An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.
The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"
The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"
There was a man and woman traveling along in their car. The man was driving when a police officer pulls them over. The officer walks up to the window and says "Did you know you were speeding back there." The lady (who is almost deaf) said to her husband, "What did he say, what did he say?" The man turns to his wife and said, "He said I was speeding." The officer then said "Where are you from?" The man replied "Chicago" The wife then says "What did he say, what did he say?" The man turns to his wife and said, "He wanted to know where we came from." The officer then said "You know, I had my worst night of sex ever in Chicago." The lady then says, "What did he say, what did he say?"
The man turns back and says "He says he thinks he knows you."
I am either 9dpo or 13 dpo. All I can say is I am glad I dont have any pregnancy tests cuz I would definately be POASing. Especially now since I have to pee and I have yet to pee this morning. In other words, I am still hanging on to FMU and it is calling a pee stick.
Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly Mother.
The first said, "I built a big house for our Mother." The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver." The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. You remember how Mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well any more. I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took Elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it."
Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks: "Milton," she wrote one son, "the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house."
"Gerald," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel any more. My eyesight isn't what it used to be. I stay most of the time at home, so I rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!"
"Dearest Donald," she wrote to her third son, "you have the good sense to know what your Mother likes. The chicken was delicious!"
I asked the group of ladies on the Oct 08 board what day they think I ovulated and they all said CD15 which now makes me 14dpo. I want to test! I am going to wait til I AF is late if she is. 14 DPO...That is CRAZY!! Any other cycle I would have tested like 3 times already. Time has flown. I feel great!!! Not to mention I found someone who has the same EDD as me. That wuld be pretty cool if we both get BFP's this month just so we can stick together this nine months. I cant help but think of the down sides. 6 mo preggo on the beach this summer, and DH maybe leaving around time of birth. *sigh* only time will tell!
A man goes to his doctor and says, “I don’t think my wife’s hearing isn’t as good as it used to be. What should I do?”
The doctor replies, “Try this test to find out for sure. When your wife is in the kitchen doing dishes, stand fifteen feet behind her and ask her a question, if she doesn’t respond keep moving closer asking the question until she hears you.”
The man goes home and sees his wife preparing dinner. He stands fifteen feet behind her and says, “What’s for dinner, honey?
He gets no response, so he moves to ten feet behind her and asks again. Still no response, so he moves to five feet. Still, no answer.
Finally he stands directly behind her and says, “Honey, what’s for dinner?” She replies, “For the fourth time, I SAID CHICKEN!”
Still no AF. I tested yesterday (not FMU) and it couldnt have been any whiter. I really dont think I am pregnant but I hate it when AF toys with me like this. These are my signs...
tender breasts (not sore)
lack of sex drive
When I was preggo the first time, after my missed period my breasts hurt so bad I could have killed over. I havent missed AF yet but I think it is just AF tender breast and not preggo tender breast. The sleeping bad I think is for different reasons other than AF or pregnancy. Lack of sex drive....NO CLUE!! That one caught me off guard.
I dont know what to think. I had a really painful cyst so I know I ovulated. Maybe we will see in a couple of days.
Bob and Nancy were celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. After 50 years, Bob wanted to know if Nancy was always faithful. Bob asked, "Have you ever cheated on me?" Nancy replied, "Yes, three times." "What?!", yelled Bob, "When?" Nancy said, "Remember when the septic tank flooded back in ’69 and we couldn’t afford to fix it? I convinced the plumber to fix it for free." "And?" Nancy said, "Remember when you needed heart surgery in ’75 and we didn’t have insurance? I had the doctor treat you for free." "And the third time? "Do you remember when you ran for mayor back in ’89 and you were behind by 200 votes..."