I am planning to adopt AND I'm having a laproscopic myomectomy in the hopes of conceiving. Does that mean I'm crazy? I think I can handle 2 babies at once if that happens in our lives.
I spoke with the birth mother's older sister about our expectations of adopting her future neice or nephew, and how we would rather do this in the spirit of openess...that the baby knows who her birth parents are and that we keep frequent contact with them. And since I am family, this is something that we could do easily.
Because the baby is due November 22nd, and because we are still attending adoption classes, and because I have surgery on October 19th, and will be on vacation October 7th to 11th, and will be at a workshop tommorow until October 3rd...and celebrating my birthday October 10, it is going to be a SUPER DUPER BUSY BUSY month.
I'm getting my strength and courage from God, and I am determined to adopt this baby if this adoption is meant to be
My husband is looking forward to it and has already been acting like an expectant father...planning the logistics of everything, finances and said that this baby is going to be a Raiders fan.
At the same time we are adopting, we are still pursuing the trying to conceive track. One of each would be just fabulous! Like winning the lottery twice!
I KNOW that my daughter will be in my arms soon. Or son if God surprises me with a son.
I know that it is an act of love to try to become a parent, no matter what methods you use to try to become a mother.
I know that God works alongside us in meeting our goals and presenting to us life experiences that prepare for us for the challenges ahead in going after our goals.
I know that I am not less of a woman because I am having trouble conceiving.
I know that children grow in your heart before they are in your arms.
I know that I will do my best to be a good mother to my child.
I know that wanting a child is more than wanting a baby, it is wanting to share in your life with this other person who is a human being and will grow up to become a member of society.
I know that infertility affects husbands because they want to see you happy and they feel powerless that they cannot fix the issue that brings you unhappiness.
I know that looking forward to no sleep, diaper changes, crying and screaming has never felt so wonderful!
I know that love never fails.
Update: I noticed that I don't know all the abbreviations on this board. It took me a long time to realize that AF means menstruation as in Aunt Flow.
Well I hate that *****! AF came on October 2nd...which was okay since I am having surgery to remove my fibroids...and it was my last menstrual period before the next hurrah of trying to conceive after a myomectomy. October 19 is soon!
I dont know what BD means so in my mind it means "baby daddying"
Don't tell my husband, but I already know we are going to Hawaii tomorrow for my birthday. My husband is terrible at keeping things secret when it comes to his planning surprises for me. He told me to pack for showers and I figured it is raining in Hawaii. Its gonna be fun to get wet in Hawaii and smell the soil and the flowers and have the moisture of the humidity on my skin...and walk in the red mud of Kauai.
I hope I get to kayak! I hope I see the Fern Grotto!
My pre-op is October 14th, two days after we get back from our trip. Then S-day (Surgery Day ) is October 19th. My family does not know I'm having surgery except for my sister, husband and well, you. I didn't want them to worry.
I have to get 3 birthday cards for family members who are born in October just like me!
My husband is angry with me because he thinks I did not like our trip to Hawaii. But he doesn't really get that I am very tired and that I wanted to relax in Hawaii not schlep up and down the island.
September I flew to my grandmother's funeral across country....October I went to a workshop and then when I got to Hawaii I was exhausted.
I wanted a lei and a buttercream cake... which I did not get.... because he forgot the whole story I told him how as a child I did not always get a birthday cake for my birthday....and how it means a lot to me to get a buttercream cake.
The last time we were in Hawaii he forgot to get me a lei and forgot about the first time we were in Hawaii that I was so happy to have my first lei and how I love love love love love leis and the photograph of me with my lei smiling....he even forgot that I had been talking about a buttercream birthday cake for 2 years already.
Thats all I wanted was to sit in my hammock and have my cake and my lei.... it felt like the trip was more about doing what he wanted to do versus doing what I wanted to do.... I was happy to be in Kauai and happy to be with my husband...but the schlepping up and down the island was wearing me out.
I came to Kauai thinking I was going to relax especially with all the stresses of adoption and my upcoming surgery...which by the way he's going to be out of town after I have my surgery.
The good news is my GYN doesn't believe the fibroids are keeping me from getting pregnant. She believes its the endometriosis so my surgery will be to remove endometriosis to help me to conceive.
Even as I type to you I am jet lagged and its day 3 since I have been in Hawaii.
I am exhausted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My cousin is not keeping in touch with us, so I have no idea how her appointments went, how the ultrasound went and if she finally has a court appointed attorney.
I do not know if this adoption will go through...it is stresful, especially since she's putting off contacting the baby's father to get him to sign the ocnsent form for this adoption to happen after the baby's birth.
I do not even know where I will spend Thanksgiving.... the idea of spending it without my husband makes me sad...yet chances are I'll be the one who has to fly out to be there for the birth and proceed with adoptions while my husband stays here to work.
My mother is not supportive of his adoption and my sister doesn't think its a good idea. Yet neither of them are concerned what happens with this baby.
When I was in Hawaii I got an email from my mother saying she would have liked to give me a present for my birthday but since my husband is taking me to Hawaii, whats the point, and oh by the way happy birthday.
So I do feel alone in going through this although all of my friends are supportive of my wanting to adopt this baby.
I do know I am exhausted. I had my pre-op yesterday, gave three vials of blood and signed a form that says there is the risk of uterine, bladder or bowel perforation...and that if it happens they can sew up the bladder or the bowel but they'd have to do a hysterectomy if the uterus gets stabbed by accident. Nice!
I got a husband who is angry with me and is not speaking to me. He keeps saying the trip was crap and I said no it wasn't because i got to go to Kauai and spend time with you. I regreted even saying anything about the lei and the buttercream birthday cake.
Since my last entry, my husband finally found his sense and calmed down. He assured me he wasn't angry with me. It was a simple misunderstanding because all I wanted was a buttercream cake and to sit in a hammock and he wanted to take me up and down the island, and go to a fancy restaurant for my birthday.
My surgery on the 19th went well. I only had a few endometriosis for the doctor to remove. The doctor also removed scar tissue that was on my left ovary, so things are looking good.
I did not need painkillers the first day, but then the second day it was needed sinec my body was signaling that I was in pain by being very stiff and shoulder pain from the air bubble. On a pain scale of 1 to 10, I was a 8 so I took my meds.
No sex for 2 weeks and no caffeine and this journal entry is powered by a slice of pizza, water, Motrin 800 and Vicodin.
All I have are 3 incisions and I put bandaids over the steri-strips because they are starting to itch and I did not want to scratch them in my sleep and wake up bloody.
We are financially ready for this baby we are trying to adopt who is due December 6th and its a BOY The baby outfit I posted above would be perfect for this little one. Since she is carrying large, he may be born a week early...so we will see!
I am going to drink more water and eat some more food.
Husband has been a sweetheart and a real help. I love that man. We keep talking about how much we look forward to raising children together.
I'm horny but I can't have sex until after my follow up appointment with my doctor 2 weeks after October 19th.
I can't have sex, and I can't have caffeine.
So why am I eating a tube of mini M&Ms when I clearly cannot have chocolate cuz it has caffeine in it. I am willing to forgoe the Motrin 800 and Vicodin pain relief for this chocolate.
My husband is on his business trip and will be back tomorrow night. I even offered to give him a sexual favor and he turned me down, so I said "U know the doctor never said that I couldnt (insert sexual favor here)." and he was like "No thank you".
Oh well... so this tube of mini M&Ms is very good!
I talked with my cousin today and she surprised me with her confession that she thought we'd name her baby after my husband. I never even spoke about that with family yet she knew. She asked if she could pick the middle name of the baby and I said we'd think about it, and that my husband wants to pick the middle name, and she understood.
Her baby is healthy...I wish I could be with her and be a part of that experience of anticipating a baby...but I can't leave the house to go out to eat, let alone fly 9 hours across country with stitches in my abdomen and needing pain killers. LOL
I know that God is handling that part of things... her baby is healthy and she is going to her doctor appointments and will be going to the doctor every Monday since she is past the 35 week mark now.
This adoption will go through if God has it for us.
I look forward to holding our son in our arms, if he is indeed our son.
1. My family does not share in the joy of our plans to adopt my cousin's baby. Their excuse is "We dont want you to get hurt" and "Adoptions are risky"
I would love to share in the joy with them...pregnant women get to do that when they plan for the birth of their baby. Potential adoptive parents have the same need, even though the baby is not growing in their womb but in their hearts.
I shared with my sister that it seemed like our family wasn't sharing in the joy of the adoption and that I was looking for a good book to send them about adoption. Her response was:
"I am going to go take a quick shower"
My girlfriends are on my shyt list because they are not available when I want to talk about baby supplies stuff. They are busy with their lives. My family will normally change the subject or not say anything if I share with them what's been going on with the adoption or how the baby is doing. My mother actually went on a litany about herself and her job and did not even address the adoption issue.
The one girlfriend who is supportive has been grieving the loss of her child and bless her heart for that. I love her for having the courage to be happy for our plans while in the middle of her grieving for her own child.
When I made a post about baby supplies, I got an email saying my post was inapproporiate to the board...yet it didn't answer the question of WHERE CAN I GO TO TALK TO OTHER ADOPTIVE MOMS ABOUT BABY STUFF????? Sheesh!
2. The Infertility boards are just as quiet because many women are not able to share in anything when they are in the midst of surgeries and shots and pills to try to reproduce like everyone else on this board. We want so desperately to have babies that our board is not popping like the birth boards we wished we belonged to. I totally understand it because those are the shoes I am wearing now.
3. Women who find out I have surgery recently have shared with me that they themselves had the same surgery and were able to conceive...or that a family member or friend of theirs went through the same thing and was able to conceive with my surgery.
This is very encouraging. I am going to be working on continuing in making new friends that I can do a fun activity with and just chat with sometimes, sometimes about adoption, sometimes about baby stuff and sometimes about other things. This is a good thing that I have been doing that.
4. I am so excited about the upcoming birth of this little boy and our adopting him and I also am scared. Not terrified, just plain scared, because anything can happen from now til then. I am also concerned that my husband will be okay no matter what happens if anything bad happens. He is a strong man but has a very soft heart.
Since my last journal entry I spoke with my mother and sister and let them know I am overjoyed about this adoption and would love to just talk baby stuff with them. My mother understood and I think my sister is experiencing some type of jealousy because when I shared with her that I'd like to talk about baby stuff with her and share in my joy with her, and then began to give her updates on the adoption journey, her response was that the birth mother's mother doesn't share things with her and that she treats her differently from me..and kept saying she didn't care what the woman thinks of her.
When I hear "differently from you" I wonder if a person is just experiencing jealousy.
I feel so much better also after I realized that I can share my joy with others and I can ignore negative comments, let it roll off my back like water.
I have been baby shopping...in baby shopping heaven.... I am just OVERJOYED to be adopting.
On the TTC front, I am healing up still a week after surgery. Wouldn't it be a KICK if I ended up with 2 babies, one from the heart and one from the womb.
When I was a child I had this fantasy that I would become a mother like my mother and adopt my first child and then carry my second child in my belly.
Ohh yes all the stress of trying to conceive and having health issues took its toll on my hair. So I cut it off. It is now short and curly as cute as can be
All that old energy that was in my hair is gone. I have a fresh start with my head. My husband rubbed my head and I had to stop him before I forgot the no sex for 2 weeks rule. I do have a week to go before I can have fun.
Any hair I grow from there on in will be new hair, a new beginning, new life, new energy. All the pain I carried in my body and my heart is gone with the hair I chopped off and put in a bag and threw away.
My friends have been very supportive. Every single person who has been a kind word and encouraging is valuable to me. I am glad I have those women in my life!
My husband's first cousin who shares the same name as my middle name (but spelled differently) sends the funniest emails.
My cyberbuddies who have themselves adopted, or who are adopted themselves have provided encouragement and been my cheering squad.
One adoptee who is a mom herself told me about the blender trick for mixing formula with water, and how to clean those baby bottles and how many I would need and how much to feed a newborn.
My girlfriends have listened to me share my feelings and reminded me that they would be more than happy to be my family support. One girlfriend teases me that the baby is getting a Raiders outfit from her knowing that I'm a Ravens fan married to a Raiders fan.
Sharing with others what Ive been experiencing, including my recent surgery has been helpful. A woman I know who taught me a form of yoga called logas, shared with me how she too had endometriosis and fibroids and had the same surgery I did and conceived.
Another cyberbuddy has been my mentor, and I became friends with her before I found out I was having trouble conceiving. She adopted her oldest daughter and shared stories of her experiences....the good, the bad and the really ugly...that has given me a lot of insight to it.
And her ultimate advice (paraphrased) was "Forget what other people say. Do you. You will be too wrapped up in your love for your baby to care anymore what other people's issues are with your adopting or your talking about adopting or trying to conceive." She has been down the same road I have and I thank her for that.
Teresa has been my inspiration and I am happy to know her story.