Angela's 2nd TTC journal - TTC after a loss

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Angela's 2nd TTC journal - TTC after a loss

So i guess now i feel ready to start a new chapter in my life.
I cant believe it was nearly a year ago i started my first TTC journal. Me and bf started TTC in December 2006. After 10 cycles we got our bfp November 5th 2007, we were so so pleased. I felt so grateful this could happen to me and i cherished my pregnancy every minute of the day. I went for an early scan at 6 weeks as i had slight pain and was worried it was ectopic. Everything looked great, there was a little heartbeat and a fetal pole of 3mm i was ecstactic!!
I couldnt believe this wonderful miracle was happening to us.
We went for our dating scan at 10-11 weeks on the 21st December 2007. I nearly passed out when the sonographer told me she was ever so sorry, it wasnt good news, there was no heartbeat. My baby had died at around 8-8.5 weeks. I had to have a D+C a week later as my body wasnt letting go. It seemed so cruel, i had carried my baby for 2 weeks and had not known. I didnt loose any of my symptoms, i wish i'd have known this could have happened, i may have been prepared. But then i dont think anything can prepare you for a loss like that. This was definately the worst time in my life. It is becoming easier as time goes by, im still very delicate about it but then it has only been 3 weeks. But, with all the support from the other ladies on these boards i finally feel a little more like i can look forward. I have ordered a lovely little memorial bracelet in memory of the baby we have lost. It has a heart charm on it with footprints one side and 'angel - 8wks' engraved on the other side. There will be a ruby birthstone put on to represent July - the month our baby should have been born, and a blue topaz for December - our loss. Its amazing how this has helped me grieve.
So whilst i will never forget what has happened, i have started looking forward to being able to TTC again. Once my body goes back to normal and i get my first af then we will start. It has been 2 weeks since my D+C and the bleeding has nearly stopped.

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So i went and saw the dr today just to make sure all was ok after my d+c 2 weeks ago. Everything is fine, she has ordered some blood tests for me. She is going to screen me for toxoplasmosis (i work as a veterinary nurse so am higher risk) and she is going to check my immunity to rubella whilst i'm there. I was worried that potentially toxo could have caused my m/c but she said this is very very unlikely. She was really nice and said there shouldnt be any higher risk of a 2nd m/c which was reassuring. It does feel good to be thinking about things that look to the future.
I did get a little upset at work today though, one of my colleagues wife has just given birth to their baby. Dont get me wrong - i am very happy for them, i just cant handle it at the moment, i made sure i stayed out the way as i dont know what i would have said had they asked me if i wanted to hold him.

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So i have just poas, and it looks like it is finally negative. I got a faint line just under a week ago so it would make sense it is neg now. I will check tomo with FMU just to make sure it isnt because my urine is dilute but hopefully my body is getting back to normal. Im just hoping af returns asap so i can stop feeling cheated with all these pg symptoms here and no pg.

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Things havent been too bad this past week. Time is definately helping to heal. I did have a cry a few nights ago but i havent got that complete feeling of loss and emptiness anymore. I know i will always be sad about whats happened but im definately dealing with it much better.
I poas (pg) and its looking negative still, a very very very almost-not-there line but this is prob evap line so thats good. No af yet, i also done an opk and it had a faint line so perhaps im gearing up to O. If we do fall pg this cycle then it will happen, if not then im not too worried as seeing af will be a fresh start.

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Af arrived last week! Im now on CD9 so i guess O will be within the next 2 weeks. Before my bfp i used to O on CD 18, im hoping my cycle will be back to normal and i will O - i cant bear the thought of waiting another month!! Im really keeping my fingers crossed i fall pg very soon this time, i cant wait but i know im going to be so worried that ill m/c again. I guess i just have to try and stay positive!

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Day 15 today and i have had 2 high days on my monitor so hopefully O is around the corner!! Wooo Hoooo!!

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In the 2ww now! I think our timing was pretty good, we bd about 6 days leading up to O, but not on O day so hopefully thats ok. I think i will be so disappointed if its a bfn, more so after all that has happened. I keep telling myself that yes im pregnant, hoping the positive frame of mind will help. Trouble with that though is i will be even more disappointed if its neg.
Im going to be so careful this time round. Not that i wasnt carefull before but im going to be extra careful, at work its a complete no no for working in the theatre areas. Other staff have safely worked in there through pregnancies but im not taking any chances.
I hope the next couple of weeks hurry! Im not going to test until the day af is due or possibly the day after.

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Well, my last 2ww turned out to be a bfn. I was disappointed but not too bad, had a few parties to attend that evening of af arriving so i just threw myself into it and had a good drink lol!!
I am now on CD 21, approx 3dpo so onto another 2ww. Funny, our bd timing this cycle was exactly the same as my bfp cycle, im hoping this is a good thing and it will result in another bfp!

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8 dpo - Im wondering why im still not getting tender breasts? Before my m/c i always got tender breast at around 7dpo but i didnt on the last cycle. They are feeling very very slightly tender today but no where near as much as what they used too. Does this mean i may not be O'ing?? Its all so frustrating!! My skin is breaking out horribly at the moment, it did that on my last bfp cycle and i dreamt last night i was pg again. In my dream i was so pleased, saying how it has happened so quick, like 2 months after my loss. Lets hope this dream may mean something!!!

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wow its been a while since i wrote here. I haven't been on the boards at all much lately.
My cycles seem to have gotten shorter which im hoping is a good thing, the last couple of months i have been oing on cd17 but im definatley oing today - cd 14. Our timing has been good but i guess that doesnt mean anything anymore as timing in the previous months has been perfect and still no pg!!
My colleague at work in pg again, she was the one who got pg last time i was trying. She is 10weeks now, i saw her scan and i was so happy for her but very sad as thats what i should have been looking at at my scan, the baby was wiggling around waving its little arms. She is so lucky, she has her 7/8 month old baby too. I had a dream last night i got my bfp, i told her and we were thrilled to be able to go through pregnancy together. Im hoping this is a good sign for this cycle. It makes it even more hard as this week is my edd week.

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so im 8dpo today....still hardly any tender breasts. There is a slight tenderness there but nowhere near as much as before.
Im really going to try not to test.....i will wait for af and if she is 2 days late then i will test........gonna make sure i do it when bf is around though and at a convenient time so if its bfp i can show him straight away!
I have had another couple of bfp dreams . . . . how disappointing when waking up.
I cant believe its been 19months since we started ttc!!

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9dpo

More breast tenderness today so a good sign i hope. I just read my old pregnancy journal and it made me quite sad . . . . . feels like it was so long ago i was pregnant.
I have a doctors appointment, going to ask if she will do a blood test to see if all my hormones have returned to normal and confirm i am definately ovulating.

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Had my appointment today with the doctor, as normal she was very nice, helpful and willing. I explained my concern of not o'ing since the m/c, and my loss of tender breasts post o (althought they arent doing too bad this cycle!!!) and she has aggreed to do a blood test. Going to have one done tomo, it will be a day 25 progesterone, levels may not come back high enough though as it may be too late in my cycle and may have missed it. If is does come back low then she said we will retest next cycle on day 21.

Today i felt my cervix, it feels more medium than closed, i was hopi ng for it to be closed as i remember it was really really tightly closed when i got my last bfp - i think the increase in progesterone makes it stay shut. So im not convinced im pg this cycle........2 days to go til af may show........stay away pleeeeeeease!!!!!!!

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I cant believe it. My friend who has had 3 previous micarriages and has been trying for a baby for 10 years + told me today she was 8 weeks pregnant and miscarried again 2 weeks ago. I feel absolutely terrible for her, for it to happen the 4th time must be unimaginable. I know she has alot of health probs, diabetes and another condition sticky blood which she has daily injections for. So now they are going to look at the baby's chromosomes. I hope they find an answer for her. Her and her dh are now goint to sell all their nursery stuff as she cant bear to look at it all. Why does this happen to us???
Af arrived for me 4 days ago so my thoughts on cp was right. I got my blood work back today, progesterone was 10. Dont think that is very good, im sure they like to see a leve; of 13 and in comparison to my last progesterone last year which was 59, 10 is rubbish. I started spotting the next day after taking blood so im sure we done it wayyy to late. Im seeing doc again tomo so will confirm with her we can do another progesterone earlier this cycle.
My thoughts are with my friend, i cant stop feeling upset for her.

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CD 19, think im 1 dpo......timing this cycle worked out good as it turns out bf has 5 days hol which is great or he would have been earlies and i think it would have been a bit of a struggle. My friend who is now 14 weeks pg is starting to show, i dont feel so bad with this pg of hers as this time round she knows i am ttc so we talk about that too....i guess my frustration isnt so bottled up. She was looking at my previous charts for me and thinks i should bd more at o and after o. Her theory is perhaps my eggs waft very SLOWLY down my fallopian tubes and perhaps bf sperms arent lasting in there long enough to survive by the time the egg is there. Looking at my prevous charts, 9 times out of 10 i stop bd on day of o so will try once more today and see what happens. Its been nearly 7 months since my periods returned so im hoping it wont be long now.

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Im on CD 28 today, 10dpo. I tested negative yesterday and today, but may bee too early so will test again tomo with fmu.
My 2nd progesterone blood test came back from the doctors, 40.9 so thats good, im definately o'ing. Im keeping a real good eye out for any spotting as am wondering about a LP defect?? Perhaps my progesterone levels dont stay high enough to allow a pg.
I will start my Vitex again if im not pg this cycle. My breasts are definately tender after o but still not as much as they used to be before the m/c.
I cant stop thinking about getting my bfp this cycle, it will be such a relief to stop worrying about not falling pg!!!!

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Horrid nasty af arrived today!!! I knew it was on its way as i started spotting on the evening of 11dpo - poss unlikely LP defect......i do wonder if my levels tail off too early though.
Anyway, i was going to start the vitex but have taken another course of action for now. I went to see a chinese doctor, decided to give the acupuncture a go again, except this time i will stick to it. I have already paid for a 5 week course. The doctor was very thorough, i had my session -the needles didnt hurt much, the only thing i really didnt like was when he put the needles into my hands, it felt like it touched a nerve. It ached and make me feel a bit sicky. Amazingly, when he put 3 or 4 (cant remember exactly how many) into my tummy area, i felt my whole womb cramping, like period pain!!! When he fiddled with those needles, the aching did feel uncomfortabl.
The 2 that were put in the back of my neck, i felt my body relax and my vision went blurry for a split second.....i could feel it working!!
I laid there for about 40mins in a relaxing dimmed blue-lit room with music. After, the doctor then gave me a massage down my spine legs and neck..that was very relaxing. I have herbs i have to take twice a day, granules i add boiling water to and drink, and they taste absolutely foul it makes me gag drinking it!!! But everytime i just remind myself what im doing this for. I may also start the reflexology when the doc says its time, for now he wants me to concentrate on the acupuncture.
I told bf about it and he has also decided to sign up for a 5 week course which has pleased me so so much. We are going for his appointment tomorrow. He has also promised me he will completely give up the saunas (which he actually hasnt used that much at all) until i fall pregnant. It feels really reassuring having his full support!!!
My friend has just recommended a hypnotherapist who does fertility treatment so that is another option, i think that may stop me stressing and being so tense about the whole thing.
It feels good to have a plan!!

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So bf had his first acupuncture session today!!
The doctor also picked up on the fact he suffers from lower back pain so bf was impressed with that!! He had his needles insterted in the back of the neck, 8 across lower back, one on each mid-leg region and one on each ankle area. A heat lamp was placed over his back. This was followed by a massage!! He said at first how much one of them on his back hurt. Afterwards though he said he felt very good!!! Lol i felt sorry for him when he took his first dose of herbs though, he was sick!! Managed to get them down in the end though!!!

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So i got a text from a friend yesterday who i havent heard from for a few weeks, she was the one who also had a missed m/c a few months before me. She has never wanted children until dec 2006 (same time we started ttc!) her and her husband decided to try. She is 42, suffers from pcos and isnt in the best of health. So im wondering whether she has text me to tell me she is pg again. In her message it said 'i have something to show you'......i hope this is it for her as i think she is very aware of how time is running out.
CD 3 for me, continuing to drink my nasty herbs, so is bf. I hate this part of the cycle....it feels like such a long wait until i O!!

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I had my second session of acupuncture a couple of days ago, that went well, got a few bruises though!! Bf goes for his second one tomo.
So i met my friend for lunch today, she showed me what she wanted to show me - a new car!! Her af arrived a yesterday or today (cant remember) so she is out the game too, bloody af!!
I have a stinking horrible cold so im going to have a hot shower then me and bf are getting snuggled in bed to watch a film!!

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I had a VERY relaxing 3rd acupuncture session today, extra needles too - one placed in each ear aswell as the usual ones. When the doctor felt my pulse he also said i am near to ovulating - now perhaps he knew this as he knows wherabouts in my cycle i am or perhaps he knew it through just feeling my pulse i dont know. Either way it made me have confidence in him. He also said to make sure i have 'lots of good times' lol as he is very confident for us this cycle!! Great!! I bought some warming patches last week so i have started to use them......i cant afford to buy any herbs at the moment which im not too bothered about as i have some fertility blend left for me and bf so we started that a few days ago. To be honest i prefer taking the fertility blend as i know exactly whats in that, whereas with the herb mix they give you you dont know. Plus fertility blend doesnt taste revolting like their herb mix lol!
EWCM came in today, neg opk though - only a faint line. We bd last night so for now i think i will keep to every other day, perhaps every 2 days until i get high days on the monitor.
I do feel very good about this cycle, perhaps thats just due to the fact im doing the whole acupuncture thing i dont know......i just have high hopes for this one!!
Me and bf go on holiday in just over a weeks time, off to weymouth with my sister and her bf and we are taking the dogs so should be fun. I will be in the 2ww, so it will be good to take my mind off of it, think testing time will be due after we get home.
I have also started to cut out the amount of junk food i eat during the day - esp at work coffee time, im terrible. I really am going to try to keep to it this time!!!!!!!

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How annoying, i just done an update and the computer froze and lost my entry!!
Am at work at the mo, hit a quiet patch so thought i would update.
I dont know where my o has gone, still getting low days on my monitor and im on CD16. I done an OPK earlier and got a near pos line so i guess time to start bd'ing - bf gonna be busy tonight lol!
Im still not eating the junk at 11am break and lunch. Im allowing myself treats of the evening though as i will just give up if i cant have anything!! I have swapped some of my normal teas for herbal teas so cutting out the caffine.
Anyway, back to work!!

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CD 19 and still no sign of O!!!
Montitor is showing low the whole time, and hardly any EWCM still. Im very confused, my temps are still quite flat, the occasional rise which i think is more due to sleepless nights/getting too hot. I have been getting disctinct O pain this evening, OPK tested neg so im hoping my monitor will show something by tomo morning.
On a happier note, i have 2 things im really looking forward to, our holiday next week, and we have decided to get a new puppy. Our 1 year old dog will love having a 'brother' to play with!! We are going to visit our potential new furbaby on saturday.......bf is starting to think of names!!

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So i woke up this morning with my usual very distinct ovulation pain. Thought great!! Today is O day!! Tested on my monitor, still showing as low, tested this afternoon on OPK, still negative. My temps are still flat. Then i thought to myself, what if its not O pain?? I experience this pain every month and my O always is confirmed on FF at this time. But, the pain is extactly the same as when i was diagnosed with a 10cm ovarian cyst (i had a scan a few yrs ago). So i scanned myself at work, and lo and behold, there it is. A damn 8.5cm cyst on my left ovary.
Now i spoke to the doc a while ago and she said whilst PCOS causes trouble with ttc, single large ones shouldnt. So i googled cysts, apparently they occur when 1, you fail to O, and the follicle keeps filling with fluid, or 2, the corpous luteum turns into a cyst after O. So im thinking perhaps this month i failed to O, hence the cyst.
OMG this is all so frustrating!!!!!

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We are on our last day of holiday today, home tomo its gone so quick!! Its been a very relaxing time, the dogs have had a thoroughly good time too. Lots of walks to the beach and paddles in the sea!
CD 26 today, i got my 1st high day on my monitor yesterday!! So im not sure where the cyst arose from as it couldnt be as i failed to O as im building up to o now, and its certainly not a corpous luteum cyst as i definately havent o'ed already. I know it was definately 100% a cyst though, so perhaps it just delayed O. Im wondering if the vitex caused it? I stopped the vitex a week ago and my body is now gearing up to o. I have always found the vitex wonderful up until now? I wonder if it delayed my O and caused the cyst?

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What on earth is going on this cycle??? CD 28, i had 3 high days on my monitor and its now gone back to low!!! So annoying, i just want to know if im going to O!! And i havent a clue when to expect af now. GRRRRRRRRR im so annoyed i dont know what else to write!!!

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CD 31. I have decided to give up on this cycle and stop stressing. Im obviously not going to O, and obviously havent O'ed (still no +opk or temp increase). So, im just going to wait for af, i havent got a clue as to when she will arrive though. I guess i shouldnt complain, out of the total 21 months of ttc this is my fist annovulatory cycle im aware of........still so frustrating though, what a wasted month. It doesnt help that tomo is October, the month in which i concieved last year.
I have something else which is distracting me though, me and bf are getting another dog, a brother for our dog we have now! I cant wait, am so excited!!! We get him on 27th October!

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I started spotting last night and this morning, af is nearly in full swing now. Im glad so i can move onto a fresh cycle but so so so gutted at having a wasted cycle. I hope this cycle will be ok......dont want another annovulatory one. Going to give it one more cycle i think then return to the doctors.

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Cd 4 - what an odd af. Very light flow every day and sorry if tmi but its black/brown colour, like old blood.
My friend suggested to me to ask the doc if i can try clomid. My initial thought was no way, i dont need that as im o'ing most of the time. But after thinking about it for a couple of days and reading up on it AND asking the wonderful ladies on here im thinking it sounds like a really good idea. It helps make your O stronger and corrects any potential LP/FSH defects. So perhaps my o just isnt strong enough.....plus my spotting sometimes starts at 10dpo. Im getting very conscious of the fact its nearly 2 years of ttc now.
Im going to book an appointment with the doctor tomorrow, i so so so so hope he will aggree. Im going to see the male doc this time as im thinking he may be more amenable to it than the lady i normally see.....plus i think he has an area of gynae interest so thats gotta count for something. Please kepp fingers crossed this is my answer!!!

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I had a really good appointment at the doctors! I showed him my latest charts, explained my concerns and asked him if he thought clomid would be helpful. He said yes he thought it would but doesnt want to put me straight on it because of the risks of multiples and ovarian hyperstimulation etc etc so would like to refer me to a gynaecologist to start investigations and then see if clomid is suitable!!
Im so pleased, he really listened to me and he didnt dismiss my charting like the female doctor did - infact told me to keep charting as its very useful!!
o, i just need to wait for the appointment to come through now!

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im having the day off work today, im feeling so ill! I started having cramps in my torso yesterday and i woke up feeling like i had the worse hangover ever (i hadnt even had anything to drink!). I kept feeling nauseous and headachey at work but managed to get through the day. I had an early night last night, woke up at 4am this morning, thought i had better take my temp as i had a feeling i was going to keep waking through the rest of the evening - 38.1!!! Blimey!! Could have been where i had extra blankets on the bed but im sure im running a fever.....and i feel so cold!?!
Anyway, i got up at 12pm (due to start work at 1pm) and again all the same symptoms. I had the best intention of going into work, had my uniform on.....then thought no way i can go in feeling like this, especially as the diarrhoea kicked in (sorry tmi lol)!!
So im snuggled up in bed with the dog at the moment, he looks so cosy sleeping next to me!!

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Im still off work with this horrible diarrhoea bug. I went in the next day after my post above, was feeling nasty again by the end, went in the Friday morning but had to come home as again i felt even worse and still no better over the weekend! So i saw the hout of hours doc yesterday, she gave me a course of antibiotics and told me to take a sample into my doctor this morning which i have. I think im going to stay at home tomorrow, aside from the diarrhoea and nausea, i have absolutely no energy whatsoever!!
And to make things really irritating, my temps are completely useless as they remained high (due to fever) for the last 6 days so thats going to completely mess up my O pattern on FF. On the plus side, i took my first monitor reading yesterday morning (a day late as i set it late by mistake) and got a peak reading straight away!! Wow so quick! I made sure i rested plenty in the day so i what little energy i had left was for when bf came home from work if you know what i mean!! Smile There was no way after a wasted month lasted month i was going to delay another month, illness or no illness!!! So will prob bd again tonight as i dont think i have o'ed yet, i have no o pain, and my cervix is still high, soft and open. I had not monitored any fertility signs at all this cycle, being that yesterday was only CD 10, O wasnt potentially due for another 7-9 days so completely unexpected!!! And what with having upset tummy, i havent been paying attention to look for any EWCM. Although, i do remember thinking i saw some at around CD 8 then dismissed it as so early in the cycle. Well this is the month a year ago we conceived lat year so im feeling positive, and i havent stressed woryying about O either lol so thats gotta count!! So, if i O tomorrow, that makes me at 12dpo on the 27th Oct - the day we get out new puppy!! Let hope and pray that i will be getting 2 babies that day!!

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I woke up this morning in fairly good spirits, glad our timing has been good this cycle and feeling really positive like this is the month.
That feeling didnt last long.
I decided to check my facebook, and there it was like a giant slap in the face. My bf's brothers ex gf is 6 weeks pg. I cant be happy for her. Not one bit. When she was going out with my bf's brother, she stayed with us for a few days, she is 19, rude, sulky, argumentative, irritating, childish and attention-seeking. Bf's brother saw this and split up with her when she went home. So obviously her new bf of 9 weeks as got her pg, and she says she is delighted. Im hating the way i sound so resentful and bitter, but i can just see her drinking and smoking her way through this pregnancy. It seems like a novelty to her that will no doubt wear off. I feel like i HATE her for this. I cant help these strong feelings i have. And i know it is going to be completely rubbed in my face (not directly as i dont speak to her) at every development through this pregnancy. I am going to have to remove her from my facebook, i cant see this. And i know its completely stupid, but i keep thinking it was my turn to be pg this month, now she has announced hers it means i wont be pg. I know that is so stupid but its like she took my turn.

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So this morning there she is on facebook again, whinging and whining about morning sickness. Sorry to keep on about this, but she really has maddened me - more so than anyone else who doesnt deserve to be pg. It really winds me up that there are so many lovely deserving people out there who should be pg, and it happens to someone like her. Like my friend who has suffered from 4 miscarriages, why cant she be pg??? Her and her dh are the lovliest people you would ever meet, it makes me so sad for them.
Speaking of her, she got the go ahead from the doctors to do chromosome testing on her and her dh after her latest m/c - she should be getting the results in 6 weeks or so now i guess. She was telling me, if he is a carrier of something abnormal, they will consider a sperm doner, if it is her then she wont go down the road of egg dontaion or surrogacy. She said then will be the time they either stop, or consider adoption.....i so hope things will be ok for them.
Im CD13 today, 2 dpo. I remembered this morning that a while back i brought some natural progesterone cream and never used it, so i started it today, cant do no harm right!
Im feeling virtually back to normal today after my nasty illness, still have a small amount of diarrhoea but no where like before. Im waiting for my results from the doctors to see if im going back to work later on, i hope i dont have to, i could really do with just relaxing for the rest of the week now i have got used to being off.
Oh, i forgot to mention about the acupuncture. Me and bf havent been back yet for another session, it just seems like its been a bit mad lately and its nice to finally relax at home, lazy really i know but i cant motivate myself to go. I guess im not that convinced after all. I think i would much rather use the money to pay for other alternative treatment in a cinic specialising in the fertility area.....there are a few near me that offer reflexology etc for fertility so i may try them. At the moment money isnt great so i may wait a little while, depending on next payday.

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CD 14, 3dpo. I thought i felt the tender breasts start ever so ever so slightly at 1dpo this cycle, and its definately there today. Not really strong like it used to be before the m/c, but its definately there. I guess it may increase over the next few days.....i want to get really tender breasts as this was the main pg symptom i got last time!! Aside from this, no other symptoms to report. Im umming and ahhing about whether to keep temping for the remainder of this cycle, the temps themselves are no good to confirm o as i was running a fever when i was ill. And im not sure i want to see them dropping if im not pg this month.....i think ill take them til im about 8dpo then stop. I cant remember if i said this earlier, but im not going to bother checking my cp anymore for the rest of this cycle, that always gives it away that im not pg when it starts to open for af at the end of the 2ww.
Oh, i got my result from the doctors yesterday, i had a nasty bug called Cryptosporidium - either caught it from someone at work or an animal or it was on something i ate. Nasty! Anyway im better now thankfully!!!

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4 dpo - Not much to report today, no new symptoms. Im sure my breasts aren't as tender today but its hard to say for sure. I hope not as that is convinving me my progesterone levels arent high enough. Im going to continue with the progesterone cream. Hopefully this is something the gynaecologist will go through with me when my appointment finally comes through.
Went back to work for a few hours today, not much going on there which was nice to have a quiet shift.

Update: So i have been sitting watching t.v. and i felt crapming, like a pelivic ache. Implantation/pg symptom? I hope so!!!

Anngie60's picture
Joined: 01/28/07
Posts: 630

What a sad few days it has been. My very very good friend's daughter who was also my friend died on saturday evening - she was only 20 years old. My friend and her husband and son are coping as to be expected, i visited them today after work. The funeral is next thurs, everyone has been asked to go and dress up as if its a party, she would have liked that. She lived life to the fullest and was always there for anyone who needed her, no matter her own probs. R.I.P. H x x

8dpo - Some breast tenderness still, cervix nearly closed, not quite medium but not quite closed. I had a slight amount of nausea earlier but not much. I think there may be the tiniest tiniest possibility i had the smalles ever amount of spotting at 6dpo but it really was so small i could have imagined it. Do i feel pg? Not really i dont think, my breasts dont feel nearly as tender as what they used to so this is what doesnt convince me this is my month. Oh well, 4 days and i know i guess.

We get our puppy this Friday 24th Oct now, i cant wait. It is 1 day out from a year ago we got our other boy, wierd how dates match up!!! He is going to be so pleased to meet his new brother!!!

Anngie60's picture
Joined: 01/28/07
Posts: 630

So its 7.15am and i have has about 3 and a half hours sleep. Yes, we got the new puppy yesterday!! My adult dog is entertaining him at the moment which is nice as it means i dont have to ha ha, im so tired!! He is so cute though, full of mischief! Think me and bf went to bed at 2am, puppy woke us up at 5.36am, then he eventually dozed for 20mins or so, now he is wide awake and very noisily crying! I have just gave him his breakfast so after a play hopefully he will be tired again and i can go back to bed!!!

Anyway, im out this month, no July 09 baby for us. I started spotting CD10 and am still spotting now so af will be here by this evening or tomorrow. I was disappointed but not as much as usual as i have the puppy to concentrate on....just aswell as its going to be bad enough on 5th Nov as thats a year ago to the day i got my bfp. I havent heard anything as yet about my appointment so am waiting on that. Hope it hurries up.

Anngie60's picture
Joined: 01/28/07
Posts: 630

CD2. It will be good to get back into having a normal af (hopefully!) this cycle. I feel like i have missed 2 months of ttc, what with the first being annovulatory and being ill the second i dont feel its been a good try!!
Be back later to carry on this entry.............

Anngie60's picture
Joined: 01/28/07
Posts: 630

Lol i completely forgot to come back and finish yesterdays post!!!

CD3 now, hopefully the worst part of af is over, just a few days of light left now, then the coundown to O. Gonna really try and get the timing spot on this cycle. I so so so hate having to plan this every month though, i really can see how it becomes a drag. It was so nice when i fell pg last time to be able to drop the routine of bd'ing and just go with the flow, and to not have to worry about timing.

Puppy is getting on well, he is sleeping through nearly all night now, and mos of the day!!!

Anngie60's picture
Joined: 01/28/07
Posts: 630

CD 15, 2dpo.
Looks like the timing has been very good this cycle, we bd'd on the 3 days leading up to O and on the day of O. If that doesnt work this cycle then i dont know what will!!!!
I got my referral appointment through, 17th November - not long to go!! I hope they dont try to fob me off and just tell me to keep trying for a bit longer.
I cant believe this time a year ago i was pregnant, its so unfair. Thats all i kept thinking of in 5th Nov as it was a year ago to that day i got my bfp - i was so so so happy.
When i first started ttc 2 years ago, there was one of my colleague trying and another of my colleagues wife.....they both fell pg before me, they both now have there 1 year old (or therabouts) baby. The first colleague is now 6-7 months pg again and the others wife is ttc again. I know its not a race but i cant help but think it should be me falling pg before her this time.....if i hear she is pg again i will be so upset.

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Joined: 01/28/07
Posts: 630

Just got back from my appointment, and it was a successful one too!! The consultant was very nice and thorough. She felt my abdomen and done an internal exam, said everything there felt normal. She had a chat with me about my history, cycles etc and has decided the first things to do will be cycle day 1 or 2 hormone profile (LH, FSH, Testosterone, Sex hormone-binding globulin (SHBG) and prolactin, a cycle day 21 progesterone and a pelvic ultrasound. She said i could possibly have pcos but she thinks its unlikely as i am of normal weight. If all those results come back normal then we will look at having bf do a SA. If it looks like i have pcos then onto the clomid. If (phew!) im normal and bf is normal then i dont know, she didnt say....i guess they may start looking into HSG's and that kind of thing. Either way i am very happy we are doing something,it may even take the pressure off.
As far as this cycle goes, i tested (10dpo today) and its a bfn. I dont think i am pg this cycle. My breasts are more temder than normal but judging by the bfn's and my cervix im not convinced at all.

Anngie60's picture
Joined: 01/28/07
Posts: 630

CD3 - Yes af arrived as i was suspecting.
I had my first set of blood tests taken yesterday and my ultrasound was this morning. Everything on the u/s looked normal so thats great news, just got to wait for the blood results now.

Anngie60's picture
Joined: 01/28/07
Posts: 630

I got my blood results back today. I know the consultant was querying pcos so am wondering if the results indicate this. Not spoken to the consultant and unlikely to do so for at least 6 weeks until my follow up appointment so its killing me not knowing if they show anything.

FSH - 5.4
LH - 8.7
Prolatin - 187
Testosterone - +2.6
SHBG - awaiting result

I understand my fsh level is good (under 10 is very good) but am concerned as when it was last measure 14 months ago it was 3, should it have declined that much that quick??? ARGHHHHH!!!!!

I wish i could speak to somone now, my head is buzzing!!!

I know she said if i come back normal then we investigate bf but i have decided he should get a SA done in the meantime. That way if all my tests are normal im not going to waste another month or so waiting for another appointment to go back with his results. This way i can go to my january appointment ready with them in hand. We go to see bf's dr next wednesday 3rd dec.

I feel so stressed with this now which isnt helping. I just want to be pg again.....i feel so sad especially now its coming closer and closer to a year since the m/c.

Anngie60's picture
Joined: 01/28/07
Posts: 630

CD 7

My follow up appointment had been moved forward to 29th December now so thats great, just over 4 weeks to go. I still havent shed any light on the blood results, well some perhaps. Apparently if your lh value is higher than your fsh value at the begining of your cycle then this is an indication of pcos, also a high prolactin and testosterone value is. From one website i found my prolactin is high (very!) but another says it isnt.....it depends on what units my result is measured in i guess.
Im going to restart my healthy eating again, i was so naughty giving it up before lol. I also stopped the acupuncture.....to be honest it was relaxing at the end of each session but i was starting to get tense up during it and not enjoy some of the needle points. So instead i am going to try reflexology, i have a number i am going to ring this afternoon or this evening.
I have also ordered a couple of books, 'the fertility diet' (to help with my eating lol) and 'getting pregnant - faster' a step by step book on all tips to improve your lifestyle and chances.
Off to work in an hour, then i have tomorrow off as my dad is going in to hospital for a huge operation, we found out about 6 weeks or so ago he has mouth cancer, of the tongue. So he is going for a major 8-10 hour surgery on the Friday. It made me so sad when he first found out he said to me 'youll have to hurry up and get me a grandchild!'. It made me feel so upset that i had had my baby taken away from me and from him. I so wanted to be able to tell him im pg again before he went in for his op too.

Anngie60's picture
Joined: 01/28/07
Posts: 630

So my dad went in to hospital today for his operation tomorrow. It was horrible leaving him, me mum and my sister all got upset. One of the surgeons came after us to see if we were ok and briefly explained what to expect afterwards, he was very nice and very reassuring. I guess tomo will be spent mainly thinking of and hoping all goes well for my dad.
In the car on the way up to the hospital he said to me and my sister which once of you is going to make me a grandad first? I so so wish i could say me, im pg now!!!!! Well, hopefully soon.

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Joined: 01/28/07
Posts: 630

We got the phonecall about 2 hours ago that dad is out of surgery and all went to plan....it took 12 hours! They will be keeping him sedated for the next 24 hours and he is in ICU and we are to ring in the morning to see when we can visit. Im so glad all is ok, will hopefully be able to go up tomo to see him.
I booked my reflexology appointment, im going up next week on Thursday at 3.30pm!

Anngie60's picture
Joined: 01/28/07
Posts: 630

Dad is doing fantastic, he is now up and about walking around and has had his trachy out. He is talking, speech is a bit slurred due to the partial tongue removal but better than i expected. He did develop a high temp - 39.5! - and a chest infection a couple of days after the surgery but fought that off quite quick. Hopefully he will be home monday.
2dpo - timing was good again this cycle, so far that hasnt meant anything tho!!!! I had my reflexology appointment on thursday, it was very relaxing. Im not sure yet whether to go back tho, the journey wasnt great - 40mins each way. I guess i will think on that for a while.
I have been reading through the books i bought, wow its amazing how much toxins and rubbish you put in your body that you dont realise. There is loads of helpful advice and tips which i am fllowing. My main downfalls are caffine (not a huge amount tho), waayyy too much sugar intake and not eating home cooked meals.

Anngie60's picture
Joined: 01/28/07
Posts: 630

CD 22 - 7dpo.
i had my post o progesterone blood taken today, hopefully ill get the results back in the next couple of days. No spectacular symptoms to report, i had a slight temp dip this morning though so that could be a good sign!!
I am doing very well with my healthy eating, those books have really given me the motivation to stick to it. I havent ate hardly ANY rubbish over the last week - and im actually starting to enjoy trying all the new health foods and feel better in myself. Well.....not completely.....i got a nasty cold in the last couple of days with the most unbareable sore throat!! I blame bf, he gave it to me. He was meant to go for a SA yesterday but was too ill with the cold so i let him off.
I have decided not to go back to the reflexologist i saw, she was very good, but i cant see me sticking to it with that long drive. There is a lady about 10mins from me so i will look her up after christmas.
Its coming up to the 1 year mark since the m/c - thats going to be hard.....i just keep thinking how this should be the most fantastic time ever for babys first christmas.

Anngie60's picture
Joined: 01/28/07
Posts: 630

Im so peeved now. I went to the toilet earlier and i am spotting. At 10dpo. ARGGHHH!!
I looked at my chart and doubt very much that i could have o'ed earlier, not judging by the temps and monitor. It will be interesting to see what my 7dpo progesterone comes back at. My one relief is that my appointment is not long, only 2 weeks.
I am more upset than ever about not being pg this cycle than any other, i would never have thought that a year on after the m/c there would still be no baby or pregnancy.

Anngie60's picture
Joined: 01/28/07
Posts: 630

I got my 7dpo progesterone result back - 53 so thats a lovely number.....shame it wasnt a pg number!!! There were also the other results back:

SHBG - 95
Tes1 - 1.3
DFT1 - 18

.........not sure what any of them mean.
Im at work at the mo, time is going really slowly, still got another hour and a half. Im trying not to slip on my better eating/health plan, having af arrive has let me down a little, almost like whats the point. But then i have to remember im doing this so i can fall pg, that is the point!!
I got the marilyn glenville fertility supplements and omega 3 yesterday so i replaced my regular prenats with them.

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