Erin's ttc journal-since 1/1/05
I have opened up this thread three times trying to get up the courage to post in it, and get all these feelings out. Sometimes trying to get pregnant all this time feels selfish. I, unlike many other stories I have read, have been blessed with three beautiful children, two by birth, and one by marriage. But, as I toil and fret each month, I can't help but ponder why I can't get pregnant.
I have been pregnant three times by accident, and I suffered one miscarriage. Now, when the plan is in place, and the timing seems perfect, we cannot seem to get the job done.
So my ttc journey began in January of 2005. We thought we knew the magic combination. Just stop using all means to prevent pregnancy. After three months of that being unsuccessful, we began to be a little more proactive. I began timing cycles, which turned into temping, which turned into charting, which turned into obsessive cm and cervix placement checking, which turned into complete meltdown. I had become a charting maniac, and I had to stop. So now, after 4 months of not charting, I am one again charting.
I have tried everything natural under the sun including Vitex, Zinc, Green Tea, vitamin B6, red raspberry leaf tea, natural progesterone cream, etc etc. I have tried giving up coffee, alcohol, sugar (well sort of). I have tried taking cough syrup, the pelvic tilt, and strategic sperm depositing. Nothing.
So, after all this time, I have made a doctor's appt. It is May 8th. I am very proud of me. I have not been to a doctor since my daughter was born, and she is 4. I am a Chrirstian, and I have really struggled with whether or not all of this ttc business is taking things out of God's hands. But, I have been praying about it and the Lord had placed a desire in our hearts for a baby. I have so much more to say as far as all of this is concerned, but I think this marks a good beginning.