So far, Al and I have met some friends at a local creperie for breakfast and started to go to the local farmer's market until a bird pooped on my head. Yuck! I have really thick hair, too, so washing it out was disgusting.
Al still has the runs and continues to spend lots of time in the bathroom. We're supposed to hiking this afternoon... so we'll see how it goes. It's such a bummer that he's not feeling well - for him and for me.
One month from today and we'll be back on the TTC journey. This has been a really nice break in many ways. A girl could get used to not taking her temperature, checking downstairs for things that only gross her out, reaching up into the nether regions to find out where she is in her cycle, etc.. I was vaguely aware that I ovulated at some point over the weekend, but the only thought I gave to it was having DH pull out when we DTD so I don't have to give the tiniest possibility of getting pregnant a single thought for the next two weeks. I love that I don't know what CD # I'm on, that it doesn't matter... it's great! It really helps to focus on the positive things (and we can all see that there are many positives) and NOT think about the fact that I would be starting to show by now, and maybe start feeling the baby kick. Not thinking about that. At all.
We're going up to the NE (Canada, Maine, etc.) to celebrate our 5 year anniversary. Since we're optimistically thinking we'll have a little one in tow next year, we thought we should travel while we still can without carrying a little one everywhere.
And we decided that we'll save up our $$ this year for either: 1) good baby stuff, or 2) a trip to Europe if we're not pregnant by next summer. Win-win situation.
I had to dig this up from the depths of page 2... just haven't had much going on in the TTC side of things for a while now.
I'll have reached the end of the 3-month waiting period in about 10 days. My RE said we could go ahead and do the clomid/IUI this cycle, but I'm not ready. I want to drop about 8 more pounds and continue to feel healthy before trying again. The s/e from the methotrexate were so horrible and the m/c itself was so painful physically that I just can't face the idea of being pregnant again until I feel like I can physically deal with the possibility of another ectopic nightmare (or m/c, for that matter).
Emotionally I feel pretty good, though. I think once I feel like I'm physically stronger, I'll feel emotionally stronger, too. I hope.
So we're doing a 'natural' cycle. Since we've had oh so much success conceiving naturally (ha), I'm not optimistic in the least. I should ovulate in the next few days but I already know the BD attempts (at least from my end) will be fairly weak. Good thing DH can do all the work - and he's more than willing.
I did exercise twice today (go me!). In many ways I really feel like things are back on track. I'm just so tired of not being able to fit comfortably in any of my clothes and I want that to be for the right reason (because I'm pregnant) and NOT for the wrong reason (because I'm fat).
3 months ago today, I received the methotrexate injection that rocked my world for a long time. On the positive side, it prevented a rupture of some organ. On the negative side, I lost a baby and endured extreme pain and several weeks of bleeding and major intestinal discomfort and a severe breakout (the likes of which I have never seen before or since).
March 29 seems like a long time ago, but there have been plenty of things to make the time fly by (as it always does). I have moved through different stages of grief, some of them rapid. I haven't lost the weight I wanted to lose.
But I've gained a better outlook. I feel a bit less desperate to have children, and more resigned to God's will for me in this area. I still really really hope that it happens, but I have found that Al and I are very happy just being the two of us. Our lives are rich and full and there is a lot of love.
So AF should arrive about a week from now (perhaps a little sooner) and I will take my clomid like a good girl on CD 5-9. Hopefully we'll start the u/s monitoring on CD12 and I bet I ovulate by CD 15. I am going to hope against hope that my right ovary ignores the clomid, and doesn't produce a single follie. Then the IUI and hopefully a BFP and a sticky baby! Sounds so easy... sigh.
OK, so AF should be here tomorrow. I guess I O'd on CD 13 after all. I admit I was holding out a wee bit of hope that we might get preggo naturally this cycle, but I should have known better.
There's this little voice in the back of my head that still has hope... I had some brief, mild cramping on Tuesday, but nothing since then. It doesn't feel like AF is on her way at all. Of course, I'll probably wake up to her - that's how it usually works. But if she doesn't show tomorrow, I'll test on Saturday for sure...
So now I'm on back on clomid. I take my last dose today. I've had one mild 'chemical' headache, but I've been super moody since yesterday. I hate it. I don't remember the clomid affecting my mood last time.
I also hate that I feel my right ovary all geared up. Not even a twinge from the left one. I know (and pray!) the u/s shows differently, but when I have a good strong O on the right, I feel it. I guess I'll find out Tuesday, but I'm not expecting good news.
Just got back from the u/s. Boo. I have 5 follies on the right, the largest is 22mm so it's gonna blow anytime. Just 2 follies on the left, measuring 16 and 14.
Big bummer. I wasn't surprised, though. We BD'd last night and there just wasn't enough room down there for the crowded right ovary and DH. It was pretty uncomfortable, and kind of confirmed that I was most likely O-ing on the right this time.
I know the ovaries alternate ovulating, but I wonder how medicated cycles affect things. In other words, what if the clomid ALWAYS makes me O on the right? Then what? Hopefully my RE will have some answers when I get the call today about the u/s.
I talked to my mom on the way to class and she said she doesn't understand why she sees such irresponsible parenting and she thinks Al and I would be such great parents and she doesn't get why it isn't happening for us. So then I started crying. Thanks Mom.
I just hate having to do clomid again next month. Is this ever going to happen?
I have this little friend that has just return to me. She's called HOPE.
I was so discouraged after the u/s yesterday, and after a long series of events (much too boring to get into right now) the conclusion is that my hope has returned.
So through all the twists and turns, here I am. I will do the IUI after all. I'm doing a trigger shot tonight (God help me, I have to stick a needle in my skin!! ). We'll do the IUI on Friday morning.
What I was told is that the risk for an ectopic is the same, no matter which side I O from. Doing the trigger also allows my left ovary to get its butt in gear and grow that follie so I have a chance for something to fertilize. I'm just so relieved that I don't have to deal with those stupid OPKs anymore, and even more relieved that I don't have to worry about timing the IUI anymore. We BD'd this morning (I'm SO over sex because we HAVE to) so if I O today before the trigger, we'll mostly be covered. And then I know I won't O before Friday.
It's amazing how a simple phone call can change everything! Yay! She had left, but now my friend Hope has returned.
Back from the IUI. Al actually joined me for once, and was completely caught off guard when the nurse asked him if he wanted to push his swimmers in. I was on the table, already uncomfortable because I think my ovaries are going to burst and the speculum didn't feel great... so I was like, just get it over with, and Al wasn't about to budge from his post at my head. He's not really into stuff like that. So that was weird.
But the fantastic news is that Al's sperm count nearly doubled! It was 93.8 million today!!
And the nurse says she has seen lots of women have a healthy pregnancy after an ectopic. So I'm nervous that this is a possibility in addition to a BFN or BFP, but that's life, right? We have to take a chance.
My temp did go up somewhat this morning, but I think that's a good sign. The nurse also said she saw lots of good EWCM at my cervix, so I think I'm in the middle of ovulating. I was hoping to have already ovulated by the time we did the IUI because maybe the eggs will have moved down the fallopian tubes and possibly past the obstruction. Last time, we did the IUI the day before I O'd, so I'm sure the sperm was just sitting there waiting for the eggs to pop out.
So I'm hoping for a nice temp spike tomorrow and let the 2ww begin!!
So now I'm really starting to wonder if we did, in fact, time the IUI well. Argh. Sigh. I hate this endless wondering....
I also keep feeling twinges of pain in my right ovary. Not enough to want to take something for it, but definitely enough to notice. Exactly how I felt last time. I can't tell if it's a s/e from clomid making my ovaries work overtime or if it's another ectopic in progress. I just hope the pain goes away.