So I really such at new years resolutions LOL haven't been journaling or keeping up with my notebook. This cycle has been really weird though so pretty sure it is a bust. I am on CD 12 -- started using teh CBFM again and am just middle fertility. Pretty late in my cycle to O though. AF was also really odd this time so don't know whats up.
My daughter went back to school-- second semseter at ASU, our oldest SDD moved out too so Charley and I FINALLY have the house to ourselves again. So that is great -- more time for ---
So that is me-- talk at ya later!
well its CD 16 and the CBFM never has shown high fertiltiy. Pretty sure I missed it this month, there is no way I would o this far into a cycle. So I am trying to convince mysefl to stop using the sticks and just wait until next cycle and start again.
did go back to the endochronologist who said my thyroid was at normal levels still, that good.
So far I am doing pretty well on a few resolutions -- I have all but given up my two glasses of wine a night habit that helps with my stress LOL, I have traded that in for mineral water and club sodas. Also on week 3 of slim fast diet. I am not using too many slim fasts but rather am following an on-line program whcih is mostly fruits and veggies -- I haven't eaten this healthy -- well probably for ever.
Today I have to meet with one of my least favorite clients regarding a custody evaulation. I hate dealing with these guys sometimes cause they fight and fight over custody but rarely care about what is best for the child. I want a child so badly and I hate to see some clients stop thinking about the child and think only about themselves.
Other than that, should be a pretty okay week. I have to be in Costa Mesa on Thursday for a day/night long marathon of MCLEs (continuing ed for lawyers). Starts at 8 am and goes until 1030 pm -- and its 1.5 hours from home. Sigh. Then have to be in court bright and early friday am. sounds like fun doesn't it?
if anyone actually reads this -- HAVE A GREAT WEEK!
Its Sunday morning here in -- not so -- Sunny Southern California. I hate Sundays since it means that tomorrow I will have to get up and go to work
I do have to go into the office later today though. About 3.5 years ago I was in a pretty bad car accident, someone rear ended me on the freeway. My back never completely recovered and I still have residual pain. Well Allstate (or Allsnake as they are called) the insurance company for the guy that hit me, never paid a dime of my medical bills. So we have to take the case to trial in a week.
Pretty sad, as an attorney I am much more comfortable as the attorney NOT the client. But I have to go work on directs etc to know what is going on.
On the TTC front, not much now, just waiting for AF which should be around 2/1. As usually, trying not to have any hopes of being pregs-- ALTHOUGH I have noticed in the past few days my nips are KILLING me -something I have never had before. They hurt so bad right now. Don't know if that means anything but have to obsess over something LOL.
Oh -- and I still know DH will be dead if I ever get pregs. Earlier this week we were at dinner and he mentioned reading the story about caffeine doubling the chance at miscarriages. So today, he brings me a cup of coffee and says, better enjoy it -- no coffee for you when your pregnant. I swear, that man will monitor EVERYTHING that I eat, drink, or read when I am pregs. Sigh -- I guess it could be worse but I know he is going to be annoying LOL
So thats me today, I guess I won't know until later in the week if I have any shot at a baby this cycle!
The moment of truth is upon us.... or something like that. So AF is due any day now. . . with my cycles it is hard to tell exactly when. When I started this journal I was at 24 days, exactly, without fail, no deviation. Didn't know that until I actually started tracking them. Weird part is the last few cycles have "normalized" a little. Today is day 25 and no AF yet. I use mymonthlycycles.com to track AF since we started realizing that getting Preggo is not the easiest. . . It now tells me I have tracked 18 cycles.
Course this is something like my 84th entry here. . . and I am not always consistent about writing. Sigh
I don't know what to think about this cycle. Earlier I wrote I knew it would be a bust. . the CBFM never showed high fertility and I was sure that i had missed it. But the "online calenders" for whatever accuracy you give them, indicated that I should have Oed sometime AFTER I stopped monitoring. I also noticed EWCM after that. During that time, DH and I BDed quiet a bit. (was when ALL our kids left for their various domiciles and we were FINALLY alone after months of company -- LOL -- had some making up to do HA)
Soooooooooooooo. . .maybe there is a minute possibility that there is at least a chance. . .well I am trying not to hold my breath.
that doesn't keep me from obsessing. Sigh. I know it is ridiculous, I know i have gone down this road many times (almost 18 I guess since I know I do this EVERY month) I feel stupid posting here sometimes cause I know I will report soon enough AF came back....but then I guess most of the other ladies here probably do the same.
But this month could be different? I actually have a few symptoms I cannot explain. About 3 days ago my nips became excruciatingly painful. That has never happened even though I read about it here a lot. I mean they hurt to touch. . .almost hurt to look at. Also had a weird cramp for two days in the same part of my tummy. . .about 1 in above and to the left of the pubic area. It really hurt. And. . . also have been nauseated for the last few days. who knows, probably nothing.
But again, time of truth is nearly upon us. I will know for sure in the next few days.
So here is what I SHOULD be doing -- drafting the appellants opening brief for the 9th circuit Court of Appeals. Its due Feb 11th but I have (had) a goal of finalizing by Friday since I will be in trial Monday-Wed of next week.
Here is what I ACTUALLY am doing -- obsessing. Most of the 2ww doesn't really bother me as much as the last few days do. Then I start obsessing over every symptom (or lack) convince myself I am pregnant and then simultaneously convince myself that there is no way. I continue this until the fat lady sings every time. Sigh.
Here is how obsessive I can be, we have thought this so far ahead, I have picked out elementary schools, preschools both here in SD and if we wind up moving north if I get a better job. Even have a few top choices for high school LOL.
I have written and researched completely the birth plan, drawn diagrams for the baby's room, and figured out timing for kids being in college when the baby comes. Even researched how soon after birth a healthy baby can travel in case it is born around the holidays.
All this figured out, I just can't seem to figure out how to get knocked up.
Again, I should be working. I can't seem to get off preg.org or google to force myself to research procedures in teh 9th circuit or the standard on review for granting a judgment as a matter of law. Sigh.
Is it Friday yet?
Well I am still here and - gosh darn it -- I am still obsessing! I hope I am not the ONLY one here who does this, otherwise I will feel really dumb!
I got onto MyMonthyCycles.com where I have been tracking AF since Oct 06-- was telling me that AF was due tomorrow based upon my average cycle. Buuuttt, then I adjusted it to NOT take into account cycles over 30 days (since those were ones on Clomid) and AF is now due today. Has been pretty accurate so idk.
Yes I am still obsessing over symptoms though. Nips are still sore to the touch -- not as bad as earlier in the week but still painful. I am on day three of a massive headache that is driving me nuts. took some tylenol but no effect. And I am pretty badly nauseated -- though that could go hand in hand with the headache.
Course I try to remind myself that I have had symptoms before and each and every time negative so don't get your hopes up, but still.
I am sure I will get on here again later to obsess LOL, but for now it is almost 10 am and I still have this damn brief to write.
Told ya I'd be back today!
But now I just wanna VENT GRRRRR.
Soooo, as I mentioned, the trial on the auto accident I was in was scheduled to start on Monday. I would be so glad to get it over with and hopefully get some $$ in my pocket to pay off all the damn medical and chiro bills.
Get a call from teh Court today, the attorney on the other side is "engaged" in trial -- a trial scheduled to start AFTER my original date, so we got kicked for a THRID TIME. Now, we don;t start until the 13 and go 13, 14, and maybe 15 of Feb.
Every Presidents' day weekend, DH and I head out to Laughlin NV for some down time and we were estatic it was happening at valentines day. we were going to take some days off and make a 5 day weekend out of in-- not now apparently! GESH!!!!!
I am TOTALLY annoyed now.
So i damn well better be pregnent cause that is hte only reason I wouldn't be totally upset not to go. Otherwise I am going to be SOOOO PISSED OFF!
Ok, got that out of the system.
Well believe it or not, I am still here, just (trying) not to obsess so much. AF has NOT shown as of today (knock on wood) but I have (barely) resisted the urge to go buy any kind of testing as of yet. I don't know if I would be able to wait until Monday but . . . if AF doesn't show.
However, I have felt a few randoms cramps, I do keep running to the bathroom to verify that AF is not here. If I get through the next 24 hours I will be certainly more positive. I don't know, as excited as I was yesterday, today not so much. Don't know why necessarily, just have this feeling that just not meet to be.
Lets see how it goes. Some days I really hate TTC.
So a day after my last post, AF showed up. Oh well, sucks to be me.
We couldn't do the IUI this month because of the trial, knew I would O right in the middle of it -- always seems to be something doesn't it. Did use the CBFM and we did time the BD at the right time so we are back in the 2ww. Unfortunately, this time I am NOT going to be a good girl
We had the trial and the verdict came back last friday - here is a question, a lawyer gets creamed on a freeway in a high spead accident, spends over 15k in medical bills, is it an accident or poetic justice. To jurors out here, the later. We won but only a nominal amount -- enough to say we won but not enough to even pay the costs.
I think I earlier mentioned that EVERY presidents day weekend for the last 5 years DH and I have gone to Laughlin NV-- we couldn't last weekend cause of my trial and hten another case that went on Tuesday. SOOOOOO I am taking tomorrrow off and in a few hours we are leaving for a six hour drive out to NV -- for some fun, some down time, some us time. I am not planning on going nuts but I am also not going to not have a drink or anything despite being in the 2ww. This is about the 25th or 26th 2ww during this TTC time -- I need some fun and -- at least for right now -- am sick of sacraficing all the fun in the 1/100000000000000000 chance that there is a little bean there.
So. . . adios --Amy is running away from home!
Haven't been on here much lately. Figured this cycle was a bust anyway...we were going to do the IUI but I didn't get a chance to call the doctor for a script for the Clomid. Tried to use the CB Fertility Monitor -- showed high fertitly for a few, but then I just kept forgetting it in the morning. Oh well, who cares since we weren't doing the IUI. Just had some fun bding and relaxing. maybe next month. . .
I have been sick as a dog for a week. We had a great Easter, went up to see DH's daughter in santa barbara for the weekend, she is the only one we don't see too often. got sick on Monday and haven't gotten better yet, just normal flu crap, nose running, coughing yada yada yada. I have really taken it easy, sleeping and coming home from work earlier.
Guess that is why I didn't notice.
See last week, when I started getting sick, I said damn it, AF is coming in the next day or so and I hate being on my period at the same time I am sick. (just too bad things at once)
But AF hasn't come yet.
I am sure I am jinxing it by writing here but I just realized that I am a week late from my like clockwork 25 day cycle.
At this point, I am clocking it up to be sick. I have no tests or anything but it would be really weird if I was 8 days late just cause of the flu? IDK
Sadly, or maybe happily, unlike all my other times, I am actually not obsessing....I feel too crappy for that I have no symptoms (real or imaginary) to obsess over, rather I am trying to figure out how to get a nights sleep with this hacking cough and running nose.
So gentle reader, more to come. When i feel better or have a chance to get a test, maybe then I can figure out why I am late. weird part is that after tracking cycles like clock work for 2 years, didn't even realize this time.
c-ya im going to bed now