Wow, I'm actually doing this. I've scouted other journals for a while but didn't think it would be for me. We're stuck here in the never-ending TTC land so this will undoubtedly be boring. But at least I will have a place to get things off my chest, etc.
So I'm Ruth (30) and DH is Al (28 ). We've been married for nearly 5 years (well, okay, it'll be five years in four more months) and loved every minute of it - even the fights. I mean, I don't love fighting, but I'd rather be with him than without, you know?
I remember being terrified of getting pregnant on our honeymoon - we're the old-fashioned type and waited until we got married to DTD. I just knew that we'd get pregnant on our first try. Between his parents and mine, there were 5 unplanned pregnancies, so we come from a very fertile bunch. So we took our preventing efforts seriously, what a waste of time and money! To add insult to injury, I didn't tolerate any form of BC that we tried. I stumbled across charting to prevent a few years ago and loved it. My cycles are always short and very regular so it was easy to track my fertile time and avoid. I even stopped temping because my body was so predictable.
Anyway, fast-forward to May 06. I was just finishing up with grad school and Al has been ready to have kids for a while. I was about to turn 30 and realized that we'd better not wait any longer. We had a little party the day I graduated and I found EWCM that evening. Al was like, let's go and take advantage of it and I freaked out. I just wasn't ready. The next day I realized that I had just been overwhelmed by the emotions of graduating, etc., and that I was really ready after all. I still had the EWCM so we "took advantage" of it. After it was over, Al said, "Go forth and conquer, boys" and we both thought that we had just become parents.
Right. I took my very first HPT on my birthday, May 19. Big mistake. Not pregnant. Of course, my good friend e-mailed me that day and had just gotten pregnant on their first try. I was devastated and surprised. But we moved on and thought that maybe just one session of BD-ing wasn't enough.
I resumed the temping and not being so lazy about charting and it's just been endless cycle after cycle with nothing. I know this is crazy, but I was ready to find out what was wrong with us after that very first BFN. We finally did get to an RE in December and had all sorts of tests... all the bloodwork (normal); SA (excellent); HSG (right tube seemed a little 'sluggish' but the dye did go through); u/s (ovaries and uterus look good). The RE wants to move on to a cycle of clomid/IUI so I guess that is our next step. Al initially wanted to wait a few more cycles to see if it can still happen naturally, but he took this last BFN pretty hard for the first time. He was convinced that I was pregnant (I'm still not entirely sure why, because I haven't thought I was pregnant more than one or two cycles). So now he's ready for this to happen.
So it's officially been almost nine months of trying (but we're on cycle #12 - crazy!). It's been a little hard entering the month of what would have been my first due date. I've been lurking on their board occasionally and wonder how things would be if we had really gotten pregnant the first time. I guess we never know what would have happened...
I was so ready for the clomid/IUI but now I'm having second thoughts. I need to work them out before we do this because it is expensive. In the back of my mind, I think that the reason we're not pregnant is because I'm out of shape and I don't have the healthiest diet. I know that few people who look at me would think that I needed to lose weight, but I always feel a little "off" when I'm not fit. I haven't exercised regularly since last summer and things are really stressful at work (I'm a teacher). Plus I work entirely too much. Would anyone believe I receive a paycheck from four different institutions? Granted, only one is full-time and one of them is for about 2 hours of work per week but still... no wonder I have a cold for the second time in three months!
I just want to be healthy and fit before trying the IUI. I don't want to start off a pregnancy unhealthy, and I'm really hoping that getting more exercise and reducing work stress might be all that is needed to get pregnant.
OK, final thought. Isn't it crazy how you can not have any baby fever whatsoever and then wake up and hardly be able to think about anything else?! What a strange world TTC is!