Becky's TOC to TTC

Temp dip today, though I haven't been charting long. I'm thinking I will O soon and miss November. DH still not on board, but I'm praying that he will be by the next cycle.

Still no sign of O. Nothing. A little temp dip today, but no fertile CM at all. Nada.

I'm praying every night - praying my TTC prayers. Praying for a healthy baby. Praying for a November baby. I'll keep thinking that God is delaying the O until DH is ready unti proven otherwise :) Other than that, I'm sort of at peace with everything. It will happen and God will bless us.

Speaking of DH, I asked him last night to tell me what he was thinking about the whole thing. And he said he just needs a little more time to process the whole thing, since even though he knew the doctor was going to say ok, it's different now that he has. He says he still has painful moments (as do I), but that overall he feels much better than he did last month. He also said he wants to get closer to the place where he can be happy and excited and not scared to death when I get pg. And he said he's probably not even taking a month, just a little more time.

HUGE temp spike today. But I haven't had any fertile CM, so I don't know if it was an O temp spike or caused by something else. It's just so rare for me to jump up so high immediately, especially w/o any fertile CM.

I guess we'll see what the temp does tomorrow.

I don't know why, but AF started today. I had a 21 day cycle with no O and then AF. Weird. I'm just gonna keep on praying. If DH gets on board, and I O on time with this cycle, I'd be due around Dec. 14th or so.

I'm pretty sure I'm on my last thread. I'm so frustrated with DH. One minute he says soon. The next he won't talk about it. I don't know what soon is. I have no idea what he's thinking. He said probably this month, but he hasn't made any more noise about it. I want him on board. I want to try, at least we'll be trying and it'll be in God's hands. I pray every night that he comes around, but so far he hasn't. In the mean time it seems like everyone around me is getting pregnant, and I really feel like I can't handle it anymore. Why not me? Why did this happen to us? Is it ever going to be ok? Are we ever going to have a family?

I think I might be getting ready to O. I am not happy about this. I've never Od on cd 14 before, so why start now? DH still needs some time.

I'm pretty sure DH isn't going to be ready until after his conference in Vegas next week. So, then if I got pg right away again, I'd be due in January again. But early enough that the baby would be born at the end of December because of the necessary c-section.