Tonight, Steven and I were looking at the ultrasound pictures from this week. Erin was playing in the office with us, and all of a sudden, she jumped up on Steven's lap and pointed to the pictures, saying "Baby, Baby Baby!"
Huh? How in the WORLD does she know that's a baby? Steven and I kind of looked at each other and he asked her how she knew that. Kind of a rhetorical question. She just kept pointing and saying baby. Weird or what?
Ultrasound tomorrow morning...I am so, so nervous.
:goodluck: tomorrow. I'll be thinking of you!
I'll be praying for you hon!!! I just came on to see if there were any updates over the weekend. I'm thinking of you!!! :bigarmhug:
Good luck tomorrow!!
Oh man. Erin had a cold this weekend, and I have it now. I feel like hell. You know when you have all of that crap running down your throat and you just want to reach back and scratch it or something? Oh, and Steven brought home a loaf of jalapeno/cheddar bread yesterday, and I ate a lot of it. I was up in the night with diarrhea numerous times, plus I couldn't breathe well, and Erin was up about two times. Ugh.
I really don't feel like putting on makeup today. You think all of the people in the waiting room will think I'm a 16 year old unwed mother? Because that's what I look like without makeup. It's going to take all of my energy to just get down to Austin with Erin. Wish me luck- I'm going to be getting wanded while trying to keep Erin from tearing up the exam room.
Oh I don't envy you! Erin is a bit older than Noah but Noah would attack a doctor's waiting room. Do you like the nurses there? Maybe they'll want to play with her while you get your u/s?
I just got back from the doctor. I had a feeling this morning that something wasn't right...I just felt off. I do have that terrible cold, so that could have been part of it. Anyway, the minute she inserted the wand, I knew. I didn't see a heartbeat at all, and it's been really apparent at all 3 of my ultrasounds. I said "There's not a heartbeat, is there?" The doctor said "I don't see one just yet." She checked the blood flow around the area, and there was none at all in the fetus.
I have a D&C scheduled for sometime on Thursday or Friday- I'm just waiting to hear back from the nurse about the time.
Thanks for all of the well-wishes and prayers. This just wasn't meant to be, I guess. I'm glad nature took it's course, because I can't imagine if it had gone on and we had gotten devestating news at 12 or 13 weeks and had to decide what to do. I guess I feel an immense sadness but also a sense of relief.
Erin must have sensed something was up. She sat on my lap or with me on the exam table the whole time we were in the room. She never does that- usually she is into everything.
I'm so sorry, Angela.
Angela I am so so sorry for you. :openarms:
I'm here if you need to talk, feel free to PM whenever.
I am really sorry to hear this Angela.
Sorry I missed your call. I'm sorry about the LO too I'm so sad for you and Steven right now. I'm glad that your relieved and that you can go on with the next step.
:kissy: :comfort: :bigarmhug:
I'll call you tomorrow.
I'm so sorry Angela...please let me know if you want to talk.
Angela, I'm so so sorry about your LO. Nothing more I can say, but I love you both. You're in my heart and prayers. ((((Hugs)))) to you and Steven.
Erin and I both still have terrible colds. I didn't sleep well at all last night.
I have to go into town and pick up the Vicodin and the anti-nausea medicine the nurse called in for me. I also have to try and figure out what to do about Erin- she has started climbing out of her crib and coming out of her room during nap and bed time. I can either get a toddler bed or try to find the conversion kit for her crib, but JC Penney doesn't carry it anymore. I just don't want her to get hurt climbing out.
I had a good cry on Steven's shoulder last night. I'm sad, but still feel relieved, and I'm also hopeful for the future. I wonder when my hope will run out?
I hope that you and Erin feel better soon.
For the conversion kit, I had the same problem with Cody's crib - I ended up calling the manufacturer and they pointed me in the right direction for buying the kit. Of course after all that trouble, a week after I got the kit, his crib was recalled! :rolleyes:
Don't ever let your hope run out :bigarmhug:
I totally agree with Melinda. When we lose hope, what's life worth living for?
Oh, I have much to live for...a beautiful little girl and my loving husband. We have a good life. We have money to put food on the table, gas in the cars, and for me to buy a new Coach purse every once in a while. We are also lucky to be able to pursue IVF- some people can't. I'm really keeping my head about me- trying to remember all the time that we are lucky. We would be so, so lucky if we could just have one more.
I wanted to share these pictures- one is of Erin at 7 weeks 3 days. The other is of this baby at the same time. See how much bigger Erin's gestational sac was than this ones? The little baby was just so cramped:
I'm starting to have really bad period like cramps. I quit my progesterone, and now I wonder how long it would take for me to miscarry on my own. Not that that is something I want to do at all, but it still makes me wonder.
And finally, I need some opinions. We might have the option of finding out the sex of this baby. Some people think that is comforting and gives closure and others don't. I think I'm leaning towards finding out...
I would also like to know the sex. That way, you can name him/her.
I guess that you could always choose a name that was not gender specific though....Alex, Kennedy, etc.
I think it is amazing that you have the option. Knowing may give you peace of mind from future wondering. However, this is a personal decision. I think if it helps you grieve the loss of your tiny baby, then find out. But if it makes it even harder, then that is something to consider. Supporting whichever you decide.
I agree with Jennifer - if it'll help you to find out, I would go for it. I wish I had the option. I always felt that the baby I lost was a boy, and named him Zachary. But there wasn't any way of really knowing.
I'm pretty sure I would want to know. I think for me it would be a closure thing
Thinking of you today.
The surgery went pretty well, so they say, and the recovery wasn't too bad either. I was really worried I would get nauseous because I always do after anesthesia, but they gave me meds to help with that. Other than the feeling that I am being knifed when I pee- I had no idea they would put in a catheter- I'm doing well. Still kind of woozy from the meds, but I'm good. The doctor said that we should have the results of the chromosome testing back in a week or so.
Your going to find out the sex? That's amazing that they can tell. I too would want know. I'm thinking of you tons. I'm going to Old Navy on my lunch break, it reminds me so much of the good old days.....
We love you!!!
Huge hugs to you all.
Wanted to come over here and let you know I'm thinking about you and wanted to send some more hugs your way!
Hi Angela, I searched to find this. I just wanted to send you some hugs. I hope you are ok.
Well, we have our IVF orientation on Wednesday night. I'm looking forward to that.
I've started spotting some- the nurse said that was normal after the D&C. This has all been so surreal, I swear.
Thinking of you and wondering how you are feeling (don't have to reply how feeling:wink:).
I hope your orientation goes well tomorrow evening. (((Hugs)))
Have fun tonight and soak up lots of info so you can educate me
I hope you come away from the orientation feeling refreshed and excited!
Jennifer, I'm feeling really good. Just kind of tired still from the cold and the fact that I did have surgery, but mentally I'm good. We don't have any chromosome results yet but will soon, I'm sure.
Our IVF orientation was good last night. Kind of a refresher for us since Steven and I both already know so much about the process, but it was nice to have all of that information reiterated for us. I think we both left feeling confident. Success rates for someone my age is 69%. Male factor infertility is one of the best problems to have, so to speak- they can work with it well.
I have started passing some small clots. I called my nurse this morning and I'm waiting to hear back from her. I wouldn't think there would be anything to pass since they basically cleaned out my uterus, but I'll see what she says.
How are you doing Angela? Did you hear back on the genetic testing at all? I've been thinking about you. I forget where in TX you are, did you have any damage from the hurricane?
Long time no post....let's see- This si what I posted on another board I'm a member of:
My poor new car got hurt the other day. You know how semi's lose their re-treads on their tires? Well, I was driving on I-35 the other day, and one of those came flying off of a semi a few cars ahead of me. There was no way to avoid it- it was 5 o'clock traffic. It hit my bumper and tore out my fog lights, pushed my lower grill back into the engine, broke my washer-fluid container and scratched the **** out of my bumper cover. And guess who gets to pay the deductable to have it fixed? Yep, that would be us. It's too bad there is no way to hold the truckers accountable.
So now it gets to go to the body shop...my poor car.
We also got word on the chromosomal testing on the baby. There was nothing wrong with it's chromosomes- nothing major, at least. The nurse told me that my doctor will be able to go over it with me better at my post-op appointment on Friday. She said that sometimes even the smallest problem can cause a miscarriage. Right now it looks like the sac and support system might have had the problem and the baby was ok. It's bittersweet- it's good to know that it doesn't look like it was a problem that might be repeated or is a huge, major problem, KWIM?
Oh, and the baby was a boy. Just was we suspected.
And this is from a couple days later:
My appointment went really well yesterday. My doctor said that the chances of this happening again are very slim. If someone in their practice has 2 miscarriages, they start testing right away, so that made me feel better that they don't wait until 3 miscarriages. My HCG is at an 8- well, as of Thursday it was- so she expects that I'll be down to 0 within a week, maybe 2. Then I'll have another "bleeding episode" as they call it, and 3 days into that, I'll start my BCP's. So all of the fun stuff should go down about mid-November. If IVF works and I don't miscarry- which I'm terrified of- I'll be due in August. Huge as a house in the scorching heat of a TX summer, but at this point, I don't care. I just want another baby.
My acupuncture appointment was awesome, too. I loved the woman that is my case manager, and she was so thorough. She thinks that I have low blood volume since my hands and feet are often cold, and she looked at my tongue. It's kind of a palish pink and not bright red and meaty. So, she is going to work on getting my blood volume up and making my uterus very hospitable. I've been exhausted lately, and she thinks that is related. After we talked for 30 minutes, she did a treatment, which I wasn't expecting. First she had me feel the needle- I was so surprised to see that it was flexible, like a line of fishing wire. I didn't feel it at all when she put them in me. The only one I felt was the one she took out of my forehead. It stung for a second and then was done. She wants me to go back twice a week until the embryo transfer, but that is going to be hard to do. The cost of gas, the cost of treatment, and the cost of a baby sitter is just too much. I may try to do it twice a week occasionally, but otherwise we'll just do once a week.
Hey Angela - I'm thinking about you and hope you're doing ok.
I need to start posting in this again. Right now I feel kind of like we're in a lull and I'm enjoying it somewhat, but I am ready to get the ball rolling on all of this.
Basically, we're waiting for my first post-m/c period. It's been 6 weeks and it still hasn't shown, so I'm thinking any day now. 3 days into that, we'll start birth control for 3 weeks.
My best friend Steph and her baby are coming down in 2.5 weeks, so that is giving me something to look forward to. I can't wait!
I am glad that you are looking forward to seeing your friend. Have a great time and wine never hurt either. LOL.
I hope AF shows up very soon. Love ya.
So, AF came on Monday. I started bcp's on Wednesday night. I'm on them for 3 weeks, and my last pill is the 11th of November. I start Lupron injections on the 7th of November. A week later, on the 14th, I have a baseline ultrasound, and I'll most likely start stimulants then. My egg retrieval is estimated to be on the 28th, with embryo transfer on the 1st or 3rd of December. I can't believe this is actually happening! It seems so surreal.
Wow! It must feel so great to have a concrete plan in place. I love having dates! I'm so excited for you guys and I'm keeping everything crossed. Lots of hugs to you both!
Holy cow, this period was heavy, heavy! I guess that is to be expected though. The birth control isn't effecting me too much. My nose is breaking out a little and my boobs are kind of sore, but that's the extent of it.
I need to call tomorrow and check on the status of my box o' meds. I have no idea where it is or even if it's been ordered. Steven and I also really, really need to get to the bank and get some finances in order so that we can pay for this.
I'm still spotting but that's to be expected. Although what I had this morning come out of me was more than just spotting. I did read that more blood pools in the uterus at night, and that's why women often spot more in the morning. Makes sense. Thank God for the new OxyClean/Spray-n-Wash combo for my panties. I did buy some light panty liners today to wear just in case. I hear you can spot a lot the first period after a m/c, plus the bcp's tend to do that, too.
Time is flying. That's a good thing. I'm just keeping busy.
I got some of my meds today. Lupron, Gonal-F, HCG shot, etc. I still need to order my progesterone in oil shots (PIO) and I'm waiting on a couple of other pills. When I opened the door, I was shocked-definitely not expecting 4 boxes. Then I opened them up and realized everything was packed in styrofoam ice boxes with ice packs.
Here's a few pictures!
One of the 5 boxes of Gonal-F:
Oh wow! Christmas at your house, LOL
That's what I was thinking!
I started the Lupron today. I had an appt. this morning with the doctor and it all looked ok. So I came home and stuck an ice pack in my waist band and then went for it. I thought I'd have Steven do it, but since it has to be done each morning, I decided against that. His mornings are so hectic-he doesn't need to worry about injecting me at the same time!! Anyway, I just put the needle right in at a 90 degree angle. I didn't even feel a thing- they're like insulin needles, so that's good. The fact that it was numbed helped too. The feeling was funny, though...like the resistance I felt as the needle went through my fat. Fun stuff, man. I'll probably really start updating this from now on...
Jennifer, if you're reading- I'll call you as soon as I can!!
the resistance I felt as the needle went through my fat.
You're probably better off doing it yourself. Guys can be such wusses when it comes to needles. Don't want Steven to faint all over you. I can just imagine it - then you'd have to yell for Erin to call 911. It'd be in all the papers: 2yr old saves mommy from suffocation by husband!
Sounds...awesome? You're probably better off doing it yourself. Guys can be such wusses when it comes to needles. Don't want Steven to faint all over you. I can just imagine it - then you'd have to yell for Erin to call 911. It'd be in all the papers: 2yr old saves mommy from suffocation by husband!
Too funny Kamila. Was thinking about you today Angela and wanted to check for an update. Are you still going for your U/S tomorrow? I hope all goes well. Just wanted to send some good thoughts your way through all of this.