I tested this morning...I couldn't resist the urge, and it didn't help that I had a dream about twins. Stupid me.....it was crystal clear, although I had to take a double look at it. I thought I saw something at first, but after everything dried, there was nothing there. I keep telling myself, Holly, 8 dpo is WAY TO DAMN early, but part of me can't help but be sad. My temp went down a smidge this morning, so I guess I'll wait and see what happens tomorrow.
I still feel totally different this cycle. Usually by now, I'm having horrible PMS cramps, and haven't really had anything....*knock on wood.* Also the past 2 nights when I've gone to bed, my stomach just growls like I didn't get enough to eat. I don't know what to make of it I noticed this morning that my nips look different too. They are dark brown around the outside and then there's no color around the middle...WTHeck is that about? I guess I just wait until Friday to test like I had planned. Although the only one I have left now is FRER and I don't wanna waste it. I ordered some free OPKs and HPT off the internet, so maybe they'll get here soon. I hope this week flys by!
Feeling defeated as another cycle comes to a close. I have had the worst cramps today....normal PMS cramps and some other weird ones that I can't quite understand. They are in my abdomen and they really hurt. I don't know what to think, but this 2WW stuff is for the birds.
My temp went down today as well. I am expecting my period any day now....just bring it on and get it over with. Grr!
My temp went back up today I sure am one confused mama, but am really hoping for the best. I woke up this morning to a little bit of nauseus, so I tested and it was negative. However, last night while I was checking papers I had some of the worst cramps I've ever had in my life. They weren't normal PMS cramps...but they hurt!! Part of me got a little excited thinking maybe it was implantation, and if that's the case, I wouldn't have enough hcg to register on a hpt yet, so I'm not giving up just yet....we'll wait and see what happens tomorrow.
Well, the witch found me....and she was even a day early I think this time it hurts the most because my EDD is in 2 weeks. I never imagined how hard and long this would be to have one more little miracle in our lives. I am so thankful for my girls, as I don't know how I would handle this situation if I did not have them. However, having them also makes this so much more confusing and frustrating. How did I get pregnant with them so easily? I still wonder if there isn't a hormone issue, but what do I know? My temps aren't ever crazily high after Oing, so it makes me wonder if I'm producing enough progesterone, and if I'm not, then can I successfully implant an embreyo? I'm not sure, but it's one the the millions of questions floating around in my head. Ugh...
I did some thinking the other night and I'm really not trying to stress this month. I'm going to not temp, take my chart out of my siggy and just go with the flow. We'll BD whenever and just hope that it works. I am on another dose of Clomid, so hopefully something will happen. I started thinking back to when we first were getting ready to try for baby #3 and I did a pshyic reading on Cafemom. I remember she told me I'd get my BFP in Dec. 2009 and it would be a boy. I thought to myself, golly, that's a long time away. I hope either we don't start trying until later. Otherwise that would mean we had been trying for over a year. Well, here we are....makes me have a little bit of hope again. We'll see what happens I guess. One never knows and we just have to continue on in the hopes that it will happen again some day!
I think this will be my last post for a while. I need to take a break from this site. Every time I log in, there's another BFP announcement somewhere and it's breaking my heart. I should be holding a 10 hour old baby right now and instead I'm left feeling empty and hopeless. I know there is a plan for me and my future, but it's so hard to see it right now. It hurts so much to have something I so badly want constantly evading my grasp. I just need to step away from this site and refocus my mind and my heart. All I seem to feel when I come on here is jealousy, and that is not how I want to feel. I want to be happy. I want to rejoice in others happiness, and I want to be one of those women sharing in the joys of pregnancy. If, and when I get a BFP is questionable, but this break will be good for me. I hope Clomid and relaxation do the trick for me. Please keep me in your thoughts if you read this...I could use all the prayers and support I can get right now.
I find myself lurking on this site every stinking day. I just can't stay away. I have found though that I have a much better attitude about this whole situation. This week was rough for me, I won't lie. My due date was Monday and I found out a friend from HS passed away unexpectedly on Friday. The news of his death really affected me. Here I've been for months and months complaining about what I don't have, when I should really take a look around me and realize how many truly wonderful things I have in my life. My girls and my husband are so important to me. This past week Lauryn has been so affectionate (makes me wonder if she secretly knows, but I know better). It melts my heart when she wants me to pick her up and then wraps her tiny little arms around my neck and gives me the biggest hug her little body can handle. I have a family that cares about me and so many friends that do as well.
I am blessed, and I need to remember what good things I've got going for me. When the time is right, the rest of this puzzle will fall into place. Maybe this is God's way of telling me to get my finances in check, or maybe it's his way of telling me to relax and enjoy the goodness in my life. I'm not sure, but we'll see what happens.
I think today is ovulation day. I haven't been temping this cycle. I did yesterday and today and will tomorrow just to confirm O, but I've been doing OPKs. We also haven't really BD much this month either. DH was sick with strep, so we BD last night when I got my + OPK and will tonight and tomorrow as well. I've decided to try B6 as well to see if I can increase my LP at all. Other than that, we're just relaxing and going with the flow. I did ask my doctor to check my progesterone for me, so on Friday (CD21) the nurse said I can come in and get it tested. That feels like a huge weight off my shoulders. I just want to make sure it's alright. I personally have always thought this was the issue, so maybe it'll prove me wrong. Guess only time will tell...
My girls are in bed and I'm going to put in a movie and enjoy the quietness while I wait for DH to get home. What movie sounds good enough to watch? Hmm...
What a crazy cycle!! I had + OPKs for 5 days in a row?!? What the heck? As for BD, we hit CD15 and 16 and also CD19. FF says that I Od on CD17, so I think we're ok as far as our bases are covered. Now it's just a waiting game.
Yesterday was CD21, and I asked to have my Progesterone checked, just to rule it out that it wasn't my problem. They tested it for me and called back with the results today. I missed the call, so she left a message, and it said, "Your results came back within the normal range, and it appears that you ovulated." I was happy, and let it go, but then realized that it was bugging me. I wanted to know what my exact level was, so I called her back and right when I got her on the line she said, "Holly your results came back at 25.2 and the normal range is between 7.6 and something..." I didn't catch the end of what she said because I was focusing on what my number was. I have no idea if that number is good for 4 dpo, but only time will tell.
As for symptoms, my boobs hurt, but this isn't anything new for me. They always hurt after ovulation, but they've hurt ALL day. That's not normal. I'm not looking into anything, and now that I've got CHs, I'm not temping until next Wednesday. Depending on my temp, I may test, but otherwise I'll wait and see if AF shows or not. I think the next week will go fairly fast. Tomorrow I'm going to the ISU game, Sunday I work, Tuesday I work, and Thursday night is the New Moon premier!! Woot Woot I cannot wait!!!
I am still in shock! After many months of heartache and frustation I've gotten that BFP that has been eluding me for so long! I'm so stinking excited, but I'm scared out of my mind too. I'm nervous as can be, but am really hoping for the best. I hope this one (or two) is a super sticky bean!! So Baby Cam is on his/her way! August 1, here I come!