It's been 20 days since the second S&C and I'm so crampy...I've been saying that non-stop for the past few days, but it's true! I just hope, and pray, that AF will show up sometime next week. That would be wonderful!
I broke down and had a good cry last night. My anniversary is on Thursday (DH and I have been married for 4 years), and we were going to have our 20 week gender u/s on that day. It just brought a whole flood of emotions forward that I hadn't felt since the first few weeks after the m/c. It's been 2 months, 1 week since little Lovebug has gone to Heaven, and it's not any easier than it was the day it happened. Time does help heal the heart, but it's not something that will easily be forgotten.
Still here...still twiddling my thumbs waiting for the next stage in this process to begin. Yesterday was a little harder than I imagined. On and off throughout the day I kept thinking to myself, "I should be having my u/s today." It's so not fair. To rub salt into the wound, I went to my old BB and while I'm so happy for those women, I was so crushed too. I should be getting to share in the excitement too! I should be getting to discover if my little Lovebug was a girl or a boy...and instead I'm sitting here waiting. This whole journey is filled with waiting....
Waiting to O
Waiting to test
Waiting to see a heartbeat
Waiting for the second trimester...or if you're unfortunate...
Waiting to m/c
Waiting for AF to return
Waiting for AF to become normal again. Ugh!! I hate it!
It's been 23 days, and 11 days of no bleeding. I don't know if I should include the brown CM, or if that doesn't count...but if it does, then it's been 7 days of being totally bleeding and brown CM free! Hopefully, my period will return soon. Like I said before...it took 6 weeks after the girls, so that's the mind frame I'm going with. I just wish deep down that it happens a lot sooner!
I've been doing some thinking on baby names. I really love the names we have chosen (Cameron and Emerson), but I'm really like the idea of using Cameron as a unisex name and changing the spelling if it's a girl: Cameron Andrew or Camryn Anne. We'll see if I can convince DH. I should get to name the baby what I want. I'm the one who has to carry him or her, and DH likes Cameron, but I think he prefers it for a boy. We will find out the gender, but we aren't telling anyone, so this would make it more difficult for everone to decide. We could just say,"The baby's name is Cameron." They won't know the spelling
Another day of the same old crap...cramping, bloating, and gas, but no AF in sight. It's been 15 days since the bleeding stopped. AF, where the h*ll are you?!
As for baby names, I think DH may be coming around the idea of Cameron/Camryn. I asked him this morning and he said, "Let me think about it, alright?" He usually says that before he agrees to what I want. Haha
It's Father's Day today and we're off to my grandma's for a family picnic. I hope it's nice outside. I need to get a good tan
Last edited by Holly_Anne618; 06-21-2009 at 01:54 PM.
Ok...I'm really confused. I need some advice I think:
As I was getting ready to shower this morning I noticed some bright red blood on my panty liner. I don't know what to think. It's been 25 days since the surgery, and when I had the surgery my HCG was at a 10 (pretty low, right?) Well, it's been about 2 hours and it mostly seems like spotting, but when I wipe I get decent amounts of blood. It's been 2 weeks since the spotting and brown CM has stopped...so what do you think?
Do you think this is my period, bleeding from the m/c, or maybe bleeding from DTD? Last night was the first time in several months that we DTD. I'm so confused and really don't want to get my hopes up. I'm going to for sure keep an eye on it, and maybe call the doc tomorrow, but I don't know what the bleeding is and I don't want to assume the wrong things.
Still not sure what to think...I put in a tampon when I left at noon and just now checked it. It was pretty full...agh! I will just keep an eye on it and give the doc a call in the morning I guess. I hope this is it!
Morning! Well, I put in a call to my OB and am waiting for them to call back. They don't get into the office until 9. The bleeding seemed to taper off a bit yesterday while DH and I were out with his family, but when I got home it picked up again. I went to sleep and in the middle of the night started bleeding pretty heavily again. Not sure what's going on right now, but like I said I'm waiting for a call back from the nurse. I had a horrible backache last night, which is another typical AF sign...so I'm trying to be optimistic.
You know, it's a little ironic if this is my period. I thought I had gotten my period on Mother's Day and I was so thankful for that. If this is my actual period, it started on Father's Day Crazy!
Well, the nurse just called back and she said it's more than likely my period She said it's been nearly 4 weeks since the S&C and with my level being that low along with all the cramps, bloating, and whatnot, that it's probably safe to say it's my period. Thank goodness!
Last edited by Holly_Anne618; 06-22-2009 at 11:40 AM.
DH is such a poop!! He finally came up to me last night and said he'd though about the names, and he's just fallen in love with the name Emerson. It's totally fine because I love the name too...especially the nickname Emmy, but he's such a turd. I had to practically twist his arm to agree to Emerson in the first place. Nerd! So when we get pregnant again, it will be either Cameron Andrew or Emerson Anne.
It's CD3, and my period is doing it's typcial thing...Day 2 and Day 3 have been pretty heavy. I just hope that it's back to normal and only lasts 5-6 days. I've started temping as well to make sure I'm ovulating. I don't think I'll use OPKs yet...but if after 2 or 3 months and nothing than I'll give them a try. I really hope we get pregnant without any complictions. When we tried for Addison, we got a hole in one!! With Lauryn it took 2 cycles, and with Lovebug it took 3. I kind of assume it will take 4 cycles, but I really hope not. I'm just so happy to be able to try again. DH is pretty excited too
Today is just kind of a blah day...maybe it has something to do with the weather. It's cloudy and raining. I'm over it already. I'm glad my period is back, but now I just want the prize at the end of the tunnel. It doesn't help that I torture myself by watching all these baby shows on TLC and DHC, or that I continue to lurk on my BB. I just can't help it
Today is CD4 and the bleeding is still pretty heavy. Not as heavy...so we'll see. They say an average cycle lasts 5-7 days...so hopefully mine are back to normal. No more of the bleed for 7 days, spot for 4 crap...I want a good, normal cycle with ovulation in the middle of it...not at the end.
Ok...this post is just cranky and b*tchy....I'm off for now.
Today I'm in a much better mood Yesterday was just an off day for me. I was cranky and did not feel well at all. I spent most of the night tossing and turning. My stomach would not settle down. To make it worse, some of the gas bubbles felt like the first few baby kicks, and that pulled at my heart...hard! I just have to remind myself that when it's my time, I will feel those special kicks again.
I'm still bleeding fairly decently. I just don't know what to expect out of this cycle. I'm expecting it to be a little strange, but if it does anything like those cycles right before getting pregnant, I think I'll lose it. I just want my body to go back to normal. Only time will tell, so I'm anxious to see what happens over the next few days, but gosh....the waiting is so hard!
Thankfully my girls keep me occupied. It's so hard to be angry and depressed when I have them around me. They just crack me up...and Lauryn is becoming so verbal these days. Her vocabulary is really taking off. She copies everything Addison does and they are so sweet to each other, most of the time DH is trying to be supportive and help keep my mind off of things too, but some days it doesn't work. I know he's anxious and ready to start trying again too, so that makes me happy, but I don't know if he's as scared as I am. I'm not going to lie...I was very disappointed with him during the m/c. He wasn't as supportive as I thought he should be, and I worry that if I go down this road again he won't be there the way I need him to be.
Think positively Holly!! Things will work out when they are supposed to, and I just have to roll with the punches.
It's been a fairly decent day. I had to go to the dentist this morning and they filled 3 cavaties Gosh...I'm so sick of going there. I think I've been there four weeks in a row. I have to have my other 2 wisdom teeth pulled, but I need a break, so I'll do that before I go back to school. I'm going to take all of July off from the dentist
*Knock On Wood* It's nearly 6 PM here and I've had no bleeding and no spotting. I'm hoping this means AF is back on track. DH is so corny sometimes...he came home from work and asked if it was time to "plant the seed" I just laughed at him!!
I've been torturing myself by looking at all things baby. We are toying with the idea of selling the double stroller/car seat as a set and using it to buy a nice new single stroller/car seat. Lauryn will be at least 27 months by the time the new baby comes, if not older, and honestly Addison hardly ever sits in the stroller anymore. She hasn't since Christmas and that was only because of the huge crowds in the mall. I think we'll play it by ear, but more than likely we'll sell it...unless I get my twins that I've always hoped for
I got my final bill today for the second S&C. I was a little hesitant to open it...partly because I didn't know how much it would be, and also because I feel like I shouldn't have to pay for the second operation. Well, it turns out that I don't. I'm only responsible for $10 for the u/s that I had the day before the operation. Thank goodness!! This m/c has cost me more than having one of the girls. I think by the time it was all said and done to have one of the girls I spent $350, and with the m/c I've spent $10 on pathology testing, $32 for anesthesia, $306 for the surgery, $86 for the care I recieved from my OB, and $90 for the trip to the ER. That's $524, and that doesn't include any of the money I spent on meds, which is close to another $100 It just makes me sick....but no more thinking of that. I'm in a good mood today and looking forward to the future. Let's hope I O this month!!