I'm feeling kind of down at the moment. I've been crampy all morning and just now when I went to the bathroom there was a tiny bit of blood. I guess I'm not lucky enough to have a normal cycle. I guess I'll just play it by ear and hope for the best, but right now I'm feeling pretty defeated :(
I'm about ready to go to bed, but the spotting continues. It isn't much, but enough to depress me. I only really notice it when I wipe too, so hopefully tomorrow it will go away. I'm expecting this cycle to be a little screwy, but I don't know how much "screwiness" I can take. I am just crossing my fingers and hoping for the best. As long as I O somewhere in the next week or so (I am currently on CD7) and have a nice LP, then I won't worry so much. Seven days for a period is normal, isn't it? And if the spotting goes away, then I won't worry so much.
I just want this so badly. All my dreams lately have been about babies...having them, not having them, having more m/c. It's making me crazy...Most of my dreams are about little baby boys too, so I don't know what that means. I think it's just my heart getting the best of me. I will be happy either way, but part of me thinks that Lovebug was a boy. Maybe that is why I'm having boy dreams.
I'm glad I have this journal so I can write all of these feelings down, but at the same time it makes me feel like such a whiner. I need to think positively. DH keeps asking if I'm in the "baby making" mood. With the spotting, not so much. I told him starting tomorrow, we're doing the "Sperm meet Egg" plan. He's got no idea what he's in store for ;)
Still spotting, still crampy, still depressed.
I'm wondering if I should even try this month. I'm really worried that this is why I m/c in April. This is exactly how my cycles were when I was TTC and look what happened. I'm scared...
My doctor said to call if I had 3 cycles like this then I could come in. Why do I have to wait 3 cycles...I had 4 like this before getting pregnant, so this makes #5. What do I do? I don't know...
The spotting is starting to taper off, so that's a little comforting. I have also spent all morning playing around on FF looking at different charts: pregnancy, ovulatory, annovulatory, and m/c. There are some charts in all of the categories that have spotting as late as CD13.
I posted my fears on my June 06 BB, and one of the members had some great advice. When I was TTC before getting my BFP I noticed that my LP was only 10-12 days...it really did vary from month to month. There was one month that it appeared I only had a 7 day LP, so I'm not sure what was up with that. A fellow mommy on the June 06 board had some good information about short LP, so I'm going to post it here for reference:
If you already know you have a short LP (10-11 is borderline), then you might want to talk it over with your dr. Short LP means low progesterone. Some people take progesterone supplements as soon as they know they have o'ed. Some people take them once they know they're pg. It might be a good idea to talk it over with your dr and see if she wants to test your progesterone after o and/or when you get a BFP or if she would be willing to give you supplements (if that would make you feel more comfortable about TTC).
You can take vitamin B6 and cut out caffeine to boost your LP, too. Also, your cycles might straighten out on their own. With my 1st m/c, my LP was 9 days, but as soon as my cycle came back it was 12. I was able to bring it up to 14 by cutting out caffeine and taking B6, or maybe that would have happened anyway with time.
I'm still not sure what we're going to do this cycle. Maybe we'll NTNP and see what happens. I guess now I'm anxious to see what my LP looks like. I'm hoping for the best and that I have nothing to worry about...but maybe this is what went wrong in April. At least I'd have an answer to the m/c :shrug:
I'M SO OVER THIS!!
I'm so sick of the spotting, I'm sick of the waiting, I'm sick of all of this. It's bullsh*t, and I don't know how much more I can tolerate...
Yesterday I had very little spotting, so DH and I decided, WTHeck? We put our plan into motion, and now I'm spotting a lot more than yesterday. I just don't know how much more of this I can handle...seriously :confused:
I looked up some symptoms of low progesterone, and out of the 20 some listed, I wrote down 12 :eek: I have them written down and put away. We're still going to try this month, but regardless of the outcome, whether it's a BFP or AF I will be making a call to the OB. I know she said I had to wait 3 months, but seriously, why should I have to wait around. They're the ones who messed things up the first time and I had to wait an extra 7 weeks...ya, no thanks! The worse thing that will happen is that they'll test me for low progesterone...I hope...and it will be fine. I feel like I'm grasping at straws, but I don't know what else to think. Why would I have two perfectly normal pregnancies and now I'm having all this trouble with my body. I just want my baby back. I want my pregnant belly back. I miss my lovebug, and it's serioulsy affecting my relationship with DH. He doesn't understand that I'm still grieving. It's as if he's forgotten all about LB :( Why does this have to be so hard...
I took a break from writing in here yesterday. I was just really upset. The spotting was a little more than it has been the previous days and I don't know what the cause could be. I'm just so frustrated. On top of it, DH and I DTD last night and on Sunday night and both times it hurt like hell! Not during, but afterwards. When I'm pregnant I have no sex drive...at all! It kills DH but it burns like no other when we DTD while pregnant, and the last 2 times we've DTD, it burns. I don't know if it's just because it's been so long (4 months) or if it's because I'm still spotting, so it's really sensitive down there. It's just frustrating :(
I've done a lot of thinking today and realized that what happens with TTC is really out of my hands. God has a plan for me and my family, and no matter how much I freak out and stress out, we will be blessed with another baby when he thinks it's time. I can't control that. I can control certain aspects of my life, but in the end, it's all up to him.
I had a good talk with a friend of mine today, and she said if I'm unhappy that my doctor won't get me in, she suggested I call her doctor and at least ask for their opinion on what's going on with my body. I am going to finish out this cycle, I've been recording everything, and I will be making a call to my OB at the end of this cycle. If she refuses to see me, then I will give my friend's doctor a call. I feel like the best thing I can do is be proactive, and if all I can do right now to make myself feel better is discuss my periods with an OB, then that's what I am going to do. I'm hoping it's something simple like a hormone issue, but I don't know.
Another day of spotting :(
Today was actually a bit more than normal. I just feel sad. I know it's out of my control, but I can't help being sad. DH and I went grocery shopping and I saw 5 pregnant women. They're everywhere!! I also found out today that my best friend is pregnant. I'm so happy for her because she suffered a m/c in January, but my heart aches for my own little LB. I said I would wait for my cycle to end, but I don't know that I can. I may call my OB on Monday and just ask what she thinks. I just don't want to wait to long, and I really want to know what is going on with my body. Why is it acting like this? On the bright side of things, I'm having some CM, but it's hard to tell the type because it's tinted red. I'll keep temping and hopefully I'll O. If anything I just want to know that my body is Oing and I'll work on the bleeding thing with my doctor soon.
I need to find something to do to preoccupy my time. Thankfully I have my girls :)
Today is the start of my 2nd day with no spotting!! **knock on wood** I was so excited to wake up and temp this morning because I've been having some CM over the past few days, but turns out two little hands got ahold of my thermometer and broke it. I was hoping to maybe see a temp jump and now I'll just have to wait until tomorrow and see what happens. I'm trying to stay positive, and am just waiting out the next few weeks. I will call the doctor at the end of this cycle regardless of the outcome, but hopefully it's a good one ;)
Yesterday was July 4 and we were able to spend the day with family and have a bbq. It was nice and the girls were really well behaved. We had hamburgers, hot dogs, and lots of sides. I also made brownies with whipped cream and strawberries...YUMMY! We had sparklers for the girls after it got dark out, and the guys were playing a bean bag game. It was a nice evening, and a nice distraction from thinking about TTC.
My SIL did bring up the comment that our cribs were recalled. We have the same set, as her little girl is a month older than Lauryn. I called down to Wal-Mart to ask if we had to bring in just the crib, or the whole set. We had bought her a Nursery In A Box. She said to get credit we had to bring the whole set in. Wonderful!! There goes the dresser and changing table too. Now we're trying to decide what we want to do. Lauryn is almost ready for her big girl bed, but not quite. We wanted to keep the crib for when we have another one, but we're toying with the idea of just getting the mattress and whatnot for her big girl bed, and then buying a crib when the time comes. I don't wanna do that, but don't know what else to do. I don't think we have the receipt anymore, so I'm not sure how that will work either. Ugh!! I hate recalls.
We just got back from exchanging the crib. Ugh!! We ended up getting back $200 so we bought the bedding and mattress for Lauryn's portion of the bunk bed, and just decided to take the beds apart for now. We don't know when we'll get pregnant again, and this way we'll be able to save and buy a nice crib when we need it. We'll definately do another 4-in-1 because it will convert to a toddler bed, and then into a twin headboard. We also got a dresser that was on sale, so she has a complete bedroom, and the dresser will be able to be used in the nursery when we need it as well. Hopefully that's sooner rather than later :)