WOW, long time no see!!! Turns out DH and I had this BIG conversation about slowing down on the temping and such because it was putting a little extra stress on the baby making process, which is true, woke poor DH up with the BEEEEP every morning of my termometer and started stressing about when I would ovulate, if I did, and to time BD ... it just didn't seem natural to us anymore. All the better, stopped temping for a few days, and even though I am in CD limbo, we've had some very romantic and beautiful BD sessions, !!
I sneaked on Tuesday am and today and temped again, temps going up, so I imagine I did O, but as I am uncertain as to when it was, I will not stress and won't count the days, I will just follow my instincts and hope for a BFP. We did BD on a day when I found watery CM, so .... we will see.
I am feeling crampy since yesterday and I am completely bloated, which is not necessarily bizarre, since I went off BCP I have those 2WW with all sorts of little aches, pains and discomforts, and this month is no exception. Weird thing is though, the little pains are ALWAYS on my right side (couple of months ago I went to the gyno and he made an ultrasound of my right ovary and everything seemed good - the little cysts around it which he said it was normal - let's say too tiny to be of any concern according to him).
So, nothing else to report for today, just waiting for my cycle buddies to surprise us with their BFP really soon!!!
I can't believe these people at work, I have never worked with such conflictive people in my life!!! I don't feel confortable here anymore, there is NO communication other than screaming to each other, being sarcastic, or through power trips. I am in such a state of nervousness I am not feeling so well.
Yesterday afternoon I starting cramping like crazy. I am gettig concerned, since I've been offf BCP I cramp for 2 weeks before AF and it is NOT funny! My skin is totally broken, every day I find a brand new spot!!!. Yes, I AM FRUSTRATED TODAY!!!
I have spoken to DH about quiting my job and I think I will at the end of August. I cannot explain the hostility that I feel in this place, and I spend ALL MY DAY here!!! Impossible!!! I have spoken to my Mom and the last couple of times she has been very concerned by the fact that I "sound" tired and discouraged, she emphasizes constantly that I need to relax and take it easy - I don't tell her much, but I gues she senses how uncomfortable I've been feeling.
On the other hand, I focus on this, DH is my life, our world is our relationship and our families, and the hope that one day we can conceive our little belgian waffle!!
Yes, I have been secretly temping and supposedly I am 5DPO as of today ... normal pre AF signs already, cramps, moodiness, funny but no sore bbs, and my skin is completely broken, looks like I am 13!!! Well, it could also be attributed to the fact that I have been quite nervous and stressed at work and my skin is resenting it. Oh well .... not even all the water and the fat OUT of my diet, plus the cleaning and peeling is preventing all the spots and little monsters on my face, YUCK!
I spoke to my Dad yesterday, he was very concerned I broke down in the office and cried for hours with one of my colleagues, and he found out because my sister had called me and I was bawling on the phone .... the poor thing!!! I don't understand how she understood everything I said!!! Anyway, I felt so desperate and furious, this one colleague is mobbing me and I have been investigating the law here. I feel so unprotected, and this litte weasel is like that with the other female colleagues also, but stronger with me because I addressed the situation with our boss. In any case, I will talk to my boss today and hopefully I will be able to express all my feelings and facts without getting sentimental. Someone has to stop this abusive behaviour !!!!
On to more inteligent and worthy things - TGIF!!!! I can't wait for it to be 6 pm already and be with DH!!! We plan on catching a movie tonite, and tomorrow we have a couple other things to do, and hopefully it won't be so hot as these past days (102°F - no AC!!!) so that we can take a looooong nice walk on the riverbank. Sunday we will go to PILs BBQ party, and I decided I am NOT coming on Monday, I am calling in "sick"!!!
I got AF on the 11th and I am coming up with a plan to get preggy this cycle. I have bought the OPKs and will start tomorow, first thing in the morning. I am going to the pharmacy to get the baby aspirin and the B6 (might be too late, but heck!). The BD ritual is going according to plan and beautiful!
I am DECIDED to conceive this month! I have stopped temping as discussed with DH, and no "secretly" temping either, I am being good about it and trying NOT to stress so much, but I can't, I want a baby sooooo bad.
MIL suggested last week that if I did not conceive this cycle maybe it was a good idea to pay a visit to my gyno. Will do really, I don't want to delay this much, and IF there is a problem, hands on the job and LET's FIX IT!
Been POAS and there is a faint, f-a-i-n-t line ... O should be taking place sometime early next week, so YAY!! I don't think I O last month, at least it did not how on my graphs.
TGIF!!! Tomorrow we go to Cologne to visit Viviana and hubby and I am very excited, a little break from the routine is most welcome!! We are planning to stay both Saturday and Sunday, it is a bummer though, this weekend is the "theatre market" in Ittre and I would REALLY want to take part of it, the celebrations seem to be quite a lot of fun.
Pascal and Natalie are going, they told us yesterday at dinner time. I like spending time with Pascal, he is indeed a funny man, but I just can't get through Natalie. Sometimes I think is because of the language barrier (which does not represent a problem with others by the way), but I don't connect with her at all. Anyway, we were talking about travel and such, and they told us this story of when they went the 2 of them to Barcelona and came back 3!!! They are funny, I told DH we HAD to go there and we asked them for the hotel name AND the room number !!! They have 2 little ones, 3 and 1, boy and girl.
It is only 2.37 and I want to be home already, I want to take a little nap and I want to see DH!! He is taking half the afternoon off, which is very nice, that way I can also catch an earlier train and be home by 5.30!!! MIL is cooking for us today and I think we will pay them a little visit later in the evening. They are cute, specially MIL - I invited them to dinner on Wednesday and made vodka sauce pasta, she had 3 SERVINGS!!! and then she goes on and on telling me how pasta, bread, and the such are NOT good for me ... oh well!! You gotta love the woman!
Ta - ta for today ... I am in a bored, bored, bored state of mind
m-o-n-d-a-y w - o - r k ..; jeez, i think Monday's would be nicer if I actually "liked" someone in this office!! Can I complain??!!! I work with the most "sour" group of people one could even imagine - to each their own, no one cooperates, no one helps, but every one demands, yep, not asks, DEMANDS - 8 years of my life working and I have NEVER encountered such hostile people!!!
Oh well - after getting that off my chest, on to the real matter ...
Finally went to Cologne, the highlight?? STARBUCKS, oh yes! caramel frappuccino and carrot cake!! Did I indulge?? YOU BETCHA!! No guilty feelings whatsover!! The party?? well, sorta, kinda, weird, definitively not our cup of tea, but I was soooo happy to see my friend and bid her farewell, she is a fighter and I am so certain she'll do so good in Australia - I can't wait to visit also!!
On the TTC front, well, OPK is negative, I am thinking I might have a looooong cycle again this month, however, I am having cramps , too early I think, unless they are O cramps. If OPK continues negative and I see no CM and AF shows up I have decided to make an appointment with DR
Also, since this month I am not temping, I feel a bit "less" stressed, DH feels better too and BD is good! However, I do have a feeling something is wrong ... why hasn't it happened yet?? 4 cycles so far and I never thought it would take so long .....
Yes indeed , last night, and we BD and all!!
I am sooo happy to see 2 lines, even if it is on the OPK!!! Gives me "some" hope, at least that I am Ovulating - now, about catching that eggy, well, that's another story!
I definitively don't want to jump my guns or anything, and I am at times to be overly excited just to be disappointed in 2 weeks with a BFN, but hey! here goes nothing!
Anyway, last night I was thinking, with Mars being so close to the earth and all, IF we were to conceive, the BB would be born in May, and if he:she is a taurus, then he:she would be ruled by mars, how coatic is that!!!
And very confussed - after OPK + I started temping again and temps do not go higher than 97.5, which is quite unusual given the fact that after O they are usually 97.7 up. Anyway, I decided to stop temping all together, that is is for this month. I am keeping track on my cycles and as soon as AF goes away I will visit the gyno -ARGH!!! I am starting to believe there is something really wrong with my body.
As for the BD, well, apparently DH has "stage fright" ... after I took the second OPK and it was + and found sound EWCM, I made the "mistake" to share the news with him and he was so stressed, he could not "perform" properly ... my goodness, did we ever get into such a discussion!!! I sometimes get this feeling he tells me he wants the baby so much, but during my fertile days, he "chikens" out - he claims he is Ok and wants the baby as much, and just tells me he is tired ... I don't know what to think, I just hope I am not beeing to pushy with the whole thing. Just to add to my confussion.
So, even though the weekend was good and relaxing in every other way, in the back of my mind I have the baby-making process being disrupted and not going according to plan, to my plan. DH tells me we should have a more "natural" approach and don't time everything, and in a way I think he is right, but also, I want to maximize chances. Sometimes I think I am going about it all wrong, my Mom, my sisters, MIL, they all tell me I should relax and just "let it happen", but hey, I am ME, remember, the little obssessive one who set a goal on her mind and wouldn't rest until she achieved it??!!! I want a baby, I've been trying for 4 months, and although some would believe it is not a long time, I do believe it is looooong, specially when I learn of all those women getting pregnant, voluntarily, or involuntarily, but almost immediately. And when I have waited for such a period of time, I start to believe there is something wrong with me. Better find out .....
... and I am NOT having fun! I woke up with a horrible headache this morning and wanting to throw up, the whole day has been a little of the same, but now I am actually hungry!
On Sunday we ate at PILs, some soup that is kind of heavy and yesterday we had Pizza Hut, which was quite heavy itself and I think the combination of both meals actually created a chain reaction of headaches, bellyaches and nausea, YUCK!!!!
If I keep feeling so, I will stay home tomorrow as when I sit is ok, but everytime I need to stand up, my head feels like a balloon!!! Did I mention my back hurts also?? I am a handful of physical complaints today!!!
And the week seems to LINGER, I just want it to be the weekend and be home!!!
Temps have been wacko, 98 2 days ago, 97 yesterday and 97.7 today. Definitively NOT temping anymore, I don't understand whether my termometer is playing head games with me, or my body, so ... THAT IS IT!!! I am having pre-AF cramps so chances are 0-none that we caught that eggy. Well, there is always next month, or the next, or the next .... bummer!!
I am looking forward to my sister's visit though, very excited to see her again and spend some time together. I am taking 2 days off work (which I badly need) and will just do the touristy thingie!!! That means basically, beer, chocolates, waffles and moules with frittes ... YEAH!!! To hell with the diet!!!!
On the other hand, I do need to exercise more, I need to release some adrenaline before I go nutz - so, since the weather is so pleasant, we should take a nice walk today along the river. Need to "clean" out my mind a little bit - work and not conceiving are heavy burden on me lately - I need to find a hobby!!!
Lisa - you've got one GOOD looking chart there!!! Keeping my fingers crossed and THANKS much for the encouragment!