Here I am again! Tim and I talked, and decided to hold off on TTC until August when he finds out whether or not he made Staff. Not that we wouldn't be able to manage on what he's making now, it'd just be a lot more comfortable with Staff pay. But it was our anniversary on Tuesday, we both had Tuesday and Wednesday off, so that went out the window! Actually, on Tuesday I thought I wasn't going to have any EW CF this cycle, because it felt like it went from creamy to sticky. So we had unprotected sex. Then on Wednesday it definitely felt EW, so we decided to use protection, but the condom just sat on the nightstand, unused. LOL. I'll be so happy if we did it this time! But I have a feeling we didn't. After all, we only have a 25% chance each month, and this is only my first cycle after Depo. Who knows if I'm even going to O this cycle?
Aarggh. I am so annoyed. I am having major AF signs like nausea and cramps, but I just started my EW CF on the 19th or 20th. Does this mean I have a short luteal phase and will have problems getting pregnant? Or is my body just being weird? Have I O'ed at all?? I hate all the waiting and wondering that goes with trying to get pregnant.
Okay, I am feeling a little better today. I'm still having some premenstrual symptoms (mainly cramps and nausea) but I'm also having my third day of EW CF. Also, the ladies on FF said that I might just have a looong cycle, which I suspected as much. Being on Depo probably has screwed with my cycles, but I hope to God I still ovulate. Maybe I'll just have a 40 day cycle. I just want to know that my body is capable of producing an egg on its own. I really don't want to be one of those couples (God bless them) who have to go through all kinds of painful treatments to get pregnant. I guess in that case we'd just adopt, but we'd have to wait three years till we were 25. I really want to have babies of my own! And soon. It's so hard to watch moms come in the store with their babies. And the babies always look at me and smile and laugh and want to 'talk' to me. It makes it so much harder. Right now I am just looking at it this way - when I get pregnant, it'll be that much more joyful because getting there is proving to be so hard.
I just found out I've been really, really messing my chart up this cycle!! Apparently, FF says you're supposed to only take your temperature at whatever time you normally take it, even if you wake up in the middle of the night, as long as you're able to get back to sleep. This way you don't accidentally miss out on high post-O temps. I have definitely not been doing that. I was actually wondering how FF would know to calculate that I woke up early and therefore had low temps! Also, if you miss any temps it can be very detrimental to FF as far as predicting O, etc. so that another one of my boo boo's! I am such a dork. Anyway, now I know, so next month I will be sure to chart right! Always get a temp, no matter what! That's my new mantra.
I'm not even sure I O'd this cycle. I posted on FF to see what they thought, and apparently some think I might just be having an extraordinarily long cycle, and some others think I might be having an annovulatory cycle. I guess I could deal with an annovulatory cycle for this month, since we're not supposed to be actually 'trying' until we find out about Tim's test results next month anyway. But I really hope my body fixes itself for next cycle! I've been having a pretty regular progression of CF, so it's not like that's lacking, at least. I am so glad. Now to see when AF rears her ugly head, so that I can see about my luteal phase. I hope it's a regular length luteal phase, because that would mean I O'd and my chart just doesn't show it by way of temps! *Fingers crossed* I had some bad AF symptoms two or three days ago, but none after that.
Will be back to update!
It's so cool to read other people's journals who first started here on the TTC page and are now on the PG page. I just can't help but imagine, when will that be me?? I know, this is only my first month charting, and I'm not even sure I'm going to O (probably not actually), but still. It seems like we've wanted a child for a loooong time! Actually, since the beginning of this year, so just a few months. But God, that can feel like forever sometimes. I'm glad we're starting so young, that way, if we really need to go for the invasive procedures, we'll have all the time in the world.
Well, I guess I better get off my butt and get ready for class and work! I'll be so glad when I am done with school!!!
Okay, so I got a temp spike today (a big one!). I hope I O'd, I hope I O'd! If I O'd yesterday, I'd have O'd one day later than what FF thinks is my peak day. PLEASE stay up, temps! I soooo want a chance this cycle. Gosh, this TTC thing is trying to engulf me again. Must keep my head above the water!
Anyway, last night was so much fun! I surprised Tim with some lingerie I hadn't worn since Valentine's Day. I am determined to not only BD when we're fertile. What's the point in that? Also, I don't think I could only BD during that time. Can I help it if I have a husband who I really find attractive??
I am so psyched, we are going to Charleston in about 8 weeks!! I told Tim that it has to be our goal to get pregnant by the time we go there - that way, we can tell his parents face to face rather than over the phone! They would be soooo happy. I really hope that happens for us. And if it doesn't, maybe we can fly them out or something.
My temps plummeted again this morning! WHY oh WHY can't I just O???? I am afraid that I'm going to have really messed up annovulatory cycles for a long time, and not be able to get pregnant. I know I shouldn't be thinking like that, but I just can't help it! I am so afraid. I just wish I could know exactly what was going on with my body and when I was going to ovulate without having to rely on chart interpretation. *sigh* I guess it'll happen when it's meant to happen, eh? I just wish AF would come so I could start a brand new cycle.
Anyway, I went out with a girl from work yesterday, and we had a ton of fun!! We just walked around downtown and looked at all the stores. She seems to be pretty cool, and I am excited to have someone at work that I can socialize with! They're getting so strict about only talking about Ann Taylor related things.
Also, Tim put us in for a special assignment in Germany at Ramstein!! I am so excited! If we get it, we'll be moving by next June!!! I really hope we do - that'll be such a great experience!
I have decided to stop obsessing about my chart, so I am not going to temp anymore. From now on, I'm only going to check my CF for when we need to BD. I don't think I got pregnant this month, although AF hasn't shown yet so I might be in the running still! But I had some spotting the other day and I've had cramps on and off so I'm thinking she's probably going to be here soon. Oh well, we'll just have to try again!
I'm almost done with my Psychology class! My final is on Thursday. Thank goodness, it seems like it has been forever since I've had a break! A whole semester off will be so much fun. Tim and I are even tlaking about moving to Boise! It'll be soooo nice to be in a big city again!
Well, still no AF! I took a $ store pregnancy test today... BFN. My cycle is sooo messed up! Anyway, I guess when she shows, she'll show. I'm extra disappointed because I had all these dreams where I took a test and it was positive. I was so happy! But I know it'll happen when it's meant to happen.
Meanwhile, I have a job interview today! At 9, in Boise. Which explains why I'm up before 9 AM. It's for a job working with disabled kids, and it pays what I'm making now at AT! Working at AT made me realize that I'd like to work with people - not catering to them, but just helping them. Guess it's good that I'm a psych major then.
Gotta do my hair, so I'll see ya in a bit!
AF is still at bay... wish she'd come so we could get started on a new cycle!
Guess what?? Tim got promoted!!!!!! Woo hoo!!!!!!!! Now we can seriously start TTC!!!!! He told me that when everyone was congratulating him, he said, "Now come the babies!!" Everyone knows we wanted to make Staff before we started to TTC. Soooo much better this way. Now I know we'll be able to handle everything easy-peasy, and I won't have to work at all if I don't want to. Phew.
I was talking to my friend Rachel, and she said that when she was pg with her first, she never got a BFP. They had to draw blood to find out she was pg. So now she has me thinking if maybe I am?? But I don't think so. I have no symptoms. And if anything, I have decreased apetite, and that's definitely not a symptom! I think maybe I'll just wait for a while. After all, I did just have my first period in June after getting off Depo.
Well, I called the Dr's office. They said I should've gotten my period by now, because I only ever got 2 Depo shots, and especially since I started my cycle in June. So they want me to go in and take a urine test. But I already took an HPT, and it was -, so I would think theirs would say the same thing? Anyway, then, I stopped at WalMart and picked up a Clearblue test. Of course, it said Not Pregnant, but when I took out the little test stick, there was a faint second line on it! Wonder if that means my HCG levels are just really low right now?? I think I'll wait and go in on Monday and see what they think.