5dpo - Well the backache lasted through the night..... also was incredibly cranky as well. However I think that had more to do with my grandmother's funeral than anything. Also have been pretty gassy for the past 5 hours.
The funeral went as well as possible I suppose. Ended up crying, which I really didn't want to do. However I just couldn't take it. My mother's the same way and when she looked at the casket and turned away real quick into my dad's arms. It was really all I could take. Then while I was hugging her, my brother came up from behind and hugged both of us. So needless to say I lost it.
Other than that pretty much have done nothing today. I'm just not up to it. I took a short nap and have spent the rest of the night on the comp. I'm planning on going to bed pretty soon. I have to go back to work tommorow, not sure I really feel like that yet. But it's only for two days so I suppose I can manage that.
Also was reading online about implantation and learned it can occur as early was 3 days. So now I'm wondering if yesterday was an implantation dip instead of just a bogus temp. I suppose if I end up with my BFP this cycle then it's quite possible.
Ugh it's 3am, and I'm just now starting to feel a bit better. I'm nervous to go to bed though because I'm kinda comfortable like this, however I know I can't sleep in a chair. I caved and took a vicodin, which I really didn't want to, but the pain was getting so bad from the gas. It had me questioning if I had food poisoning... however that only worked for about 1.5 hrs.... and then the pain woke me up again.
It kinda ruins my plans for maybe getting something accomplished tommorow. At the very list I need to pay my bills. I had really wanted to run to CVS and make some wallets of our wedding pic, not to mention drop off DH's picture of his grandfather to get refinished. *sighs* Maybe monday.
CD 20 - 7dpo - Fatigue, stomach still crappy, bloated, gassy, moody.
Seriously I'm kinda crabby/sad right now. I feel like such a failure with my grandmother's cat. She does a few things wrong and I'm ready to give her up. I know part of that is because DH is not going to let her stay (She bit him, drew blood pretty badly). Then that gets me thinking of us being different because I love cats sooo much. Now don't get me wrong DH isn't mean to the cats by any mean, but he talks and I realize a lot his talk is nothing, but talk, but sometimes it gets me down ya know? I have a feeling a lot of this thought right now has to do with my mood. Because earlier in the week I was thinking how much I love my husband and how good he is to me.
I was perfectly okay with not keeping the cat until I called my brother to see if he wanted her. He basically acted like I was silly for wanting to get rid of her. And while he didn't really say that, it came across that way. So then I begin doubting myself, and ugh... now I regret ever taking the cat in the first place. *sighs*
Not to mention I was under the impression that I was hanging out with my friend tommorow, and then when I ask her. She asks me were we? So yeah, thanks that makes me feel so special there. So now I just wanna go to sleep. The world sucks.
Well either I'm really out of shape or something is going on with my body. So I played DDR on the arcade pad for the first time in probaly 1.5 years. I've played at home, maybe back in august. Now mind you I really don't think I'm that out of shape at the moment.... but afterwards I literally had to sit down. I just wanted to curl into a ball. I was lightheaded, couldn't really focus well, and was sure I was going to throw up. It took a good 10-15 minutes for me to feel better. I also had a bit of diarrhea earlier in the day, and I think my sense of smell is really picking up.... I'm not sure though. I'll be able to tell at work tommorow.
I'm hoping those are pg symptoms, however unless I get some sure for sure signs. I still won't be testing til next weekend I think. Although I may go into the dollar store and pick up a few. I just know DH hates it when I do that, and I suppose it won't really make a huge difference. I'm either pg or not right? I'm expecting AF either friday or saturday.... considering I'm not sure how long my lp is yet. I think it's 12, but it could be 13. We'll see what my temp does.
On a OT note. I'm really happy with DH right now. I've been feeling a bit moody so things get to me more. And I worked really hard on the house today. First off he noticed the basement and said it looked really clean. Then later on he started nit picking again because I went out with friends in the evening. Mind you I kicked *** on the house today, did dishes, some laundry, cleaned the basement, vacummed upstairs & the stairs, and dusted in the one room. Then he's like did you dust the rest of the house? So I said something.... and said I worked really hard on the house and he always thinks I do nothing. So then he said what do you want me to do clap or something. I said no, but you always point out everything I do wrong. Then he hugged me and said sorry and that the house looked nice and that he tends to be really negative at times and that he's been told that before.
This is a really big deal to me because this is where the constant of our fights come from is him not appreciating when I do something and just pointing out the other stuff I could do. It tends to make me feel like a reprimanded child and thus lead to feelings that I don't verbalize because I think it's pointless at times because he doesn't get it. I've tried explaining it before and he can't understand it.
So overall I'm really impressed that he apologized for it and finally realized it.
So I'm not unsure of my O date.... same as last month FF says I'm 9dpo. I'm thinking it's either 10 or 11, now the more I think about it probaly 10. So getting a BFN this early in the game isn't a sign one way or the other, however it's got me down in the dumps. No spotting yet, but lots of cramping, but it's been that way for a few days now. I've never had cramps like this, I did sometimes rarely the day before AF, but never this many days before.
Not to mention my bb's are sore beyond belief. I have a metallic taste in my mouth and so often and I just don't feel good. Then there was that episode after the dancing game. I was just so sure.... I have another FRER left, but I don't wanna waste it. So I'm just gonna watch and see what the temp does. I suppose if it goes down more tommorow, I can expect AF on saturday at the latest. TTC sucks.
CD 26 - Huge *** temp drop. Somewhere between 11-13dpo
Overall pretty disappointed... I can't find a pregnancy chart that even resembles mine now, and while I know that means nothing. I'm fully expecting AF today or tommorow which is really disappointing. I always do this to myself, get such high hopes and then bam the witch shows. I mean it's nice that my cycle got a little longer, but our timing was better this month and still nothing. I just want a baby for goodness sake, is that so much to ask for?
I really hope that I ovulate from the left this time. No matter what anyone tells me, I just don't how see how my remaining tube is going to magically pick up an egg from the right. Other than that, I'm relieved that AF is here because it makes it less stressful. However at the same time it's really disappointing. I realize it takes the average healthy couple up to a year to get pregnant.... I suppose I just didn't think it would be this hard. I got pregnant without even trying/knowing the last time.
I'm not really sure what else I could do differently either... I suppose it's just a waiting game.
I really need to destress over the whole TTC thing. I'm not really sure how to go about that though. Not temping didn't help, I'll still know when I'm gonna O regardless. So I don't know how to just forget about it all and go with the flow...
I learned last night that I have only a 5-10% chance of getting an egg from the right side. So I'm confused why my doctor said I still have an 85% chance. Hopefully the left side will step up and I'll O from there this cycle. At least then I'll have a normal chance... also learned I probaly need to loose some weight. I keep trying to make myself get up to go to the gym and yeah, I still haven't managed it. So I think I may start focusing on that after thanksgiving.
So I'm finally starting to relax about TTC which is nice. However other aspects of life are a different story. I'm having way too many issues with my family. I had kinda really hoped that things would get better once we were married, but apparently it means nothing to my parents.
Other than that, gotta work tommorow. I'm not looking forward to it, however the weekends are always nicer than the weekdays. Not to mention less than a week til my birthday!
So it's the start of the opk's tommorow.... I also need to sit down and make a list of what's left to get for christmas. I was pretty excited to see that I still had some wrapping paper upstairs. So that's good.... I think I pretty much just need a few small things for DH, and some giftcards and I'll be done.... so probaly maybe another 200 and that should be it.
After that I really really need to cut back on the spending and just buy what I need so that I can get the credit card down.