The Birth of Courage (m/c ment)
I've been considering starting one of these for a while. After all, it has been 33, going on 34 cycles and NOTHING! Nada! Zilch! Zip!
It really does tend to wear on the soul month after month. There is only so long before you snap and can't take it anymore.
I guess a little background might be useful here.
DH Rob and I met at work late summer 2006. We both worked at an IT helpdesk. We were friends first while both of us were dating other people. A few weeks after Rob and I met, he broke up with his girlfriend. I was already in the process of considering breaking up with my boyfriend of 5 years (he was a lowlife going nowhere and extremely possesive!!) I finally got the courage to break up with mine a few weeks after that. We didn't start dating right away, but it didn't take long. We both just "clicked" and moved in together within 2 months.
It wasn't long before we started joking about marriage and the future. Literally...we moved in Jan 1, and I remember our first conversation about it was the middle of February! While it wasn't "official" we kinda both knew that was what we wanted.
A few months later (April '07), we accidentally became pregnant. Not sure how or what happened since we were using condoms, but it did. I got a faint BFP and blood test. Unfortunately, I miscarried 2 days after I found out (literally the same day that the doctor called to confirm the blood test).
At that point we took it as a sign. We are both pagans and believe strongly that it was a sign from some higher power that we were meant to follow this path. At that point we decided to get married and decided we would no longer use any birthcontrol whatsoever.
It's been now...34 cycles I think, and nothing. No BFP.
We were married in August 2008 in a celtic/medieval handfasting. While we've had MANY hardships since April '07 we are much stronger now as a couple and have worked very hard to be together. I won't write everything here and now, because I know there are going to be vents and postings that will more than definately cover the subject in the future.
I guess what happened differently this month that made me want to write this is...well...we've always been "just let it happen" style. Never obsessing, never focusing too much on O time, etc. If it happens, it happens, if it doesn't, it doesn't. What frusterated me is that I'm pretty regular (29 days avg, all the tests I've bother to do indicate O in the middle CD 14/15) but this month I Oed on CD 18!! WTF! And because I work rotating days/nights, we COMPLETELY missed it. Not one singe DTD in there in more than a week to even cover a chance.
My goal next cycle is to pay attention more and maybe move away from JLIH...who knows...maybe that will work?