed my sweet baby for 1 year and 9 months.






  4. #34
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    I promised myself I wouldn't obsess, I promised promised promished! Sigh

    Forget about getting through the 2ww -- I am not sure I can even get through the next 24 hours. If AF is not here by tomorrow, something is definitely up. If not by this weekend -- wow.

    Could still be the Clomid but you would think the first month I took it would be the most loopy. But AF had come by this time the first month.

    So now I am on to obsessing.

    I am cramping a little but not like AF cramps. More from the fact I feel really constipated LOL (sorry if TMI)

    Had a crazy hot flash and like a hypoglacemic attach which I hadn't had for years right at lunch.

    So I was thinking, what if, just what if, this was the month.

    And I promised myself not to think that. Gesh and then tomorrow will come and AF with it and here I got my hopes and dreams up only to be dissapointed again.

    But still, what if.

    Figured out how I would tell DH. I will make dinner this weekend for him, baby back ribs, baby cheese for an apetizer, baby brussel sprouts, baby carrots, you know all the stereotypcial stuff. We will have dinner outside on our deck -- we look over a canyon so it is peaceful and beautiful. It is supposed to be in teh 80s this weekend so that would be nice. Going to tell him I don't want him to make a mess with the ribs and I have a surprise for him anyway. Then give him a baby bib that saids I am going to be a daddy!

    I know he will smile and say really? He isn't the super emotional guy outside so he wouldn't get up or cry or anything.

    And then he will turn into dh from hell -- watching everything I do, everything I eat sigh.

    But who am I kidding.

    I am SURE AF will be here long before this weekend like she is every other month.

    Or if not, it will be too soon for a positive test so I would be making this up and saying I THINK I am pregenant cause I am late and then AF would show up the next day and DH would be all dissapointed.

    Write 10 times on the chalkboard
    I will not obsess
    I will not obsess
    I will not obsess
    I will not obsess
    I will not obsess
    I will not obsess
    I will not obsess
    I will not obsess
    I will not obsess
    I will not obsess

    Amy
    Adrienne (30) Ashley (28 ) Tiffany (25) and Zayden (4)
    I nursed my sweet baby for 1 year and 9 months.






  5. #35
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    See I am not obsessing (yeah right)

    I got in the habit of getting on every morning and putting in an entry. I didn't today. But hey, I couldn't go all day.

    Day 28 and no AF. Early today I was sure it was coming. Cramps were pretty bad but then I have been cramping the last 24 hours. Almost more constipation or gas then AF. Regardless of if this is pregnancy or the Clomid, this is the longest I have gone without AF for a cycle. Kinda nice. But IF AF is coming, I wish it would come already. Waiting sucks.

    Tests are still negative but then it is early. Today though I started getting really sick to my stomach, was weird. Waves of nausea but then stopped.

    I have to confess I did have a glass of wine tonight. We have this little cafe up the road from us and we stop every single Friday night for a glass of wine. I don't want Dh to know I think I am pregnant in case he gets disappointed. So I can't do anything totally outta whack. Tonight we stopped in and she gave us a whole bottle of wine for free, in exchange for me agreeing to review her contract to sell the place. I didn't have more than 1.5 glass. I will miss her when she is gone but if I am pregnant, kinda glad cause then it won't be so hard not to go there every week.

    Also, my DD showed up tonight. For those who have not followed the drama, my DD is 19 and pregnant. She lives with my DH's ex wife (totally weird but she wouldn't live here) So she tells me the following. First, her BF (father of baby -- MAYBE is ex bf) gave her chlamydia cause he cheated in her with the girl he cheated on her with the first time they broke up (Gee let me put on my shocked face). this is the guy who treated her like C%*P, so she dropped outta college, threw away her and my relationship and her future for. What a waste.

    Then she dyed her hair this week, got her nose pierced, and was going to play laser tag. And she is five months pregnant! Trying really hard not to destroy our relationship but talking to her I want to slap her. She knows better, or should. She isn't dumb, just way to damn young and immature to have a baby. Here I am trying like crazy to have a baby, we have even picked out schools and day care, and Tiff doesn't give a D%%M. Or she does but she isn't paying attention.

    The good news is she is seriously considering adoption and going back to school. I guess she has even picked the adoptive parents. I told her if her bio-mom had considered that early on (she was 19 too when Tiff was born and really not able to care for a baby) maybe Tiff wouldn't have gone through 7 years of abuse and neglect before I adopted her. IDK

    I struggle so much with this, really I do. Tiff isn't ready for a baby. But she is showing and she is definitely preggo. So why can't I.

    Anyway, back to my obsessing LOL. I will say for the first time, I do think I am pregnant. Maybe tomorrow I will get on and say AF is here, but nothing not a twinge yet. the cramps are different.

    Course if I get a BFP, I will be on here with all kinds of other obsessing LOL.

    If anyone actually reads this -- THANKS. Nice to know someone listens.
    Amy
    Adrienne (30) Ashley (28 ) Tiffany (25) and Zayden (4)
    I nursed my sweet baby for 1 year and 9 months.






  6. #36
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    Day 30, no BFP and no AF. Seriously wondering what is going on. I had a dream last night -- very very vivid. I got up in the a.m. and took a test and it was positive. Two lines. I was so excited. Wound up taking 2 or 3 to make sure. Took pictures of the test to post online. When I did finally wake up I was not sure that the dream wasn't real and maybe I went back to sleep? Took the test again and so far nothing.

    But on the good side, I am only 14 DPO so still could be too early to test. And no sign of AF either. no AF like cramps or anythign similar.

    Only bad thing about no BFP (well one sad thing) is I had the whole thing planned on how to tell DH and make dinner etc. Can't happen tonight but don't have time during the week.
    Amy
    Adrienne (30) Ashley (28 ) Tiffany (25) and Zayden (4)
    I nursed my sweet baby for 1 year and 9 months.






  7. #37
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    So today really was a bad day. Day 31, AF no where in sight. I don't know what is going on. I hope and hope and hope that a BFP is on the horizon. But I couldn't test today. Spend the ENTIRE day in a horrible pre-trial conference with the judge. Long and long and long. But I couldn't take the chance that if I got a BFP with everything going on today.

    Not everything went our way though a lot did. But my boss is stressing which means taking it out on me. Grrrr.

    On top of everything, woke up sick. here comes the flu. I had to take some medicine this morning even though I was terrified. But today was not the day to be sick. Course my throat was KILLING me and I had to pipe up in court a few times.

    I am going to try to test tomorrow. Then when the rest of the day SUCKS if I got a BFP in the morning, it will make the day bearable.
    Amy
    Adrienne (30) Ashley (28 ) Tiffany (25) and Zayden (4)
    I nursed my sweet baby for 1 year and 9 months.






  8. #38
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    CD 32.

    I keep thinking that I have to be pregnant for AF not to be here. Even using my longest cycle, on Clomid, I am five days late. And I am NEVER late. But still BFN

    So today wasn't the day from hell I thought it would be. First thing this morning got a call from the judge's office demanding a conference call with all counsel. Was able to get a few on the phone and the judge gets on, says I reviewed this one argument we kept making yesturday and guess what, realized he was wrong and we were right.

    Then he went back to yet another order and said he was changing that.

    All in all good. He gave the defendants a choice to move the trial depending on what they want. we are waiting to see.

    So my boss was back in a good mood.

    Bad news is I AM SICK AS A D&^%M DOG! Nose stuffy, coughing, headache. I just want to go home and go to bed. Without knowing about the trial that could be a little hard but I still may head home in a little while.

    I do just wish I knew what was going on with my body. Course the good news is I am not running to the bathroom every thirty minutes sure AF is here. Sorta passed that stage, still cautiously hopefull. After all, maybe it still is too early to test?

    'till later- - -
    Amy
    Amy
    Adrienne (30) Ashley (28 ) Tiffany (25) and Zayden (4)
    I nursed my sweet baby for 1 year and 9 months.






  9. #39
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    I am 9 days past when I would normally get my period. I know Clomid extends your cycle but this is the 4th time I have taken it and never extended for this long.

    I didn't test today though.

    I am tired of seeing negative tests over and over again. I wanted to wait for tomorrrow.

    I am sick as a dog though. My sore throat turned into a running nose, which turned into a worse sore throat. I feel like crap. And I can't really take much. I went and got Tylonal cold and flu cause someone posted that you can take that when pregnant.

    I did make an appointment with the doctor for tomorrow at 8:15. Not the Ob/Gyn, my regular doctor. Maybe she can order a blood test at least. I told teh schedular that I needed to see the doc cause I think I have the flu and I might be pregnant. She got all rude and said well for pregnancy you need to call oB/gyn have you taken a home pregnancy test? Gee wish I had thought of that. But told her the issue was that I could be pregnant, am sick as a dog, and need to know what I can safely take just in case.

    But I really do think in my heart there is a baby there. I am cautious about saying that in case I have to jump back on and say, nope AF playing games. But I know we BD at exactly the right time, and the night before, thanks to the fertility monitor. (So happy I o'ed on a weekend so DH was there) I know that my cycles are NEVER this long, ever, even on Clomid.

    I just wish I knew why I cannot get a BFP? Maybe I need some new tests. I have used cheepies from earlypregnancytest.com that I ordered earlier but also grabbed I think Answer? from the store. Maybe I will get more.

    But shouldn't I have a positive test by now? 17 DPO?

    Oh well. Honestly, right now I am probably too sick to care. Just want to feel better and know for sure.
    Amy
    Adrienne (30) Ashley (28 ) Tiffany (25) and Zayden (4)
    I nursed my sweet baby for 1 year and 9 months.






  10. #40
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    Happy Easter

    Easter bunny brought me a present -- no not a bfp -- but AF. I don't get it. Got to day 37 -21 dpo and now she shows up? What happened to my clockwork cycles of 24 days?

    AF is really heavy now and cramps are horrible. This morning I woke up to cramps and said uh oh. maybe not since I have had weird cramps in the past few weeks but still. Course sure enough, there she is.

    I guess it is good though, at least I know. I have tested so many times, each with bfn. Didn't know what was going on.

    On the bright side, now I can take some serious medicine for this flu I have. Maybe I can kick it earlier.

    Also on the bright side, I was worried about if i was pregnant, my trial is starting in 2 weeks. I was stressing about what I would do if morning sickness hit or I wasn't feeling well. I have to sit in court 8 plus hours a day and only get up on breaks. If I was sick, that would be hard.

    On the down side, my trial is in 2 weeks. I have almost no chance of doing anything this cycle since I will barely even see dh as the trial gears up. I have witnesses to prepare, briefs to write, exhibits to memorize. life will suck!

    I just don't get how this can be so hard. People get pregnant every day, trying or not.

    Oh well.

    Happy Easter
    Amy
    Adrienne (30) Ashley (28 ) Tiffany (25) and Zayden (4)
    I nursed my sweet baby for 1 year and 9 months.






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