I got a call from my RE this morning at work. She was just checking up on me. I've never had a doctor do that before! I was amazed.
Thankfully, I'm almost 100%. Every day is just a little bit better, and advil bridges the gap.
Friday's beta should hopefully be zero. (fingers crossed)
In other news, I have a job interview tomorrow morning. I REALLY hope I get the job. It's perfect for me - a piano instructor position at the local visual/performing arts school. Did I say I hope I get the job yet?
Beta was sadly not zero, but almost. It's 13. Still a little pregnant.
It's probably just as well. We've finally been cleared to have sex (after 60 days!) and I know I'll be nervous I'm going to 'accidentally' miraculously ovulate and miraculously get pregnant and have a 3-headed child. So while I'm still a little pregnant, I don't have to worry about getting pregnant.
Wouldn't it just figure if I finally got pregnant naturally, just when I'm not supposed to? :roll: Oh well. Just two more months to wait.
Job interview was, um, interesting (and thanks Mandie! I still can't believe - and frequently forget - that anyone reads this :oops: Don't know why, though, because I check up on people and figure they must do the same).
Anywho, we'll see about the job. I think it's mine if I want it. I still need to figure out if I want it. It's not quite what I had in mind... but we'll see. More soul-searching in order here.
I'm so sick of this school year. I'm tired of the kids, tired of teaching, tired of all the behavior problems (especially on Thursday, when I go to a terrible school). I keep looking at the calendar, hoping the final weeks will go by faster...
I have a job interview tomorrow morning. It's a second interview, but because of the issues with this crappy district, I just might have a third. You'd think this was a high-powered job like running a corporation or something. :roll: Nope, just trying to be a teacher. If they don't make a better impression than last time, I'm not coming back next year. I'll miss the benefits, but there are other jobs.
On the TTC front, I have a good feeling Friday will be zero. In fact, I bet it is already. I started noticing some CM in my undies two days ago, and realized that I've been dry since they gave me the injection. So I'm taking it as a good sign. It's just such a mystery when my cycles will start again. I don't know what my body will do. Will my body prepare to ovulate as soon as the HCG level hits zero, or will it take a break? I guess no one knows for sure.
Not that it matters, I still have almost 2 months left to wait.
In the meantime, I'm practicing again and decided officially to take doctoral auditions next spring. I should have done it this spring, but kept putting them off because I thought I was going to be raising children. We decided that our lives can't be put on hold for what may never come to pass, so we're moving on. Hopefully kids will easily fit in, but we'll see.
Well, Friday proved to be the BIG FAT ZERO day!! Finally got the HCG levels back to zero and my RE wants me to wait one natural cycle before starting up with clomid/IUI again. I'm going to be conservative and wait the 1 month, 3 weeks that are left after the methotrexate. We just don't want to increase our chanced of birth defects... I know I'll likely cycle before then (I think I'm already getting ready to ovulate, if it didn't happen over the weekend). So now, let the thumb twiddling begin!
Can I start TTC again yet? :roll:
The plan is to take this forced break and just get really healthy. But that involves getting on the treadmill, something I have yet to bring myself to do. I don't know why, I enjoy exercising... it's just hard to get started.
I'm taking a personal 'sanity' day today. I hate going to this school on Thursdays. If I could stay at my normal school all 5 days of the week, rather than four days, I'd probably still have most of my personal days left. I've only taken off 3 days at my normal school this entire school year, and two of them were because I was too sick to stand upright.
Anyway, I've been sitting happily on the internet since about 7am so I should probably go be productive since it's now almost 10am. It's beautiful outside right now, so I'm going to attempt to clean the outdoor a/c units and finish planting a few flowers. Then some inside cleaning. It's going to be a great day.
I broke out in what I hope is a heat rash yesterday. It's disgusting, but just in appearance. I don't feel bad at all, just slightly itchy.
My mom wondered if it could be from the methotrexate. I kind of doubt it, other than the compromised immune system combined with being out of shape...
still waiting to get back on the ttc wagon. i did start temping again. i actually missed knowing what was happening and i wonder if/when i'm going to O again. yep, i'm weird.
double whammy today.
First, I got a letter from my RE. She's moving to Oregon. :cry: She was the best doctor ever.
Then at choir tonight, a girl announced that she's pregnant. OK, that's not so bad. Here's the kicker: she's due when I was supposed to be due. I was really doing okay with this whole thing, but now I feel like I've been kicked in the gut. Now I'll be watching her progress as I should have.
So sad. I feel like the grief just hit me fresh, like I just heard the bad news today.
Someday I'm going to only have all positive and no negative news.
Sadly, that day is not today.
There is some good news, though: my digestive/intestinal system finally is back to normal. Thank God!!
The bad news is that the 'heat rash' is most definitely NOT a heat rash. I showed it to the school nurse and she was a little baffled. She thought it looked more like zits than anything, which I had been thinking, too. Except that my worst high school hormone-filled breakout couldn't hold a candle to this many zits. It's like having chicken pox again, except with zits. And it just showed up literally over night.
I took Benedryl, it did nothing. By now it was the weekend and too late to find a doctor. So I googled the darn methotrexate again.
It can cause acne and boils. :shock: Thank God I don't have any boils!!!
It hasn't gotten worse, and it really does just seem like harmless old acne (although a count the stars in the heavens portion of zits). So we've been treating it like it's acne and it does seem to be helping.
Now I understand why they say to wait 3 months... that methotrexate is still wrecking havoc on me! God forbid I ever have another ectopic, but surgery would DEFINITELY be the preferred way to deal with it next time. Between the intense cramping, massive bleed, the intestinal issues that lasted OVER a month, general ickiness, compromised immune system, and finally this horrible breakout, with who knows what might be next (since every time I think it's done doing its damage), surgery just HAS to be better!
Surprise, surprise, surprise! CD 1 today. :? Only 1.5 months after the metho injection. I felt crampy yesterday, and noticed my temp had dropped some, but just didn't know what to expect. Well, look out for ol' Aunt Flo!
I was told to call my RE's office when I got to CD 1 and then we'd start round 2 of clomid/IUI, but after some soul-searching (and much-needed advice from TTC 1st time buddies) I told them I was waiting a cycle.
So here I am, hoping everything is back to normal now.
It's been a busy week... my students had their spring program yesterday afternoon. I tell you what - those first graders can SING! They put all the other grades to shame, even the 'big' 5th graders. I think 1st grade might be my favorite grade to teach (or maybe it's just THIS first grade?). If I was going to stick around next year, I guess I'd find out. But they all did really well - I was proud of all of my students...
Well, tomorrow is my birthday. Turning 31 (wow that's old!). I keep trying to figure out if I have unreasonably high expectations for my birthdays or if they're just in a pattern of being particularly disappointing. Last year, we went to a little B&B, but the only people who remembered (and called) were my mom and brother. No one else in my family, and none of my friends, called. It was lonely. Two years ago, my DH broke my heart for the first time - hopefully only time! - by making a very poor decision two days before my birthday. I found out about it the night before, and didn't sleep most of the night. That birthday was also very quiet and sad. Growing up, I saw pictures of the cakes and parties my mom did for my older brother and sister, but she was working and tired by the time I came along. I do remember my 8th birthday being nice...
Gosh, I'd better stop thinking about this or I'll make myself cry. When my DH asked me last night if I was looking forward to my birthday, I kind of stopped in my tracks. I mean, who doesn't look forward to a birthday? But who wants to live a disappointing day?
I know the ultimate decision is mine. I can choose to be happy or not. I encourage my students to rise above their stations in life and make something of themselves. Why shouldn't I do the same?
Happy Birthday to me!
So far, Al and I have met some friends at a local creperie for breakfast and started to go to the local farmer's market until a bird pooped on my head. :bigsad: Yuck! I have really thick hair, too, so washing it out was disgusting.
Al still has the runs and continues to spend lots of time in the bathroom. :gottago: We're supposed to hiking this afternoon... so we'll see how it goes. It's such a bummer that he's not feeling well - for him and for me.
Hopefully the day will improve...
One month from today and we'll be back on the TTC journey. This has been a really nice break in many ways. A girl could get used to not taking her temperature, checking downstairs for things that only gross her out, reaching up into the nether regions to find out where she is in her cycle, etc.. I was vaguely aware that I ovulated at some point over the weekend, but the only thought I gave to it was having DH pull out when we DTD so I don't have to give the tiniest possibility of getting pregnant a single thought for the next two weeks. I love that I don't know what CD # I'm on, that it doesn't matter... it's great! It really helps to focus on the positive things (and we can all see that there are many positives) and NOT think about the fact that I would be starting to show by now, and maybe start feeling the baby kick. Not thinking about that. At all.
We're going up to the NE (Canada, Maine, etc.) to celebrate our 5 year anniversary. Since we're optimistically thinking we'll have a little one in tow next year, we thought we should travel while we still can without carrying a little one everywhere.
And we decided that we'll save up our $$ this year for either: 1) good baby stuff, or 2) a trip to Europe if we're not pregnant by next summer. Win-win situation.
I had to dig this up from the depths of page 2... just haven't had much going on in the TTC side of things for a while now.
I'll have reached the end of the 3-month waiting period in about 10 days. My RE said we could go ahead and do the clomid/IUI this cycle, but I'm not ready. I want to drop about 8 more pounds and continue to feel healthy before trying again. The s/e from the methotrexate were so horrible and the m/c itself was so painful physically that I just can't face the idea of being pregnant again until I feel like I can physically deal with the possibility of another ectopic nightmare (or m/c, for that matter).
Emotionally I feel pretty good, though. I think once I feel like I'm physically stronger, I'll feel emotionally stronger, too. I hope.
So we're doing a 'natural' cycle. Since we've had oh so much success conceiving naturally (ha), I'm not optimistic in the least. I should ovulate in the next few days but I already know the BD attempts (at least from my end) will be fairly weak. Good thing DH can do all the work - and he's more than willing.
I did exercise twice today (go me!). In many ways I really feel like things are back on track. I'm just so tired of not being able to fit comfortably in any of my clothes and I want that to be for the right reason (because I'm pregnant) and NOT for the wrong reason (because I'm fat).
3 months ago today, I received the methotrexate injection that rocked my world for a long time. On the positive side, it prevented a rupture of some organ. On the negative side, I lost a baby and endured extreme pain and several weeks of bleeding and major intestinal discomfort and a severe breakout (the likes of which I have never seen before or since).
March 29 seems like a long time ago, but there have been plenty of things to make the time fly by (as it always does). I have moved through different stages of grief, some of them rapid. I haven't lost the weight I wanted to lose.
But I've gained a better outlook. I feel a bit less desperate to have children, and more resigned to God's will for me in this area. I still really really hope that it happens, but I have found that Al and I are very happy just being the two of us. Our lives are rich and full and there is a lot of love.
So AF should arrive about a week from now (perhaps a little sooner) and I will take my clomid like a good girl on CD 5-9. Hopefully we'll start the u/s monitoring on CD12 and I bet I ovulate by CD 15. I am going to hope against hope that my right ovary ignores the clomid, and doesn't produce a single follie. Then the IUI and hopefully a BFP and a sticky baby! Sounds so easy... sigh.
OK, so AF should be here tomorrow. I guess I O'd on CD 13 after all. I admit I was holding out a wee bit of hope that we might get preggo naturally this cycle, but I should have known better.
There's this little voice in the back of my head that still has hope... I had some brief, mild cramping on Tuesday, but nothing since then. It doesn't feel like AF is on her way at all. Of course, I'll probably wake up to her - that's how it usually works. But if she doesn't show tomorrow, I'll test on Saturday for sure...
Back to reality.
Yep, she showed up right when I woke up. Oh well.
So now I'm on back on clomid. I take my last dose today. I've had one mild 'chemical' headache, but I've been super moody since yesterday. I hate it. I don't remember the clomid affecting my mood last time.
I also hate that I feel my right ovary all geared up. Not even a twinge from the left one. I know (and pray!) the u/s shows differently, but when I have a good strong O on the right, I feel it. I guess I'll find out Tuesday, but I'm not expecting good news.
Just got back from the u/s. Boo. I have 5 follies on the right, the largest is 22mm so it's gonna blow anytime. Just 2 follies on the left, measuring 16 and 14.
Big bummer. I wasn't surprised, though. We BD'd last night and there just wasn't enough room down there for the crowded right ovary and DH. It was pretty uncomfortable, and kind of confirmed that I was most likely O-ing on the right this time.
I know the ovaries alternate ovulating, but I wonder how medicated cycles affect things. In other words, what if the clomid ALWAYS makes me O on the right? Then what? Hopefully my RE will have some answers when I get the call today about the u/s.
I talked to my mom on the way to class and she said she doesn't understand why she sees such irresponsible parenting and she thinks Al and I would be such great parents and she doesn't get why it isn't happening for us. So then I started crying. Thanks Mom.
I just hate having to do clomid again next month. Is this ever going to happen?
I have this little friend that has just return to me. She's called HOPE.
I was so discouraged after the u/s yesterday, and after a long series of events (much too boring to get into right now) the conclusion is that my hope has returned.
So through all the twists and turns, here I am. I will do the IUI after all. I'm doing a trigger shot tonight (God help me, I have to stick a needle in my skin!! :shock: :shock: :? :shock: ). We'll do the IUI on Friday morning.
What I was told is that the risk for an ectopic is the same, no matter which side I O from. Doing the trigger also allows my left ovary to get its butt in gear and grow that follie so I have a chance for something to fertilize. I'm just so relieved that I don't have to deal with those stupid OPKs anymore, and even more relieved that I don't have to worry about timing the IUI anymore. We BD'd this morning (I'm SO over sex because we HAVE to) so if I O today before the trigger, we'll mostly be covered. And then I know I won't O before Friday.
It's amazing how a simple phone call can change everything! Yay! She had left, but now my friend Hope has returned.
Back from the IUI. Al actually joined me for once, and was completely caught off guard when the nurse asked him if he wanted to push his swimmers in. :shock: I was on the table, already uncomfortable because I think my ovaries are going to burst and the speculum didn't feel great... so I was like, just get it over with, and Al wasn't about to budge from his post at my head. He's not really into stuff like that. So that was weird.
But the fantastic news is that Al's sperm count nearly doubled! It was 93.8 million today!!
And the nurse says she has seen lots of women have a healthy pregnancy after an ectopic. So I'm nervous that this is a possibility in addition to a BFN or BFP, but that's life, right? We have to take a chance.
My temp did go up somewhat this morning, but I think that's a good sign. The nurse also said she saw lots of good EWCM at my cervix, so I think I'm in the middle of ovulating. I was hoping to have already ovulated by the time we did the IUI because maybe the eggs will have moved down the fallopian tubes and possibly past the obstruction. Last time, we did the IUI the day before I O'd, so I'm sure the sperm was just sitting there waiting for the eggs to pop out.
So I'm hoping for a nice temp spike tomorrow and let the 2ww begin!!
So now I'm really starting to wonder if we did, in fact, time the IUI well. Argh. Sigh. I hate this endless wondering....
I also keep feeling twinges of pain in my right ovary. Not enough to want to take something for it, but definitely enough to notice. Exactly how I felt last time. I can't tell if it's a s/e from clomid making my ovaries work overtime or if it's another ectopic in progress. I just hope the pain goes away.
Well, 6-7 DPO today. It's almost 9:20am and I've already felt two twinges of pain in the direction of my right ovary today. I've decided to keep track for the next few days just to see what I'm dealing with. I just re-read my entries from the time I had the ectopic and I was surprised to see just how much I reported pain and/or cramping. It was rarely intense, so I had just chalked it up to normal pg symptoms... little did I know.
I don't feel great today. Slight nausea, dizzy and tired. Hopefully it will improve as I wake up.
I've again walked down the exact path that led me to an ectopic. A fool is one who repeats the same actions expecting different results. Have I trusted doctors too much? Feeling foolish...
Had my progesterone checked today. I'm confused, because last time the nurse gave me an exact number (26, I think?) but this time she just said it was over 20 and that it is good. I asked her for a specific number and she said that they don't measure it exactly, as long as it's over 20. WTH? Why would it be different from last time? It was only a few months ago...
Anyway, I'm feeling more hopeful that this worked, but I'm trying really hard not to get my hopes up too high. I'm definitely feeling *different* but it could easily be from the clomid. My nips are tender today, which has only happened the time I got pg. But that was also the time I was on clomid, so I don't know which one it is.
Less than a week to wait! I've decided to test Thursday, at 12 dpo. I think a + would show up by then. That way, if it's + I can get a HCG reading on Friday.
I really need to go back to first grade math and learn how to count again. 12 dpo is really Tues/Wed (depending on when you think I O'd).
I was very enlightened about clomid, trigger shots, and life in general by Jo (thanks again!) and now I'm really not sure what my chances are of conception this cycle.
I'm really thankful, though, that my ovary pains on the right side are really going away. I only felt them 2-3 times yesterday and just once so far today. The unpleasant part is that they're making up for the reduced frequency by increasing the pain (it's a burning sensation - yuck!).
Nipps are still sore and now the area directly behind them is sore, too. Could be the clomid, though, I guess. Other than that, though, I feel absolutely fine. I bet we did miss that egg after all, darn it!
Oh well, I'll test Wednesday and find out for sure...
Well, tomorrow's the big day - for testing, that is. I feel so many emotions right now... afraid that it's a BFN, afraid that it's a BFP and in the wrong place, one minute thinking my chart/symptoms look pretty good, next minute thinking it doesn't look good at all (there's no implantation dip). I hate it! Why can't I be like my colleague who didn't find out she was pregnant until she was nearly four months in?!
The good news is that I hope my right ovary has had its last hurrah for this cycle. I felt about 10 seconds' worth of pretty severe cramping (with a bit of burning for good measure) down there yesterday afternoon. One moment of the dull cramping last night, and (thank God) nothing today so far. I'm still kicking myself for not keeping better track of it during my preggo cycle, so I could have a basis for comparison. Oh well. At least if it's a BFN, I'll know these pains are really normal for my ovaries when under the influence of clomid.
Is it tomorrow yet? This 2ww has really gone by pretty fast, but now it's just d r a g g i n g . . .
I'm pregnant. I really wish I could put an exclamation point at the end of that sentence, but I can't (yet). When I had the ectopic previously, I remember that the cramping and pains on my right side were always worse in the evenings, for some strange reason. Last night, Al and I were getting ready to take a walk and there they were... JUST like last time. I've felt AF-like cramping this morning (I think normal) but my right ovary is hurting, too.
So the plan is to call my RE as soon as they open and start begging for bloodwork. I know they won't believe me when I tell them I think it's ectopic again, so the sooner we can confirm it, the faster we can figure out what to do. Al and I discussed this last night (because I had a moment of clarity when I was sure I was pregnant and that it's in the wrong place). My old RE told me that they'd remove my right tube if I had another ectopic, but Al doesn't like that idea at all. He's afraid of what might happen if I lose my good tube, too. Losing my right tube doesn't really bother me, though. If it's only going to produce one ectopic after another, what's the point in keeping it around?? But we agreed that we'd ask them to remove the pregnancy and save the tube (if possible).
Al says we should be cautiously optimistic... we know we can get pregnant... blah blah blah. We already knew I can get pregnant. What's the point if we never get to keep it? Besides, it's not his body. I have these mental flashbacks of getting stuck like a pincushion, staring at my empty uterus on u/s monitor while they try in vain to find the ectopic, the horrible horrible pain after the methotrexate... I can't do it again. I don't know how I got through it the first time.
Well, I'm feeling more cautiously optimistic about the pregnancy. The RE's secretary was just AWFUL to me on the phone. She chewed me out for testing too soon (I was supposed to test on Friday) and then refused to let me come in for bloodwork until Monday. However, we're out of town until Thursday, so she set up an appointment for me to go to a different lab on Saturday. Does one freaking day REALLY make that big of a difference?!?!
Aside from that, Al and I had a good talk about providing a nurturing environment for our little one, no matter how short their stay is in our family. Our bean may only have a few short weeks on this earth, and we don't want that time to be spent in a sad and depressed body. Besides, we don't know for sure that anything is wrong (yet).
I've been feeling better (and worse) physically. The early pg symptoms have been slightly different this time around so far... good sign? But I can't bear to change my ticker yet. Not until I know everything is going to be okay.
I'm 4 weeks, 2 days pregnant. Hoping to stay this way for 36 more weeks.
1st beta back today. 259 @ 15dpo. It's definitely an improvement from last time (109 @ 16dpo) but not sky high like I was hoping.
I feel like my pg symptoms are leaving me (I know this is normal, but still scary!). I was SO exhausted over the weekend, with the tiredness being comparable to when I had mono several years back. I also have had random bouts of nausea, but nothing like on the scale of Wednesday night's encounters with the porcelain god. Even the sore boobs seem to be less sore. I do still have those random pains on my right side, but they don't seem to be as bad as last time. I do specifically remember some really uncomfortable, stop-in-your-tracks pains during week 4 last time (esp at the symphony). Hopefully none of that will be repeated, because I am pretty sure those were ectopic pains.
Just grasping at straws in attempts to have a positive attitude...
I think 4 weeks, 6 days right now?
Second beta draw tomorrow. Some moments I'm terrified of the outcome, and some moments I feel peace. I just wish I knew one way or other...
My gut (though it often second-guesses itself many times a day) tells me things are okay this time. I don't have a fraction of the pain/cramping/discomfort that I did last time. I have had some bouts already with m/s, which I did not experience last time at all. And my first HCG # was much higher than last time. Those three factors give me a little more hope that at least our little baby is in the right spot.
We're supposed to hang out with some good friends tomorrow night, and she's about 6 weeks further along than me. They know all about our TTC struggles, and they know this beta tomorrow will give us a lot of info about where the pg is. Thankfully, we already discussed a last minute cancellation if we get bad news. It's so nice to know that I won't have to force myself to put on a smiling face (just in case).
So the wait and the prayers continue...
I'll say it again:
I just got the call from the nurse (in record time, bless them, because I've been so nervous!) and my number doubled just right! 1884 @ 21 dpo.
I can't tell you how relieved and happy I am. I know there's still a chance for m/c, etc., but at least it's not ectopic!!!
Still on cloud 9. :cloud9:
My cloud started to turn into a raincloud when I had a dream last night that I was bleeding. But I just cannot allow myself to worry all the time. It's not good for me, and worrying doesn't change the outcome of anything. I believe that God is in charge and that He orchestrates things according to His will, for the greater good. So if He doesn't want me to have this baby for some reason 1) there's absolutely nothing I can do to stop it, and 2) there's a reason (and probably one I won't ever know or understand). I find that reassuring somehow.
In other news, this is our last weekend of summer break. This has undoubtedly been the fastest summer of my life! I did get the transfer I had applied for, so I'll be teaching piano this year at our district's performing arts high school. There was quite a bit of drama surrounding my getting this position (having more to do with the person I'm replacing than me) and I'm pretty sure I'll have no keyboards for a while... but such is life with my district! I'm hoping and praying that this will be my last year of full-time teaching. Since my EDD is April 12, I hope I'll be able to work as close as possible to that date and then never return. Next year, I'll continue teaching after-school lessons and the other little music jobs I have have. It'll be a bit tight financially, but I think we'll be okay. We have no debt besides our mortgage, so we can get by with a smaller income. We're going to take advantage of our last year with two full incomes and save like crazy...
Well, off to light a fire under Al's butt! He's been working on re-tiling the upstairs bathroom, but it just has to get done today and tomorrow since we go back on Monday. I'm so paranoid about the chemicals/fumes, so I haven't been able to help as much as I normally would.
Oh! I forgot to mention that I hope it's okay for me to stick around here for a while. I'm thinking positive thoughts, but I know that it's possible for me to be out of the TTC game for only a short while...
Just got back from our first pg u/s.
I'm so excited!! I've had at least 10+ u/s (because of the ectopic) but this was the first time I've actually seen something in my uterus!!! Everything is great. The baby is measuring right on track and we got to see the heartbeat, which brought tears to my eyes. After several attempts, the technician was even able to track it (which she said is iffy this early) and it was 105 bpm. I think the baby is 3/8 of an inch right now. Amazing.
I'm just so relieved and excited I can't even describe it.
Also, I get to go back for another one in two weeks because she wants to make sure there isn't an ectopic hiding behind the corpus luteum (which is HUGE). She said the odds are really slim, but she doesn't want to take any chances.
TGIF! I go back for a second u/s on Tuesday, so I'm getting a little anxious, hoping everything will be okay. But I feel optimistic this time. I've had some pretty yucky m/s, but the past few days have actually been pretty good. I just try to keep some food in my system all the time and maybe it's helping. I'm really tired and have most of the usual early pg symptoms, but I'm NOT complaining! We've waited so long for this - I'm just thankful.
I hope I'm not jinxing myself, but I did start a pg journal. Here's the link: http://www.pregnancy.org/bulletinboards/showthread.php?t=79597
I'll move over there permanently if this u/s comes out okay on Tuesday. Fingers crossed!
It's been more than two years since I last posted, but we're back on the TTC bandwagon again and since I've found it really helpful to read back through my experiences before, I think I'm going to post again for a bit.
So we had a beautiful daughter in April 2008 and decided to start TTC #2 shortly after she turned one. No luck whatsoever, so we turned back to my RE in January 2010. It was odd to be back there, especially with a little one in tow, but at least I know what to expect, right? Thankfully, she only wanted a little bloodwork and we agreed to just go down the same route that led to Noelle.
So I waited one cycle and then took the clomid on CD 5-9. I went in for a follie check u/s on CD 12 and it looked like my left ovary was going to be dominant for once! There were two on the left and three on the right, but the big one on the left was bigger by at least 6 mm. I fully expected them to tell me to do the trigger that night (it was a Saturday) or the next night and then come in for the IUI on either Monday or Tuesday... but they surprised me by saying that I should come in for another u/s on Monday. I was really frustrated by this all weekend, but dutifully went in on Monday and the dominant follie on the left was 26 mm and about to pop. The others had all reached a mature size, as well. I guess I could theoretically have released four eggs, but I kind of doubt it.
Long story short, I did the trigger that night, BUT went in the next morning (instead of Tuesday morning) for the IUI. My temp shot up Tuesday morning, so I was at first thinking we had missed the egg entirely, but knowing that the eggs had all been there 24 hours prior, they hopefully were still alive and kicking by the time we did the IUI.
DH's swimmers were 72.5 million. Not as high as last time, but still fine.
So right now I'm 6 dpo and my right ovary/side keeps getting this random sharp pain. It must have something to do with the clomid, because I've felt something kind of like this now all three times I've taken clomid. I know last time, I had a humongous corpus luteum cyst that took ages to go away, but it didn't bother me that much. I'm about to google that kind of cyst and see if the symptoms match up with what I'm experiencing right now.
This 2ww is really dragging. It feels so much slower than the last two, which is odd because I have a toddler to chase after and I'm teaching every night until 9pm. I keep flip-flopping between thinking that it didn't work at all and I'm not pregnant, being scared that it's another ectopic, or twins keep popping into my head, too. I hope it's none of those and that we have another healthy, singleton pregnancy!
I go in on Tuesday to get my progesterone checked and hopefully the next week will pass by quicker than the first one has!
8 dpo and waiting and waiting and waiting waiting waiting.....
I did have my progesterone checked and the nurse left a message on my voice mail that the number was very good. They don't give exact numbers (for whatever reason - it's the only bloodwork that they have never given me the exact number), just that it was above 20 - but she sounded very optimistic.
Still feeling pretty normal. My temps are very high, but that's probably the influence of the clomid (I guess). I just want so much for this to work.
9 dpo... still waiting.
A little crampy today and very emotional. I wonder if it's from the clomid? It would make sense if I had a stronger ovulation that maybe I'm producing more progesterone, right?
11 dpo.... I'm glad I mentioned that the 2ww with my last IUI went by quickly, because this one sure hasn't!
I guess a combination of being cheap and having lots and lots of failed cycles and a predictable LP and a strong loathing of seeing BFNs (they make me feel like such a failure!) has made me a non-tester. Anti-POAS, if you will. But this 2ww has really taken forever, so I found myself driving past the dollar store and then found myself in the parking lot and then found myself buying a few dollar tests. :eek: And then went home and took the first test on the afternoon of 9 dpo. Crazy. Even if there was still some HCG in my system, it didn't show up - nothing did. And then I was stupid and tested yesterday morning, too. Another BFN. And then I remembered exactly why I hate seeing BFNs. My temp fell a little yesterday, too.
I'm thinking it didn't work this time. I've been extremely emotional, crying or tearing up over every little thing. It must be the clomid increasing my body's hormone levels. But I have no symptoms. None. I didn't test today, but I think I will tomorrow. I do think AF will be here by Monday, though.
BFP today @ 12 dpo. I'll allow myself one tiny
It's a really faint line, but it's definitely there and very pink. My only symptoms are sore nipps, very crampy and emotional. But that's pretty much it. Of course I'm worried that it's another ectopic or that it won't take, but I'll test tomorrow and hopefully it will be darker. I'm trying to remember what dpo I tested the last two times... off to check!
first beta back: 446
second beta: 5,457 I'm currently 5 weeks, 1 day
I have an ultrasound on Monday and hope that there is ONE healthy little one in there, and then I guess I'll do another pregnancy journal. It was really helpful last time and is a good resource for me now. It's amazing how much is quickly forgotten (but it's probably a good thing, too :wink:).
I still have just about nothing in the way of symptoms, aside from being over a week late from AF. If I didn't know I was pregnant, I'd never believe it. There are subtle things, though, but they're very subtle. Since being pregnant last time consisted of being sick and then being huge, it's weird to not feel anything.
Here are the extremely subtle symptoms:
a little tired/low energy
peeing a bit more frequently
slightly tender nipps
sometimes a little crampy
sometimes a bit moody
I'm not naive enough to think I'll be able to escape morning sickness, but that would be awesome! Oh, one other thing - as I'm sitting here, I am feeling my heart beating harder than it normally does. I forgot that it has to work harder during pregnancy. Every single time I stood up this morning, I would 'black' out - not pass out or anything, just get that feeling you sometimes get when you stand up too fast. I forget what it's called.
About 5.5 hours to go until this ultrasound. I'm so nervous about it! I woke up early thinking about it and couldn't go back to sleep. I'm worried about multiples, about it being nothing, about something being wrong, about them not finding a heartbeat. Ugh. I hate worrying - it makes no sense to worry since worrying doesn't change a thing about what is happening in my body right now, and worrying makes me feel so crappy. It's weird... I was so worried about Noelle's second set of numbers (for good reason, because of the prior ectopic), but then when they checked out, I was just excited about the u/s and didn't really think twice about the possibility that something might be wrong. I think that was partially being naive and partially because I was already feeling plenty of pregnancy symptoms. Since my numbers are much higher this time and yet I still have almost no symptoms, it's just all so different from last time that I wonder what's going on. Is it going to end up a m/c or are there twins? It seems impossible that everything could be just normal, you know?
I'm such a basket case. I hate it!
We had friends over last night and didn't do the dishes after they left, so maybe I'll do the dishes and attempt to take my mind off things....