The Baby Addiction, Round Two.

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Chatakat's picture
Joined: 07/14/07
Posts: 129
The Baby Addiction, Round Two.

This is Round 2 and Month 18 of TTC, and it's been a long road. Previously I kept a journal of my 11 month journey with TTC #1, and I realize now how vital that was for me. I'm hoping tha this journal will help me find some peace with whatever comes my way.

Chatakat's picture
Joined: 07/14/07
Posts: 129

So here's the stats.

10.2006 - Ruptured Ectopic Rt Side (Not TTC at the time) w/loss of rt tube.

08.2007 - TTC # 1 Begins

04.2008 - BFP, M/C at 8 weeks

07.2008 - Diagnosed w/MTHFR

08.2008 - BFP

03.2009 - DD Born

04.2010 - TTC # 2 Begins

So that's where we currently stand. We've had 18 months of trying with one anno cycle, and the rest a standard 30-32 cycle with 14 day LP. Back in March when we hit the year mark, I brought it up to my OB. At that point and time the only thing he could offer me was a hysterosalipinogram. I went back and forth on this for ages, after some heart to heart with DH I decided to get it done. So next week, I get to see what's left in there. I'll admit as someone with only one tube, I find it really daunting. Overall, I feel like either way nothing good is going to come out of it. I may find that my left tube is blocked from my previous c-section, and I'm not sure where that leaves me. IVF is not an option, so I suppose I would have to hope that my OB would be willing to give it a go at fixing it. If it's still open, then that just means we've been trying for 18 months, and it's just not working.

DH is also ready for this road to end, and our previous agreement was that we'd only try for a year. Well, obviously we've went past that. I know he's ready to get a vasectomy, and I keep thinking time will make me okay with that, and well it hasn't. I still want another child desperately, and I'm so afraid that I'll end up resenting him and I don't want to do that, because honestly he's been fairly awesome with it all. I just don't know how to move past the dream. I'm already past my own preference in terms of age differences, and I don't want to try forever, but I just can't let go. And to be honest, I hate the fact that I have to.