I looked on fertility friend today and I'm on my 9th cycle! Yikes! I know I got a bfp back in August, but I don't count it since I knew about it for only a few days and had barely adjusted to the fact I was pg before I got the news that I wasn't any longer. Today is one of those days where I feel like giving up and throwing in the towel. I'm not sure if my diabetes is screwing up my cycle or what, but to have a 35 day cycle and no bfp crushed me. I had the worst pain on my right side before af showed up too, which tells me I had yet another corpeus luteum cyst. I've had those with my last 4 pg, and also the past 3 months before af showed. I worry, of course about the cysts not disappearing normally and having to have surgery. Maybe it was just too much stress which delayed af from showing up. I wish I knew.
I'm trying not to get discouraged, but I know in my heart another baby isn't in God's timing for me right now, I can feel that in my heart. I also reflect back that after the death of our first little boy, it took a year and 3 months before I got pg again, then 9 months after our 2nd was born, then 18 months after the m/c, then 4 mos after that m/c, then I waited a year to let my body rest from all the m/c. Then got pg on the first try after we started TTC again. Then God gave us Hunter, such a wonderful blessing. Then the m/c again back in September.
I'm truly happy for all of my friends getitng a bfp, but sad at the same time because it's not happening for me. Things are so stressful financially, I guess there's no need to throw in a stressful high risk pg on top of everything else. I'm trying to focus on other things, like adopting a child. We have all the paperwork in and are now just waiting for everything to be approved. I have all the love in my heart for another child. It won't be a baby, I know, but it will be a child 7 years or older, and we hope for a daughter.
I need to stop throwing my pity party for myself today and look around and realize that it will happen eventually and I need to be thankful for my family that I have right in front of me. I couldn't ask for more.