DH and I had not even gotten married yet when we both expressed that we wanted children. The idea was for me to "adjust" to Belgium before we got pregnant so that we knew I was confortable here. Well, confort came too soon and so the baby itch. After only 4 months of marriage we stopped BCP and we are hoping to conceive our first jelly bean!
We fell in love instantly, we had been in contact before due to work but only by phone and email, he came to Miami after a couple of months to meet me and that was it! In a way it scared me a little bit that this man was so eager and loving, he talked about family and morals and conduct and his background dispate the distance and the language and different cutlures, was almost the same as mine. It is unbelievable how we can connect and understand each other. We got married after 9 months of having met!
Living in Belgium has been nice, slowly but steadily adjusting to the language(s), to the weather, to the new lifestyle, the culture. Family life is great, I have been blessed with wonderful parents in law, who at times tend to be a bit nosey, but they help out a lot and teach me a lot.
There are cases though that I feel utterly frustrated, for example going to the doctor. I go to the family doctor, who really doesn't speak english and I really don't speak french confusing?? to say the least! Fortunatelly, my gyno studied in the US and is quite fluent in English. I feel frustrated at work also, due to my non-french speaking skills I have been forced to take a lower position, which is sometimes driving me nuts.
I would like to further ellaborate on last comment - Belgium law is as follows, you have a 6 month trial period before you sign a contract with a company (no at-will employees here), and after you are hired you have all benefits immediately. Now, obviously these benefits include 3 months maternity leave plus a 3 month extension if desired. I have been job hunting for the past 5 months but with no further lulck. At this point, finding another job means halting TTC for 6 months!!!! I am goint nuts because 1, I do not enjoy what I do, 2, I am not sure I will sign a contract, 3, I do not find an adequate job, 4, I do not wish to stop TTC.
We really don't need my job, however, it is always nice to have another income, plus, I cannot stay home, I would just get too lonely and desperate as the only people I really know here are my parents in law and I still don't know my way around so well.
On a lighter note and totally unrelated, today is my 6month wedding anniversary, how time flies when you are having fun!!! I would have loved to give DH a BFP today but according to FF I am only 6 DPO and waiting either for AF or to test in a week. I do have some PMS disconfort, so maybe next month!!
Had a wonderful 6 month celebration, when I got home DH has arranged with PIL to set up the dinner table and surprise me this flowers and a delicious dinner. It was so sweet and special, we talked and talked and talked. The weekend went kind of fast and uneventul, better yet, relaxing. I woke up early every morning and took a 3 or 4 hour nap both Saturday and Sunday, dealing with pre-AF disconfort. I am depressed about this bit, I could have sworn we could get pg this month, my temps were on the rise, but I have ALL AF signs coming my way. I do not feel anything different other than I am sad.
I begin to understand the dissapointment of BFN, you put so much effort and care into taking your temp, analysing CM and all the rest, I have this feeling sometimes it should be guaranteed that you could get pg - but nature has other plans apparently.
Also, I am beginning to believe my mother about NOT getting pregnant when you are "expecting" it, who knows , maybe by thinking so much about it, thus creating stress I do block the possibilities. It is true that I NEED to relax, and probably that is why I slept so much this weekend.
Anyway, here comes a new week and if AF doesn't show up this Friday, I will test ......
A few months ago I was feeling quite dizzy and achy, specially in my stomach. After a couple of visits to the family doctor, the gyno, and the gastro, they concluded I was nervous and needed to relax. That the stress of moving to a new country and adapting to the new culture, being away from family, and trying to find my place here was all stressful, so I went along with their diagnose and started feeling better.
I went back home to visit the family and came back 2 weeks ago. Maybe it is psycological, but the symptoms are beginning again. I wake up at 5 am with a sharp stomach pain, at times I feel queasy, at times dizzy, and I don't know what to think anymore. I am afraid to tell someone as they will immediately tell me it is my nerves, but I am almost sure there is something wrong. I cannot be feeling this way just because I am stressed. There is one thing different that may be affecting me - the water - I have found that it has TONS of sediments. I use tap water to clean the veggies, to cook and for tea - could this be making me sick? Any abnormality should show on a blood test I would imagine.
On the other hand, it is true that these past days I have felt more than out of place at work , and I have been a bit disappointed because my temps have dropped and I expect AF any day now. Oh well, feeling quite blue today!!!!
And the temps keep droping steadly and ominously foretelling AF - the PMS has subdued today but (TMI) I found today creamy CM, which I hadn't had in more than a year! I feel my body changing, I see it, after BCP I am not feeling the same. When I first started the pill I had cramps on my right leg, but after a couple of months they disappeared and now, after a couple of months of quiting the pill, I have them again. This is the ODDEST thing, plus, increased headaches and almost 2 weeks, prior to AF of sore bb's and lower abdomen pains. Is it age ?
Anyway, I am in good spirits today. The girls in TTC 0-6 have provided great input and support after a panic attack yesterday, my sister finally confirmed she comes to visit in September for 2 weeks, it is already Wednesday and my boss won't be in the rest of the week, the weather is wonderful, and DH and I have great plans for the weekend.
FIL is having his kidney stone removed today so we will go visit for a little while this evening. He is in good spirits also, so far, I have never seen him down, only a tad nervous (hates hospitals), but it is quite normal I think.
On another note - today I did not drink tea at the office (afraid of the H2O) as an experiment to see if it is that that gives me the "belly ache". We will see how it goes in one week!
Total caos!!! My hormones are playing with me!!!
Ok, I am on CD1, which I was expecting, but not a lutheal phase of only 12 days . Anyhow, I do feel the hormone surge as I woke up quite disturbed and emotional, I have cried 3 times alrady today and I need to control myself a little bit more or I'll drive poor DH nuts! He is a sweetheart and has allowed me to explode today and talks to me in a way.... I love him! And passing on to another subject related to DH, FIL is still in the hospital, the poor thing, finally confessed he had not slept for 4 days prior to the intervention due to nervousness and he was so nervous and in such pain that the doctor suggested he remained in the hospital for the night so that they could monitor him. Although the pain is normal (I can only imagine passing a stone!), he was a little shocked and tired. This am he was better and we will go see him this pm, though I am not so sure I am good company today, oh well.
We'll see how it goes the rest of the day, for now, I'll get back to "work" and try to occupy my mind in something else.
Well, Fabian is home and I get to go to work, how about that!! He will be off for the next two weeks and the poor thing, he will get desperate in the process he will drive me nutz Thank goodness we still need to paint some of the rooms in the house, put up some wall lamps and fix some cracks!! Also, he is very excited designing "our" (his) dream house, so, I gotta get busy and make some "drawings" to submit for approval,
The weekend is here and I couldn't be more relieved!! It has been a tough week, mainly emotionally. I've tried to keep good spirits but I have been also quite depressed, thus, giving way to chocolate binging (4 pralines in 2 days is binging for me!)
I am on CD2 and I have a plan for this cycle - basically, NO STRESS!! I'll keep taking temps, but I'll take it easy and won't stress about everything. I am already eating right but I need to excersice a bit more - the weather is wonderful and we are headed for some bike riding this weekend, plus I have my yoga workout all ready for me! I just need to keep the motivation! I have noticed that being in motion does relieve a lot of stress - gotta keep that up and a positive attitude.
We would so much love to have an April baby, the weather is already nicer that time of year and not so hot like in the summer, plus, it is my dad's b-day on the 15, so he would go nutz - he so much wants a grandchild, granddaughter if possible .
Anyway, I am off for today, not much to report - going shopping this afternoon for some home decorations and my friend Patricia and BF are coming for a drink, I figured, on CD2 a little alcohol won't do any harm, right!?
Again Monday and back to the routine! Today is a "light" day at work, basically like every day lately, and I have not much to do. This week is boss' last week before a 4 week vacation, so, it'll be booooooring around here! Oh well! Kind of uncertain also what will happen, the girl I am covering for (maternity leave) is coming back on September, so, chances are I will be on a 'forced' vacation as of September 1st! I am not really sure what to feel about that.
Anyway, the weekend went soooo fast, but it was soooo nice. Saturday was a crazy day, we were running like chickens without heads all day long!!! We started the day quite early, at 8 am we were already at the hairdresser to pick up MIL and take her to the market. I bought the most delicious, plump, juicy, sweet cherries ever - and I PAID for the indulgence!!! My God, I understood the price when I started eating them !! Then we spent most of the day with PIL and coming and going to the apartment and to Nivelles. I finally got my haircut and I am VERY happy!!!! At the end of the day we went to SIL's house to pick up the bikes and prepared for Sunday's journey!
First we went down south, almost to Luxembourg, but the landscape is too hilly there for us, mind you this is the first time we do this, so we went back north to a place called Lavaux St. Anne, the land is flat and there is a wonderful castle in that town. We took the little roads between the fields, which by the way were COVERED with chamomile, and when there were no cows or horses, the smell was WONDERFUL!! While riding past the cows and horses I has having anxiety attackes trying to "avoid" flies and all sorts of flying vermin that were driving me nuts, but added to the enjoyment of the day!!! We had a little pic-nic and went back to PIL's where we had coffee and cake with them and their friends. The night ended really nicely and I was completely relaxed though exhausted - it was a great way to stop thinking and thinking about TTC!
OT: Parents are doing good, I want to see them!! I want to share with them, and I thank God we talk so much and write to each other so much - I MISS my sisters!!!! Mayte did the parachute thingie on Sunday and I can't wait to learn all details!!!
I am on CD 5 today and feeling quite ready for the BD fest to begin! DH is excited too and we have promised each other that if conception doesn't happen this month, we won't be disappointed!! I hope!
He has 2 weeks off and has been painting the apartment and re-arranging the furniture, he is indeed a busy bee!!! He can't sit still for 2 minutes, only when I am home and he sits on the couch to watch TV, he immediately dozes off, we can't watch a full fim together
Anyway, when AF arrived earlier this month and I was so depressed he encouraged me to take it "slow" and to be relaxed, that we will be pregnant when we will be and there was no rush. True, there is no rush but I do feel that damn clock ticking! So, he gave me this deep lecture about how when we BD, we don't BD, we make love and that is all that's important, that it has to be spontaneous and unfocused on baby-making. He is probably right, it is a loving moment with the sole purpose of sharing ourselves and if we conceive, all the best. So, I've kept my mind off purposely baby-making when we are together (there is always that deep down feeling - I hope this is it!).
Well, last night was super hot, it was already 10.30 and it was still bright outside and the heat had not come down, the windows were wide open but no cool freeze at all!!! we started getting romantic nevertheless and shut the windows for some "privacy" (the street is narrow and you can clearly hear the voices in the houses across the street), so .... we go on with the deed and I find him wondering and a little unfocused so I ask him what's wrong, he was notably pensive and asked me - do you think we'll really make the baby tonight?? I really want!! - I started laughing so hard we almost "lost" the opportunity after his little "lecture". He cracks me up with his little french accent!!
On the physical side of things, I have been having "little headaches", it seems that I am really tense all the time, my jaw hurts also, like I am shutting my mouth really strong. I guess it all has to do with the situation at work, I feel unconfortable and I do not know what to do, if I should stay here or just stay at home for some months. The problem is that getting a job here without speaking French or Dutch fluently is kind of difficutl. We'll see. Also, I have not noticed any CM, which is really rare as before BCP I always found CM, argh!!! I hate those pills!!! And lastly, my cervix was soft and open, so I guess I might indeed have ovulated yesterday, there was a temp dip yesterday (96. and today it came back up to 97.2. I am on CD7 and I am happy!!
We had such a nice weekend, we just relaxed and relaxed, no laundry, no cleaning, almost no cooking, just OUT! Saturday we had nice romantic breakfast in Brussels and took a nice little walk to see the "cow" exposition in the streets, quite cute by the way! We went to have a nice lunch at home and then we rode the bikes to PsIL, had tart and tea, and then back home to continue to relax, specially after 1 hour on the bicycle! On Sunday we took off to the Ardenes again and had a nice pic nic in the middle of nowhere!!! I don't even know how we arrived to that place, but there was no one and it was just too peaceful and nice, in the middle of the forest and a little brooke running through it, we sat down and ate and talked! We drove almost all the afternoon from one town to another and finally went back home. On Monday (luckily bank holiday) we went to Cologne to visit a High School friend I had not seen in 12 years!!!! It is funny how time seems to be still sometimes, and just fly by others ... oh well!! Had a wonderful time!
As for BD, well, no luck this week, DH is a tad ill and BD has had to be put on hold for some days, however, I hope things get better pretty soon, we are "entering" the ovulation twilight zone (because it is uncertain as to when if any) and I don't want to miss it. Physically things are not so bad, but not so good, I keep exercising and relaxing, but my stomach is all upset and I get constant headaches - if things continue like so for another week, I will definitively go to the DR.