I'm Here I'm here!
Okay, so I knew I wouldn't be around much for this cycle. Didn't realize I would have to go hunting for my journal. LOL.
I figured this cycle would be a bust. I start a trial in federal court on Monday; true David v. Goliath story. we represent a small mom and pop co taking on the Bratz and their high priced top notch lawyers. We have a good case but not going to hold my breath.
So I am exhausted.
Starting next Monday -- will be working 6 am to 10 pm. If I see my DH it will be a kiss and a hug on the way to bed.
So didn't even try the Clomid. Last cycle didn't o until CD 19, too late. Will be crazy in trial.
But JUST IN CASE, did still use the Clear Blue Fertility Monitor.
Didn't think it would do any good. After all, once I did O -- couldn't do anything about it.
Forgot to test several days but remembered most.
I O'ed yesterday.
Still shows high fertility today.
I grabbed DH yesterday and told him to expect to play tonight.
So maybe I am not out this cycle?
Gee wiz, its been like three weeks since I have posted, after posting almost daily for awhile.
Well my trial is over, case went to the jury at 9 am this morning. No verdict today, which rule of thumb is good, at least we haven't lost yet. We have a 1/1000 chance (being the pessimist I always am) but that chance means huge returns.
I am exhausted though. I got stuck working on jury instructions, last Monday we were in the judge's office until MIDNIGHT- after getting up at 6 am. Then I had to get up the next morning and do it all again.
So back to TTC. I did get AF during the trial, actually 3 days early which really sucked. After the cycle before lasting 35 + days, this time was 20 days. Course right now I have NOO idea where in my cycle I am, if I have o'ed or now, if I should have o'ed or not or what is going on. Completely lost track of everything. Guess that means I am probably out for this cycle.
Bugging DH to get his butt into the doctor now that he has figured out his insurance. He needs to go get his swimmers analyzed. Minor argument last night cause he is going "that is embarrassing" specially going to a new doctor and that is the first thing he has to ask for. My response was get over it, I have had to deal with ob/gyns and paps for years, I DON"T want to hear about embarrassing. His response was "that's different, you are used to it." Shows what he knows!
So that is my life. I won't get any sleep until the verdict is in. But at least I survived today and the last few weeks.
My jury is still out.
I have been bouncing off the walls. This is good-- rule of thumb is the longer the jury is out, the more they are considering the case. At least they didn't reject us out of hand.
So today I go to the doctor, my primary referred me to an endocrinologist (SP?) a few month ago after an "alarming" abnormal result.
When we first realized that we were having trouble TTC, she ran a few blood tests to get a base line of hormones. That was September or so of last year. She called me and said there was a thyroid test that seemed a little low, and could I come back in six weeks and retest.
Of course that means I promptly forgot. LOL
In Feb I was at the docs again with a sinus infection and she realized that I had not gone in and sent me downstairs to the lab.
The next day she called alarmed cause the level had dropped.
Seems she ran a test on something called TSH Thyroid stimulating hormone. it is supposed to have a range of .3 to 3 or something. The first time the test came back .23 so not too low. In Feb it came back .03 so really low. Guess that is a bad thing, seems my thyroid is hyperactive! So in Feb they sign me up for the first available appointment -- which of course was today.
Actually I am relieved. I was freaking that my jury would come back and I could not get to the doctor. Thankfully that didn't happen.
So this doctor tells me this could be a reason I am not pregnant. She asked a lot of questions about our attempts etc and said this definitely could be related. (interesting since the OB/Gyn said hyPER thyroid was unrelated, only hyPO thyroid.)
Anyway she was concerned. Some of the other health issues could all be related to this.
So more tests, always with the d*&m test. Ran to see the vampires at the lab then have to go to nuclear medicine to have the thyroid tested, soon as I get my next period. Told her trust me there was no way I was pregnant this cycle, have been in trial for three weeks! but just in case.
So this may be an answer -- not necessarily a good answer but at least an answer.
On another front, my DD came home. She is now 7 months pregnant and definitely showing. She is saying definitely adoption and has even found a family. IDK though what she is thinking or doing. I am worried about how well she has taken care of this baby who she has named Madison. She is so not ready to be a mom, she asked me for a talk tonight so we shall see.
Okay, I am back to bouncing off the walls waiting for my verdict.
After all that-- judge declared a mistrial. Jury was hopelessly deadlocked and we couldn't get a verdict. Now we have to try this case all over again. I will know Monday when we have to go through this again.
Knew last month was a bust cause I was in trial.
This month was pretty much a bust cause I was too exhausted to do anything, no monitors no nothing. Course cycle was 1/4 over by the time I got outta trial (and when you have a 24 days cycle, that is pretty short)
Now looks like next cycle is over and AF has not even come yet.
First available date for the thyroid uptake is 6/12 and 6/13.
Get this -- appointment on 6/12 at 9 am AND 3 pm and then again the next day at 9 a.m. I am injected with radioactive dye and then they take a series of x-rays or something to see how my thyroid absorbs the dye -- or something like that. Bottom line, cannot take a chance of being pregnant when you have that much radiation. And that will probably be AFTER o-ing for next cycle.
So the earliest I can even try again will be late June early July.
I turn 36 in June. Tick tock tick tock. All this gotta hurry up before too old is NOT making me feel better. Especially when all these months cannot even try.
Oh yeah, and STILL can't get DH in and get his SA done what a baby!
Well I thought I had posted at some point, guess not.
So I am on CD 18, approx 5DPO.
Last Friday, my CBFM said I was at peak fertility-- egg coming and all. Woke up DH early for some fun. Saturday a.m. -- still said peak. Woke him up again with some story.
Not sure how he is about the monitor so I don't tell him. Somedays, when I use it, he asks what it says. However, he is kinda hinky about "sex on demand" so I don't want him thinking the only time its time to play depends on the monitor.
Good news, at least for him, is that his sperm analysis was finally done and came back great. He had plenty of little swimmers and they all swim great. Only issues was his PH was off a little?
So, it is not him. That is a relief I guess, now I know it is me. Wow, how great is that LOL. Here I am 36 and too damn old for a kid.
On the other hand, I am about to be a grandma. My little girl (20 years old-- adopted) is having her baby any day now. We don't talk a lot, she moved out in January, told me to get stuffed, if I didn't like her BF who is now long gone, I had no place in her life cause they were getting married, setting up house and living happily ever after. Now she is mad at me cause I am not part of her life. Go figure.
Anyway, some wonderful people will soon have a new little girl.
Tiff is putting the baby up for adoption. Best decision she could have made because she is NOT ready for a child.
I worry cause I don't think she has taken care of herself very good this pregnancy (again butt out mom) so I pray the baby will be okay.
How come she can get pregnant at the drop of the hat, screw around, change her mind and everything is okay. Here I cannot get pregnant for trying.
Been in Vegas twice over night for the past two weeks, will go again Sunday night. For work, not play sadly. It is hot there and my DH won't get the time off to go with me.
So my stream of consciousness is getting old I am sure, so I will go back and try to pretend I am working.
I do promise to get back involved on the boards, with having to take forced time off for a few months, was easier not to be here.
I am so frustrated.
I love my daughter but right now I really don't like her very much. I adopted her when she was 9- she is now 20, so I have had her 11 years. Problem is I have no idea who she is anymore.
So she is pregnant, about to have a baby any day. Fortunately for all, she has agreed to put the baby for adoption.
We have been trying and trying for a child. I know if and when I am pregnant, my DH will be horrific at can't do this can't do that. I will be too but probably not as obsessive as he.
Tiff, doesn't give a damn. She says she does to my face but her actions speak different.
9 months pregnant, don't think you want to go swimming in the ocean they just stated was really high in bacteria? Course you do, why not.
Why would anyone think it is okay to go to Mexico and eat and drink the local food-- why take a chance-- she does.
She goes out yesterday and buys some "post pregnancy" clothes and a new bra-- wouldn't you want to wait until you are actually post pregnancy to know what size you are? Especially for a bra-- apparently not all HER friends tell her nothing will change, she will be the exact size she was before with bigger breasts. After all, what the hell do I know since I am not ever pregnant.
She tells everyone how grown up she is now and she acts like a little know it all but she is acting so D?&^M immature.
She refuses to come home because I am "stressful" and make her follow house rules, although NOW she is 20 years old and an adult--then act like it!
Then last night she is looking up on the Internet ways to "induce" labor so she can go ahead and have the kid and then go have some fun.
I just don't know how you can get pregnant and take so little care of yourself and your child, even if you are not keeping it.
BTW, I am 10 DPO and hoping and waiting for either AF or BFP. Sigh.
Some days I really look at teh stuff I wrote before and really laugh at it. Days full of hope and days full of despair.
Today, where I am? Ehhh, Idk.
The issues with my daughter just irritate me so much. But then when one adopts an older foster child, life comes with the teritory. I knew that a long time ago.
So I am calling for my script of Clomid for this cycle, maybe even try the IUI they asked for, and move on.
Such is life right?
Day 7, third day of Clomid. What fun. I told DH after my dad goes home on Wed, he needs to expect lots of BDing. I know it will be coming up on O time (though that ALWAYS screws up my cycle) and figured what the hell. Don't want to waste the Clomid right? After all, next cycle we will try IUI and he is not too excited about that either.
Keep hoping and waiting. Maybe one of these days. . . . before I get too freaking old LOL