God, please bless us with a little miracle!

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Joined: 03/16/15
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God, please bless us with a little miracle!

I've been thinking about starting my TTC journal, and now is a good time to do it. My background is that I married my husband, Joe, in December of 2002, so we're coming up on 4 years. We dated almost 5 years before we got married and we knew each other for 4 years before that. I got baby fever pretty much as soon as we got married, which surprised me because I didn't know for sure that I wanted kids at all. It's funny how we can change our minds. We wanted to be more financially secure before we had kids, so we did wait to try. We went through Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University at our church and became completely debt free except for our house. No more credit cards for us--EVER! Anyway, I went off bc pills in June of 2005 and we weren't really trying, but we weren't not preventing pregnancy either. I was diagnosed with PCOS in college, so we figured it wasn't likely for me to get pregnant either without a good deal of effort. I had experienced problems with my period since I was about 15 and things just got worse from then on. I gained 50 pounds in one year in college. It was horrible! Now I am taking metformin, and some of the weight is beginning to come off. So, a year went by with no form of birth control and I wasn't pregnant. In that time, I think I had only two periods. In July of this year we decided to really ttc and I went on 50 mg of clomid for the first time. My ob/gyn didn't do a progesterone test so I don't know that I ovulated then, and I'm pretty sure I didn't because I went two months without a period and I wasn't pregnant. In August, I had three kidney stones and ended up in the hospital for 5 days! I had a $35,000 hospital bill--luckily, insurance only made me pay $1,000. That kind of broke up our ttc plans for August because I was in such bad shape. After that, my ob/gyn gave me 50 mg of clomid again for September, but this time she did the 21 day progesterone check and I had a 5.7, which is really low! I was super disappointed! They told me to wait until day 35 and see if I had my period by then or if by chance I did get pregnant. Today is day 28 and I've had a very light flow. I started spotting yesterday afternoon. We'll see if it is actually AF or not. I hope it is because it's amazing if my body is working on its own. If it is my period, I'll start 100 mg of clomid this week. Plus, I'm seeing a new ob/gyn who will keep a better check on me. Anyway, that's a brief overview of my history. I'll write more later!

Alicia

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I've had an interesting couple of days. I mentioned that I started spotting on Saturday, October 7th and was having very light flow on the 8th. Well, it had stopped by yesterday morning (9th), but then I started spotting again around lunch time. I was beginning to wonder what was up. I called my ob/gyn's office to get a refill on my metformin and to let them know about my bleeding. The nurse said even though I wasn't having a "normal" period, I should still start my next cycle of clomid for today (10th). That was great news because I didn't have to take provera this month to make AF come and I can start clomid sooner. She told me to take a pregnancy test just to make sure I wasn't pregnant before I took the clomid. I was going to take my hpt this morning, but I decided to take it last night. To my shock and amazement, my digital test came back positive!! I about fell in the floor, because with the bleeding and the low progesterone count, I was sure I couldn't have been pregnant. I almost ran to the living room to tell Joe, but I held back because I had always imagined surprising him with the news in some cutesy way. Anyway, I called my sister instead. I could barely sleep last night thinking about expecting a baby. I knew though that I needed to take a blood test at the ob/gyn's office to make sure since things seemed a little weird. I called this morning and went in at 9, and my best friend got to take my blood. She also snuck me a urine pregnancy test to do while I was waiting to hear back from the blood test. Well, the urine test was negative so I really started thinking the first hpt was wrong. I called the ob/gyn's office about 3 and they told me that the blood test was negative. I was certainly disappointed, but I had been preparing myself for it. The nurse told me that it was highly unusual to get a false positive with an hpt, but obviously it can happen. So anyway, I'll start my 100 mg of clomid tonight, and we'll see how things go this cycle. I'm feeling pretty positive that this cycle will go better than my previous two cycles on clomid at 50 mg. I just want to ovulate so that I know my body will, even if I don't get pregnant the first time I ovulate. I believe that this is in God's hands and we will get our little blessing when it is His time. Anyway, until next post...

Alicia

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I took my 100 mg of clomid last night and I haven't had any side effect yet. Biggrin I was afraid that I would since the dosage was doubled. I had told a few people about my false positive hpt and I'm getting some great support from my friends. I'm especially thankful for my friend Deanne who teaches with me and who goes to my church. She was with me when I got the call about the negative blood test. She came down to my classroom this morning to check on me. She's so sweet! I did tell Joe last night what had gone on with the tests. I really don't think he was really disappointed or anything since he didn't have his hopes up to begin with. My sister was super disappointed though! I'm doing fine about it. I was disappointed, but I prepared myself and didn't want to get too excited until I had a positve blood test. Anway, let's hope I don't have bad side effects with the rest of my clomid!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I did start having some side effects from my clomid today--pretty much the same as before. The blurry feeling vision is not great, but it will be well worth it if I get my bfp! I haven't had a hot flash yet though. I started seeing some cm today that was kind of sticky/creamy looking. I know that's gross, but we're supposed to observe that anyway. Hopefully it will progress to eggwhite looking in a week or so. Joe and I had sex two nights ago and hopefully will tonight too. The past couple of cycles he's had a problem with bding when we're supposed to--he can get it up, but he has a problem ejaculating--tmi I know. Anyway, he has OCD and I think he just thinks about it too much and he's only focussig on making a baby and not also making love. It's been very frustrating for me, but I try not to get too upset because that doesn't help matters. I'm not going to tell him when I'm supposed to ovulate this time so he won't think about it too much. He may get suspicious though when I want to bd a lot--he knows I'm not a big fan of sex. Anyway, I'm just praying that I ovulate this month!

Alicia

By the way, I don't know why the picture of my dogs is so big on these journal pages--on my normal message board posts, it's not that big. Let me know if there's something I could do to fix it.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

In my last post I made the comment about the picture of my dogs. When I check my posts at home it is huge, but when I'm at work, the picture is small like it should be. Anyway, just disreguard my comments about the picture.

Also, Joe and I didn't bd last night because I was super tired and went to sleep at 9 while he went to Lowes and Walmart. Oh well, I shouldn't be ovulating right now anyway.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I've finished my 3rd round of clomid now--at 100 mg. I don't think the side effects were as bad as my cycles on 50 mg. I did have some blurry vision and some very short and mild hot flashes, but I don't think they were quite as bad as before--and they really weren't that bad then.

I'm a little frustrated with some ttc products I've ordered. I order a bbt on ebay and it's taking forever to come in. Meanwhile, I'm just using my regular digital thermometer. Hopefully, it's acurate enough. I also ordered 100 ovulation test strips on ebay. I'm hoping they'll be acurate, but who knows when you order them that way. They are a lot cheaper. On FertilityFriend.com I've seen pictures of "internet test strips" that people use, so hopefully they are alright. I'm waiting for them to come in too. My cycle started sooner than I expected this month so I'm getting this stuff a little late.

I bought an $12 dollar pack of Answer ovulation sticks at Walmart today to use until I get the others. I did one test at 4:25 today and it was negative. I'm predicting I'll ovulate on Thursday, so we'll see. I read that it's more accuate to check ovulation in the afternoons rather than in the morning, so that's what I'll be doing.

Joe and I did bd last night with no problem. I'm hoping to do it everyday this week, or at least every other day. My temperatures are going fine. I did have a pretty big temp. dip today after a good rise yesterday. I'll see what it does tomorrow.

Baby dust to everyone reading this! :blowingdustpink:

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Maybe TMI for some of you...

My temperature stayed the same today as yesterday, so that's okay I guess. I took another ovulation test today at about 4:30 pm and it was negative like the one yesterday. However, I started having watery cm today. This is the first time I've ever noticed watery cm. When I first started reading about all of the fertility signs I was perplexed about watery cm. I knew what sticky, creamy, and eggwhite cm was like, but I had never noticed watery cm before. I don't know if I've just never had it much--since I don't usually ovulate, or if I just never noticed before. That's a really good sign though!! My cm has really progressed like it should. After AF, I had a day of sticky cm, then several days of creamy cm, and now today the watery kind. Hopefully, it will turn to eggwhite soon, and hopefully, Joe and I will bd tonight. We didn't last night, but that's okay. Anyway, I guess that's about all for now. Until next time...

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I'm still having the watery cm. I thought it was going away yesterday because I didnt' feel any until I actually checked in my cervix. Today, I've had a lot though that came out on its own. I took another ovulation test today, like I have in the past few days, and it was soooooo close to positive! It was just a hair lighter than the control line. Hopefully, it will be positive tomorrow. I'm not sure if I should I should take anoth opk in the morning or if I should do it tomorrow afternoon. I know they say to take them in the afternoon, but the one I did today was so close that I'm thinking it might show positive in the morning. Either way, we'll see how my temperature goes tomorrow anyway.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I haven't written in a while, but I've got a second right now. My cycle sucks I think. I thought it was going really well at first, but then it went weird on me. My temps are up and down and I don't see a pattern that shows I ovulated. Last week I really had a problem with my temp. because I kept waking up during the middle of the night. I'm in Washinton, DC right now for a conference for school, so who knows what will happen. I'm still having cm, so who the heck knows. I had my progesterone check done Friday, so I should hear back tomorrow or Tuesday. I doubt I ovulate, but maybe I'll be surprised. I hate ttc!!! I just ordered the Clearblue Easy Fertility Monitor, so hopefully it will make it easier to see ovulation if I do ovulate. That's all for now; I've gotta run!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I'm still in Washington, DC today--we're going home on Thursday. Anyway, I called and got my progesterone level today and it was between a 1 and a 2--that is so horrible, and obviously I didn't ovulate. I'm wondering if I'm going to though. Today I had a ton of eggwhite cm that I haven't really had before. There were a couple of days when I thought I some earlier in the cycle, and maybe I did, but it was just a tad. Today there was a lot and it was definitely stretchy. I also had some creamy cm today. What sucks, though, is that if I ovulate within the next few days I'm away from Joe! Oh well. If that happens, I guess I'm not meant to get pregnant this cycle. Maybe it will hold off until the end of the week when I'll be back. I took an ovulation test yesterday and today and they were both negative, so that's a good sign that maybe it will hold off a little longer. I didn't take my temperature this morning because I woke up off and on all night and it just wouldn't have been acurate this morning. Hopefully, I'll sleep better tonight and I can take it in the morning. That way I can see a temp. drop or rise if I do ovulate soon. Anyway, we'll see what happens...

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I'm back home now, but I think I'm coming down with a cold. I've taken an opk everyday this week, but they've all been negative. I'm having lots of cm but I'm not sure how to classify it. It's really stretchy, but it's white--so I guess that's creamy. I don't know, but I had a huge temp. drop yesterday and and huge spike this morning. We'll see if it looks like I'm Oing. If I did O yesterday it doesn't matter because we didn't have sex because I was totally wiped out from my trip. I thought my Clearblue Easy fertility monitor would have come by now, but it hasn't. I hope it shows by the time I have AF.

Alicia

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

The last week of my ovulation journey has been interesting. On FF it said that I O'd on day 26 of my cycle. I was pretty excited, even though I figured there wasn't much chance of pregnancy due to my trip. Well, several days went by and then this morning it took my ovulation away. I guess my temps just didn't stay up like they should have. I been having some crampy feelings in the last day or two. I'm wondering if it's AF coming. I've also had some pain in my lower back on the right side. I don't know what it is--hopefully, it's not another kidney stone. My Clearblue Easy Fertility Monitor came in today!! Yeah!! Now, I just need a period to start it. Oh well, we'll see.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I don't think AF is coming on its own. Today is day 37 in my cycle and I haven't ovulated. I'm starting provera tonight for five days to bring on AF so I can start another round of clomid-100mg. This will be my 4th round of clomid-the 2nd at 100 mg. Maybe it will work this time. The good thing is that I'll be using my fertility monitor now. I hope I ovulate and everything goes well this cycle. At this point, I just want to ovulate even if I don't get pregnant immediately. I'm getting pretty depressed about all of this. When I started the clomid the first time, I thought I would handle ttc without it bothering me emotionally. Well, I was wrong. It is very draining. If I just knew I would get pregnant, I might withstand it a little more. I'm just so afraid I won't ever get pregnant. I'm totally fine with adoption, and might like to adopt even if we have biological children, but I've recently had some conversations with my parents and I'm very hurt that they seem totally against that idea. I guess there's no use fretting over that now because we're not to that crossroads yet anyway. Hopefully I'll have AF in 10 days or so and we'll get this next cycle rolling....

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Well, FF gave me an O date again today--the put it back on the 26th. My temps have gone back up--especially today's temp. I wonder if taking the provera is making my temp go up. Who knows. I have taken hpts everyday lately and they are all negative. The thing about my chart is that the temps since the supposed O are not a ton higher than the pre-O ones. I dont' know; maybe I just didn't have a strong O and the progesterone is low. My doctor didn't want to do another progesterone check even after I told them I thought I O'd. I think it's because if I says I O'd then they don't feel it necessary to check. I'd like a more involved doctor who specializes in pcos and/or fertility, but I would have to drive to Atlanta to see someone like that. With teaching and all, I just don't have the time nor the energy to do all of that at this point. I'll just pray that I get pregnant soon or at least O for sure where it's obvious to us all :roll:

Joined: 03/16/15
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I took Provera to bring on AF, and I think she'll be here Wednesday. I'm unhappy about that because it's the day before Thanksgiving and we're going to Nashville--that won't be fun with AF. Anyway, I'm just ready to start this next cycle so I can use my fertility monitor.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

AF spotting did start on Wenesday with regular AF beginning on Thanksgiving. It was managable, unlike what I experienced Fri. and Sat. It's been a long time since I had AF so heavy. Anway, it has stopped now except for a tad bit of spotting this afternoon. I took my first test with my fertility monitor this morning. I hope it's accurate and works to help us see when I'm fertile. I'm charting my temps in the mornings too. I think I will do the regular OPKs in the afternoons when I get home just to double check things. I bought the cheap internet ones so it hardly costs anything. Let's pray that this cycle goes well and we conceive our little miracle!

Alicia

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Well, this cycle isn't going as well as I hoped. I'm 15 days in now, and no O yet. Every monitor test has been low and every opk has been neg. I did have creamy cm today though--it's the only kid of cm I've had since AF this cycle. I was just hoping to O by day 14 because I was hoping to get a bfp by Christmas, but it's not looking that way so far. I'm really down about things right now. My husband struggles with some depression, add, and ocd (not severe) and it really gets me down sometimes. Lately, he's been depressed/moody and I try not to let it bother me, but it does. He's tried various meds., but he doesn't like any of the side effects so he's not taking anything now. He also doesn't want to since we're ttc. I just don't know. Sometimes I just feel like giving up. :crybaby:

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Well, this post will be more upbeat than my last depressing one. I continued to have low readings on my fertility monitor until this morning and the reading was HIGH!!! I was so excited. I jumped back into bed and told Joe that we were baby making tonight! He was too asleep to care, I think. Ha Ha! Hopefully, we'll continue with the high readings for a few days and/or jump to peak readings and I'll ovulate. I'm figuring that if I O by Monday (18th) I'll get a pregnancy result by the time our 4 year anniversary comes around on the 28th and we have family visiting on the 29th. I wouldn't know in time for Christmas, but hopefully I could get a blood test in time to give Joe a tremendous anniversary present. If we do get pregnant and I know by the 29th, I'm going to do something really cool to tell all of our family members at once. Maybe something like "save-the-date" cards for my due date (Save the date for September ?, 2007 when you become a grandmother, uncle, etc.) I think that would be really cute. Joe and I are going to Ruth's Chris for our ann. and it's really swanky--it would be so romantic to tell him then. Anyway, I'm just hoping and dreaming. If anyone's reading this, keep us in your prayers!

Hopeful,
Alicia :sunny:

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Today makes three days now that I've gotten a high reading on my fertility monitor!! My gut feeling is that I'll O on Sunday the 17th. Hopefully tomorrow I'll get a peak reading on the monitor. From comparing this cycle with my last cycle, they are extremely similar. This cycle seems to be one day ahead of my last one. Last month I O'd on day 26 according to FF so this time I think I'll O on day 25, which will be Sunday. Well, we'll see how it goes. I really hope and pray for a Christmas miracle!!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Well, life sucks at the moment. I'm really irritated at my fertility monitor! I got high readings 4 days in a row. Then yesterday, I got a low reading! When I did the test, I thought maybe I did something wrong because I did the test with only a night light on. So now, I wonder if the low reading was accurate or if I just didn't get enough urine on the test strip. I thought this morning it would ask me to test just to make sure my hormones were low, but it didn't ask me to test at all. It just gave me an "m" to show that AF could be on it's way--which it's not because I haven't Oed yet! I'm so mad-partly at myself and partly at the monitor. Now all I can do is the opks, and I have the cheapo ones so they may not be accurate. My temp is still low, so maybe I'm Oing today. I'll need to bd tonight and see if I get a much higher temp soon. All I can say is that this really, really sucks!!!!!!!!! :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil:

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Well, my cycle still sucks. I may have O'd a few days ago, but my temps aren't that high, so I'll have to see. I'm really about ready to start a new cycle and up my clomid to 150 mg and see if that works. Unless I have O'd, I'll have to take provera to induce AF again. I HATE these long cycles where nothing happens. So many times I've gotten my hopes up that I was about to O and then squat happens! I've been sick for a week and a half so I know some of my temps could have been screwy so I discarded a couple of them when I knew I had a fever. Maybe O is delayed. I'm just tired, but I hope this new year brings a new baby!

Happy New Year Y'all! and Merry Belated Christmas (Happy Birthday Jesus)!!

Alicia

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Well, a couple of things are going on. The first is that I called my OB yesterday to get an appointment for a consulation. I have one scheduled for Jan. 19. I want to discuss our course of action since 4 cycles of clomid haven't made me O. He may just want to up the dose to 150 mg and see if that works. A friend of mine at school can't believe they haven't done the test to make sure my tubes and all are fine. I think they didn't because we know I have pcos and they're assuming that's the only problem. I think I'm going to start provera on Monday or Tuesday to bring on AF since I haven't O'd yet. That would make it so I would start clomid the day or day after I see my doctor. On the other hand, I'm beginning to wonder if I'm about to O now. I've had definite ewcm the past few days, with a good bit today. I've haven't bd'ed yet, so we better get moving. At this point, though, I would just be happy to O even if it doesn't result in a bfp. This not even Oing is what's killing me. So, that's what's going on presently. I'm afraid to take the provera because I'm afraid I'll miss the O. Oh well-I can't see into the future! :?

Joined: 03/16/15
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I've already posted once today, but I was just reading some posts on here and I went back to some thoughts I had on Christmas Eve that I just want to write about. This year, Christmas Eve as on Sunday. Our church had a family service, whereas the kids are usually in children's church or Sunday School. It was very rough for me because all around me were these people who have children and I sat alone. There were babies EVERYWHERE! I had to hold back my tears throughout the entire service. What made it even worse was that Joe was not there. He had to work, it being the day before Christmas and with him working in retail, but I had so hoped he would take a break long enough to come to church. I was just so heartbroken that day and it brings tears to my eyes now just thinking about it! Anyway, I've gotten that off my chest now.

Joined: 03/16/15
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I have had a ton of ewcm lately. I want to O, I want to O! So far, no temp rise yet. We did bd last night.

Joined: 03/16/15
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I've had many days of ewcm and my temp is rising little by little. Hopefully, it's a slow rise and will show that I ovulated. We did plenty of bding, so if I did O, hopfully, we caught the eggie. I hate all this waiting. You know, when you're a kid, you think you can get pregnant anytime. That's a joke! I want to paste a post in here that I put on the clomid board this morning to show what else has been going on:

I know situations like this have happened to many of you before, but I just need to let it out or I'll just make it worse. I'm an elementary school teacher and one of my friends at school had a baby in September. Another teacher is having a baby at the end of this month. Those ladies didn't bother me at all with their pregnancies. Neither had trouble conceiving and I never got sad that they were pregnant and I wasn't. Well, there is a third teacher who I'm friends with who told me yesterday afternoon that she's pregnant. This is the one who's pregnancy really got me. When she told me, I was so happy for her and I hugged her and was really excited for her, but when I got back to my classroom, I just broke down (thankfully school was over). The thing with this lady is that she and her husband had been ttc for about 2.5 years and they had even done three IUIs this summer. They have unexplained infertility, but she just happened to get pregnant on her own now with no meds or anything. That's so wonderful, and I hate it that it's really bothering me. I swore that I would never be one to let other people's pregnancies bring me down, and I feel so guilty that I'm so upset. I definitely don't want her to know it bothers me because I don't want her to have to dance around my feelings. I'm sure it will get better as time passes (hopefully), but right now it's just hard to even be at school.

So anyway, that's happened in the last two days with my friend at school. I think I will be fine; it was just painful and sad for me at first.

Let's just hope I see a temp. rise tomorrow!!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Well, my temps did not keep going to show an O pattern, so I began Provera to bring AF. It should start by Sunday or Monday. My chart shows O now, but it's just because of the progesterone in the Provera. I'm going to see Dr. Dean tomorrow. I want him to do some tests or check my tubes or something besides just putting me on the clomid. I'm willing to do 150 mg, but I'm also open to femara possibly. Anyway, we'll see what he can do. If I do clomid I really want him to check my follicles and see if I'm even making any the way I should. I'm open to a trigger shot if that would work. Let's hope he's cooperative...

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Things actually went really well at the doctor's office yesterday. He did bloodwork and they will test lots of things to see what my hormones and stuff show. I'm not going to do Clomid this cycle because he wants to wait and see what the tests show. It's been at least 6 years since they did the first blood work when I was diagnosed with pcos. I asked him about an HSG test and he said he was 99% sure there was nothing wrong with my tubes or uterus, but we would do it to be sure if I wanted it. I'm trying to decide if I want to do it. I'm getting hung up on how painful it may be. I've posted on the boards asking about others' experience, so I'll be deciding if I am going to do it. Anyway, we should be doing two more clomid cycles if all goes well. He's going to do follie checks and possibly do trigger shots if need be. That's great and I'm so excited. It would be wonderful, though, to get preggers this cycle with no meds. It's all in the Lord's hands and I'm trusting Him to send us this miracle in His time!

Joined: 03/16/15
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I've decided not to do the HSG test right now. I think I can deal with the pain, from what other people have said, but the cost is too much for something that's not necessary. It will cost at least $500 out of pocket if insurance covers it-which I think they will. If they didn't, it would cost a lot more than that-like several thousand dollars. If I ever start Oing and still don't get pregnant, then I'll look into doing the test, but for right now I'm not going to fork out that kind of money when we know I have a problem other than that.

In other new...I'm having the period from HELL!! It is so heavy I'm having to change my tampon every 1-1.5 hours. I'm also wondering if something is wrong up in my vaginal area because the last few AFs I've had--the tampons have made me really uncomfortable. I feel a lot of preasure down there, and I never did in the past. I've has a pap smear since I started feeling that way and the doc. didn't say anything. The next time I go in I may mention that to him.

In three days I get to start using my fertility monitor again. I wonder if I will O this cycle.......?

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

This cycle is definitely different from my clomid cycles. My temps are a little crazy and I'm actually already getting a high reading on my fertility monitor. Day 6 was low, but 7 and 8 have been high. I hope it will stay high for a few more days and then switch to peak and maybe I'll O!! I have a feeling like I will at least O on my own this month. For so many people, when they take a break, it happens for them without any meds. I hope we will be that blessed. My mom feels like I'll get pregnant this cycle too. Who knows...I felt really good about the last cycle and it was a total bust! Waiting and watching to see what He will do...

Oh by the way, my husband and I becam totally debt free except for our house on Friday, January 26th!! We paid off about $30,000 in 15 months thanks to God and Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University! :freedom:

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Well, I'm still waiting to O. I can't believe I've had so many high readings on my monitor. It makes me wonder if that's accurate or not. I haven't had much fertile cm and my opks have all been negative. I hate all of this waiting. I think just waiting to O would be worse than any 2ww--which I don't know what that feels like sense I've never had one :evil: Oh well. It's all in the hands of the Lord.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I've given up on this cycle. I really just had a feeling that I would O on this cycle with no clomid. I've heard of so many people who do get pregnant when they come off the meds. Oh well. I guess it's not His time yet. The doctor is going to let me do two more cycles of clomid at 150 mg. I think I'm going to wait several months though. If I got pregnant anytime soon, the timing just wouldn't be good for us. We already have Thanksgiving, our birthdays, Christmas, and our anniversary all within a few months of each other. If I got pregnant soon, we'd have another special event with all our others. Plus, with my husband being in the retail jewelry business, if I got pregnant soon, we have a baby right at his busiest time of the year. I think I'll just let everything go right now as far as ttc. I'm not going to do any more opks or tests with my fertility monitor and I'm going to save my clomid treatments for the spring or summer. I will go ahead and keep temping so I can see if I happen to O out of the blue. Otherwise, I'm just going to try to keep my mind off of ttc so much. I've joined Curves recently, so maybe I can get some of this weight off before we really try some more. I would love to get pregnant in July because I'd deliver just when I could take maternity leave and not have to go back to school (I'm a teacher). I'd also really love to go on a cruise before we have a baby! I've been on one and loved it, but my DH has never been on one. That would be hard to do once we have a child or if I was pregnant. We've got to save up the money for that though. At least we're debt free! Well, I guess that's all I need to say right now. I'm not sure how much I'll be posting on here since we won't be actively ttc. Of course, in my position with my PCOS, I'm not going to be preventing pregnancy either! Until next time....blessing and baby dust to everyone! :babydustpink:

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

My birthday was Friday, Feb. 23rd. God gave me a great birthday present--I ovulated on my own with no meds!!! FF confirmed it today. I won't be pregnant unless God performs a miracle because I had sex 6 days before O and no sooner, so I doubt any spermies were still alive! Oh well. I think that was God letting me know that He would allow my body to work, but it's just not His time yet. I'm very excited though! It was funny because my DH told me yesterday that he thought he was giving me a birthday present by not bding on my birthday but then it turns out if we had of done the bd, I might have gotten pregnant!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I'm excited to say that my chart still shows ovulation!! I have some low temps, so I bet my progesterone is low. Not good if I happen to be preggers. I know the odds are against me being preggers since it was six days before O when we had sex and 2 days after, but a part of me is hoping that God is sending a miracle! I think I will test tomorrow because it is my sister's birthday. If I got a bfp, she would go nuts! Tomorrow is 11 dpo, so it could show up if I'm preggers.

I've felt some very mild cramping going on down there--not exactly like af cramps though. Could it be a sign?!?

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Well, I tested this morning and it was a bfn. Oh well; it's still early. I think I'll test on 14dpo again. My sister had a good birthday anyway.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

A few days ago, FF took away my O because I'd had some low temps. Today, they showed O again--still on my birthday. I tested again yesterday and got a bfn, but I'm going to test again in a day or two. I was really sick to my stomach last night and my nipples were a little sore. I dreamed last night that I had twins and that I was trying breastfeed them. It was crazy because I dreamed that the tips of my nipples had been cut off and put on bottles for them for several weeks and that I was trying to actually breastfeed them with nipples that were trying to grow back and it was painful. When I woke up my nipples were hurting! It was so weird. Maybe it's a good sign! Our minds do crazy things when we're ttc! If I did O, I should have AF soon or a bfp. Or...maybe I didn't O. My body is so out-of-control :?

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Wow! I had totally forgotten that I started a TTC journal! I guess sometime after that last post I stopped coming to this site. At the beginning of June 07 I stopped TTC and went back on the pill. I just got too down emotionally and couldn't deal with it anymore. I had another kidney stone in late June 07 too. Towards the end of 07, I decided that I wanted to TTC again, but God reminded me that I had one more kidney stone that was too big to pass and that I should probably have it blasted before I got pregnant. I had lithotripsy in January 08, and came off the pill in February 08. I got AF on my own on April 15, 2008, so I Oed about the first of April. I went to my new OB several weeks ago and told her I wanted to do Clomid again, and she looked in my chart and saw that we were going to do 150 mg. I waited to make sure I wasn't pregnant, took Provera, had a nine day period, and then took the Clomid. I am currently at day 14. The only side effects I've had are brief hot flashes. I had one today that shocked me since my last pill was 5 days ago. I'm using my Fertility Monitor. Day 6 was low and the other days have been high. I hope that when I take my test in the morning/in a little while that I will get a peak reading. I've never Oed on Clomid, and I hope this dose will work.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Well, today is day 29. I got my last high reading on my fertility monitor Friday (day 24) and then got a low reading on Saturday (day 25). I never got a peak reading, but I still think I may have Oed. On day 22, the lines on the O test stick were the same color, and on day 23, the test line was darker than the control line. I know on the monitor they tell you not to pay attention to the lines, but I can't help but wonder if it was suggesting ovulation but I just didn't have enough of something to show a peak reading on monitor. I also think it would make sense that I Oed since my hormones dropped about two days after those dark lines--cause I think that is what it would do. Anyway, I'm going to the doctor for a progesterone test in the morning because it will have been a week since I think I might have Oed. At least I will know when I get the results. I know I'm not pregnant either way because Joe was having a time Bding for about a week around then. He was going along fine and then suddenly couldn't finish. If I did O, I'll wait another week for AF, and if not, I'll go ahead and start my next round of provera. I hate all of this. I was so hoping the 150 mg would work for me, but God's plan is better than my plan!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I called and got my progesterone results yesterday, and they were a 3.6. So...according to that, I didn't O. I got to thinking and maybe I should have waited another day to do the test since a positive O reading means you O in 24-48 hours. So actually, I could have done the test too early. Either way, I know I'm not pregnant since we weren't BDing then. I started provera today and that should make me start AF about Saturday (Aug. 16th). I really hope it works this cycle because I would be due at the very end of the school year, which would be just perfect.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I'm in a crappy mood right now because all of this just sucks. It doesn't help that my best friend is in a mood too over her single status. I know God gave us each other because we're both struggling with His plan for our families, but it's so hard. It kills me that she's single when she would be the best wife. Thankfully, we have one another. I may or may not be starting AF today/tomorrow. Last cycle, I started spotting three days after taking Provera and had a full AF on day four. Today is five days since my last pill and I've just had the slightest tinge of something pink. Who knows what's going on. Of course, I want to think I'm pregnant just because that's how my mind works. The second day I took Provera I had EWCM and tender boobs, plus we BDed. I know that if I did O I could be pregnant, but I certainly don't want to get my hopes up. I keep thinking of all the people who thought they were getting AF because they were cramping or spotting but turned out to be pregnant. I WANT THAT TO BE ME! Anyway, if AF is coming, I think something more will be happening tomorrow. I know they say it can take up to 10 days to get AF with Provera, but it's never taken me more than 3. I'm going to do one more cycle on clomid and then see if I can get my OB/GYN to prescribe Femara. If not, I'll get a referral to an RE and go to Atlanta. Such is life, and God is in control!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

AF did come yesterday. It's being weird though because the spotting lasted longer than usual, and then yesterday, when I had what I would count as first day bleeding, it was really light. Today, it was still light and then suddenly became much heavier. I normally start out heavy and then decrease. All I know now is that I will be starting my last cycle of Clomid this weekend. However, I did schedule an appointment with an RE in Woodstock for September 2nd. That's a huge first step for me, but I really want some answers about my PCOS and infertility that I think will have to come from a specialist. I want to know if I am insulin resistant and if I have the cysts. I also want to try Femara since a coworker took it, it worked the first time, and Clomid never worked for her either.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Well, tomorrow's the RE appointment. I'm nervous, excited, and dreading it all at the same time. It's just emotional thinking about going because I never wanted to do this. Today also marks 40 months of officially TTC. Even before that, there were periods where I went off the pill for months at a time and never got pg. Joe is going with me, and I am glad he actually stepped up and got off work so he could come. At the same time, I hope I can talk freely enough with the doctor about everything. I can be quite shy and sensitive even around Joe. I did take a step of faith in the last week and ordered three pictures frames for a baby. I will use two of them as the means to tell Dee and Nancy that I'm pregnant when that happens. On the top they say, "God bless this baby" and on the bottom they say, "For this child I prayed" and give the scripture reference. One is for us too. I think I will take a picture of my positive pregnancy test and put it in the frame to give to them when I get pregnant. Then, I could update it with ultrasound pictures until the baby is born and we can put a real picture in there. Those two girls have prayed with me so much about a baby, and it will be fitting for them to have a frame that says, "For this child I prayed." It warms my heart just to think about it, and I pray that it happens very soon. I think I may be Oing soon. I started having some pain on the left side yesterday, and I had quite a good bit of sharp pains on that side again for a while this afternoon. I hope they were O pains and I hope we can BD tonight!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

The RE visit was good and bad. I really liked the doctor and the nurse. Both seemed very kind. She did a vaginal ultrasound today and said my uterine lining looked good but that my follies were too small and that I won't ovulate. I was definitely disappointed. They did blood work too, and if it goes like they think, they will call in Femara and some med with a "D" name tomorrow for me to start taking. I'll have to go in Wednesday for them to see if it's working. She also made a point about me doing IUIs. I had not planned on that being an option, but she talked like I may not respond consistently to meds and that we need to make the most of all the cycles. It will double the chance of pregnancy in a cycle. She said it's $420, but that seems cheap from what I've heard. She also wants to do an HSG the next time I get AF. I don't have to get it to take Femara though. I think that's about it. I'm not sure how to feel right now, but I know in my Beth Moore Bible study tonight, she said to praise God for what we lack. Wow! I praise You Lord with all of my being that You give and You take away. I praise you for the lack of pregnancy and children, because I know Your plans are oh so much better than mine, and it will happen in Your time!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

It's been two weeks since my RE visit, and all hasn't gone according to my hopes/plans. The bloodwork they did showed that my estrogen level was 105 and it needed to be lower than 75. So, they wanted me to take prometrium for 10 days. However, I already had provera, so that's what I took. I wanted to take it for 5 days because that's what I've always done, but they said 10. I saw some pink spotting tonight, and I hope AF comes in tomorrow because I'm afraid I'm going to run into the Women of Faith conference when I may need to go in for an ultrasound. Yet again, God is showing me that things don't work according to my calendar or plan. Dee keeps telling me, "It's not your calendar." I'm getting that, but it's oh so hard. I guess I'll update this thread again in a day or so if AF shows and when I talk to the RE's office about what we're going to do when. I'm really hoping they don't want an HSG this month-that scares me!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I spotted just a tad on Tuesday, there was nothing Wednesday, and it was all day on Thursday before there was more spotting. However, AF is here today. It's light with some brown and red. I called the RE and they want me to go in for an ultrasound and blood work on Monday to make sure it's okay for me to start the Femara that day. I'm taking a sick day then. We'll wait and see...

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Well, it's time for an update. Sometimes I forget I have this journal. I went in the Monday after my last post and the b/w and u/s were fine so I did start the Femara on cd4. I started taking the tests for my fertility monitor on cd 9 and I started OPKs on cd11 I think. Well, everyday I've had a low reading on monitor, but this week I got 2 positive OPKs. My temp dropped too and I had EWCM, so I think I may have Oed. I should know tomorrow after I temp and hopefully it will go up a little more to show O. I don't know why my monitor has been low though. I think I have a decent chance of pregnancy, so we'll see.

Additionally, I won't be going back to the RE anyway because it was going to cost a minimum of $950 a month and quite possibly more. Even if I had that kind of extra money every month, I would save it for adoption. We don't do debt, so credit cards/loans are out of the question.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

After my last post I ended up with more pos OPKs and three days of high readings on my fertility monitor before it went back to low. If I Oed it was on Oct. 12. I had b/w for my progesterone this morning, and I should know tomorrow if I did O. Unfortunately, my temperatures do not show O. Unless I actually Oed and got pregnant, this is probably a closed door on our TTC journey-at least for now. I've been praying that God would close either the TTC door or the adoption door. We've pretty much run out of medical and financial options for TTC, so He may be shutting that door. That's fine with me because I've known for a good while that I want to adopt whether we have biological children or not. I don't think the biological children door is permanently shut, but maybe just for this time. Even in the midst of the loss I feel over my fertility, God has given me peace that only comes from Him.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

The progesterone test was 2.5, so it did not show ovulation. However, a few days later, my period started! I think I probably had a weak ovulation. Either way, we are no longer actively TTC. We are completely pursuing adoption now, so I will be beginning an adoption journal. We won't be preventing pregnancy, so we'll just see what God has in store for us. I'm thankful for all who have read through my journal and prayed for us-keep it up!