Angela's 2nd TTC journal - TTC after a loss

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Not much to tell, on CD 3.
I have given up the temping this month, i want a month off im sick of it all. Im not going to not try, will still use my monitor but im not going to stay too focused on this cycle. What with christmas coming up im just going to enjoy it and have a few drinks. Bf will be on nights also around O time so not to sure if timing will be that great anyway.
Out for a meal tonight, need to go dry my hair!!

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CD 10.
Odd. I started spotting yesterday, and still slightly today....its bright red blood too, not sure what that is all about. Not long til my appointment, i will mention it. Only 4 days!
It was a year on Sunday since the m/c. I was going to write on here but just couldnt bring myself to do it. I cant believe a year has passed - and i feel so so so cross about everything we lost. This christmas should be all about the baby we never had. I try to stay positive but i cant help these thoughts, and i feel so so bitter when i see other pg ladies. I wish i could stop that. Oh well, just got to keep telling myself it will be my turn soon.
Christmas day tomo, got all my last bits of shopping today.
Puppy has grown so much, he is 14 weeks now!!!
Not much else to say at the mo!!

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CD 14, still no high on monitor. Thats a good thing though as bf is on nights so our timin wouldnt have been great anyway. He has his 5 days off from tomo, hopefully O will arrive around then.
Im looking forward to tomo, my appointment finally!! I really hope the consultant does something other than just tell me bf has to go for a SA. Im hoping clomid may be an option and give me a stronger O and a longer LP.
Christmas all over with now, i have been so unhealthy but then i knew i would be at this time of year. Back to the health plan in the new year!!

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Had my follow up today, kind of unhappy and happy with it at the same time. The woman wasnt as good as the last one, a bit vague and seemed to shrug off my concerns and questions. She said my bloods were all normal. She said she wont give me clomid as i appear to be ovulating, so i said but it is intermittetly; she didnt want to see my charts and said did i have blood tests on all my cycles. Of course not. Ugh.
I said could my progesterone be tailing off too quickly (i explained about i keep getting 9dpo spotting then af at 10 dpo on occasions) she didnt seem to get this question as she just kept saying no you are ovulating you have healthy levels. Give me strength!!!!

Told me to get bf SA done. Which i know already. I asked her again, please can i try clomid as its now been 2 yrs in total, she said no its been 1 year really as i m/c.

But, she does want me to have a HSG done. I have to have that done on either day 7, 8 or 9 so will be next month. The hosp only do 4 days a month on HSG's so how the heck im going to manage that i do not know. My sister works in the radiology dept and she spoke to her boss who apparently said to her last week if i need a HSG then he will sort it out somehow and make sure i get the best person. Thats something i guess.
I was reading online that it is quite common for women to fall pg after a HSG as it clears out any debris/mucous plus etc so thats a positive. Not looking forward to it though, its meant to cramp you up as they flush the dye in through the cervix.

I do feel a little deflated about the whole apponintment, i really wanted to try the clomid!!!

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My letter came through, my sister managed to schedule the HSG for 22 Jan - i should be on cD 10 at that point so just got in there!! That is if i dont get a bfp this cycle which of course i am really hoping for!!!!!
If there is no bfp and my HSG comes back ok, i am seriously thinking of trying 2 doses of clomid myself. I know its not the best situation but my friend at work is now 9 months gone after giving herself 1 dose of clomid. Talking to my sister, her friend at the hosp was on clomid and she recieved no monitoring at all from her docs!!! That seems to be the case for most ladies that i have spoken too. I guess i shall wait and see on that one.
I think im o'ing today, we bd the other night and last night so got some good timing in, will try tonight but not sure if we will be able to fit it in as we have bf's dad round for new years eve. At least i have some cover tho!! In fact it is the same timing that got me my last bfp before.

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4dpo. Good timing this cycle. We did get one more bd in as bf's dad didnt come over so that was good....lol we actually bd'd into the new year ha ha sorry if tmi!! So im hoping that is a lucky time to concieve, that would be so great!!
Nothing to report on the symptoms side of things, just the post O tender breasts at the moment. Im going to try to not test early again, although i have found that when i do test early and its a bfn although its hugely disappointing i dont feel as upset when af arrives. I was absolutely gutted last cycle, more so than any and i dont fancy getting upset like that again.

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woops

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8dpo - no more symptoms apart from tender breasts still and they doo feel more tender than usual so thats some hope!! I was in the supermarket today and they had baby 2-pieces going cheap, i thought why the hell not and bought one in the hope it may give me some luck and bring me a bfp this cycle!! I suppose i'll find out in 4 days....although maybe sooner as im contemplating testing earlier.

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Ugh. I feel like crap at the mo. Im at work and this morn was going ok. Then my collegue came in and i have found out his wife is pg again. So...to recap....i started ttc in dec 2006, so did 2 of my colleagues. They both have a 1 year old baby, one is 9mth pg and now the 2nd one is pg again too. WHY CANT I JUST HAVE ONE PREGNANCY!!!!! Why did i have to m/c....its so unfair.
Dont get me wrong, i like my colleague, we get on well.....but he is the kind of person (and she is, she works here too) that will go on and on about it. Thats all ill hear now. Everything. All her symptoms. Every single bit. Ugh. I feel so rubbish now. And jealous, i hate feeling like this.
As for me, i caved in and tested at 10 + 11 dpo - BFN. Im 12dpo, temder breasts, no spotting. Hoping im pg but thinking i know im not. Perhaps im only 11dpo today, there was a temp i was unsure about. I did have some spotting the other day but its gone again....that gives me a little hope to think i am pg. My temps are still up too. Im rambling now so gonna go.

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CD 2.

GRRRRRRR.

Bloody AF.

Onto another cycle i guess. Feb 6th will be 1 year since my cycles returned to normal after the m/c - i never thought even afer the m/c that a year on i would still not be pregnant. I wonder where i'll be in a year from now!?!
My HSG is in one week, i hope all will be ok.
I have booked my reflexology appointment with the lady who lives 2 mns away from me for next weds......will cont later

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Oops!! Forgot to come back and finish that previous entry!!
Yes, so i have my apponitment with the reflexologist on wenesday. I spoke to her on the phone and explained where im at....she was so nice, even nicer than the last lady i saw. She has been through all the HSG's/IVF etc etc so is very understanding of my need and frustrations.
Not much else to tell.....i had a good chat with my friend who has suffered 4 or 5 (?) m/c - she and dh are waiting for cd2 bloodwork and are being to referred to the frequent m/c clinic, finally. Im glad she is moving on and loking into things as last time i spoke to her properly i had the feeling she was going to give up ttc. I guess after 12 (?) years and that many m/c's it takes it toll on you big time.

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I had such a nice dream last night!! I was pregnant again, and i kept worrying i would m/c and i waited patiently through the first 12 weeks and somehow it flew past really quick, and it was like overnight i was suddenly 17weeks pg with a lovely bump to show off and i could feel the baby kicking and moving!! What an amazing feeling and that was just a dream!! Cant wait for the real thing!!

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I have just come home from my first reflexology session with my new lady. She was lovely, so so so much better than the last lady and she was nice. She sat down with me and we had a talk about my history etc and she was so sympathetic and understanding. She talked to me alot asking how i feel about the m/c now, i told her im still very bitter, angry and upset about it and how difficult at work it is with my colleagues wife being pg. It made me feel so good to actually say those words to someone as i havent ever said that to anyone before. In fact, i didnt realise how good it made me feel to say that until i just wrote this sentence. She has been through 2 m/c herself, IUI's and failed IVF's, HSG's etc etc. She now has a little adoptive son. I think thats what makes her so understanding to it all.....i dont think you ever truely realise until you have been through it yourself.
She done the reflexology thing, used energy crystals - cant remember what she called that - and then done some visualization techniques with me. I was nearly asleep!! Im not sure if she was a bit psychic too as some of her evaluations of my personality were spot on. ....think it was more spiritual healing techniques used also.....either way she was very accurate and i could actually feel the energy flowing if that makes sence. I am going back to see her in 12 days, im looking forward to it already.
Yesterday at work was a bit hard, my colleague has decided that him and his wife are going to announce their pregnancy at work. Ugh i feel like i am loosing my positive energy now im onto this subject. In a way its good because i can vent some of these feelings to friends now they now, before if i had said anything i would have felt like i was giving his secret away and thats not nice. I guess im going to hear non stop things from them now.
Ok, back to feeling positive!!! I really cant believe how much talking to someone has helped. When she asked me who do i talk to about it, i then realised that actually i dont speak to anyone about my true extent of hurt and upset about the whole thing. Sure, ppl know it upsets me, but not to the degree it does. She suggested i book i to speak to a councellor/hypnotherapist as a one off and see if that helps so i may look into that.
My HSG is tomo, im kind of looking forward to it but kind of dreading it. I hope all is clear.

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I have just got back home from my HSG, and its good news!! My tubes are clear and normal and uterus looks normal too!! I feel a bit silly though as i cried when the done it. The consultant was brill. The cleaning my cervix bit was fine, the inserting the catheter was fine. But then he inflated the balloon at the end of the catheter (in my uterus) and that REALLY hurt. It really cramped me. He has warned me it would as its stretching the cervix. It was definately worse than period pain and thats what made me cry. Some women dont feel a thing, but i did!!! They say the bit that hurts and cramps is when the shoot the dye in but i didnt feel that at all! It was great as i had a monitor next to me and got to watch it as it was injected, really interesting. So now i just have to sort out details for bf's SA next week.
I had another bad day at work yesterday, my colleague very insensitively asked me if i would scan his wife as she is approx 7 weeks along now. (We have a scan machine at work). OMG he must realise i thats completely thoughtless to even suggest such a thing. Im not even a qualified scanner person, i have just looked at myself in the past when i had an ovarian cyst.....he isnt qualified either but perfectly capable of knowing how to do it. I asked why me, and his reason was 'well you have done A before' (A being my colleague who is 9mths gone) to which i said well i havent, i have just seen her scan HERSELF a few times. Either he is trying to rub my nose in it or is completely ignorant of my feelings. It wasnt mentioned anymore so i got out of it. I think if he asks me again i will say i dont feel comfortable doing it at present, what with it being a year on and going thru the tests im finding myself more sensitive than normal.

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Not sure if we are going to be able to do bf's SA nxt week as it looks like it will be my O week!! The lab person and the consultants i spoke to said bf must refrain from any ejaculation 3 days before the SA....so, we can either miss this months timing, or get his SA done. I am definately leaning towards the Bd'ing as i dont want to waste this month after having the HSG, they say it gives you a good clean out and increases your chances of falling pg by a further 25%!

And im not sure if he can get time of over the following 3 weeks, i guess its all hanging on my O date at the mo which im not sure what its going to be........last month was CD 18, the month before CD15 and before that CD11 so who Knows!!

Im feeling ok today after the HSG, slight acheyness/cramping but really slight, almost gone. And a small amount of spotting.

Really am going to work hard at relaxing now and getting out of this rut im in and feeling so down and awful at the time. Its mainly at work due to the co-worker so that will be the real challenge.

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Cd 18, 2dpo

Again, good timing this cycle. I think this cycle felt a little different than normal.....not sure if this is due to the hsg or just it is different. Anyway, i had no pre o pain like i normaly do, just a few twinges on what i think was o day. Plus there were no high days on my fm, it went straight to peak. And my opk's, WOW!! This was the first cycle where i had a blazing positive, the test line was waayyy darker than the control line and i have never had that before.
I am going to try my best to not stress this 2ww or think about it too much so i may not write on here too often during this time. I am due to go back to see the reflexologist lady on Friday, but im not sure if im able to afford it. Thats a real nuisance as i feel im really going to benefit from it.

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I feel really disheartened. I done so well this 2ww, i really didnt think about it a huge amount and i just chilled. I thought after the HSG my chances would be way increased. But no. The spotting has started 11dpo. I havent tested (none in the house!!) but i know im not pg......af will prob be in full swing by tomo or Weds. So i think i have finally made a decision. I am going to start the clomid next cycle.
Bf is going to have his SA Thurs......part of me wonders if i should wait until we get his results but i dont want to waste another month.

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We done bf's SA yesterday and dropped it into the hospital. Bless him he didnt moan a bit about it - cant be nice being under pressure like that. It meant alot to me he was willing to go through all this.
So i think my first day of clomid will be tomorrow, im very hopeful of it. Felt annoyed at worl today my colleague and his wife were in the scan room AGAIN then talking about it afterwards. I felt like saying shut the hell up i dont want to know, have some bloody awareness of how i must feel!!!
I spoke to my friend a week or so ago (the one who has had 4 or 5 m/c) they have decided not to pursue any more testing or ttc. They feel its too heartbreaking, that makes me so sad for her. I am going to her house at the beginning of March for a proper catch up.

I forgot to say in my last entry, i was able to afford to go back to the reflexologist. Again it was a lovely relaxing session. I am certainly gpoing back again in a week or so.

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I took my first clomid tablet this afternoon! I felt so happy when i took it, like for the first time i truely believed this is going to work this cycle!! So another 4 days of taking it and then wait for O. Im going back to the reflexologist again around O time if i can time it right.
Going to pop into the doctors tomo and see if bf's SA results are in. All being well that they are ok im not sure what the gynae's next move will be.

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I took my 5th and final dose of clomid today! No side effects as yet that im aware of but i dont know when they will kick in if they do. I had some o pain the other day but that is quite normal for me to get the odd bit at some places during my cycle so im not blaming that one on the clomid.
My colleagues wife went for a scan the other day (she had some bleeding) and everything was ok, she was measuring at 9 weeks. Whilst i am of course glad all looks good i was immensly jealous, especially as he was waving the picture around. Now i feel guilty writing that as i am pleased for him but i cannot forget his insensitivity towards me last month.
I so hope this is my bfp cycle. I sat up on the comp watching birth videos last night and i thought it was such an amazing thing to be able to go through, it made me want to cry for joy for these women who gave birth to their babies! I so so so cant wait until its our turn.

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I have just come back from lunch with my friend (S). She was the one who had the m/c abouth 5months before me at 8weeks. She is pregnant again after 18months of (kinda) ttc. I did feel a slight pang of jealousy but i must admit if anything it has given me hope and made me think if it can happen again for her then it can happen again for me. I do feel so happy for her as i know the m/c hit her really hard, we went through the same feelings together. She said her last period was new years eve so thinks she must be at 9 weeks now. I so hope everything is ok this time, she has an appointment tomo at 1.30pm ish with the nurse to discuss early scanning etc.
So far no symptoms for me, just feels like a regular cycle. Monitor is on the high days now so i guess its only a matter of days til peak.

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Its about 3 hours after my entry at lunchtime today and i have just got a positive opk!! Must be a sign! I started having very mild O pain on my lhs about half hour ago, now its at my rhs....perhaps im going to O on both sides after taking the clomid!!
Im so glad we bd last night (twice lol!), going to get at it tonight and the next couple i guess and then try to relax. Need to ring my reflexology lady now to book an appointment.

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Cd 17, 1dpo.
My temp shot up thismorning so obviously O'ed last night. The O pain increased further that evening and the next day, it was still on both sides and more intense than normal. I also had a heavy feeling i my uterus area.
Now its the waiting game. I will be away in Scotland for a course around my testing date so i may wait to test until i get back and bf is around. It will be quite nice to have no af show when its due, to be able to test after af should have arrived and be able to say 'yes my period is late' then, 'oh, no period' !! lol silly idea but simple things n all!!
I had a reflexology appointment yesterday which was nice and relaxing.
My friend had her scan yesterday or today (i cant remember which) and all looked ok, they say baby is 19mm, measuring just over 8 weeks!! Ihope all remains ok for her.

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Just got back from the hosp, SA results in:

Volume: 4.5ml (normal 2.5ml and above)

A) Rapid progression: 49% (normal is 50% so just about on)
Dirol Slow progression: 7%
C) Non progressive: 9%
D) Immotile: 35%

Normal morphology: 6% (Normal amount varies in book/net some say 15% others 30%)
Head defects: 42%
Mid piece defects: 24%
Tail defects: 26%

Sperm concentration: 28million per ml (Normal 20million and above)

So the doc said they are all normal, and yes, looking at concentration and rapid progression, they are great....but im not so sure on the normal morphology as this came at 6%, thats way below normal!!! She said they are all fine though so im confused!!!

I asked for Clomid again (which i didnt tell her i took off my own back this cycle) but she wouldnt give it to me. She again (although was a different woman) disregarded my concerns re my luteal phase and early spotting so im glad i have done it myself. Not that i would recommend anyone else do this of course, I guess us women who want a baby so bad resort to desperate measures huh.

So, she said the diagnosis is now unexplained infertility. She is sending a letter to my local doctor referring us to an infertility centre and we will have a chat to them about going on to IUI's or IVF, we apparently get 2 rounds of IVF on the nhs and the waiting list isnt too long at the mo.

Im not sure on how i feel about this. I would never imagined we would get to this stage. I am happy the options are there but am obviously hoping it will happen naturally before this appointment comes through. She said we can cont to ttc for another 6 months and see or go to the specialist. We are going to go to the specialist because we could wait the 6 months and still no pregnancy and then have to wait even longer for the appointment....i guess it makes sense to get the ball rolling now.

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I rang the lab today who done bf's SA, i spoke to the guy that looks at the samples and explained my concern re the low morphology. He aggreed with me that it is low. He said they use the WHO method when analysing samples and like to see a minimum of 15% normal morphology - just as i thought. That means bf is under half of the minimum amount!!!
I am so cross with the hospital for ignoring this or disregarding it, as clearly, looking at all the info on the internet/books/speaking to people, it does matter! In fact i think its one of the most important things!!!
I am glad we are going to have our referral as im sure the specialist fertility centre will pick up on it straight away.
This is stressing me out now and i so didnt want to be stressed like this.

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9dpo - any symptoms? So far just the usual tender breasts, they are more so yesterday ans today. And skin break out. Nothing unusual there then. A few crampy twinges......and thats about it!
Im going to test the morning of the 11th march as i go away on a course up Scotland that day. I want to be able to say to bf 'i guess im not going to have a drink with dinner tonight......as im pregnant!!'. That will be the best ever. We shall see!!

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10dpo, i had a really good feeling about this cycle when i woke up thismorning, like yes i am pregnant this cycle.
My temp was up nicely and my breasts are so so tender!! Again, i have had a few crampy niggle pains, not like af pains though.
I hope this is real and im not just imaginging or wanting it so much that im fooling myself!!

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11dpo.

Wow. I look at what i wrote yesterday and wow.

We are pregnant!!!!!

I wasnt going to test until 13dpo, then i sat at the comp this evening and thought sod it, im so used to getting a bfn i will just test now. Plus i had that good feeling i said about yesterday and i was impatient!!!

There it was, that lovely line on an internet cheapie straight away!! I then tested with a FRER and heres what i got:

I text bf the photo, he rang me up laughing away!! He says i basically need wrapping in cotton wool now, he even said he would change all the cat trays (he hates anything like that!!) bless him.

I have told all my family they are very happy, i have told bf's family who are also very happy!!! We arent telling anyone else until after the 12 week scan.

I just need to remain positive and relax now. I need to make sure i dont stress. What will be will be.

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13dpo - 4 weeks pg!!

Im on the train up to scotland at the mo, thankfully there is wireless internet available for this 4.5 hour part of the journey (7.8-8hour in total!!).
I was going to add an entry on here when i first got on the train but felt so nauseous i couldnt look at the screen!! Thats a comforting thing so bring on all the nausea, i dont mind!!!!
Aside from the tender breasts, frequent urination, no other symptoms.
I saw the Dr today, asked for progesterone....she wouldnt give it to me. Said they dont recommend it after only 1 m/c. So i will continue with the cream!!
My friend had her midwife appointment yesterday, i think she is at about 9 weeks now. Its going to be so great going through this together after all we have been through.
I think i will stick around with this jornal for a while, whilst i am remaining positive i dont want to get too ahead of myself.
I also have a stinking horrid cold that came on yesterday, yuk! But i love being able to think to myself, 'oh i cant take anything for it'!!

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So i go home today from my course. Im in my hotel room at the mo as my train isnt until 12.20pm. Im looking forward to seeing my dogs, i have missed them so much!!

Symptoms - Tender breasts, increased urination, tender nipples. My bra has also got too small!!!!
I ordered my prenatal vitamins last night, hopefully they will arrive soon as im on the fertility plus at the moment, the ones i have ordered are the ante natal plus.
I have also ordered some more progesterone cream, i plan to keep using that until the end of the first trimester.

I keep getting the odd moment when i fgorget im pg, the second i remember its like finding out all over again, i cant help smiling to myself! Im so happy and im remaining positive and keeping relaxed.

Here are some pics of my hotel room!

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Went shopping today and bought some maternity bras, more comfy than my regular bras but my boobs still hurt which i am very glad for. More nausea today which was great lol!!
Aside form that no other new symptoms to report.

It was nice being back in my own bed last night, i was so so tired from all that travelling!!

I plan to have a quiet night in front of the t.v watching some films now. Not sure what to have for dinner as i have nothing in, should have gone food shopping too today but just didnt have the time......perhaps i may order in. I think ill get a kebab, the healthy one of course - grilled chicken in pitta bread yum!

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I met my pregnant friend for lunch again today, she was well. She was a little concerned as she said she had some pains yesterday....they are gone today so hopefully just little niggles where everything is stretching. I get the odd pang now and again but she said hers was a little more persistant for a while. Her dating scan is on 27th March so not long.

Speaking of scans, when we were talking earlier and she asked me if i was going to get an early scan, i said prob not as my plan was to wait until my dating scan. But, as she correctly said, that is a long time for me to wait, just under 2 months. Then that got me thinking, i would be reassured at having an early scan....there isnt much point in having one before 8 weeks as i will still worry up until that point as thats when i m/c last time. I think i will have one done at 9 weeks. I spoke to bf about it and he said to do whatever makes me feel better. Getting to the 12 week mark NOW would make me feel better but i just need to be patient. We wont get an early scan on the NHS but a friend had recommended a private place near me and they are very reasonable so i think i will ring them tomo.

I think i had a bit of a panic moment this evening, i was convinced my breasts werent as tender and i must be loosing my symptoms, but they are fine now, more tender than ever in fact!! I hate having that panic feeling, like i keep telling myself, what is meant to be will be. Relax and keep calm. Enjoy it!!!!!

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I have just phoned the ultrasound place and booked my scan - 15th April at 11.45am. I feel better having doe that already!

I had a dream last night that i went for my 9 week scan and they said it was twins!! Then i went back for the 20 week one and they said it was 2 girls!!
Also the other night i had a dream that me and bf were buying all the baby equipment, pram, cot, furniture etc etc what a lovely dream!!

I have my booking in appointment tomo at 2.40pm with the midwife, i will be 5 weeks tomorrow, it feels good getting past the 4 week mark.

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5 weeks, 4 days.

Time feels to be going slow but fast at the same time, i cannot describe it. Each mini milestone passes quickly but seems to take forever to reach.

Symptoms: Very tenver breasts, tender nipples, increased thirst/urination.....the fatigue has also kicked in this past week!

I met up with my friend again for lunch last Monday, her scan is actually on 26th March- think its about 10am ish. I will be hanging by my phone waiting for her news. Im keeping everything crossed for her.

I am also meant to be meeting my other friend that evening. Thats going to be hard as she is the one who has had 4 m/c. Im going to find it very difficult telling her my news. I know she will be pleased for me but undoubtedly its going to break her heart at the same time. Especially since her and her husband have stopped ttc now.

My dating scan appointment came through from the hospital - 6 May at 11.30am. I will be exactly 12 weeks wooo hooo!!

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6 weeks 1 day.

My friend had her dating scan today, ALL WAS GREAT!!!!!!!!!!! Im so happy for her! Baby was measuring at 5.8cm, 12 weeks 1 day and moving all over the screen!!! Im so relieved for her, just need to get to my scans now!
She is a little nervous waiting for the NT results but im sure all will be great!!

Off to my other friends tonight, still not looking forward to telling her about me. Im not going to mention about S as that will updet her even more.

No new symptoms, the same as already mentioned. I had another nausea episode briefly today with a little dizziness but didnt last long.

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6 weeks 4 days

So all went well at my friends house the other nitght. I wasnt sure how i would find the words to tell her but i did. She asked me how everything was and i just said 'thats what i wanted to tell you, i am'. She gave me a big hug and was very pleased for me but i could see the pain in her eyes. I didnt bring it up anymore unless she did. I asked her what stage her and her husband were at, she said she had loked into surrogacy but doesnt think she would be able to do that. She said she will end up feeling even worse, especially as she cant even used her own eggs. So she said they arent doing anything now. So sad.

I had quite a bit of nausea yeasterday, and a short nausea/dizzy spell at work on friday which was reassuring. All my other symptoms are remaining, im getting so thirsty too, cant believe how much water/juice im putting away which keeps me up all night for toilet breaks lol.

Not long til the 9 week scan now - 2 weeks and 2 days. Im going to be so excited but so nervous. All feels good though, i cant describe it but this pregnancy feels right, different from the last so thats a good sign.

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7 Weeks 2 Days

I have has the odd bit of m/s now and again but today it has REALLY set in!! Its been there for most of today, disappearing for about an hour after lunch time but then it returned - i think its subsiding now, not that i mind!!!

Im counting the days, only 11 days til my scan, i cant wait, i have a real good feeling so that helps.

I had a bit of a panic weds morning, i went to the toilet and there was the smallest bit of brown spotting, like really small i only just saw it. I rang the doc and he said perfectly normal which is what i was pretty sure he would say but just wanted to hear it myself. We did bd the night before so im sure thats what caused it. I feel absolutely fine about it now though, my symptoms are really good have i have had no cramping or any spotting since.

I had another dream a few nights ago it was twins again!! I will be amazed at my scan if thats what it turn out like - like my body is trying to tell me or something!!!

I have decided after the 9 week scan i may tell a few more close friends. Will definately be telling my bosses too. We wont announce it properly though until after the 12 week scan.

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7 Weeks 4 Days

Well i woke up this morning to more brown spotting. Not much at all again but slightly more than the other day. Of course this completely freaked me out and i wasnt prepared to just listen to the doctors 'oh its ok, its normal' etc etc, i needed to see for myself. So i rang the private place where we booked our 9 week scan and they said come straight down.

I had to wait a while as they were kind enough to be fitting me in, that 35 minutes was the hardest wait of my life. In my mind it was already over. I just heard those words in my head again - 'im so sorry.....'.

We got in the room, i said to the sonographer i have no bladder as we have just rushed down. She couldnt see anything with the external scanning and said i have a retroverted uterus (which i didnt know but have suspected), nothing to worry about but makes it hard for her to see things. She then done an internal scan and the baby popped up straight away. I couldnt see a heartbeat so i imediately waited for those words. Two seconds later she then said 'and there is its heart beating' !!!! Those were the best words i have ever heard in my life and i cant even describe the relief i felt. We even got to hear the heartbeat too - she said it was all good, at about 145bpm. Bf said he was really shocked when he heard it, initially he thought it was mine!! I dont think he realised you could do that so early on!!

I am measuring bang on, well one day ahead actually - 13mm, at 7 weeks 4 days. That in itself is so reassuring to know as with my last pregnancy we were 6 days behind, i wonder if that was a sign i was going to m/c? Who knows. I just know everything feels very different with this pregnancy and i feel so much better having seen the baby.

We are going to cancel our 9 week one and possible reschedule for 10 weeks, then i will be past when i m/c last time.

I have included the u/s picture!!

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8 Weeks!!!

So i am 8 weeks today!! Yippeeee!! Just to got chill over the next couple of weeks until my 10 week scan, then i will be able to really relax. When i had the m/c before, the baby had died at 8 weeks 4 days hense why this period is so nerve racking.
But all feels great, i have nice symptoms still - tender breasts, fatigue, on and off m/s, increased urination and thirst. Plus i feel more positive this time around, and having had the scan on saturday and knowing the baby was measuring on with a good hb really is a great sign.

I told my bosses, told J yesterday, it was her reaction i was most worried about but she was fine, seemed pleased enough for me, and i told D today who was also pleased for me.
Thats made things feel alot more real now too which is great!

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8 Weeks 3 Days

I must admit, im starting to get a little nervous now. I just wish the next 10 days would hurry (yes i am counting!!).

After much deliberation i ordered a doppler last night. They say you cant hear the hb until 10-12 weeks but alot of posts i have read on here from ladies say they found it as early as 8.5 weeks. What with it being easter bank holiday by the time it arrives i will be around 9 weeks. I hope i find a hb, it will really reassure me in between scans. But, i must remember its not always possible until 12 weeks and not panic.
All being well at the 10 week scan and then if i can find a hb with the doppler at 11 weeks i may consider us start telling people.

My symptoms are still consistent which is reassuring.

My sister and her bf moved into their new house today, she says the small spare room is for the baby when we stay over!! I cant wait!!

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9 Weeks

Wow i cant believe im at 9 weeks. And i have surprised myself about how calm i am. Obviously i keep getting pangs of fear and worry.....what if etc but its like deep down i know my baby is absolutely fine in there. My symptoms are great, not faded in the slightest. So yes, i really am doing good and i feel very positive about the whole thing.

A week today until my next u/s - im soooo looking forward to it. Hopefully my doppler will arrive this week, infact im going to give them a call in a minute and make sure they have recieved my order.

Didnt really do alot over the easter bank hol, just relaxed!

Only a short entry as im at work, im so bored so am hiding in the nurse room on here!! Naughty me!

UPDATE: So i am home for lunch now, im sooooo hungry!!! I rang the company where i ordered the doppler, they said i will recieve it tomo by courier, wahey!! I sooo hope i can find a hb, it will keep me going til the scan! I have dreamt about using it the last 2 nights, in my dream i found a hb too!!

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10 Weeks

So yesterday i was meant to be at 10 weeks for my scan. I was a bag of nerves, my stomach kept doing somersalts!!!

Everything was great, we saw the baby wiggling around and we heard the heartbeat - 168bpm!

I am measuring 1 day back which is what i was when i had the first scan, they put me a day ahead so i am where i thought i would be. (3.02cm). Yippeeeee!!!

I got a dvd of the scan too which is wonderful i cant stop watching it.

Im so relieved all is ok and it was amazing seeing our bean moving around like that! We also got to see the yolk sac and the umbilical cord!

I started telling everyone yesterday, we decided to in the end as its getting quite difficult for me at work getting out of jobs im not supposed to do. Everyone was very pleased for us!

Oh, the doppler arrived but so far i havent been able to find a hb, still too early, i will try again at the 11 week mark possibly.

Now im just counting down the days til the 12 week scan lol!

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11 weeks!

Yaaayyyy i have reached 11 weeks!!!! I cant believe how far i have come! It will be a week today we have our 12 week scan i cant wait!

The nausea seemed to subside over the last 2 weeks or so but im sure its been showing its head again these last few days, that along with feeling like im going to pass out now and again. Breasts are still tender and the urination, well! Sometimes its as much as 4 times a night lol!

Its lovely that everyone at work knows now, so nice being able to openly chat about it. Im even starting to get a bit of a belly on me now which is great!

I still cant find the hb on the doppler which im not worried about at all, i know its still early plus what with me having a retroverted uterus its going to make it even more difficult. That said, there is alot of interference noise with it so i think the battery may need changing, i will try that.

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The big 12 week mark!!

Back from scan - Im so so happy i cant believe i have come so far, it really is hard to believe after the previous m/c!

Baby measuring at 5.3cm, exactly on 12 weeks! Didnt get to hear the hb this time but oh well it was so cool just to see him/her wiggling around like that!!

Im so grateful every day that its finally happened.

The NT measurement came back at 1.9mm which i believe to be normal, just got to wait for the combined result with the blood test!
She also said everything looked perfectly normal!

We had to wait 2.5 hours in total, that was mainly for the blood test as my sister got me straight in for the scan!

Update 10.56pm: Something i forgot to mention earlier!
I noticed on my scan notes that the placental position is anterior, i google that and apparently thats where the placenta is lying at the front. This makes it very hard to hear a hb on a doppler - that explains why i havent been able to hear it all this time!!! Now knowing that im probably not going to bother trying again for a few weeks.


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12 weeks 3 days

I have started choosing what baby equipment we are going to be getting. Think we are going to go for the 3d silvercross pram system, my mum is buying that for us!!
Anf there is a lovely mama's and papa's nursery furniture set which i have chosen. My friends sister had a baby a while ago and she got bought alot of things she never used as already had bought some.......so we are buying them all of her at half the cost!! There are 3 things - a tens machine, full tomme tippee bottle and sterilising kit and a loverly cream/teddy bear moses basket.
Heres a pic of the furniture and basket:

The furniture also comes in white finish so not 100% sure on which colour i prefer yet!

Hopefully next month we shall also start working on the spare room and getting it at least cleared out and painted......i would like it started asap so we dont have everything left til last minute!!
My birthday is coming up in June and bf asked me what i would like, i would really love one of those nursing/foot stool gliding chair sets!!

Im so pleased im nearly in the 2nd trimester, only 4 days to go!

I have also decided to leave finding the sex out, either way i dont mind if the baby is a girl or a boy but i did want to know at the 20 week scan or even get a 16 week gender scan.....after thinking about it i think the surprise will be even better, plus thats what bf wants to do!

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12 Weeks 6 Days

I hit the 2nd trimester tomorrow!!! Excellent!!

And i was thinking earlier on, its ages away til my first antenatal appointment 2 June when i will be just coming up to 16 weeks then i realised its only 20 days away!!!!!!!!!!! Even better!

I was laying in bed last night, and i felt what was like a twitch nerve/bubbly feeling in my belly....then again this morning at work i felt it 2 or 3 times.....i doubt very much its movement yet, prob way to early but it did make me wonder!!

My boobs are still very tender and im still getting up to go to the toilet at least 2 or 3 times a night so that hasnt eased yet, not that i mind at all! Oh and the fatigue is still there!! The nausea seems to have eased off again these last few days

Me and T went for lunch with my pregnanct friend S on Friday last week, she is doing great, it 19 weeks today! She has a bump now too! Sh is feeling anxious as hasnt felt any movement yet, im sure this is nothing to worry about as she is slightly on the larger side plus isnt very in tune with her body so may have even missed it. I am so happy seeing her happy, and i still keep thinking how wonderful that it happend at the same time for us!

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13 Weeks - The 2nd Trimester!

Yay for the 2nd tri, it feels so great being able to say that!! Its like im 'properly' pregnant now if that makes sense lol!

Not alot to update on as i was here yesterday, i had to though what with it being such an important day!!

Im off to work at 1pm today, i really wish i could just stay at home today, i want to relax in front of the t.v and the computer under a quilt with my doggies not doing a single thing! Instead i have to do the pile of washing up i have been putting off then go to work, booo.

Oh i forgot to mention yesterday, i got a new car on Friday! A much bigger one than the little 2 seater i had before, there is no way that would have been suitable once the baby arrived. Its lovely to drive im so pleased with it!!

Anyway, off to the washing up now!!

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13 weeks 3 days

Not a huge amount to update on, i just wanted to put a couple of pics up as we have finally decided what 'theme' we are having the nursery done in:

The right picture isnt very clear as i didnt want it coming out too big, but there is the border in the top right which i have ordered, the rest of the walls are going to be painted cream.

Dad is going to buy the majority of the set for us next saturday!!! I couldnt resist today though, i had to pop into the shop and buy one of the sheets from the set!! And the moses basket that im getting off my friends sister matches that set so thats perfect.

My plan is to hopefully start clearing the spare room out this month now, the sooner the better i want to get it all painted!!!!

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14 Weeks

Think i may have finally just heard the heartbeat on my doppler!!! I definately wasnt mine, way too fast! The display said it was at 174bpm! It was only there for about 5 seconds or so and then went. Unfortunately i couldnt find it again for bf to hear, baby was hiding!! I think it was also more to do with the fact the damn battery is low again (they seem to run out very quickly) and there was ALOT of interferance. Will get a new battery again later and try again for bf.

So im 14 weeks today, the 'official' 2nd trimester! Im counting 13weeks as the 2nd tri though lol.
I feel very tired today, i dont want to go to work. Still, only tomo and then i have a long weekend off.

Better start getting ready!

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14 Weeks 3 Days

Now im not so sure the heartbeat i heard the other day was baby's, i think it was mine. The reason i know is because.....................

Woooooo Hoooooooooo!!!!!!

YahooYahooYahooYahooYahooYahooYahooYahooYahooYahooYahooYahooYahooYahooYahooYahoo

I gave the doppler another go this afternoon and found the heartbeat!!
This time i know it was definately baby's heartbeat as i kept hearing mine come in and out!!!
The display isnt very good at picking up the heartrate, it seems to get confused with other sounds so i counted it.....152bpm!

Yay im so happy!!!!!

I went shopping with mum today and she bought the majority of the nursery co-ordinates we wanted, she also picked out a really nice pair of socks and booties!!

Went to the doctor the other day as for the past 2 weeks i keep getting a headache every day. She checked my blood pressure which was normal and she has sent off a urine sample to make sure i dont have any infection. Results should be in Tuesday. Im sure its all to do with hormones but best to be on the safe side. She said if they continue then to go back.

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