A lady went in to the doctor for a breast examination.
Doctor: Im sorry ma'am Im going to have to num your breasts. Do you mind if I num yourr breasts?
Woman: No, not at all
Doctork, num num num num num num num num num num
MAN! I realized earlier today that (using last month's time period, temps, calendar, everything) I am supposed to ovulate today. If I did then there is a pretty good chance. We BD last night and this afternoon. *sigh* I wish I could see in the future. I want a baby and so does DH but I DONT want it when he is going to deploy or when he is going to miss most of the kid's life. I am leaving it up to God but it is SO hard! I want to interfere and NOT have sex right now so we dont get pregnant right now. Like I said, I want a baby right now but I dont want dh to miss everything. I DONT know what is going to happen so that is why I need to keep my faith. DH may not deploy. If he does, it may not be at the time we think it is going to be. He may not be gone as long as we think he will be. There is just so much I dont know so that is why we decided to just let it happen. I need to not think about this and just go on with my days and if I get pregnant in the time frame I think may not be the best time then it was meant to happen for a reason. Ok, Im done...for now.
I think I might be in the 2ww now and that's all I can think of now. GGRRRR!! I said I wasnt going to do this and here I am...starting to obsess. Im not even sure if I ovulated or not. Anyways, so I have 17 days til AF is due so we will find out. Just 2.5 weeks to go. YEE! lol *sigh*
The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate
father to start their family. On the day the surrogate father was to
arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be
here soon" Half an hour later, just by chance a door-to-door baby
photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.
"Good morning, madam. I've come to...."
"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in.
"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good. I've made a speciality of
"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat"
After a moment, she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the
couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is
fun too; you can really spread out!"
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me"
"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But, if we
try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven different
angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results"
"My, that's a lot of....." gasped Mrs. Smith.
"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in
and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure"
"Don't I know it," Mrs. Smith said quietly.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his
"This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London"
"Oh my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when you consider their
mother was so difficult to work with"
"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job
done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get
a good look"
"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement.
"Yes," the photographer said, "And for more than three hours too. The
mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate.
Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the
squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean squirrels actually chewed on your,
"That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so we
can get to work."
"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for
me to hold for very long. Madam? Madam? ....... Good Lord, she's
- Your butt is never a factor in a job interview.
- Your orgasms are real. Always.
- Your last name stays put.
- The garage is all yours.
- Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.
- Wedding plans take care of themselves.
- Chocolate is just another snack.
- You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
- Foreplay is optional.
- You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.
- Car mechanics tell you the truth.
- You don't give a rat's *** if someone notices your new haircut.
- The world is your urinal.
- Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
- You dont have to drive to another gas station cuz this one's just too icky.
- Wrinkles add character.
- You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
- Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
- If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
- People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
- The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
- New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
- Porn movies are designed with you in mind.
- Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them.
- One mood, all the time.
I am a part of the yahoo freecycle. (yahoo freecycle is an online group where people give things away they no longer need) I like being a part of it and I have been able to give so much away to people who need or want it but the moderators of the group are STUPID DUMB B**CH*S!!! First off I am trying to give away my kitty. I posted her on there and someone said they for sure wanted her so I told everyone else she wasnt available anymore. Well, the lady didnt come get her so I tried to repost the cat on the group. The moderator kicked it back at me and said I have to wait 2 weeks. Whatever! In the meantime I put a picture up of the cat (which we ARE allowed to do). THEY ERASED THE PICTURES!!! They didnt just erase the pictures, they erased the WHOLE ALBUM!!!! WTH!!! So I waited the 2 weeks...Sorry, I was 2 hours short of the 2 weeks. If they kick it back at me cuz it was 2 hrs short of 2 weeks I WILL BE PISSED AND THERE WILL BE A FIGHT STARTED OVER IT!!!!!!! I reposted the pictures of the cat and they better NOT delete them this time. There is a man who put pictures up Nov. 27th and THOSE are still there. There are other old pictures still posted but I didnt pay much attention to them. I HATE STUPID PEOPLE!!! Why would they pick ME to do this to?? Oh, also I wanted to get some things for a friend who is getting her own place. I posted on their that I wanted mailable household necessities. They didnt let it go through cuz they said I had to post each thing individually but no more than 3 wants a week. I saw a thread that said...large area rug dresser portable dvd player toys...THATS 4 THINGS!!! Once again I ask...WHY DO THEY PICK ME TO HASSLE?? I NEVER did ANYTHING!! GGGRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!
Ok, so I know this has nothing to do about TTC but I needed to vent and I figured I would do it here instead of making a new thread somewhere else. So once again, Sorry! After all...our emotions are somewhat tied to our cycles, right??? *sigh* ok, I'm a little better.
I just wanted to say that we both are in the 2WW. My big day was the January 6th and now I'm trying to talk myself into being pregnant. I'm pretty sure I've given myself every pregnancy symptom known to man in the last several days. I think with charting and temp taking and all that when it actually comes to DTD and TTC we can't help but obssess. Anyway just wanted to say good luck.
I agree! It has been much relief to NOT temp and chart. At times I do find myself starting to obsess but that is usually when I am bored and have nothing to do so I start looking into the whole pregnancy thing. to you too!!
I woke up this morning and felt like I had AF cramps. It never came (nor is it time to come) so I wonder what that was. It's a mystery to me!!! I think I am 5 or 6 days past ovulation so I dont know if that means anything. Oh well. Hee Hee