My first post in my TOC (hopefully soon to be TTC) journal.
The waiting is making me crazy.
I'm still on BCP and will be taking it at least until mid-April, the end of this pack. DH said that depending on our raises at the end of the month I would maybe stop BCP after this pack. I don't really know what he is looking for in the raises. Sometimes I feel like just as we clear one obstacle, another appears. And he won't talk about it. He says I'm pushing the issue. I love him to death but this is so frustrating. We are in an ok position to TTC.
We've been married a year and a half. We have a house. We have no CC debt. We're ok financially and have stable careers. My medication problem has been cleared and I've lost over 30lbs in anticipation of TTC.
Here's my pro and con list that I posted on the TOC board yesterday.
* We've been married a year and a half
* We both have stable careers
* We own our own house
* We have no credit card debt, only student loan debt
* We both want kids
* I've lost over 30 lbs to be at a better weight
* I've settled my medication situation
* DH isn't getting any younger! (he's 7 years older than I am)
* Student loan debt (not that it's going away any time soon)
* We make enough money, but we could always use more (can't everybody?)
* I could still lose more weight even though the doc said I'm ok for pregnancy
It seems like everyday someone new is pregnant! And lots of people I work with or am friends with have recently had kids. And I don't know when it'll be my turn. DH won't talk about it. Since he told me I was being pushy, I haven't mentioned it. I won't mention it again until after his conference next week (so beginning of April). I'm really hoping I won't have to refill my BCP.
And I don't have anyone to talk to. No one I know personally is in the same boat as I am, or they're just not talking about it either.
So, DH is going on a business trip next week and I wanted to paint our bedroom while he was away. Today he told me he thought it would be a better idea for me to paint the "other room" (baby's room) instead. His rationale was that if I mess it up or don't like it we can paint over it and not have to see it every day and because we're going to remove the carpet in there anyway if I spill.
So, then he told me to paint it like a nursery - whatever I want. And I thought that was a good sign. So, I said that I hadn't thought about painting that room because I thought it would be pushing him more. And then he said that painting the room has no bearing on our decision on when to TTC. I think he should have said his decision, since I'm ready to go.
It's strange how one minute I can be so excited about painting the baby's room and the next really upset because it still doesn't change anything. We still have no baby. And no timeline to speak of.
I was talking to my mother about various things today. First, I was telling her about how DH thought it would be a better idea if I painted the baby's room - so I was telling her the colors I picked out (from the Disney collection at Home Depot) and a moons & stars themed boarder for the wall (I like the moon & stars theme for the nursery). And then I was telling her about this book that DH bought that has a bunch of wood projects (tables, bookshelves, etc) and that one of them was a sandbox. And she says "You do all this stuff for a phantom baby"
I started painting today. I'm using 2 colors - yellow and green. I've started with the yellow, which is "Tigger's Tummy" by Disney/Behr. I haven't picked the green yet.
I painted after work today and got about 1/4 of the room done. DH is at a conference in Vegas this week, and he knows I'm doing this "project" - I hope he's as happy with the results as I am (so far anyway).
It's finally real. It's not like I'm just painting to paint. We're actually going to TTC. God willing, there will be a baby in there in 2009.
Speaking of 2009, I'm dying for the 09 birth boards to go up! I'm so obsessed.