Well this sucks. So I tested at 10 dpo around 5:30pm. Got a faint, but obvious came up in 2 minute, line. Was surprised, but I didn't hold much to it. Tested again later in the night, still there, but lighter obviously. So tested with FMU the next morning, a line, but even lighter. Same level of line later. Ideally hcg is supposed to double every 48 hours so I should get a darker line today right?
So I test with FMU again, and there's like a ghost line. Like if I hadn't seen previous positive tests I'd be calling this bugger negative. So now I'm thinking I either had a chemical, or it was leftovers from my m/c. However I find it very hard to believe that it was leftovers because I know I ovulated.
Not to mention I feel pregnant, I have the fatigue, the nausea, heck I even had dry heaves yesterday. So I have no clue what to think. I only have one test left. So I'm waiting on SMU and we'll see what I get.
I'm frustrated, and a bit hurt.
Excuse me while I go bang my head on a wall. So I bought some other tests, answer, FRER gold, and clearblue digi. The Answer and the FRER Gold came out positive. So by all means I assumed I might be pregnant.
Well, so I take a nap, and so on and what do I wake up to? Spotting. Dark brownish/red spotting. Definately there when I wipe. Not enough to call light because it probaly wouldn't reach my underwear. But still, it's there. So now is AF beginning? Did I have a chemical? Was it really left over hcg? Or is this simply implantation bleeding? Or gosh knows what else?
I'm trying to be hopeful, but it's hard. I would of rather had negative tests and a regular AF is it's going to be chemical. It just sucks.
So I'm going with it's AF. Excuse the possible TMI, but it's bright red, probaly a medium flow, and I have the typical backache and really mild cramps. So I'm assuming that if I was pregnant it's over, but I'll still probaly test later on, just to see.
I find it a bit bittersweet, I'm glad to see AF because it means I can finally move on to a more normal cycle. However I would obviously rather be pregnant. I kinda wish I would of gotten to temp this morning, but meh. I'm hoping to work on some charts, because if I don't get my bfp by say october/november, I'm thinking of switching doctors. I like my doctor, but he's just not aggressive enough for me. He's one of those it'll happen when it happens sort of person, and me well I'm not. Although I do think he's starting to take somewhat of an interest.... I go see him in August for my pap, and he wanted to see how my cycles do. I think I might ask for clomid.
FRER gold was negative, answer was still positive. Personally I think chemical. I think it's too much of a conincidence that I would AF exactly 12 days from when I think I ovualted if I had left over HCG.
Anywho, so I'm finding that I feel like my body is failing me. It's hard not to think that it won't ever happen. I don't know how I'd deal with that. I'm to the point where I would rather adopt, but I know my husband doesn't really want to. I'm leery to have the conversation, but I really want a child. I don't know how to explain that any differently to him. I know the pull to have children isn't the same for him. He's fine if it doesn't happen, but I'm not so sure I could be fine if it didn't happen. I mean I would never give my husband up to have a child, but it doeesn't mean my heart won't ache every day til I die for one.
So... I'm doing better. I started focusing on exercising, and while I haven't seen any huge results I do feel better. I think maybe my thighs are thinner lol. Otherwise I haven't been paying a whole lot of attention to TTC. I charted up til last week, however we went on vacation so, I didn't really get to temp properly after that.
I think I'm 7dpo, but TCOYF thinks I'm 5 dpo. Guess we'll wait and see. Apparently I no longer get sore boobs so much after O, because this is the second month I didn't get them. As for symptoms, I can't really say had some issues with nausea earlier in the week, but it could of been from switching prenatals, also had other stomach issues on saturday. So who knows. Not holding my breath.
A few weeks ago, we went and saw a genetic counseler who said she didn't really see any issues that would prevent us from conceiving a healthy child. So, had a thrombophelia profile done because my mother has factor V. Learned that I have two copies of MTHFR. Not sure what all that means yet, but it is linked to miscarriage, and means I need to take prescription strength folic acid, because my body doesn't asorb it well. Also could mean that when I do become pregnant again I may end up taking lovenox to reduce my chances of blood clots. So yeah, go me.
So the genetic counsler still didn't see it as an issue even though quite a few things online say it is and that I need to be on treatment. So now I'm looking for a new doctor with knowledge of this. Oh well, there's goes my thoughts of delivering close to home.
Also just depressed myself by going to the Jan 09 boards. That was probaly kind of stupid of me, I hate being reminded of what I don't have. I'm happy for all the girls there, and I wish I could keep updated on them, but it's just too hard.
Otherwise having lots of cramps and weird happenings in uterus land today. It really makes me wanna test, however I will not be doing so til the cheapys arrive because that's just too much money to spend.
So in true 2ww Obsessiveness..... Current symptoms are as follows.
Acne Breakout starting about 6 dpo, still hasn't cleared up. Even have them on my back, which proves it's hormone related.
Cramping, this has been off and on for the past couple days. Increased quite a bit today. It's definately noticable even if I dont' pay attention.
Spotting, this happened two days ago, not sure what it means. It was a very minimal amount. Not even sure if I should of counted it.
Fatigue - This happened today, however I'm not so tired now. Earlier I felt like I got ran over.
Nausea - This has been happening since I ovulated. Almost puked at the smell of scrambled eggs this morning.
Sooo... we'll see what happens.
Sooooo.... I really want to test, I have a feeling I'll be caving and making a trip to cvs tommorow. We'll see how I feel then.
Boobs have started getting sore, cramping not soo much anymore, thinking it was more my bowels than anything. Otherwise not much to report that I can think of. Oh yeah, definately increased appetite, which sometimes can be a sign of AF. However it's usually the day before she starts, which either way isn't due for another two days at least. Not to mention this wasn't me just craving crap food, this was pure hunger. I hate a three cheese olga and fries, and was still ready for another round. That never happens. However I think I'll be bringing a tampon with me just to be safe, I hate surprises like that.
Otherwise decided on a doctor recommended to me by a girl on FF. It's a bit of a drive, but this doctor knows about MTHFR and is actively treating the other girl for it. So hopefully she'll be able to give me some insight.
Soooo.... I caved and tested, and as can be seen in my siggy, totally got a BFP!! I'm a bit shocked, I just didn't think it would happen again so soon. I was sooo sure that it would take just as long.
I'm a bit nervous due to all the issues, of course my doctor is on vacation, and his staff was useless. I mean I realize everyone has to train, I don't have an issue with this. But I'm sorry, don't have the trainee doing it, when I need to get in as soon as possible. They know this. So yeah, originally they were trying for like August 23rd. Uhhh, no. So I push and push, get up to the 18th, and then finally get the a double booking on the 13th with the whole well you're going to have to wait.
Til then, I'm supplementing my own folic acid. Not sure if I wanna do the BA or not, I think I might wait on that til I see what the doctor says. Also gonna push for a progesterone test with my betas.
I'm really hoping this one sticks, I just don't know if I can handle another m/c. So until I feel safe enough, I'll be staying here before starting a pregnancy journal.
So still pregnant, so far so good. We're getting close to my milestone soon, which makes me nervous.
I was 8 weeks when I had my D&C, however the baby had stopped growing at 5 weeks 6 days. So needless to say this is a rather important week development wise. I see my doctor on wednesday so I'm expecting things will run similar to last time, and that he'll send me for beta's. I think I may request he test my progesterone as well, or just give me supppositories. Don't know if I need them, but I figure it can't hurt.
I've also still had a bit of spotting, not much, really hardly anything that could be considered spotting and everytime I check my cervix it isn't there, so not sure what's really causing it. It's always brown and just a few drops if that. I probaly wouldn't even notice if I wasn't looking. We did DTD a few days ago, so I think it's from that.
So depending on how my bloodwork comes back, that means I could be looking at an ultrasound next week. Part of me is really nervous for this, because I figure I have to see the same tech I saw last time who had no compassion. Not to mention I'm terrified of the same result. I feel different this pregnancy, but still, doesn't every pregnancy feel different?