Hoping to conceive one more little blessing! (m/c and kids ment)

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Hoping to conceive one more little blessing! (m/c and kids ment)

Here I am, once again waiting out those few weeks before we can begin TTC our last little blessing. It's been a rough 6 months, but I'm optimistic that the future will hold great things for me and my family.

My name is Holly and I'm 25 years old. I met my husband in 2003, and we were married June 18, 2005. Shortly thereafter we were blessed with a daughter, Addison Lynn (6.1.2006). She was such a good baby, very mellow and easy going. When she turned 9 months old, we decided we wanted to try for another little baby and we were blessed with another daughter, Lauryn Rae (11.29.2007). Lauryn is very different from her sister. She was colicky from the beginning and is very clingy and fussy. However, when she's happy, she's so sweet!

We began our TTC journey in December of 2008. After 3 long, wacky cycles I got my BFP on February 23. I was due Nov. 8, and both my husband and I were so excited. On April 8 our excitement turned to disappointment as I discovered that our little "lovebug" has stopped growing and had no heartbeat. I was devastated.

I had an S&C and four weeks later I thought I had gotten my period. We were on track to start TTC again. Two weeks after my cycle had started, I started bleeding heavily. I was scared and taken to the hospital where they determined that during the first S&C they had left behind some tissue. On May 28 I had a second S&C and am now recovering. I feel a sense of peace now and am looking forward to the time we are able to TTC again. We know that we have an angel above looking over us.

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Today has been a fairly good day. I *think* I'm done bleeding from the S&C, so now I'm just waiting for my period to return. When I had my second surgery, my hcg level was at a 10, so I'm hoping it went back down fairly quickly. The sooner it goes down, the sooner AF will return. I am just worried that my periods will be screwy.

Before I got pregnant with my angel, my periods were really messed up. I would bleed for 5-7 days pretty consistently and then spot for 2-4 more days. I would also ovulate really late in my cycle...CD20 or later. I used to be a 28 day cycle girl Oing on CD14 and only having AF for 5 days...so the periods I had been having were very different. I had decided that if I was not pregnant at the end of February that I would make a call to my OB and ask her about them. Well, I ended up pregnant, so I held off on asking her about it. I wonder if my screwy periods had anything to do with the m/c, but I guess I will never know.

At my appointment last week after we discussed having my second S&C, I asked her when we would be able to try again. She said that once my period returned, we could start right away. I asked her about my periods and she said that it wasn't normal for them to be that way...so my plan of action is to wait for AF to return. I'll keep track of my period and if it's a normal one, then we'll TTC. If it's screwy like before I'll call her right away. I'm also going to mention it to her when I go in next week for my 2 week follow-up. I just want to be on top of everything to try my best to have a successful pregnancy. I want this so badly. I've been watching baby shows all day on TLC and DHC and it's driving me nuts! I want my baby back, and the wait for AF is killing me Sad

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So much for that thinking...I've been bleeding all day today. I'm so freaking fed up...it's ridiculous! I've been bleeding for nearly 8 weeks straight. This can't be healthy for my body and my emotional state. I am starting to think I'm never going to get my body back to normal and that we'll never be able to have another baby Sad

When I was released last Thursday the doctor said I should bleed for a few days. Well, it's been 7 days. How long should I consider a few days? I just want to cry. I think I may give my doctor a call tomorrow and ask. I have to go in next Thursday, but I don't know if I can handle another week of this.

On top of all the drama from the m/c, I'm trying to find a part-time job to help pay for the bills from the ER and everything else. It's not going so well. I hate feeling like I'm in debt and there's no way out (I know that's an exaggeration, but it still feels that way). Part of me is glad that's summer vacation, but another part of me is so frustrated. All I do is think about bills, the m/c, and how far along in the pregnancy I should be right now. I just want my baby back Sad I'd be in my 17th week now...

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I called Dr. Aldrich today to ask about the bleeding. I'm SO TIRED of this!! Her nurse called back, the one I really like, and I asked her about it. She said it's completely normal to bleed/spot on and off for several weeks after a S&C. I mentioned that some days it's just spotting, like today, and other days it's a regular flow. She said depending on the physical activity I'm doing, the flow will change. If it gets heavier, it means I'm over doing it and need to take a break. Grr!

Jan also said that it will be weeks before I get a normal period. The typical time range is 4-8 weeks from the S&C, so here's hoping it's sooner rather than later. I do know that with both of my girls I got my period back 6 weeks pp, so I'm hoping it will be the same here. I'm just anxious to get back to TTC. I miss my baby so much and I don't feel like I can have complete closure until I'm actively TTC again. My thermometer is waiting. I may start temping just to help time pass. We'll see...

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I just received the sweetest gift in the mail today Biggrin It's a memory bracelet with the colors of both my EDD and the month my LO grew wings. It's beautiful!! It makes me feel a little more at peace with the whole situation. I know by wearing this bracelet I will always have my baby with me, just as I do with my girls because of my Mother's ring. The woman who made it has no idea how much I appreciate it.

***

I thought about temping this morning, but just couldn't get the energy to do it. I think until it's truly time to TTC I may hold off. I'm still not sure what I want to do. I don't know if you O between your m/c and your first period, so part of me is telling me to O to see how long of a LP I might have. Another part of me is saying don't do it because I don't know how long it would take to O and it may just stress me out. We'll see over the next few days. I just want these next few weeks to fly by...

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Today has given me some hope that AF should be returning soon. I have been crampy on and off like I typically am before her arrival. I don't think she'll be here within the next few days because it's only been 12 days since the S&C, but I started feeling crampy like this before Oing as well. I wish I had been temping, but maybe I'll give it a whirl tomorrow. Maybe, just maybe, my body is Oing and I can track the LP. I have just a smidge of hope, but hey! It's something...

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It's been a crazy couple of days. I've been sorting through the girls' clothes so that I can get ready for 2 different garage sales. It's nice to sort through them, but at the same time I'm having a hard time letting go. If we are blessed with another little miracle, I don't know what gender he/she will be. I've kept some things and was able to part with some.

I was given a link today to look at about when AF will return after a m/c and it is very informative. My biggest concern is not knowing whether or not it's my real period and on this site it said that I must not have any bleeding for AT LEAST 20 days. Well, it's been 3 days of no bleeding...just heavy CM that's brown tinged. In the article, it said that is normal, but that my body is NOT ovulation and most likely won't during the wait for my first AF. It's good to know that, but also a tad bit disappointing. It also suggests waiting one FULL cycle before trying again because I may not O the first one after the m/c. Interesting...but again not what I want to hear. We'll play it by ear and I'm going to talk to my doctor again tomorrow when I go in for a follow-up. Agh!! I hate waiting...

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I'm back from the doctor Sad It wasn't a bad appointment, but wasn't great either. She asked if I was still bleeding, and I told her to be honest I'm not sure if it's old, old blood or brown-tinged CM. She said that until it's gone for 7 days that we can't DTD. But she did say once it's gone we can w/protection and that once AF returns we can start trying again. She told me she hopes to see me back in her office by the end of the summer, so we'll see!

She asked if my periods were regular, and I explained to her what they were like right before I got pregnant. I told her that if I hadn't gotten pregnant that cycle, I would have come in to talk to her about how screwy they were. She said that they weren't regular (bleeding for 7 days and spotting for 4) and gave me a card to keep track of them (I'll just keep track on FF) and if I don't have a regular period after 3 months to go back in and she'll check to see what's going on.

We also talked about temping and I asked about my pre-O temps and if they were "normal." We talked about how low they are pre-O and then what they are after and she said they are normal, and as long as I'm having that temp jump after O I should be alright. She also talked about the changes in CM during and after O too, so hopefully everything will work out and once AF returns I'll get another BFP. I'm trying to be optimistic.

I also decided to ask if they were able to tell what the gender was. It's been bugging me a lot lately She said that it was too early...had it been another week or so later then they *might* have been able to tell. I'm glad I asked because now I can stop pestering myself about wondering if they could tell. Anyway, that was about it from the appointment.

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Today is 16 days since my S&C...and I'm still having old blood in my CM when I wipe Sad It just feels like a never ending situation...ugh! It's been 64 days since the original S&C, and I just can't help but be angry. I should be in or starting my first cycle since the m/c and instead I'm sitting here twiddling my thumbs...Argh :mad:

I decided to do a Jenny Renny reading for fun just to see what she said. I got it this morning and I'm excited, but don't want to get my hopes up too much! Here it is:
Firstly, I will tell you that the m/c you had shows as a boy - an normally this doesn't show in my readings unless there is a reason for it to be known. The reason in your case is because the same baby is recycling itself to come again - so the upcoming pregnancy shows again as a boy - the same boy. Your BFP is noted the month of August - September - and the dates align best with a cycle that begins in August gives you a BFP in September 2009. The baby's EDD is shown around the 30th of May 2010 and a birth is referenced around the 2nd of June 2010.

I'm thinking maybe her dates are a smidge off, or even backwards. I'll have to have repeat c-section, so I could see my due date being around June 2 and the c-section around May 30. Either way I'm excited to see how it all turns out. It does make me a little sad that she feels the m/c was a boy. There were so many signs that I saw before the m/c that pointed to a boy as well, but I didn't want to disappoint DH, so I haven't shared any of them with him.

I'm off to continue to twiddle my thumbs...I just want to move on to the next phase. Maybe my doctor will see me before fall rolls around. Guess we'll see...

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I am finally on the mend Yahoo It's been 2 days of no bleeding, no spotting, and no brown CM. I am happy that my body seems to be making progress, but now it's a waiting game to see when the :witch: will show. It's weird to say that I'm waiting for her with open arms....usually I'm hoping she stays far, far away!

The last 2 days I've also woken up feeling super bloated and crampy like I typically do before AF. I wish it meant something, but I'll deal with it. Maybe, just maybe my period is on the verge of coming...

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It's been 20 days since the second S&C and I'm so crampy...I've been saying that non-stop for the past few days, but it's true! I just hope, and pray, that AF will show up sometime next week. That would be wonderful!

I broke down and had a good cry last night. My anniversary is on Thursday (DH and I have been married for 4 years), and we were going to have our 20 week gender u/s on that day. It just brought a whole flood of emotions forward that I hadn't felt since the first few weeks after the m/c. It's been 2 months, 1 week since little Lovebug has gone to Heaven, and it's not any easier than it was the day it happened. Time does help heal the heart, but it's not something that will easily be forgotten.

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Still here...still twiddling my thumbs waiting for the next stage in this process to begin. Yesterday was a little harder than I imagined. On and off throughout the day I kept thinking to myself, "I should be having my u/s today." It's so not fair. To rub salt into the wound, I went to my old BB and while I'm so happy for those women, I was so crushed too. I should be getting to share in the excitement too! I should be getting to discover if my little Lovebug was a girl or a boy...and instead I'm sitting here waiting. This whole journey is filled with waiting....

Waiting to O
Waiting to test
Waiting to see a heartbeat
Waiting for the second trimester...or if you're unfortunate...
Waiting to m/c
Waiting for AF to return
Waiting for AF to become normal again. Ugh!! I hate it!

It's been 23 days, and 11 days of no bleeding. I don't know if I should include the brown CM, or if that doesn't count...but if it does, then it's been 7 days of being totally bleeding and brown CM free! Hopefully, my period will return soon. Like I said before...it took 6 weeks after the girls, so that's the mind frame I'm going with. I just wish deep down that it happens a lot sooner!

I've been doing some thinking on baby names. I really love the names we have chosen (Cameron and Emerson), but I'm really like the idea of using Cameron as a unisex name and changing the spelling if it's a girl: Cameron Andrew or Camryn Anne. We'll see if I can convince DH. I should get to name the baby what I want. I'm the one who has to carry him or her, and DH likes Cameron, but I think he prefers it for a boy. We will find out the gender, but we aren't telling anyone, so this would make it more difficult for everone to decide. We could just say,"The baby's name is Cameron." They won't know the spelling Biggrin

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Another day of the same old crap...cramping, bloating, and gas, but no AF in sight. It's been 15 days since the bleeding stopped. AF, where the h*ll are you?!

As for baby names, I think DH may be coming around the idea of Cameron/Camryn. I asked him this morning and he said, "Let me think about it, alright?" He usually says that before he agrees to what I want. Haha Lol

It's Father's Day today and we're off to my grandma's for a family picnic. I hope it's nice outside. I need to get a good tan Wink

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Ok...I'm really confused. I need some advice I think:
(TMI)
As I was getting ready to shower this morning I noticed some bright red blood on my panty liner. I don't know what to think. It's been 25 days since the surgery, and when I had the surgery my HCG was at a 10 (pretty low, right?) Well, it's been about 2 hours and it mostly seems like spotting, but when I wipe I get decent amounts of blood. It's been 2 weeks since the spotting and brown CM has stopped...so what do you think?

Do you think this is my period, bleeding from the m/c, or maybe bleeding from DTD? Last night was the first time in several months that we DTD. I'm so confused and really don't want to get my hopes up. I'm going to for sure keep an eye on it, and maybe call the doc tomorrow, but I don't know what the bleeding is and I don't want to assume the wrong things.

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Still not sure what to think...I put in a tampon when I left at noon and just now checked it. It was pretty full...agh! I will just keep an eye on it and give the doc a call in the morning I guess. I hope this is it!

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Morning! Well, I put in a call to my OB and am waiting for them to call back. They don't get into the office until 9. The bleeding seemed to taper off a bit yesterday while DH and I were out with his family, but when I got home it picked up again. I went to sleep and in the middle of the night started bleeding pretty heavily again. Not sure what's going on right now, but like I said I'm waiting for a call back from the nurse. I had a horrible backache last night, which is another typical AF sign...so I'm trying to be optimistic.

You know, it's a little ironic if this is my period. I thought I had gotten my period on Mother's Day and I was so thankful for that. If this is my actual period, it started on Father's Day :lol:Crazy!

***Update***
Well, the nurse just called back and she said it's more than likely my period Yahoo She said it's been nearly 4 weeks since the S&C and with my level being that low along with all the cramps, bloating, and whatnot, that it's probably safe to say it's my period. Thank goodness!

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DH is such a poop!! He finally came up to me last night and said he'd though about the names, and he's just fallen in love with the name Emerson. It's totally fine because I love the name too...especially the nickname Emmy, but he's such a turd. I had to practically twist his arm to agree to Emerson in the first place. Nerd! So when we get pregnant again, it will be either Cameron Andrew or Emerson Anne.

It's CD3, and my period is doing it's typcial thing...Day 2 and Day 3 have been pretty heavy. I just hope that it's back to normal and only lasts 5-6 days. I've started temping as well to make sure I'm ovulating. I don't think I'll use OPKs yet...but if after 2 or 3 months and nothing than I'll give them a try. I really hope we get pregnant without any complictions. When we tried for Addison, we got a hole in one!! With Lauryn it took 2 cycles, and with Lovebug it took 3. I kind of assume it will take 4 cycles, but I really hope not. I'm just so happy to be able to try again. DH is pretty excited too Wink

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Today is just kind of a blah day...maybe it has something to do with the weather. It's cloudy and raining. I'm over it already. I'm glad my period is back, but now I just want the prize at the end of the tunnel. It doesn't help that I torture myself by watching all these baby shows on TLC and DHC, or that I continue to lurk on my BB. I just can't help it Sad

Today is CD4 and the bleeding is still pretty heavy. Not as heavy...so we'll see. They say an average cycle lasts 5-7 days...so hopefully mine are back to normal. No more of the bleed for 7 days, spot for 4 crap...I want a good, normal cycle with ovulation in the middle of it...not at the end.

Ok...this post is just cranky and b*tchy....I'm off for now.

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Today I'm in a much better mood Smile Yesterday was just an off day for me. I was cranky and did not feel well at all. I spent most of the night tossing and turning. My stomach would not settle down. To make it worse, some of the gas bubbles felt like the first few baby kicks, and that pulled at my heart...hard! I just have to remind myself that when it's my time, I will feel those special kicks again.

I'm still bleeding fairly decently. I just don't know what to expect out of this cycle. I'm expecting it to be a little strange, but if it does anything like those cycles right before getting pregnant, I think I'll lose it. I just want my body to go back to normal. Only time will tell, so I'm anxious to see what happens over the next few days, but gosh....the waiting is so hard!

Thankfully my girls keep me occupied. It's so hard to be angry and depressed when I have them around me. They just crack me up...and Lauryn is becoming so verbal these days. Her vocabulary is really taking off. She copies everything Addison does and they are so sweet to each other, most of the time Wink DH is trying to be supportive and help keep my mind off of things too, but some days it doesn't work. I know he's anxious and ready to start trying again too, so that makes me happy, but I don't know if he's as scared as I am. I'm not going to lie...I was very disappointed with him during the m/c. He wasn't as supportive as I thought he should be, and I worry that if I go down this road again he won't be there the way I need him to be.

Think positively Holly!! Things will work out when they are supposed to, and I just have to roll with the punches.

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It's been a fairly decent day. I had to go to the dentist this morning and they filled 3 cavaties Sad Gosh...I'm so sick of going there. I think I've been there four weeks in a row. I have to have my other 2 wisdom teeth pulled, but I need a break, so I'll do that before I go back to school. I'm going to take all of July off from the dentist Wink

*Knock On Wood* It's nearly 6 PM here and I've had no bleeding and no spotting. I'm hoping this means AF is back on track. DH is so corny sometimes...he came home from work and asked if it was time to "plant the seed" ROFL I just laughed at him!!

I've been torturing myself by looking at all things baby. We are toying with the idea of selling the double stroller/car seat as a set and using it to buy a nice new single stroller/car seat. Lauryn will be at least 27 months by the time the new baby comes, if not older, and honestly Addison hardly ever sits in the stroller anymore. She hasn't since Christmas and that was only because of the huge crowds in the mall. I think we'll play it by ear, but more than likely we'll sell it...unless I get my twins that I've always hoped for Wink

I got my final bill today for the second S&C. I was a little hesitant to open it...partly because I didn't know how much it would be, and also because I feel like I shouldn't have to pay for the second operation. Well, it turns out that I don't. I'm only responsible for $10 for the u/s that I had the day before the operation. Thank goodness!! This m/c has cost me more than having one of the girls. I think by the time it was all said and done to have one of the girls I spent $350, and with the m/c I've spent $10 on pathology testing, $32 for anesthesia, $306 for the surgery, $86 for the care I recieved from my OB, and $90 for the trip to the ER. That's $524, and that doesn't include any of the money I spent on meds, which is close to another $100 Sad It just makes me sick....but no more thinking of that. I'm in a good mood today and looking forward to the future. Let's hope I O this month!!

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I'm feeling kind of down at the moment. I've been crampy all morning and just now when I went to the bathroom there was a tiny bit of blood. I guess I'm not lucky enough to have a normal cycle. I guess I'll just play it by ear and hope for the best, but right now I'm feeling pretty defeated Sad

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I'm about ready to go to bed, but the spotting continues. It isn't much, but enough to depress me. I only really notice it when I wipe too, so hopefully tomorrow it will go away. I'm expecting this cycle to be a little screwy, but I don't know how much "screwiness" I can take. I am just crossing my fingers and hoping for the best. As long as I O somewhere in the next week or so (I am currently on CD7) and have a nice LP, then I won't worry so much. Seven days for a period is normal, isn't it? And if the spotting goes away, then I won't worry so much.

I just want this so badly. All my dreams lately have been about babies...having them, not having them, having more m/c. It's making me crazy...Most of my dreams are about little baby boys too, so I don't know what that means. I think it's just my heart getting the best of me. I will be happy either way, but part of me thinks that Lovebug was a boy. Maybe that is why I'm having boy dreams.

I'm glad I have this journal so I can write all of these feelings down, but at the same time it makes me feel like such a whiner. I need to think positively. DH keeps asking if I'm in the "baby making" mood. With the spotting, not so much. I told him starting tomorrow, we're doing the "Sperm meet Egg" plan. He's got no idea what he's in store for Wink

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Still spotting, still crampy, still depressed.

I'm wondering if I should even try this month. I'm really worried that this is why I m/c in April. This is exactly how my cycles were when I was TTC and look what happened. I'm scared...

My doctor said to call if I had 3 cycles like this then I could come in. Why do I have to wait 3 cycles...I had 4 like this before getting pregnant, so this makes #5. What do I do? I don't know...

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The spotting is starting to taper off, so that's a little comforting. I have also spent all morning playing around on FF looking at different charts: pregnancy, ovulatory, annovulatory, and m/c. There are some charts in all of the categories that have spotting as late as CD13.

I posted my fears on my June 06 BB, and one of the members had some great advice. When I was TTC before getting my BFP I noticed that my LP was only 10-12 days...it really did vary from month to month. There was one month that it appeared I only had a 7 day LP, so I'm not sure what was up with that. A fellow mommy on the June 06 board had some good information about short LP, so I'm going to post it here for reference:

If you already know you have a short LP (10-11 is borderline), then you might want to talk it over with your dr. Short LP means low progesterone. Some people take progesterone supplements as soon as they know they have o'ed. Some people take them once they know they're pg. It might be a good idea to talk it over with your dr and see if she wants to test your progesterone after o and/or when you get a BFP or if she would be willing to give you supplements (if that would make you feel more comfortable about TTC).

You can take vitamin B6 and cut out caffeine to boost your LP, too. Also, your cycles might straighten out on their own. With my 1st m/c, my LP was 9 days, but as soon as my cycle came back it was 12. I was able to bring it up to 14 by cutting out caffeine and taking B6, or maybe that would have happened anyway with time.

I'm still not sure what we're going to do this cycle. Maybe we'll NTNP and see what happens. I guess now I'm anxious to see what my LP looks like. I'm hoping for the best and that I have nothing to worry about...but maybe this is what went wrong in April. At least I'd have an answer to the m/c :shrug:

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I'M SO OVER THIS!!

I'm so sick of the spotting, I'm sick of the waiting, I'm sick of all of this. It's bullsh*t, and I don't know how much more I can tolerate...

Yesterday I had very little spotting, so DH and I decided, WTHeck? We put our plan into motion, and now I'm spotting a lot more than yesterday. I just don't know how much more of this I can handle...seriously :confused:

I looked up some symptoms of low progesterone, and out of the 20 some listed, I wrote down 12 :eek: I have them written down and put away. We're still going to try this month, but regardless of the outcome, whether it's a BFP or AF I will be making a call to the OB. I know she said I had to wait 3 months, but seriously, why should I have to wait around. They're the ones who messed things up the first time and I had to wait an extra 7 weeks...ya, no thanks! The worse thing that will happen is that they'll test me for low progesterone...I hope...and it will be fine. I feel like I'm grasping at straws, but I don't know what else to think. Why would I have two perfectly normal pregnancies and now I'm having all this trouble with my body. I just want my baby back. I want my pregnant belly back. I miss my lovebug, and it's serioulsy affecting my relationship with DH. He doesn't understand that I'm still grieving. It's as if he's forgotten all about LB Sad Why does this have to be so hard...

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I took a break from writing in here yesterday. I was just really upset. The spotting was a little more than it has been the previous days and I don't know what the cause could be. I'm just so frustrated. On top of it, DH and I DTD last night and on Sunday night and both times it hurt like hell! Not during, but afterwards. When I'm pregnant I have no sex drive...at all! It kills DH but it burns like no other when we DTD while pregnant, and the last 2 times we've DTD, it burns. I don't know if it's just because it's been so long (4 months) or if it's because I'm still spotting, so it's really sensitive down there. It's just frustrating Sad

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I've done a lot of thinking today and realized that what happens with TTC is really out of my hands. God has a plan for me and my family, and no matter how much I freak out and stress out, we will be blessed with another baby when he thinks it's time. I can't control that. I can control certain aspects of my life, but in the end, it's all up to him.

I had a good talk with a friend of mine today, and she said if I'm unhappy that my doctor won't get me in, she suggested I call her doctor and at least ask for their opinion on what's going on with my body. I am going to finish out this cycle, I've been recording everything, and I will be making a call to my OB at the end of this cycle. If she refuses to see me, then I will give my friend's doctor a call. I feel like the best thing I can do is be proactive, and if all I can do right now to make myself feel better is discuss my periods with an OB, then that's what I am going to do. I'm hoping it's something simple like a hormone issue, but I don't know.

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Another day of spotting Sad

Today was actually a bit more than normal. I just feel sad. I know it's out of my control, but I can't help being sad. DH and I went grocery shopping and I saw 5 pregnant women. They're everywhere!! I also found out today that my best friend is pregnant. I'm so happy for her because she suffered a m/c in January, but my heart aches for my own little LB. I said I would wait for my cycle to end, but I don't know that I can. I may call my OB on Monday and just ask what she thinks. I just don't want to wait to long, and I really want to know what is going on with my body. Why is it acting like this? On the bright side of things, I'm having some CM, but it's hard to tell the type because it's tinted red. I'll keep temping and hopefully I'll O. If anything I just want to know that my body is Oing and I'll work on the bleeding thing with my doctor soon.

I need to find something to do to preoccupy my time. Thankfully I have my girls Smile

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Today is the start of my 2nd day with no spotting!! **knock on wood** I was so excited to wake up and temp this morning because I've been having some CM over the past few days, but turns out two little hands got ahold of my thermometer and broke it. I was hoping to maybe see a temp jump and now I'll just have to wait until tomorrow and see what happens. I'm trying to stay positive, and am just waiting out the next few weeks. I will call the doctor at the end of this cycle regardless of the outcome, but hopefully it's a good one Wink

Yesterday was July 4 and we were able to spend the day with family and have a bbq. It was nice and the girls were really well behaved. We had hamburgers, hot dogs, and lots of sides. I also made brownies with whipped cream and strawberries...YUMMY! We had sparklers for the girls after it got dark out, and the guys were playing a bean bag game. It was a nice evening, and a nice distraction from thinking about TTC.

My SIL did bring up the comment that our cribs were recalled. We have the same set, as her little girl is a month older than Lauryn. I called down to Wal-Mart to ask if we had to bring in just the crib, or the whole set. We had bought her a Nursery In A Box. She said to get credit we had to bring the whole set in. Wonderful!! There goes the dresser and changing table too. Now we're trying to decide what we want to do. Lauryn is almost ready for her big girl bed, but not quite. We wanted to keep the crib for when we have another one, but we're toying with the idea of just getting the mattress and whatnot for her big girl bed, and then buying a crib when the time comes. I don't wanna do that, but don't know what else to do. I don't think we have the receipt anymore, so I'm not sure how that will work either. Ugh!! I hate recalls.

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We just got back from exchanging the crib. Ugh!! We ended up getting back $200 so we bought the bedding and mattress for Lauryn's portion of the bunk bed, and just decided to take the beds apart for now. We don't know when we'll get pregnant again, and this way we'll be able to save and buy a nice crib when we need it. We'll definately do another 4-in-1 because it will convert to a toddler bed, and then into a twin headboard. We also got a dresser that was on sale, so she has a complete bedroom, and the dresser will be able to be used in the nursery when we need it as well. Hopefully that's sooner rather than later Smile

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Well, I got a new thermometer yesterday and I haven't missed my O yet. My temp was down this morning, so hopefully I'll be Oing soon. I have a feeling it may be a late O with all the spotting I had going on. I guess we'll see what happens over the next few days.

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I had some good CM earlier this morning and nothing since. I'm thinking maybe I Od today :shrug: It'll be interesting to see what my temp does in the morning. We got some BD in last night but won't be able to tonight. We have company staying in the house and I don't feel right DTD with them here. Hopefully I O, but at the same time I don't wanna miss it either. It's a toss up!!

I think the waiting is the hardest part. I hate waiting to O. At least after you O, you have a time frame for when you can test, or when you can expect your period. Waiting to O is a lot harder, especially when it seems to be so inconsistant. I've got my fingers crossed that my temp jumps tomorrow. We'll see what happens!!

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Still have not ovulated...I just don't know. What is going on with my crazy body?? I did look at some old charts of mine and with these strange periods I was having, I didn't ovulate until CD18 or later. Today is CD17, so maybe in the next few days.

Our company is gone, so maybe we'll get in some good BD. I was worried about her when she left today. She left earlier than expected, and I thought she was upset with me. Turns out she was spotting, and was freaking out. She had a m/c earlier in the year, and just found out last week that she is pregnant again. I'm concerned for her, and this is what I worry will happen to me if and when I get pregnant again. This is also why I'm scared of getting pregnant right now while my periods are all wacky. I told her to call her OB in the morning and to keep my posted, so hopefully she's ok.

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My temp went up a bit this morning Yahoo
I don't wanna get my hopes up, but it's the little things that make me happy right now. I don't know if they're up due to O, but they're up!!

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2dpo

I got my CHs!! According to FF, I Od on Monday CD16. I'm so happy that my body is working in that I Od, but am not sure how good of a chance we have. We BD on CD13, 15, and 17, so we didn't hit O day, but the day before and the day after. I'm so excited Yahoo

I also put in a call to my OB this morning. I was looking through some of my old charts on FF and realized that I've been having these wacky periods since June of 2008. That's over a year :eek: I just want to be pro-active, instead of waiting around for another m/c or something to happen. I'm not sure what to expect, and I don't know that she'll see me, but a friend gave me her OBs number and if my doctor won't see me, I'll find one that will Smile

Anyway, just had to share the happy news that I Od!!

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The doctor just called back, and while she wasn't too thrilled about making an appointment she did. She said that she wanted me to wait 3-4 months because it takes a while for my body to get back to normal, and I said to her that my periods have been off like this for a year, even before the m/c. So, against her will I have an appointment on July 29 at 2 PM

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3dpo

After entering my temps this morning FF moved my CHs from CD16 to CD17. I personally am much happier with that O date. I had some wicked cramps on Tuesday night and thought I was Oing, so it makes more sense to me. We also BD that day, so I think it gives us a better shot. So it'll be interesting to see what happens over the next few weeks.

I have a horrible backache today. It's probably from sitting too long at the computer and obsessing over my temps Wink I know it's to early for any true signs yet, but my tatas have been tender both last night and this morning too. That was my first true symptom with Lauryn, and I remember I was only 4dpo, so anything is possible. I don't want to get my hopes up only to have them crushed, so I'm trying to not think about it, but how can I not? I've been waiting for this for several months now and I'm so thankful to be back in the TTC game!!

I've been looking at baby things online too. DH and I found a stroller that we both really like, so we've decided that we'll sell the double stroller/car seat combo and use the money towards a single travel system. We're also selling our baby swing because it's lived through four babies and cannot possibly make it through another one. Both of the girls liked the bouncer better, so we may just get one of those. It's so excited to start thinking of some of those things again...yay Yahoo

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4dpo

I've been nursing a headache all day and it's really getting to me. I get migraines quite a bit, but this is just a typical headache that will not go away. The girls just finished taking a bath, so once they go to bed, I'll throw in a movie and lay down on the couch.

I looked in the mirror earlier tonight and I am bloated. I looked like I was 3-4 months pregnant...good golly! It made me both sad and a little excited. Totally sad because I'm missing my LB, but excited that maybe it's a sign that I'll have my baby belly soon. That or I just ate too much ROFL I've also been experiencing some cramping in my abdomen, but I get that feeling a lot, so it's not an accurate sign. This is why I hate the 2ww. I analyze every single twich, cramp, and pain. Ugh!!

I'm due to test on July 18, which would make me 11 dpo, but I might test on Friday. It's my birthday, and it'd be a kick *** birthday present to get a BFP. Keeping my fingers crossed!!

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6dpo

Today has been kind of a blah day for me. I was so feeling it the past few days thinking for sure that I'm pregnant, but I really don't want to get my hopes up only to have them crushed come Saturday. My boobs are still insanly sore, but aside from that and the backache I've got, I don't have anything really today. My temp dropped a little today. I don't know if it means anything, but I guess we'll see what my temps do over the next few days. It's probably a good thing I don't have an HPTs in the house, or they might be used. I'm really trying to hold out until Saturday and it really depends on my temps too. If they're going down, then I'm not going to test. Come on Saturday...I want the week to fly by!!

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7dpo

I have had horrible cramps on and off today. They feel like AF cramps but I mostly feel them in my back. I'm starting to think maybe this isn't my month. I also had a huge temp drop this morning. It was still above the coverline, but it was pretty low. I am anxious to see what it does tomorrow. Not much else to report. My boobs are still a tad bit sore, but they also feel a lot fuller. I usually don't notice them, if that makes any sense, but I do now.

I start my part-time job this evening. I'm excited and nervous! I decided to get a part-time job to help with all of the medical bills from the m/c and to try and clean up some of our other bills. Hopefully I can do that!! So, I work tonight, tomorrow my mom will come visit the girls, Thursday my sister and I will set up for our rummage, and then Friday is the rummage, my birthday and the David Cook concert Yahoo Hopefully the rest of the week will fly by, and depending how my temps are tomorrow and Thursday, I may sneak out and buy a test. If they're still pretty low, then I'll probably wait. Wish me luck!!

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8dpo

My temp went up a smidge this morning, but I'm still having terrible cramps that feel like AF is going to arrive at any minute. I don't know why I bother getting my hopes up. Then I get so super excited that it crushes me when things start to turn the other way. I'm not giving up all hope yet as I've still got tender tatas and I'm peeing more than normal, but it's hard not to get discouraged when raging PMS cramps are rearing their ugly head Sad

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9dpo

I tested this morning. I just had to get it out of my system, and it didn't help that I had a dream that I tested and saw 2 dark, beautiful lines. It was only a dream...my test was crystal clear...boo! I did have a temp rise this morning, which is what prompted me to test, but maybe it's just too early. I'm surprisingly not disappointed. I know it's still early in the game and whatever happens, will happen. If I'm not pregnant this cycle, it isn't the end of the world. Everything will work out the way it's supposed to and at least I have an appointment with my OB. So I will eventually be pregnant, it's just a matter of when.

As for symptoms today, I haven't really had any cramps, but I've had gas like it's going out of style. My boobs occassionally hurt, but not like before. I did notice this morning that the stretch marks on them were more visable than before, so maybe that's a good thing too.

My birthday is tomorrow and I actually got the coolest present yesterday. We are going to the David Cook concert and both yesterday and today he is doing phone interviews. My mom emailed the dj who is doing the phone interviews and was able to have David Cook personally wish my sister and I a happy 26 birthday. It was cool Biggrin I have it saved on my phone as a ringer..haha! I'm such a geek. DH also bought me a new laptop since we've been having troubles with our old one. Its nice!!

Alright, I'm off to take a nap!

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12 dpo

It's been a busy few days with my birthday and the rummage, but the weekend is over and I've managed to survive Wink The rummage was a hit! We made enough money to buy the girls a nice, wooden swingset, which is all I really wanted. We are going to go to Home Depot tomorrow and pick up the materials and then hopefully Todd will put it together.

As for TTC, my temp took a nasty nosedive today, so I'm expecting :witch: tomorrow. I'm actually ok with it, even though I am disappointed. I really want this, but I also want to figure out what is causing all the spotting between my period and ovulation. Hopefully the doctor will help me figure it out on the 29th, and then we can get a good chance in for an April baby. I am thankful for the fact that besides the spotting my period was somewhat normal and that I ovulated on my own. My LP is still a tad on the shorter side from what it used to be, but 12 days isn't bad at all.

I think that's it for now. Just wanted to quick update after the crazy weekend I had. Hoping that the start of the school brings a special little present in my belly Smile

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13 dpo

My temp went back up this morning :confused: And my boobs are super sore!! Hmm...

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CD4

I'm so frustrated...I wrote out a really long post on Tuesday to add here and then for some reason it deleted it before I posted it. I was too lazy, and too tired to go back and redo it...haha Lol

Unfortunately AF arrived late Monday night right before bed, but she was right on time. I had a 12 day LP and a 29 day cycle, which is how they were prior to the m/c. I'm thankful for that and the fact that I did ovulate on my own. Now if I can just figure out what's causing all the excess spotting between my period and ovualtion then I'll be happy. My appointment is in less than a week, and I'm a little nervous that she'll tell me there's nothing wrong, but at the same time I'll also be relieved if there's nothing wrong.

DH and I got into a huge argument over the weekend and we're still not really talking. I'm not sure we'll give it a go this month or not....He said some pretty mean and hurtful things while he was intoxicated and I'm just not ready to forgive him yet. He doesn't realize how insensitive he was, and I just can't say, "It's ok," when I'm not really ready to yet. We'll see what happens. I've got a least a week before ovulation, so maybe he'll do something nice to get out of the doghouse Lol

I've been super busy the last week or so. We had a rummage sale last weekend and it was a big success. We raised enough money to buy the girls a swingset, so we went to Home Depot and bought one on Monday. DH started putting it together last night and is hoping to finish it while I'm at work tonight. I also had a birthday and attended the David Cook concert, which was fabulous!! He's such a handsome fella! I've also been trying to get things ready to go back to school. I think I'm going to go down to my room tomorrow and do some work. I'll hang up posters and see what I still need to get for my room and then go from there.

Alright, I've got one cranky toddler who is yelling at me. I better go check on her and see what she's up too...

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CD6

Not a whole lot to report tonight. I'm still having light bleeding from AF, so we'll see what tomorrow brings with that situation. I'll be alright if I'm just spotting, but if I'm still spotting come Monday then I'm going to be super irritated!! Thankfully Wednesday is my appointment, so I guess if I'm going to spot, it's a good week to do it. I did notice some sharp pains on my left side earlier this evening when I was giving the girls a bath. They felt similiar to O pains, but I'm only on CD6, so I don't think that they're related to Oing. I could be wrong, but I'm hoping it is just something that has to do with my period, especially since I'm still bleeding. I'll be sure to bring it up on Wednesday, but until then I can't do much about it, expect note when I get the pains.

Today was a nice day. We were finally able to get the swingset up and the girls just love it!! I had to pry them off of it to come in and eat both lunch and dinner. Lauryn wasn't too fond of the slide at first because it was hot and also because she flew off the end of it. I thought it was hilarious, but I guess if I was the one nose diving into a patch of grass I probably wouldn't have thought it was funny either. I think she'll get used to it the more she goes down it. Addison even flew off the end of it too. I think it's just the layout of the slide :shrug: Who knows...I'm just happy they like it so much!

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CD8

Well, surprise, surprise...I woke up to some heavy spotting. I don't know why I'm surprised...I should have known better, but I just keep telling myself that it's all going to work out. My appointment is just 2 days away and hopefully I will get some kind of an answer. I hope so anyway. We began the BDing sessions last night anyway, well, early this morning I guess. The plan is every other day until I get fertile CM or feel any O pains. Hopefully it'll do the trick.

Part of me is thinking that it won't work this cycle. I keep thinking of my pshyic reading from Jenny and she said I'll get pregnant from a cycle that starts in August...so I'm interested to see how that all pans out too. I'm just so anxious. I just wish I had a crystal ball that would tell me when I'd be pregnant and that it won't end in m/c. Then I wouldn't stress so much!

On a happier note, because of how DH has been a poop lately, I told him that I really wanted to name the girl Camryn too...I have been having dreams where we have both genders and each baby is named Camryn/Cameron. I think that's just meant to be our next LOs name...regardless of the gender. He agreed to it, so I'm super excited Yahoo

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CD10

Well, today's the day....I have my appointment to talk about my stupid periods. I'm so nervous...kind of scared to. I don't want to have to go on BC, and I'm really hoping that it's just a hormonal imbalance that can easily be fixed. I don't understand why I'm having all these problems now...I've got 2 beautiful, healthy little girls. I don't get it, but understand that it's all part of his plan for my life. I'll update after my appointment and hopefully it's good news.

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Well, that was a f*cking worthless appointment. When she came in I showed her the cards where I've been tracking my cycles and she says, "Well, we'll do an u/s to make sure they got all the tissue from the m/c. You didn't have a D&C, did you?" Umm...HELLO?! I had 2 because they screwed up the first time and I ended up in the freaking ER. I was pissed, and just stared at her. So, they did an u/s and everything "looks normal."

She said I had a couple options and that I could either do 2 months of BC or she could try putting me on Provera for 10 days and seeing if anything changes. I'm already midway through my cycle...what good is it going to do me now? Then she said if I get another period to take it again for 10 more days and I go back in 2 months to see how things are going. Fine...but when I picked up my perscription....there were only enough pills for this month and it said No Refills. WTF?

I'm so pissed, disappointed, and at the end of my rope with her. She doesn't listen to me and never has any answers. And honestly, who doesn't remember a patient who just went through 2 D&Cs because the f*cked up.

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CD11

I'm really having a nervous breakdown...I'm so stinking confused and I just want to cry. I've been reading up on Provera and the generic form that I was given this afternoon and I have no idea what to think. It appears that Provera is a drug given to bring on a period for a woman who haven't had one or has irregular cycles. It suggests not taking it if you're pregnant, or trying to get pregnant...well, that's me! I'm trying to get pregnant, so why would she give me a pill that is not to be taken during pregnancy :shrug:

I'm at a loss as to what I should do. All the reading that I've done seems to say that once I stop taking the pills my period will resume 3-7 days later...Well, that would put me at CD23 or so...only a few days after Ovulation. I don't know if I should sit this cycle out or not...should I wait and see what happens to my period after taking the medication? My doctor said that if I were to become pregnant that the medicne wouldn't harm the baby, but all the information online says that it can cause birth defects...I'm so f*cking confused...I don't know what to do, and it's not fair for my emotions to be going all crazy on me. I'm so fed up right now!

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I finally called my doctor's office and spoke with the nurse. I was feeling too confused to know what I should do. I asked her if I should start taking the medicine right away, and she said yes. I asked her how long it would take for my period to return once I stopped taking the pills, and she said my periods wouldn't change, and that it would return when it normally should. I said to her that I was confused because I have friends who take it to jump start their periods, and she replied by saying that Provera works 2 ways: it can jump start a period, or in my case, it can stop the bleeding of a period that's last a long time. I asked if we had to wait to TTC and she said no. If we're comfortable trying now, she said go for it. I am not sure what we'll do yet, but I am glad that I called and got a "few" answers to my many, many questions.

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