So it has been over a year since we have done any sort of infertility treatments. I have to say, it's been quite wonderful. No obsessing, no doctor's appointments, I've even become immune to my monthly visitor. I'm all over the board as far as AF goes, sometimes she's a day early, sometimes she's three days late. I've come to accept that I will not get pg on my own so I really have no emotions about it anymore. I know that sounds sort of callous, but I'm just being frank. We know that in order to have a child, it's either IVF or adoption.

We've decided IVF, we just are not ready to move into it yet. DH and I have so enjoyed the last year that it is difficult for me to imagine getting wrapped up again. It was incredibly emotionally tolling....I'm just not ready yet. Getting over the hurdle of whether to IVF was the first step. We've also decided to use a different RE when we do move forward.

Many things have happened this year...one of my two beloved beagles died tragically in May, which completely broke my heart. The only positive coming out of it is that my puppyf***er is no longer such a puppyf***er. He's come into his own and has become a real snuggler. I think he was a little lost without his partner in crime at first, but I am trying to make a conscious effort to pay more attention to him. I think all he needed was a little one on one.

My SIL is pregnant once again...I swear all my brother has to do is look at her. She's due this summer. Many pregnancies around me, but I'm fairly unfazed.

When people ask now, we point blank state that we can't get pregnant. It tends to shut down the conversation real fast. We're okay talking about it and we're actually light-hearted about it, no hard feelings, no harm in asking. But it is those that ask that tend to change the topic. People are apparently uncomfortable talking about it. They don't mind asking why you don't have kids yet, but they're uncomfortable with the answer. Go figure.

I'm focused on dropping some lbs right now. I joined WW in October and am down 21 lbs. I told DH before we venture into IVF, I want to be more healthy and give my body the best chance possible of making it work. Extra weight obviously doesn't help. I'm hoping to drop a lot more...I'm in it for the long haul.

So...it may be another year before I post, but I like looking back at where I've been and seeing the change in my attitude. I'm in such a different place than I was over a year ago.